AN: I promised more R/J, so here it is. This chapter is a little
longer, but bare with it. Again thanks a million for your reviews, please
continue to do so, it makes me soo happy! Enjoy…
Chapter 9: Road Trip
Rory sat miserably at the kitchen table. It was already Friday afternoon; almost two weeks after the whole incident had begun. Rory knew that her reputation had faltered a little last week as she had actually confessed too many that what she had said hadn't been entirely truthful. She had recounted the events accurately at the regular Friday night meeting, shocking many of the town's people. Lorelai knew what Rory had done had taken a lot of nerve. While some like Miss. Patty had been actually rather impressed and quite optimistic to giving Jess another chance, others like Taylor had held stead fast on to their previous decision, only further strengthen by Jess' thoughtful going away present. Rory sighed and laid her forehead down on top of her math homework. She knew she was going to miss Jess, but she never imagined it would be this much…
New York
Jess' arrival had been met with mixed feelings. His teachers were positively horrified at the thought of him being back at school again, but his friends were much more egger to see him. The first day back Jess had actually spent the whole day at school, and spent the full time required in each class. He loved the looks people had given him as he had roamed the old familiar halls and when he had entered each class room. Some were of abject fear, others hatred. Some were at a loss for words while others could have cared less. However, there was a group that showed they were glad to see him. Only problem was, Jess wasn't so sure how glade he was to see them. Out of those who's reaction had been somewhat positive a large majority were all of his old friends. However, there were the few that had given him a smile as he had walked in, a smile that had sent chills down his spin as he recognized those that thought of him merely as a key player in the trade. Jess not only had set a few kids up at the school and was a good and reliable supplier, but he did also put quite a few dollars in to the pockets of those slightly higher than himself. Jess wasn't exactly excited to see these people, but at least things were good, he wasn't in debt to anyone. Almost as soon as the first day of school had let out, Jess already felt himself molding back into his old way of life. He and his old group of friends had left right after school to the old scrap yard about half a mile from his house. There he first reassumed his old mentalities as well. As they all sat in a circle, eight of them including Jess, they began to poke into a subject he hadn't realized was touchy to him until they brought it up. It felt a lot like cutting open a scab, a wound you've forgotten about, but one that is easily reopened. His feelings. Most of the time their conversations were always so materialistic, either that or they were too high or drunk to talk about anything of substance, but this time, they had all plunged right in, much to Jess' dismay.
"Man Jess, we never thought you were coming back…" a mousy guy named Jack said from his right.
"Yha, so how the hell did you blow out of the crap hole anyway?" finished Diz.
Diz wasn't his real name, it was David, but no one had called him that for as long as Jess could remember. Jess looked at him before he answered. He looked worse than he had remembered, his eyes were red and his hands were violently shaking though he held them to keep still. Was this really what he had longed to come back to?
"Actually, the bastards kicked me out." Jess said.
"Awhh, poor baby." Alicia smiled sarcastically at Jess. She wore hardly anything though there was a breeze that Jess felt even with his coat on. But that was how she had always been. Jess was almost positive that he had done something with her on one occasion or another, but it had never been intentional. She was always egger to take advantage of him when he had gotten drunk or high; and he could tell she had always wanted him to see more in her than he did, but he never had. Looking at her brought Rory into his mind. He almost laughed aloud as he thought how many worlds apart the two were. Then again the thought bitterly, so were he and Rory.
Jack started to giggle, his little body quivering
"Shut up Jack-ass." Kent Stiner said. He sat across the circle from Jess, and had been intently watching him. His name was Kent, but most people called him Stiner.
They all called Jack, Jack-ass. No pun was really intended; it just seemed to fit him more.
Jack stopped laughing, but had to bite his hand to keep quite. Jess smiled sadly at him. He was the type Jess could just tell was going to die young, he just had the air about him that his number was going to be called soon, besides, he really need help, but never got any. He was just one of those guys that did things at the wrong time. Like now, he would laugh for no reason, but when Lance, his closet friend had died last year in a car crash, it didn't seem to faze him at all. In fact, Stiner said he had actually heard him whistling after the funeral. Jess looked back to Stiner, a burly guy, but a guy you could depend on. Jess had always liked him the most, not out of affection, but rather respect. The two understood and respected each other. Jess couldn't count the times Kent had gotten him out of one fix or another.
"So, what's your story man?" Stiner said to Jess
"No story really. I moved to this little shit hole of a town with my uncle who made me quite smoking and drinking. He made me work all the friken time in his damn dinner. I went to school, ditched, got in fights and naturally didn't do my homework. I played stupid jokes on the town; it was one of those unnaturally small towns that the slightest disturbance landed me their object of much hatred. I broke a guy's nose last week, they all freaked, so now here I am. It wasn't that bad really." Jess added thinking of Rory
"Not that bad! Wow, they must have really gotten to you! But hey," his hands shaking as he pulled something from his pocked "I can make you as good as new." Diz smiled and handed Jess a cigarette. Jess took it, and stared at it for a while, uneasy, but trying to hide it. Diz caught on and looked at him sincerely worried
"What's wrong man? Do you not want it?" He said disbelief in his voice
Jess scoffed at him. "Just savoring that's all. It's been a while." Jess played it off easily
"Oh, good thing, you had me worried there." Diz said and the others breathed a sigh of relief as Jess breathed in his old life, with one puff.
Jess felt his tongue tingle at the old taste, but it was different. It had changed; its old pleasure was gone. The other's smiled and asked more questions, but Kent just stared at him, and Jess knew he was reading his real feelings as easily as one does a book; Stiner wasn't so gullible. That was the problem with having some one that you could trust, you usually didn't need to say a word before they had you already all figured out. It wasn't long after that their circle had been filled in a gray white haze, talking and laughing as they smoked; though not a day at all had passed between them.
Around ten, they had all broken up and gone home. As Jess turned up a street to take the route he had taken many times before, the others went their own ways. However, Kent turned the corner with him. Jess knew he wanted to talk, but still, he stayed quite for a good ten minutes before the silence got to Jess.
"You know going this way isn't exactly helping you get home any faster." Jess said to Kent though he kept his eyes one the street ahead of him.
