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CHAPTER TWELVE – DINNER DATE

'I would tell you about the things ... They put me through ... The pain I've been subjected to ... But the Lord himself would blush ... The countless feasts laid at my feet ... Forbidden fruits for me to eat ... But I think your pulse would start to rush ... Now I'm not looking for absolution ... Forgiveness for the things I do ... But before you come to any conclusions ... Try walking in my shoes ... You'll stumble in my footsteps ... Keep the same appointments I kept ... If you try walking in my shoes ... Morality would frown upon ... Decency look down upon ... The scapegoat fate's made of me ... But I promise you, my judge and jurors ... My intentions couldn't have been purer ... My case is easy to see ... I'm not looking for a clearer conscience ... Peace of mind after what I've been through ... And before we talk of repentance ... Try walking in my shoes ... You'll stumble in my footsteps ... Keep the same appointments I kept ... If you try walking in my shoes ... Now I'm not looking for absolution ... Forgiveness for the things I do ... But before you come to any conclusions ... Try walking in my shoes ... You'll stumble in my footsteps ... Keep the same appointments I kept ... If you try walking in my shoes ... Now I'm not looking for absolution ... Forgiveness for the things I do ... But before you come to any conclusions ... Try walking in my shoes ... (Depeche Mode: 'Walking in My Shoes')'

Mess Tent. Shantytown. Evening.

She still had time before her meeting with Reeve and the ex-Soldiers that she would be taking with her to the mines and thought that some food might do her good. As she walked towards the door of the mess tent, she passed Elena, who carried two covered plates of food.

"Oh, hi!" Elena looked surprised and almost guilty as she was caught by her friend. She hadn't told Tifa that she and Reeve had dinner together every night. "Sorry, I can't stay to chat, but I've got to get dinner to the mayor."

Tifa shrugged and entered the tent. Making her way towards the food line, she glanced around the busy tent. People looked tired and weary, but there was a note of hope in the din of conversation. The rumor of the reopening of the Mythril Mines had already circulated through the populace, and some of them were looking forward to rejoining their fellow miners in Kalm. More importantly, the mines held deep veins of Mythril as well as other metals, many of which were deep in the mountains and had yet to be tapped. This meant resources to build the city that Reeve had modeled for them in his speeches, the city that this displaced populace had rallied to help rebuild.

She took the offered plate of meatloaf and mashed potatoes from the tired, but smiling woman behind the food line. Meatloaf was apparently a staple among the mess tents as each of them served it at least 4 times a week. It wasn't particularly good food, but it was food all the same. She took the offered glass of water from another worker and walked away to find a place to sit.

"You all right?" Rude asked her as she passed the table he was sitting at.

Tifa just shrugged and continued walking.

"You're shaking." Rude commented, noticing the slight convulsions that still wracked her body from her earlier encounter with Reno.

"Reno stopped me outside my tent earlier." Tifa replied, her voice betraying her tiredness as she paused just past the table.

Rude grunted his reply. "Shouldn't be so hard on him."

"Who?" Tifa asked, turning, and deciding to sit down across from him at the table.

"Reno."

So that's why Rude was talking to her. Anger flared briefly. "Did he send you here?"

Rude shook his head, wishing that he could've had Elena do this or even Tseng. But neither were available for this conversation. Elena because she was a walking mass of complexes, among other things, and Tseng was dead. "My wife died in the Sector Five Reactor."

"Oh." Tifa was silent for a moment. 'The wedding…' The images of a wedding attended with Reno before flashed through her head. The beaming bride, radiant in white and the nervous groom with his groomsmen, the dashing Tseng, the chiseled Rufus, and the wild Reno, all dressed immaculately in black tuxedos. She remembered the fun she had had, dancing and laughing with Reno between his duties as best man.

While he had been away from her most of the evening, he had managed to make the little time they had managed to spend together worthwhile. Other than that, she had spent the evening making small talk with family of the bride and groom. Not one of them had ever mentioned that the groom or any of his groomsmen were members of the Turks. They had just gone on and on how successful the groom was working at Shinra.

"That was your wedding. I remember now… I'm sorry."

She didn't know Rude very well, having never met him beyond a quick introduction at his wedding and later in their battles against one another, and as such, she was confused as to why he was telling her this. "Do you blame me?"

"No. Shinra's lies touched us all." Rude frowned briefly, remembering the phone call he had tried to place when the word had come that Sector Five's reactor was the next target.

They had a person on the inside of Avalanche, but not a perfect operative. Word of details and plans was sporadic at best, and since they had received no advance notice of the Sector One explosion, he knew that they were lucky to have gotten any notice of this one.

He watched through his office window as President Shinra's helicopter mobilized and flew towards the reactor. In that moment he forgot that he was a cold, emotionless Turk. He picked up the phone and called her office, but he got nothing but static as the flames erupted from the Reactor. He doubted that those in the Reactor had received any warning. He hoped she had gone quickly. He resisted the nearly overwhelming urge to scream then, his wife... his life... gone. But that was the price when Shinra owned your soul.

Tifa let out the breath that she hadn't even realized she'd been holding, waiting for Rude to place the blame on her as well. Yes, she had technically been a member of Avalanche, and had been there when the Sector Five Reactor had been bombed, but it was Jessie's bomb and Cloud that had set the detonator. At most she was just an accessory. Right?

"But Reno does."

"Why would Reno blame me for your wife's death?" She was having trouble following Rude's line of meandering logic.

"She liked him. She made him feel important."

Tifa was silent, unsure of what to say in response to that.

Reno's words came back to haunt her again, giving her a mental nudge, as Rude spoke. 'Their fucking blood is on your hands as sure as it is on mine…' She'd always thought he'd meant just the deaths of the innocents in Sector Seven, but now, hearing Rude's story made her wonder if Reno's words didn't go deeper.

Searching for the right words, Rude waited several minutes for a response. He remembered the actually happy Reno during the time that he had been dating that girl from Nibelheim. Amazingly, Reno never bragged of any conquests with her, but just smiled when anyone brought the subject of this girl up, until the rebellion in Corel. After that Reno had changed. Not just back to the jaded man he had been before, but he had actually fallen into some great hole. One that Rude and Tseng had watched, sadly, as it deepened into a raging abyss.

The only light spot in that was that Reno was almost his "old" self around Suni. He recognized the boundaries and never made a move on his friend's wife, but he wasn't above teasing and lightly flirting with her in his unique way, and she had responded in kind, never angry with him, but always patient. Rude smiled briefly at the memory of Suni that floated through his mind, thinking what a great mother she would have made.

Tifa had gotten up and was turning to leave when Rude finally spoke, shaking off the notion that he really was starting to sound like one of Elena's self-help books. If he kept doing this, he was afraid that he'd end up being the host of his own radio call-in show.

"Like you did."