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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN - CONFESSION

'Run and tell all of the angels ... This could take all night ... Think I need a devil to help me get things right ... Hook me up a new revolution ... Cause this one is a lie ... Hook me up a new revolution ... We sat around laughing and watched the last one die ... I'm looking to the sky to save me ... Looking for a sign of life ... Looking for something to help me burn out bright ... I'm looking for complication ... Looking cause I'm tired of trying ... Make my way back home when I learn to fly ... I think I'm done nursing the patience ... I can wait one night ... I'd give it all away if you give me one last try ... We'll live happily ever trapped if you just save my life ... Run and tell the angels that everything is alright ... Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone ... Try and make this life my own ... (Foo Fighters: 'Learn to Fly')'

Ocean. Boat. Evening.

Tifa stood silently at the railing of the ship, looking out over the water as the boat cruised towards the western continent and silently cursing the wind. The wind blew her hair, trying to capture the silken strands as its chilly tendrils caressed her neck. She moved a hand to her neck in an attempt to stop the sensation, reminded too much of a similar experience five years prior, only then it hadn't been the wind teasing her so. It had been him.

She shook her head, trying to shake the memories and keep them from coming back. The movement of her head only gave the wind more power in evoking them as it lifted the tendrils of hair that she had released from its grasp back. She sighed deeply as she continued looking over the water. The only solace she could find was in the fact that Reno had not emerged from his cabin since they had boarded the ship.

"Hey." Tifa was so lost in thought that she hadn't heard Jessie approach and didn't realize she was standing next to her until she spoke.

Tifa looked up from her brooding stare over the choppy surface of the waves and of the sky, alit with the colors of the sun beginning its descent into the netherworld behind the horizon. She'd been in a state of shock and confusion since Jessie's sudden reappearance at the dock in Junon and hadn't seen her old friend since they'd boarded.

She'd mourned the death of Jessie even more than she had mourned Biggs and Wedge since the plate incident in which she and everyone else had believed that they'd all perished. Jessie had been her friend and a confidant in girl things. Beneath the tomboyish exterior that she presented, Tifa had met the young woman that lurked inside Jessie. She recalled long nights of 'girl talk' sessions where she'd divulged some of her deepest secrets. Even Aeris had never learned of the things that Tifa had told to Jessie. There had been a kinship between herself and the other female member of Avalanche, and it had hit her especially hard when they had escaped from Sector Seven and had to leave the others behind to face death.

But now she had discovered that at least part of that was an illusion. Jessie was no more dead than she was. The part of it that totally confounded her was why Jessie had had the altercation with Reno at the dock this morning. It was crazy, but Tifa realized that a small part of her was actually jealous that they knew each other, and apparently quite well, if their conversation had been any indication.

"Hey." Tifa responded softly, not sure of what else to say.

Jessie smiled wanly as she leaned over the railing, looking out over the waves. "Guess you're pretty confused right now." It was a statement of fact, not a question.

"Yeah."

Jessie was silent for a moment, not sure of where or how to begin her confession. Although Tifa deserved an explanation, this was a trial run for when she had to confess her involvement with Shinra to Barrett. That scared her. Tifa's possible reaction scared her, but not nearly as much as the reaction that she was certain Barrett would have upon finding out that she was essentially a double agent. At least she was certain that the gruff former leader of Avalanche would see it that way, but she had to go to North Corel. She had to tell him. She needed to clean her soul before she could truly move on with her life. But first, she had to explain things to Tifa.

"I guess you could say that I was a spy." Jessie stated simply, deciding that the direct approach was probably the best. She pulled her thin jacket around her, hugging herself as she spoke.

Tifa turned sharply to look at her, something unreadable in her eyes.

"It wasn't like you're probably thinking." She paused to collect her thoughts.

Tifa was silent, waiting for Jessie to continue. She was shocked, but not really angry. The conversation that Jessie and Reno had had back on the dock had sort of raised the suspicions in her mind. Jessie was now only confirming them.

"It was Nathan's idea that I infiltrate Avalanche, as he put it. But in my way of thinking, it wasn't much of an infiltration. I truly do care about the future of the Planet, and I knew that the Reactors weren't a good thing." Jessie smiled a half smile. "He knew that, but Nathan just wanted me out of the Honey Bee Inn and doing something other than wandering around the slums."