"Funny, I was thinking the same thing." Stiner said, but he turned and looked at him.
Jess stopped and looked at him too. There was no need to play dumb with him, and Jess never tried
"No, that place was never a home. Here, New York, you guys, that's my home." Jess said even though he felt more like he was trying to convince himself than Kent that it was the truth
"To bad." Stiner said and continued to walk
"What do you mean to bad?" Jess asked confused
"You got out. I know you don't want to admit it, but you want to go back. I would too if I were you." Jess walked in shocked silence. He hated how Kent knew him so well.
Kent continued though Jess didn't really need him to
"Here, we think we got it all. Drugs, girls, friends, alcohol, good times. But we don't. I know it, I've know it since my brother left, remember, he went to collage back when I was in ninth." Jess nodded, he remembered. That day had changed Kent. I had shown him there was something better than the life they all lived, no matter how good they all thought it was.
He continued. "I smoke, I drink. I know it, I hate it, but I do it. We used to think that that was the only way to make life worth living. But I can tell, now you know its not, just like I do." Stiner said.
Jess couldn't help but feel pain for the guy. Stiner did it just as Jess had done, to be cool, to drown out problems at home, but Kent had it a lot worse. With five brothers, one sister, and a dead father, Jess didn't understand how Stiner didn't take everything he could get his hands on.
"Was it good? Was it good to get out?" Stiner said, and Jess looked at the pitiful bastard he couldn't help but love.
Jess only nodded. He was thinking intently on Rory, and a smile played lightly on his lips. He didn't realize Stiner was watching him until he asked
"Who is she?" Jess looked at him and laughed. This guy was so annoying
"Her name's Rory. Well, Lorelai, but she's called Rory." Jess said not attempting to hold it back.
"She pretty?" Stiner asked looking almost sadly at Jess
"Beautiful. And she's smart. She's got a boyfriend though. But that isn't the worst of it, the fact that she's fucking innocent, now that's the worst of it." Jess told him
"I didn't want-, I mean; I don't want to ruin that. That's what makes her Rory. Its good I came back, for her I mean." Jess said looked down again
"Yha, good thing..." Stiner replied distantly
They two finished their walk in silence.
The week had gone by slowly but surely. Jess consequently spent less time in school and at home, until he eventually stopped showing up to either except on rare occasions. Yes, life was going back to normal.
Back in Stars Hallow
Lorelai wasn't home yet and it was already six o'clock and Rory hadn't had anything to eat since her after school snack, so naturally she was starving. Leaving a note for her mom, Rory got up, grabbed her coat and headed for Luke's. When she got there, she flumped down at the counter in a stool and looked around. She spied Luke on the phone, a concerned and angry look on his face and his forehead furrowed in emotion. Rory leaned over, a little guilty but far more curious.
"Uh huh. When. Yesterday? He got kicked out again yesterday? No? That was on Wednesday? Then what happened Yesterday? Damn. Did he get charged with anything? Well, that's a lot better than a felony. Yha. What? No Liz, I can't take him. Yes, I know that, but he can't come back-. Because they won't let them! Convince them? Please! This town is controlled by Nazi-cardigan- Hitler wantabes. Yes I'm sure. Yes. Look Liz, he's your kid, you're going to have to deal with him for once. Sorry. No- No, Liz, I got work to do, Bye." Luke furiously hung up the phone, and looked over at Rory starting intently at him
"What'd he do now?" Rory asked, not hiding the fact that she had listened in on the conversation
"Got caught drinking and driving." Luke sighed, frustration clear
Rory sighed "He was so much better off here with you…"
"Maybe Rory, but he's the one that keeps screwing himself up, I can't be around to pick him up every time he falls." Luke said, though it was clear this was greatly affecting him
"I just wished he, he hadn't gone back to the way he was! He was doing so much better…" Luke fumed
"Yha, and it was because of you Luke." Rory smiled at him.
"Yha, thanks. What do you want tonight?" Luke asked her changing the subject
"BLT and coffee." She said catching the hint he didn't want to talk about it
Rory watched Luke as he went into the kitchen to put her bacon on. Jess was in trouble again. She hadn't expected he wouldn't do just that, she was just hoping he wouldn't. As Rory watched Luke's back as he fried the bacon, she knew she had to do something. Jess needed help, even if Luke couldn't do it, she knew she would. She knew she had to, for his sake.
That night Rory went home, her mind racing. She opened the door-she had left it unlocked-but her mom still wasn't home. She crumpled up the note she had previously written, and checked the messages- sure enough there was one from her mom. Lorelai had told her they were having a lot of issues with a large group at the inn, and she wouldn't be home until around ten if they all agreed by then. Rory deleted the message and then walked into her room. At the door way she stopped and stood, staring intently at the rose, hanging slightly out on one side of the plastic cup, the moonlight from her window streamed delicately on the petals and the breeze from the open window played softly on the leaves. Rory suddenly felt her heart beat fast. She knew what she had to do. Taking one more excited look at the rose, she flipped on her light, and moved towards her closet. She pulled out clean clothes from her closet just incase she would need a change in clothes. Throwing them onto her bed, she dashed to the kitchen and flicked on the coffee maker. Running back into her room, now the adrenalin of doing something against every belief she had, was really exciting her, she scourged around for a map of Connecticut, and one of New York. She was going to get him, she had to…she wanted to. Filled with this new found determination and goal, she proceeded to fill a thermostat full of the black life giving liquid she was addicted to, stuffed her clothes into a small bag, grabbed her maps, a heavy jacket, and money from her mom's dresser, then ran out into the jeep, throwing everything in the back. Running back in the house Rory pulled out a pen and a piece of scratch paper and began to write
Mom, I had to go to New York to get--- but then she stopped and realized what she was writing. Ripping that off and throwing it in the trash, she began again
Mom, had to go and study at Paris' for a school project. I'm just going to spend the night there, so if you need me, PAGE ME! See yha in the morning,
Love Rory
Rory made sure her mom would understand to page her, the last thing she needed was to have her mom call Paris' house and discover she wasn't there. This way, she could at least fake it.
Rory ran back out side as soon as she was done, but made sure to lock the front door. Back in the jeep, as she pulled away she caught a glimmer of white through her bedroom window, and any previous doubt that had filled her mind, vanished into the cool night air. Under her breath she excitedly whispered
"New York here I come."
