Bonus Awards Show
Chapter 7 – We Even Ate Sandwiches
By Pelican (Pelican_13@Yahoo.com)
Almost all the fighters of Super Smash Brothers: Melee were gathered in the same room. Mario was still returning from his mission, Yoshi and Kirby were making their way back from Vegas, Mewtwo had teleported away in search of aspirin, Roy was too much of a coward to be near anyone, and Marth was… weird.
The group silenced as two new figures made their entrance. They were the Ice Climbers, only instead of their normal colors they wore black rock-climbing gear.
"Ice Climbers?" Zelda asked.
"We're the Rock Climbers!" the Rock Climbers replied in unison.
"You didn't get the award," Peach informed.
"What?" Popo asked in disbelief.
"But we climbed the rocks! Didn't we climb the rocks?" Nana was in an equal state of disbelief.
"Yeah, we climbed those rocks!"
"Those rocks were climbed!"
"By us!"
The two held up their ropes, "The Rock Climbers."
"Shut up already!" Falco cut in.
"Hey," Link managed to get out, "has anyone seen my shield and my hookshot?"
"Ummm," Bowser let out. He held out the piece of the broken Hylian shield he had kept. "Your shield may have been a casualty in getting a bonus award."
"No! Not my shield! Where will I get another?" Link was frantic, which didn't bold well because he was also exhausted.
"How about, the Bazaar in Hyrule Castle Town?" DK suggested.
"Oh yeah," Link remembered.
"Who was trying to get the Stalker award?" Ness asked the group. Everyone looked at each other accusingly. Most glances were directed at Falco and Captain Falcon.
"What? Not me! I was being a statue," Captain Falcon defended himself.
"And I was getting the Bird of Prey award," Falco added.
"How exactly?" Popo asked.
"I ate a sandwich."
Everyone's glance shifted to Bowser's direction.
"What? Me? I was destroying Link's shield."
"Guys, how many new potted plants did this building get?" Zelda asked. Everyone looked at her strangely.
"Does anyone know where Marth and Roy are?" Nana asked. Everyone pondered that for a moment, and then the same thought crossed their minds.
"Ewww," everyone said in unison.
At that time Yoshi and Kirby entered. The other fighters were too busy trying to get a very bad mental image out of their heads and didn't notice the two new arrivals.
"Hiii," Kirby said, without his usual cheerfulness and enthusiasm.
Everyone finally noticed the pink and green fighters that had just entered.
"What have you guys been up to?" Bowser asked.
"I hit a jackpot in Vegas," Kirby answered.
"And I was traveling the world," Yoshi finished.
"Sleepy, sleepy," Kirby muttered and floated over to the couch Link had fallen asleep on. He landed and got curled up on a pillow. He to went to sleep. Yoshi was still wearing his Hawaiian shirt and had a camera around his neck. He fell back in an armchair and began to doze off.
As soon as the three were fast asleep one of the last smash brothers arrived. It was Mario, still wearing his black tuxedo.
"Someone ask Q branch if we got that award back," Super Spy Mario ordered in an English accent. Everyone looked at him and blinked.
"What?" Mario asked.
"Mario, that isn't anywhere near how you get that award," Peach informed. She covered her face with one of her gloved hands.
"But-a," Mario replied helplessly. His British accent was gone and it was back to his Italian. "I stopped-a Doctor-a Disgruntled!"
At that moment, in a generic jail cell somewhere. "That's Doctor Disgruntled!"
"I-a did-a all that-a work-a!" Mario complained.
"Big deal," Falco cut in, "I ate a sandwich."
"I was-a sweeping all over-a the building," Luigi put in his piece.
"Pikachu chu chu pika pikachu!" Pikachu yelled over the other fighters.
"Everyone shut up and listen before I use my Peach Bomber," Peach calmly threatened. A few smash brothers chuckled to themselves. "I'm serious! Now, if you would let me explain without interruption," Peach began. The other smashers actually listened this time. "You get the awards at the end of a real melee match, THEY AREN'T EXACTLY WHAT THEY SOUND LIKE!"
Peach turned to Falco. "You get the Bird of Prey by using a lot of aerial attacks, not by just being a real bird of prey."
Peach turned to Mr. Game and Watch. "In melee a juggler strikes an enemy several times to keep him airborne. It doesn't mean you actually juggle things."
Peach found Luigi and said her piece about him. "To get the Sweeper award simply use a high percentage of low attacks."
Peach looked over towards Samus. "A Sniper award is given if you hit only with flying objects."
Peach turned to Fox, Pichu, and Captain Falcon on the other side of the table. "Having little left-to-right movement will get you that Statue award."
"Link, you almost had the right idea," Peach said. She looked over at Link and found he was still asleep. "Just run that much in a fight."
Peach spun around to face Bowser. "Try and break one of the smasher's energy shields in the middle of a match."
Peach looked back at the Rock or Ice Climbers. "Hang from ledges a lot an you'll get the Rock Climber award."
Peach looked towards the wall where Ganondorf rested. "Switzerland has been neutral in all wars in the past 100 years. To get the award never attack and never take damage in a match."
"Where's the fun in that?" Ganondorf asked as Peach faced Yoshi.
"A World Traveler gets knocked out on all four sides of the arena."
"Yoshi?" Yoshi asked as he woke up after discovering he was being talked to.
Peach faced Ness, Pikachu, and Jigglypuff. "End the match in the magnifying glass that comes up if you're too far to one side of the arena to get your award."
Kirby was still fast asleep, pulling an imaginary slot machine while he slumbered, so Peach looked towards DK and Zelda. "To get the No R 4 U bonus just don't press the L or R buttons during a match."
Peach turned to the last awake smash brother present, Mario. "To get the Super Spy award simply KO someone with a Motion Sensor Bomb."
Everyone was dumbfounded. They had worked all that time, even eaten sandwiches, to get their awards, and it was all for nothing.
"Now do you understand how to get those awards?"
Everyone was still in awe. Their jaws hung open and they nodded an affirmative.
"Good, now I suggest we all play Super Smash Brothers: Melee!"
"Yeah!" responded all awake smash brothers. They quickly set up a few games and would have those awards in no time.