'Honey Bee Inn? Jessie was a honey bee?' Tifa could hardly believe what she was hearing. She'd known that Jessie had grown up in the slums, but she never would have thought that Jessie would've been a part of Don Corneo's filthy operation.

"I never expected Tseng to go for the whole idea. I was hardly fit to spy for anyone, let alone Shinra, Inc." Jessie grinned wryly. "I wasn't very useful as a spy though. They received no warning of the Sector One explosion, and very short notice of Sector Five." Jessie's face fell. "That was for Suni. I thought she deserved a chance. But I was too late."

Tifa nodded, remembering President Shinra's sudden appearance right before Sector Five's reactor blew and the subsequent battle with the Air Buster.

"I should've died on the pillar. But Nathan wouldn't let them leave me." Jessie spoke softly. "Always the big brother, looking out for me. Tseng didn't like it, said it was too risky, but Rude actually disobeyed Tseng and rescued me during your battle with Nathan."

'Brother.' Tifa's head cleared in relief at the word. Reno was Jessie's brother. There was nothing else between them. Tifa mentally chided herself for being jealous. What did she care who Reno saw anyways?

Reno was a part of her past, a part of what was better left forgotten. Never mind the fierce emotional response that he evoked every time he opened his mouth or got near to her. His nearness to her had made her knees go weak the day he had threatened her in Reeve's tent, even as he had spoken those hateful words that made her blood boil with rage. Or how the feeling of his body above hers had made her head spin when he'd pinned her to the ground in his impulsive demonstration two days before.

"So that's how you survived." Tifa stated, letting the information sink in before saying anything else. She didn't blame Jessie at all. Maybe a few days ago, she would've been consumed by anger, but that was before she had realized that the only thing that separated the two factions was a name. And hearing Jessie's story, though she didn't fully realize it, was allowing the ice around Tifa's heart to melt just ever so slightly.

"Yes." Jessie whispered silently as she gazed over the water. The sky had turned to crimson as the sun made its final descent into the horizon.

Tifa took a deep breath and smiled. "It's okay, Jessie. I don't blame you."

Jessie smiled in return, letting out the breath that she had been holding, waiting for Tifa's response. "Barrett's going to be mad though."

Tifa nodded. "Barrett still resents Reeve even though he did a lot to help Avalanche out."

Jessie nodded. "But I've got to tell him. I can't hide forever."

"I'll help you explain it to him." Tifa smiled. "He listens to me."

Jessie beamed, hugging her friend, relieved to have found the first round of forgiveness from her fellow Avalanche members.

"Tifa," Jessie started, changing the subject and knowing she was about to tread on what was probably very thin ice by her next words. "All those things you told me before… about the guy when you first moved to Midgar… that was Nathan, wasn't it?"

Tifa turned to look at Jessie. "Yes. How did you know?"

Jessie smiled softly. "He's my brother. He'll tell me almost anything. And from what he told me last night and what you told me before…" Jessie shrugged. "It wasn't hard to put two and two together."

"You didn't tell him anything, did you?" Tifa's eyes filled with a look of near-panic, thinking of the secrets that Jessie knew.

Jessie shook her head. "No. Girl talk is just between us girls. Anything that he needs to hear needs to come from you." Jessie smiled as they neared the coastline of Costa del Sol. "Like how you really feel about him."

"I know it does, Jessie, but I have no clue how to tell him anything." Tifa frowned as they walked away from the railing and towards the dock. Maybe a few days of visiting with Barrett and helping Jessie explain things to him would help her gain some perspective.

'How I really feel about him?' Tifa mused. 'The part about wanting to rip his throat out or the part about wanting to wrap myself up with him and never let him go?' She figured Jessie was talking about the latter.

"Come on, girls!" Reno shouted at her from his position on the lower steps leading to the town of Costa del Sol. He was obviously back in full "Turk" mode and looking very irritated. "This is a business trip, not a pleasure cruise!"

Tifa looked at Jessie and nodded conspiratorially as, on a silent cue, they both sprinted past him and up the stairs leading to the town.

"Now who's holding us up, Nathan?" Jessie asked him from the stone bridge that led down to the town and beach beyond.

Reno suppressed the relieved smile that threatened his face as he realized that, if this burst of childish competition with him was any indication, things would be okay between Tifa and Jessie.