New York
Jess sat on the steps of his apartment reading when Kent came up.
"Do you ever stop reading?" Stiner asked
"No." Jess responded looking back to his book
"Well, right now, you can put it down and come with me." Kent said beginning to absentmindedly tap his foot
"I think you were on my list of 'persons to not associate with' that my probation officer gave me." Jess said smirking at him
"Was it Marks?"
"Yha, good ol' officer Marks." Jess said knowing it would give Kent a crack
"Damn I hate that fucking bastard!" Stiner yelled
Jess just laughed at him and stood putting his book in his back pocket
"Were to?" Jess asked
"Wait, I thought I was on you hit list or death list or what ever the hell it was."
"Probation list. Besides, all he did was tell me who was on it. As to what that implies, well, I'm sure we have slightly different views." Jess smiled as Stiner started to walk down the street
"So, have you called or heard from that girl, what was her name?" Kent asked
"No." Jess said with such a tone of finality that Kent knew the conversation on that issue was over
Just then a voice sounded behind them. It was Liz.
"Jess, where are you going now?"
"Out." Jess answered coldly
"What! Your on probation, you can't just go anywhere, let alone with that- with him." Liz raged in disbelief
"Fine. I'm going to the scrap yard. There, now don't you feel a warm and gushy motherly feeling knowing where you dear son is going to be?" Jess said in a harsh sarcastic tone.
"Jess, it doesn't matter where you go, the point is you can't go! You have to be in by nine o'clock Jess!"
Jess just shrugged and turned his back walking on. Liz yelled his name a few more times, but to no avail.
On The Road
Rory groaned as the last few drops of coffee splattered into her cup.
"Damn! Now what am I going to do!" She moaned out loud to herself. Looking at the gas meter she realized she was going to have to make a pit stop for gas soon anyway, she could just refill then, not only that, but the food stuff from her last stop was all gone too. She was in definite need of more sugar and caffeine, and fast. She had already been driving for three hours and it was getting to her. It was about nine at night, and the road was getting difficult to see, but Rory was bound and determined to get there that night.
Two and a half hours later Rory found her self wide awake and gazing in wonder at the lights, sounds and smells of New York City. It was just about at that time though when Rory realized a series of things that made her wonder what exactly she was thinking in going there. She was 16, a girl, at eleven o'clock at night, alone, and in a huge city that she was trying to find one person in; these definitely weren't the greatest of circumstances. Nervously she drove to a gas station where she parked and went to the nearest phone booth. Inside it took her a good ten minutes to figure out where exactly Jess lived. It ended up being on the east side of Manhattan, not to far from where she was. She was almost at her car when she paused, stuck by a sudden thought. Turning, she went into the store at the station and conveniently purchased a bottle of mace. After that, she felt the tension ease a bit.
Scrap Yard
Jess lay on his back, watching the smoke curl up into the air with each exhale. A siren sounded in the distance, but Jess hardly noticed it. He turned to look at Stiner, who was lying next to him, his eyes lost in the barely visible stars. Nearby, a few others had joined them and had lit a fire. Most of those around it were just sitting in silence, like him and Kent, but Jess had moved away from them a while ago. Right now, he didn't really need all their superficial ness, Stiner was far better silent company. Jess turned his gaze back up to the sky, but just then Kent said something, though he didn't look at Jess
"Life's changed hasn't it?" Stiner said to him
Jess breathed "Yha. I'm here, but I'm not." Jess whispered back
Kent chuckled softly "Welcome to my world." Jess knew that half the time Kent looked like he was somewhere else entirely
"I'm not going back." Jess said to him firmly
"I knew you wouldn't." Stiner replied softly after a pause "But I still know you want to."
"I don't know. I don't fit here anymore; I don't really fit there either. I think I might just leave, you know, and see where I end up." Jess said
"I might just go with you…" Stiner said, but Jess knew he wouldn't. Stiner did too
They were silent again
Rory, driving slowly as she squinted for street signs, finally let out a triumphant squeal. She had found the right street. Five minutes later, she had parked and was ringing the buzzer on Jess' apartment.
"Who is it!" Rory heard a voice who she assumed to be Liz
"Um, hi," Rory began nervously
"What do you want!" Liz cut her off
"I, uh, want to know where Jess is." Rory said quickly so not to be cut off again
"Jess? Why do you want to know where he is?" She asked suspiciously, and then added "You're not his probation officer are you?"
"Probation off-…" Rory trailed off disappointed "No, no, I'm just a friend and I wondered-"
"Down at the scrap yard. Five blocks down, six to the right." Liz barked and with that the intercom shut off
Rory shrugged and hurriedly got back into her car, repeating the directions over in her head. As Rory headed down the last street she could see the glow of the fire before she even got there. Rory parked, her heart beating rapidly again. She noticed the air looked as thick as fog as she squeezed through the opening in the fence. Steeping over a bumper, her eyes burned from the smoke as she nervously scanned the surroundings. A couple of people looked over at her, some confusion, others with humor written on their face. She walked a bit further, now breathing quickly and saw him lying on the hood of a partially intact car. For a minute she just stood there, so may different thoughts going through her head: doubt, nerves, soon her feet felt like bricks and she didn't think she could take a step closer. Just then she saw the boy lying next to Jess turn and fix his eyes right on her. He stared at her for a minute, and then an expression came over his face. Rory just stood her heart about to leap from her chest.
"Jess, it's her." Stiner said to Jess. He knew, he could just tell.
"What?" Jess said offhandedly not really paying attention to him. He had been thinking of Rory, how much he wished he could see her, be with her, but how at the same time he knew he never could be.
"No. Jess, she's here." Stiner said, now nudging Jess in the ribs
"What, what do you mean she- " Jess turned to look at Kent, and froze. He felt his heart leap to his throat, and his head whirl. He quickly sat up and stared at her, his mind was tangle of thoughts; at first he couldn't believe it was her. But then it hit him. It was her. It was Rory. Jess scrambled off the car and tumbled over to her.
"Rory what…" But Jess stopped; he was at a loss for words. Many of the people around had now turned to watch, and Kent lay on the car and took a puff of his cigarette, a smile on his contented lips.
"Jess I…" But Rory couldn't seem to find the right words to say either. The two just stood staring at one another in disbelief. Finally Jess found his nerve
"Rory, what are you doing here?" He asked her concern in his voice
"I came; I came to take you back." She said looking down, and Jess could see her face turn red even in the poor light.
"Rory…" Jess sighed uncomfortably "You know I'm not going to go back." He said with difficulty. Kent cursed softly under his breath
"Jess, you need to come back." Rory said annoyed at his blindness
"Why?" Jess asked a little curtly, he couldn't let her convince him, he had to be firm.
"Why? Why do you think?" Rory said to him "I heard the call your mom made to Luke Jess, I heard what she said about you and what you've been doing."
"What? My mom called Luke?" Jess said caught a little off guard
"Yha." Rory said "Jess, I can't believe you; you turned back into your old self! Why Jess? You were doing so well…" Rory looked at him and he saw disappointment in her eyes
"You know what happened?" He asked softly
"Yha. I heard pretty much everything…" Rory said
Jess sighed heavily and went to take another breath of his cigarette that was now almost burned out. As he did, he looked at her and stopped, the cigarette hovering right in front of his lips. She stared intently at him, and then raised her hand and grabbed the cigarette gently. He looked away for a moment and let her slide it easily out of his fingers. Flicking it on the ground, she looked back up at him wearing a small smile that made him want to never smoke again.
"Look Jess, you might not get along with everyone in Stars Hallow, but you really should come back. Most of the people there, they miss how interesting you made life. Luke misses you, though it was painful to see him try not to admit it, and, well, I miss you too." Rory added
Jess stared at Rory, his face calm, covering the raging storm inside. He wanted to go, to just forget everything and be with her, but then he knew what damage he could do, how much he would screw up her life, how much he already had.
"I can't Rory." He said. He took another look at her, but had to turn away, the disappointment in her eyes felt as though they were burning a hole in his heart, he couldn't look into those eyes.
"You can't, or you don't want to?" Rory asked, a bit of resentment in her voice
Jess turned, "I can't Rory; it makes no sense. I belong here, not there. This is my home." Jess said turning and continuing walking back to an annoyed Kent.
"God Jess! Don't you get it? You're going to kill yourself here! You don't have a chance to do anything here; you need to go back even if you don't think you do!" Rory fumed at his ignorance and denial
Jess turned, mad that she was doing this to him. It was so much harder this way…
"Oh really Rory! You think you've got me figured all out don't you? Well, if that's your best reason for encouraging me to come back, that I really don't know what I need or want, then I'd say you need a bit better reasoning." Jess yelled back
"Uggg! Jess, that just one of the reasons why you should come back!" Rory yelled, no longer thinking before she shouted out at him, anger so mixed with love it was making her head reel
"Humm, well then, give me one good reason why I should go back!" Jess challenged her
Before thinking what she was about to say, Rory shouted it out, speaking from her heart
"Because I'm in love with you!"
Jess froze, Rory stood, shocked she had just said that. The whole yard seemed to be in a deathly silence; in the distance a car alarm sounded. Jess felt her words pierce him like a bullet. His heart leaped, his head spun, she had said something to him no one ever had, and she had really meant it. But hit him the hardest was that he knew he felt the same way, but never knew she had shared his feelings. Every sense of reasoning he had before flew away in a swirl of confusion.
Rory held her breath, not knowing what to expect. She felt as though her heart were trying to leap out of her chest, and she was sure everyone could hear it pound away. She felt the heat rise to her face again.
"You…you are?" Jess choked out
Rory only nodded her head sadly
"Do you really want me…to come back?" Jess asked, not believing she had changed his mind set completely with that little phrase
Rory nodded again, and Jess felt emotions sweep over him as she stood there, her face illuminated by the fire light, beautiful and honest, so fucking innocent. He wanted to rush over, hold her and feel her lips against his, but he knew he had to be resolute. She was too- he couldn't take advantage of her like that, he would never forgive himself if he did.
Jess slowly walked over to her, and as he did, he suddenly felt his resolution to be firm melt away like candle wax with every step he took towards her, with every second he stared into those crystal blue eyes. Rory watched him approach, and everything else around her became obsolete. It was as though they were completely alone. He came and stood in front of her, their bodies dangerously close. Both far beyond need of words, Jess felt his hand slide up the small of her back, and her skin under his hand quiver at his touch. Rory slowly wrapped her arms up around his neck as he pulled her closer with his other hand. Both felt a need, a longing to be with each other that they couldn't explain. Jess could feel Rory's nervous but excited breathing and didn't think he stand it much longer to not feel her touch, her lips on his. Jess's body slowly leaned in as he felt their lips meet. A feeling of instant shock, like electricity, raced through their bodies and as though they had been stuck by a force, a surge of long pent up desires, the two suddenly and furiously deepened the kiss, needing each other more than ever; feelings they never knew possible rocked through their body's as they finally found one another. Rory felt his soft warm lips and longed to have more. But Jess was already one step ahead of her and Rory willing let his tongue enter into her mouth. Rory quietly groaned with pleasure as her body quivered with delight as she ran her fingers through his hair. Rory felt Jess's body tense at her touch and he deepened the kiss even more. He couldn't believe it, he had never though kissing her would be this good, it was making every fiber in his body ach with the strain of longing and desire. Rory once again felt the feeling in the pit of her stomach, but this time it was stronger, almost as though it were burning. She pressed into him again and searched the deep recesses of his mouth almost wanting to find his soul. She never knew the feeling of being so complete until now. Over whelmed by desire, they reluctantly and slowly broke apart, faces only inches away, breathing heavily. Jess couldn't help but smile foolishly at her, and she just returned the grin. Bringing her hand down to met his, she squeezed it as she turned, still grinning, and began to walk, pulling him with her. He didn't fight but willing followed, his lips still tingling from their embrace, his mind in a haze of pleasure.
Stiner watched them leave, knowing that he would probably never see Jess again. He turned his gaze back up to the starry sky smiling sadly.
"Way to go Jess. Way to go…" He dragged on his cigarette and watched the smoke twirl up to be lost in the night sky.
Hope you like it, please review and tell me your thoughts- Breanna
Chapter 9: Road Trip
Rory sat miserably at the kitchen table. It was already Friday afternoon; almost two weeks after the whole incident had begun. Rory knew that her reputation had faltered a little last week as she had actually confessed too many that what she had said hadn't been entirely truthful. She had recounted the events accurately at the regular Friday night meeting, shocking many of the town's people. Lorelai knew what Rory had done had taken a lot of nerve. While some like Miss. Patty had been actually rather impressed and quite optimistic to giving Jess another chance, others like Taylor had held stead fast on to their previous decision, only further strengthen by Jess' thoughtful going away present. Rory sighed and laid her forehead down on top of her math homework. She knew she was going to miss Jess, but she never imagined it would be this much…
New York
Jess' arrival had been met with mixed feelings. His teachers were positively horrified at the thought of him being back at school again, but his friends were much more egger to see him. The first day back Jess had actually spent the whole day at school, and spent the full time required in each class. He loved the looks people had given him as he had roamed the old familiar halls and when he had entered each class room. Some were of abject fear, others hatred. Some were at a loss for words while others could have cared less. However, there was a group that showed they were glad to see him. Only problem was, Jess wasn't so sure how glade he was to see them. Out of those who's reaction had been somewhat positive a large majority were all of his old friends. However, there were the few that had given him a smile as he had walked in, a smile that had sent chills down his spin as he recognized those that thought of him merely as a key player in the trade. Jess not only had set a few kids up at the school and was a good and reliable supplier, but he did also put quite a few dollars in to the pockets of those slightly higher than himself. Jess wasn't exactly excited to see these people, but at least things were good, he wasn't in debt to anyone. Almost as soon as the first day of school had let out, Jess already felt himself molding back into his old way of life. He and his old group of friends had left right after school to the old scrap yard about half a mile from his house. There he first reassumed his old mentalities as well. As they all sat in a circle, eight of them including Jess, they began to poke into a subject he hadn't realized was touchy to him until they brought it up. It felt a lot like cutting open a scab, a wound you've forgotten about, but one that is easily reopened. His feelings. Most of the time their conversations were always so materialistic, either that or they were too high or drunk to talk about anything of substance, but this time, they had all plunged right in, much to Jess' dismay.
"Man Jess, we never thought you were coming back…" a mousy guy named Jack said from his right.
"Yha, so how the hell did you blow out of the crap hole anyway?" finished Diz.
Diz wasn't his real name, it was David, but no one had called him that for as long as Jess could remember. Jess looked at him before he answered. He looked worse than he had remembered, his eyes were red and his hands were violently shaking though he held them to keep still. Was this really what he had longed to come back to?
"Actually, the bastards kicked me out." Jess said.
"Awhh, poor baby." Alicia smiled sarcastically at Jess. She wore hardly anything though there was a breeze that Jess felt even with his coat on. But that was how she had always been. Jess was almost positive that he had done something with her on one occasion or another, but it had never been intentional. She was always egger to take advantage of him when he had gotten drunk or high; and he could tell she had always wanted him to see more in her than he did, but he never had. Looking at her brought Rory into his mind. He almost laughed aloud as he thought how many worlds apart the two were. Then again the thought bitterly, so were he and Rory.
Jack started to giggle, his little body quivering
"Shut up Jack-ass." Kent Stiner said. He sat across the circle from Jess, and had been intently watching him. His name was Kent, but most people called him Stiner.
They all called Jack, Jack-ass. No pun was really intended; it just seemed to fit him more.
Jack stopped laughing, but had to bite his hand to keep quite. Jess smiled sadly at him. He was the type Jess could just tell was going to die young, he just had the air about him that his number was going to be called soon, besides, he really need help, but never got any. He was just one of those guys that did things at the wrong time. Like now, he would laugh for no reason, but when Lance, his closet friend had died last year in a car crash, it didn't seem to faze him at all. In fact, Stiner said he had actually heard him whistling after the funeral. Jess looked back to Stiner, a burly guy, but a guy you could depend on. Jess had always liked him the most, not out of affection, but rather respect. The two understood and respected each other. Jess couldn't count the times Kent had gotten him out of one fix or another.
"So, what's your story man?" Stiner said to Jess
"No story really. I moved to this little shit hole of a town with my uncle who made me quite smoking and drinking. He made me work all the friken time in his damn dinner. I went to school, ditched, got in fights and naturally didn't do my homework. I played stupid jokes on the town; it was one of those unnaturally small towns that the slightest disturbance landed me their object of much hatred. I broke a guy's nose last week, they all freaked, so now here I am. It wasn't that bad really." Jess added thinking of Rory
"Not that bad! Wow, they must have really gotten to you! But hey," his hands shaking as he pulled something from his pocked "I can make you as good as new." Diz smiled and handed Jess a cigarette. Jess took it, and stared at it for a while, uneasy, but trying to hide it. Diz caught on and looked at him sincerely worried
"What's wrong man? Do you not want it?" He said disbelief in his voice
Jess scoffed at him. "Just savoring that's all. It's been a while." Jess played it off easily
"Oh, good thing, you had me worried there." Diz said and the others breathed a sigh of relief as Jess breathed in his old life, with one puff.
Jess felt his tongue tingle at the old taste, but it was different. It had changed; its old pleasure was gone. The other's smiled and asked more questions, but Kent just stared at him, and Jess knew he was reading his real feelings as easily as one does a book; Stiner wasn't so gullible. That was the problem with having some one that you could trust, you usually didn't need to say a word before they had you already all figured out. It wasn't long after that their circle had been filled in a gray white haze, talking and laughing as they smoked; though not a day at all had passed between them.
Around ten, they had all broken up and gone home. As Jess turned up a street to take the route he had taken many times before, the others went their own ways. However, Kent turned the corner with him. Jess knew he wanted to talk, but still, he stayed quite for a good ten minutes before the silence got to Jess.
"You know going this way isn't exactly helping you get home any faster." Jess said to Kent though he kept his eyes one the street ahead of him.
"Funny, I was thinking the same thing." Stiner said, but he turned and looked at him.
Jess stopped and looked at him too. There was no need to play dumb with him, and Jess never tried
"No, that place was never a home. Here, New York, you guys, that's my home." Jess said even though he felt more like he was trying to convince himself than Kent that it was the truth
"To bad." Stiner said and continued to walk
"What do you mean to bad?" Jess asked confused
"You got out. I know you don't want to admit it, but you want to go back. I would too if I were you." Jess walked in shocked silence. He hated how Kent knew him so well.
Kent continued though Jess didn't really need him to
"Here, we think we got it all. Drugs, girls, friends, alcohol, good times. But we don't. I know it, I've know it since my brother left, remember, he went to collage back when I was in ninth." Jess nodded, he remembered. That day had changed Kent. I had shown him there was something better than the life they all lived, no matter how good they all thought it was.
He continued. "I smoke, I drink. I know it, I hate it, but I do it. We used to think that that was the only way to make life worth living. But I can tell, now you know its not, just like I do." Stiner said.
Jess couldn't help but feel pain for the guy. Stiner did it just as Jess had done, to be cool, to drown out problems at home, but Kent had it a lot worse. With five brothers, one sister, and a dead father, Jess didn't understand how Stiner didn't take everything he could get his hands on.
"Was it good? Was it good to get out?" Stiner said, and Jess looked at the pitiful bastard he couldn't help but love.
Jess only nodded. He was thinking intently on Rory, and a smile played lightly on his lips. He didn't realize Stiner was watching him until he asked
"Who is she?" Jess looked at him and laughed. This guy was so annoying
"Her name's Rory. Well, Lorelai, but she's called Rory." Jess said not attempting to hold it back.
"She pretty?" Stiner asked looking almost sadly at Jess
"Beautiful. And she's smart. She's got a boyfriend though. But that isn't the worst of it, the fact that she's fucking innocent, now that's the worst of it." Jess told him
"I didn't want-, I mean; I don't want to ruin that. That's what makes her Rory. Its good I came back, for her I mean." Jess said looked down again
"Yha, good thing..." Stiner replied distantly
They two finished their walk in silence.
The week had gone by slowly but surely. Jess consequently spent less time in school and at home, until he eventually stopped showing up to either except on rare occasions. Yes, life was going back to normal.
Back in Stars Hallow
Lorelai wasn't home yet and it was already six o'clock and Rory hadn't had anything to eat since her after school snack, so naturally she was starving. Leaving a note for her mom, Rory got up, grabbed her coat and headed for Luke's. When she got there, she flumped down at the counter in a stool and looked around. She spied Luke on the phone, a concerned and angry look on his face and his forehead furrowed in emotion. Rory leaned over, a little guilty but far more curious.
"Uh huh. When. Yesterday? He got kicked out again yesterday? No? That was on Wednesday? Then what happened Yesterday? Damn. Did he get charged with anything? Well, that's a lot better than a felony. Yha. What? No Liz, I can't take him. Yes, I know that, but he can't come back-. Because they won't let them! Convince them? Please! This town is controlled by Nazi-cardigan- Hitler wantabes. Yes I'm sure. Yes. Look Liz, he's your kid, you're going to have to deal with him for once. Sorry. No- No, Liz, I got work to do, Bye." Luke furiously hung up the phone, and looked over at Rory starting intently at him
"What'd he do now?" Rory asked, not hiding the fact that she had listened in on the conversation
"Got caught drinking and driving." Luke sighed, frustration clear
Rory sighed "He was so much better off here with you…"
"Maybe Rory, but he's the one that keeps screwing himself up, I can't be around to pick him up every time he falls." Luke said, though it was clear this was greatly affecting him
"I just wished he, he hadn't gone back to the way he was! He was doing so much better…" Luke fumed
"Yha, and it was because of you Luke." Rory smiled at him.
"Yha, thanks. What do you want tonight?" Luke asked her changing the subject
"BLT and coffee." She said catching the hint he didn't want to talk about it
Rory watched Luke as he went into the kitchen to put her bacon on. Jess was in trouble again. She hadn't expected he wouldn't do just that, she was just hoping he wouldn't. As Rory watched Luke's back as he fried the bacon, she knew she had to do something. Jess needed help, even if Luke couldn't do it, she knew she would. She knew she had to, for his sake.
That night Rory went home, her mind racing. She opened the door-she had left it unlocked-but her mom still wasn't home. She crumpled up the note she had previously written, and checked the messages- sure enough there was one from her mom. Lorelai had told her they were having a lot of issues with a large group at the inn, and she wouldn't be home until around ten if they all agreed by then. Rory deleted the message and then walked into her room. At the door way she stopped and stood, staring intently at the rose, hanging slightly out on one side of the plastic cup, the moonlight from her window streamed delicately on the petals and the breeze from the open window played softly on the leaves. Rory suddenly felt her heart beat fast. She knew what she had to do. Taking one more excited look at the rose, she flipped on her light, and moved towards her closet. She pulled out clean clothes from her closet just incase she would need a change in clothes. Throwing them onto her bed, she dashed to the kitchen and flicked on the coffee maker. Running back into her room, now the adrenalin of doing something against every belief she had, was really exciting her, she scourged around for a map of Connecticut, and one of New York. She was going to get him, she had to…she wanted to. Filled with this new found determination and goal, she proceeded to fill a thermostat full of the black life giving liquid she was addicted to, stuffed her clothes into a small bag, grabbed her maps, a heavy jacket, and money from her mom's dresser, then ran out into the jeep, throwing everything in the back. Running back in the house Rory pulled out a pen and a piece of scratch paper and began to write
Mom, I had to go to New York to get--- but then she stopped and realized what she was writing. Ripping that off and throwing it in the trash, she began again
Mom, had to go and study at Paris' for a school project. I'm just going to spend the night there, so if you need me, PAGE ME! See yha in the morning,
Love Rory
Rory made sure her mom would understand to page her, the last thing she needed was to have her mom call Paris' house and discover she wasn't there. This way, she could at least fake it.
Rory ran back out side as soon as she was done, but made sure to lock the front door. Back in the jeep, as she pulled away she caught a glimmer of white through her bedroom window, and any previous doubt that had filled her mind, vanished into the cool night air. Under her breath she excitedly whispered
"New York here I come."
New York
Jess sat on the steps of his apartment reading when Kent came up.
"Do you ever stop reading?" Stiner asked
"No." Jess responded looking back to his book
"Well, right now, you can put it down and come with me." Kent said beginning to absentmindedly tap his foot
"I think you were on my list of 'persons to not associate with' that my probation officer gave me." Jess said smirking at him
"Was it Marks?"
"Yha, good ol' officer Marks." Jess said knowing it would give Kent a crack
"Damn I hate that fucking bastard!" Stiner yelled
Jess just laughed at him and stood putting his book in his back pocket
"Were to?" Jess asked
"Wait, I thought I was on you hit list or death list or what ever the hell it was."
"Probation list. Besides, all he did was tell me who was on it. As to what that implies, well, I'm sure we have slightly different views." Jess smiled as Stiner started to walk down the street
"So, have you called or heard from that girl, what was her name?" Kent asked
"No." Jess said with such a tone of finality that Kent knew the conversation on that issue was over
Just then a voice sounded behind them. It was Liz.
"Jess, where are you going now?"
"Out." Jess answered coldly
"What! Your on probation, you can't just go anywhere, let alone with that- with him." Liz raged in disbelief
"Fine. I'm going to the scrap yard. There, now don't you feel a warm and gushy motherly feeling knowing where you dear son is going to be?" Jess said in a harsh sarcastic tone.
"Jess, it doesn't matter where you go, the point is you can't go! You have to be in by nine o'clock Jess!"
Jess just shrugged and turned his back walking on. Liz yelled his name a few more times, but to no avail.
On The Road
Rory groaned as the last few drops of coffee splattered into her cup.
"Damn! Now what am I going to do!" She moaned out loud to herself. Looking at the gas meter she realized she was going to have to make a pit stop for gas soon anyway, she could just refill then, not only that, but the food stuff from her last stop was all gone too. She was in definite need of more sugar and caffeine, and fast. She had already been driving for three hours and it was getting to her. It was about nine at night, and the road was getting difficult to see, but Rory was bound and determined to get there that night.
Two and a half hours later Rory found her self wide awake and gazing in wonder at the lights, sounds and smells of New York City. It was just about at that time though when Rory realized a series of things that made her wonder what exactly she was thinking in going there. She was 16, a girl, at eleven o'clock at night, alone, and in a huge city that she was trying to find one person in; these definitely weren't the greatest of circumstances. Nervously she drove to a gas station where she parked and went to the nearest phone booth. Inside it took her a good ten minutes to figure out where exactly Jess lived. It ended up being on the east side of Manhattan, not to far from where she was. She was almost at her car when she paused, stuck by a sudden thought. Turning, she went into the store at the station and conveniently purchased a bottle of mace. After that, she felt the tension ease a bit.
Scrap Yard
Jess lay on his back, watching the smoke curl up into the air with each exhale. A siren sounded in the distance, but Jess hardly noticed it. He turned to look at Stiner, who was lying next to him, his eyes lost in the barely visible stars. Nearby, a few others had joined them and had lit a fire. Most of those around it were just sitting in silence, like him and Kent, but Jess had moved away from them a while ago. Right now, he didn't really need all their superficial ness, Stiner was far better silent company. Jess turned his gaze back up to the sky, but just then Kent said something, though he didn't look at Jess
"Life's changed hasn't it?" Stiner said to him
Jess breathed "Yha. I'm here, but I'm not." Jess whispered back
Kent chuckled softly "Welcome to my world." Jess knew that half the time Kent looked like he was somewhere else entirely
"I'm not going back." Jess said to him firmly
"I knew you wouldn't." Stiner replied softly after a pause "But I still know you want to."
"I don't know. I don't fit here anymore; I don't really fit there either. I think I might just leave, you know, and see where I end up." Jess said
"I might just go with you…" Stiner said, but Jess knew he wouldn't. Stiner did too
They were silent again
Rory, driving slowly as she squinted for street signs, finally let out a triumphant squeal. She had found the right street. Five minutes later, she had parked and was ringing the buzzer on Jess' apartment.
"Who is it!" Rory heard a voice who she assumed to be Liz
"Um, hi," Rory began nervously
"What do you want!" Liz cut her off
"I, uh, want to know where Jess is." Rory said quickly so not to be cut off again
"Jess? Why do you want to know where he is?" She asked suspiciously, and then added "You're not his probation officer are you?"
"Probation off-…" Rory trailed off disappointed "No, no, I'm just a friend and I wondered-"
"Down at the scrap yard. Five blocks down, six to the right." Liz barked and with that the intercom shut off
Rory shrugged and hurriedly got back into her car, repeating the directions over in her head. As Rory headed down the last street she could see the glow of the fire before she even got there. Rory parked, her heart beating rapidly again. She noticed the air looked as thick as fog as she squeezed through the opening in the fence. Steeping over a bumper, her eyes burned from the smoke as she nervously scanned the surroundings. A couple of people looked over at her, some confusion, others with humor written on their face. She walked a bit further, now breathing quickly and saw him lying on the hood of a partially intact car. For a minute she just stood there, so may different thoughts going through her head: doubt, nerves, soon her feet felt like bricks and she didn't think she could take a step closer. Just then she saw the boy lying next to Jess turn and fix his eyes right on her. He stared at her for a minute, and then an expression came over his face. Rory just stood her heart about to leap from her chest.
"Jess, it's her." Stiner said to Jess. He knew, he could just tell.
"What?" Jess said offhandedly not really paying attention to him. He had been thinking of Rory, how much he wished he could see her, be with her, but how at the same time he knew he never could be.
"No. Jess, she's here." Stiner said, now nudging Jess in the ribs
"What, what do you mean she- " Jess turned to look at Kent, and froze. He felt his heart leap to his throat, and his head whirl. He quickly sat up and stared at her, his mind was tangle of thoughts; at first he couldn't believe it was her. But then it hit him. It was her. It was Rory. Jess scrambled off the car and tumbled over to her.
"Rory what…" But Jess stopped; he was at a loss for words. Many of the people around had now turned to watch, and Kent lay on the car and took a puff of his cigarette, a smile on his contented lips.
"Jess I…" But Rory couldn't seem to find the right words to say either. The two just stood staring at one another in disbelief. Finally Jess found his nerve
"Rory, what are you doing here?" He asked her concern in his voice
"I came; I came to take you back." She said looking down, and Jess could see her face turn red even in the poor light.
"Rory…" Jess sighed uncomfortably "You know I'm not going to go back." He said with difficulty. Kent cursed softly under his breath
"Jess, you need to come back." Rory said annoyed at his blindness
"Why?" Jess asked a little curtly, he couldn't let her convince him, he had to be firm.
"Why? Why do you think?" Rory said to him "I heard the call your mom made to Luke Jess, I heard what she said about you and what you've been doing."
"What? My mom called Luke?" Jess said caught a little off guard
"Yha." Rory said "Jess, I can't believe you; you turned back into your old self! Why Jess? You were doing so well…" Rory looked at him and he saw disappointment in her eyes
"You know what happened?" He asked softly
"Yha. I heard pretty much everything…" Rory said
Jess sighed heavily and went to take another breath of his cigarette that was now almost burned out. As he did, he looked at her and stopped, the cigarette hovering right in front of his lips. She stared intently at him, and then raised her hand and grabbed the cigarette gently. He looked away for a moment and let her slide it easily out of his fingers. Flicking it on the ground, she looked back up at him wearing a small smile that made him want to never smoke again.
"Look Jess, you might not get along with everyone in Stars Hallow, but you really should come back. Most of the people there, they miss how interesting you made life. Luke misses you, though it was painful to see him try not to admit it, and, well, I miss you too." Rory added
Jess stared at Rory, his face calm, covering the raging storm inside. He wanted to go, to just forget everything and be with her, but then he knew what damage he could do, how much he would screw up her life, how much he already had.
"I can't Rory." He said. He took another look at her, but had to turn away, the disappointment in her eyes felt as though they were burning a hole in his heart, he couldn't look into those eyes.
"You can't, or you don't want to?" Rory asked, a bit of resentment in her voice
Jess turned, "I can't Rory; it makes no sense. I belong here, not there. This is my home." Jess said turning and continuing walking back to an annoyed Kent.
"God Jess! Don't you get it? You're going to kill yourself here! You don't have a chance to do anything here; you need to go back even if you don't think you do!" Rory fumed at his ignorance and denial
Jess turned, mad that she was doing this to him. It was so much harder this way…
"Oh really Rory! You think you've got me figured all out don't you? Well, if that's your best reason for encouraging me to come back, that I really don't know what I need or want, then I'd say you need a bit better reasoning." Jess yelled back
"Uggg! Jess, that just one of the reasons why you should come back!" Rory yelled, no longer thinking before she shouted out at him, anger so mixed with love it was making her head reel
"Humm, well then, give me one good reason why I should go back!" Jess challenged her
Before thinking what she was about to say, Rory shouted it out, speaking from her heart
"Because I'm in love with you!"
Jess froze, Rory stood, shocked she had just said that. The whole yard seemed to be in a deathly silence; in the distance a car alarm sounded. Jess felt her words pierce him like a bullet. His heart leaped, his head spun, she had said something to him no one ever had, and she had really meant it. But hit him the hardest was that he knew he felt the same way, but never knew she had shared his feelings. Every sense of reasoning he had before flew away in a swirl of confusion.
Rory held her breath, not knowing what to expect. She felt as though her heart were trying to leap out of her chest, and she was sure everyone could hear it pound away. She felt the heat rise to her face again.
"You…you are?" Jess choked out
Rory only nodded her head sadly
"Do you really want me…to come back?" Jess asked, not believing she had changed his mind set completely with that little phrase
Rory nodded again, and Jess felt emotions sweep over him as she stood there, her face illuminated by the fire light, beautiful and honest, so fucking innocent. He wanted to rush over, hold her and feel her lips against his, but he knew he had to be resolute. She was too- he couldn't take advantage of her like that, he would never forgive himself if he did.
Jess slowly walked over to her, and as he did, he suddenly felt his resolution to be firm melt away like candle wax with every step he took towards her, with every second he stared into those crystal blue eyes. Rory watched him approach, and everything else around her became obsolete. It was as though they were completely alone. He came and stood in front of her, their bodies dangerously close. Both far beyond need of words, Jess felt his hand slide up the small of her back, and her skin under his hand quiver at his touch. Rory slowly wrapped her arms up around his neck as he pulled her closer with his other hand. Both felt a need, a longing to be with each other that they couldn't explain. Jess could feel Rory's nervous but excited breathing and didn't think he stand it much longer to not feel her touch, her lips on his. Jess's body slowly leaned in as he felt their lips meet. A feeling of instant shock, like electricity, raced through their bodies and as though they had been stuck by a force, a surge of long pent up desires, the two suddenly and furiously deepened the kiss, needing each other more than ever; feelings they never knew possible rocked through their body's as they finally found one another. Rory felt his soft warm lips and longed to have more. But Jess was already one step ahead of her and Rory willing let his tongue enter into her mouth. Rory quietly groaned with pleasure as her body quivered with delight as she ran her fingers through his hair. Rory felt Jess's body tense at her touch and he deepened the kiss even more. He couldn't believe it, he had never though kissing her would be this good, it was making every fiber in his body ach with the strain of longing and desire. Rory once again felt the feeling in the pit of her stomach, but this time it was stronger, almost as though it were burning. She pressed into him again and searched the deep recesses of his mouth almost wanting to find his soul. She never knew the feeling of being so complete until now. Over whelmed by desire, they reluctantly and slowly broke apart, faces only inches away, breathing heavily. Jess couldn't help but smile foolishly at her, and she just returned the grin. Bringing her hand down to met his, she squeezed it as she turned, still grinning, and began to walk, pulling him with her. He didn't fight but willing followed, his lips still tingling from their embrace, his mind in a haze of pleasure.
Stiner watched them leave, knowing that he would probably never see Jess again. He turned his gaze back up to the starry sky smiling sadly.
"Way to go Jess. Way to go…" He dragged on his cigarette and watched the smoke twirl up to be lost in the night sky.
Hope you like it, please review and tell me your thoughts- Breanna