Part 2
A call to Albus' office. Severus was sweating by the thought. Obviously people were starting to get worried about him, weirdly enough. Even Ron had stepped forward and apologised for his remark some days ago. And Severus knew that had to have hurt! He'd even received a couple of anonymous get well-cards while he'd been hiding away in his quarters too ashamed to show his miserable old self. Hagrid had sent him some cakes that was supposed to help against nausea, but Severus severely doubted cookies hard as rocks would do his stomach any good at the moment. And now Albus had sent for him.
This was not good. He'd never been a good liar faced with Albus' wise eyes. The headmaster was waiting for him in front of the secret entrance to his office and private quarters. Severus followed him without a sound and settled himself in one of the comfortable armchairs in front of Dumbledore's desk. Albus sat down behind the desk, his kind blue eyes fixed upon him in a curious gaze.
"How are you doing today, Severus?" he asked kindly and smiled like a grandfather with his grandson on his lap.
"I'm fine.thanks," Severus answered. And that was true. He wasn't feeling sick at the moment.
"Good, that's good," Albus said and smiled once more. Then his eyes got serious and Severus knew what had to come.
"You've been looking tired lately, Severus. Many have come to me and uttered their concern, especially after that little.. incident down in the dungeons.. You nearly got killed fivemonths ago, and I have to say I still feel Voldemort's presence in some way on you, a curse maybe. Are you sure he didn't cast any spells on you?"
The kindness in his eyes, Severus didn't know how to stand it.
"No, there were no curses." Severus answered flatly: "I guess I'm just experiencing some nasty side-effects of the medicine I've been taking lately, for the pain in my back." Of course he wasn't taking any medicine, his back had mended perfectly, but he was the only one who knew that. Albus nodded.
"Yes, maybe that's it. I really think you should consider trying a new medicine, Severus."
"I have," Severus lied: "The others didn't help my back nearly as much and I couldn't catch a wink of sleep all night. I think I'll just stick with this one for now, maybe it will wear off." Dumbledore still looked a bit concerned.
"You will tell me if there's something troubling you Severus?" he looked almost vulnerable and Severus felt a twinge of guilt.
"Of course, Albus," he answered, not meeting the old wizards gaze.
"Ah good! Now, you know you don't have to force yourself to work on the days you're feeling sick, right? I don't want you killing yourself for my sake, Severus!" Albus said with a spark in his eye before he brightened up in a big cheery smile.
"So! What do you think about the Christmas-decorations?"
"I. think they are coming along nicely.. Sir." Severus loathed himself for deceiving the only man who'd ever trusted him.
*-*
Christmas. Severus Snape woke for once not feeling nauseous. Maybe he was over the worst now. He'd felt almost normal for three long, blessed days.
Today all he had on his schedule was the meals. He dreaded meeting all the cheery teachers and the few students who were staying at Hogwarts for the holidays. Harry Potter was staying, of course, as he did every year and Severus was pretty sure his best friend, Ron, would stay too. Well, who cared anyway! He could survive four lousy meals. He knew he was being watched so he might as well eat now while he wasn't puking all over the place.
*-*
Harry and Ron came down for breakfast dressed in their newly knitted sweaters. Ron wasn't all too fond of the idea, but Harry had convinced him after a round of exploding snaps. Harry was happier than he had felt for ages. This was the first Christmas he had nothing to worry about. Lord Voldemort had finally been defeated, but who would have thought Snape would be the one finishing him off! The slimy potion master had finally proved trustworthy to the entire wizarding-society and even Ron had to admit the old professor had shown some stamina, luring his old master into a deadly trap.
Or.. well, to claim he had no worries any more what so ever would be an exaggeration. Harry had grown to be a tall and handsome young man, making many girls' heart beat a little faster as he went by. Weirdly enough he hadn't found the girl right for him yet. He once had a crush on Cho, a Rawenclaw-girl, but that never evolved to anything. Since then he'd been searching, but every time he thought this was the right girl for him he was mistaken once again. And lately he'd been fussing about Snape, his former fiend and hate object number one. There was something odd going on with the Potions Master. He looked sick and tired, the new Snape was a grey and bad reflection of the old Master of the Dungeons.
As he and Ron sat down by the Gryffindor table the very Snape came swooshing in by a side-door, taking his place at the teachers' table. He looked better than he had in weeks... yes, months even. Some colour seemed to have found its way back to the professor's pale cheeks. Harry didn't know why he'd been fussing so much about the professor's wellbeing lately. It was probably because the professor had saved his life and nearly died doing so. Harry watched as Snape started to eat, a sight he hadn't seen for weeks. So his appetite had returned, good! Weirdly Snape didn't look like he had been vomiting for months. As a matter of fact, he looked well fed, especially round his stomach, but his face was showing signs of weight loss as his cheekbones had grown more and more intimidating over the last few weeks. But now he seemed to be eating again and Harry felt a strange relief.
"Hey Harry," Ron whispered at his side: "I heard a really good one from Remy, the Ravenclaw over there, today!"
"Oh?" Harry turned his gaze from his potions teacher back to Ron who was basically sniggering: "Well tell me then!" he said, looking impatient.
Ron chuckled:
"Remy told me he'd found out why professor Snape has been acting so odd lately, you know- the puking, his weird moods, the very fact that his clothes are getting to small.."
"And that would be..." Harry raised an eyebrow although he knew it had to be something completely off.
"He's pregnant off course!" Ron proclaimed in a triumphant, too loud voice.
Harry was about to laugh him off, and beg him to be quieter in case Snape actually heard them, but the loud scraping of a chair took his mind off that, long enough to see a grave white faced Snape stagger out the same side door he'd appeared from minutes earlier. He caught his eyes for just a second, and the terror and fear screaming at him from the black eyes of the potions master made him jump in his chair.
"Oh shit! Do you think he heard me??" Ron gasped.
"Heard you?? The whole fucking hall heard you!" Harry yelled and rose from his chair, too angry and afraid to even realise the weirdness of it. Why was he reacting to this? He'd feared and loathed Snape ever since he had come to Hogwarts. Around the hall a choir of mumbling rose as the few remaining students were wondering openly and loudly why Snape had left in such a hurry. Harry had to get away. He ran out of the hall, Ron yelling behind him:
"I didn't mean it, Harry! I didn't mean it! Don't be so upset!" But Harry was already on his way down the stairs heading for the dungeon, heart throbbing painfully in his chest. He couldn't forget the image of Snape fleeing, the look in his eyes. Like a scared child who'd just had his secret revealed.
*-*
The pain in his chest wouldn't let go. Severus tried to calm his breathing to stop from hyperventilating, but there was no use. The scene he just had created! He heard Ron utter the words "He's pregnant" and so he just flipped. He had to get away no matter the cost, there was no way he would survive if he had to sit through the rest of that breakfast. And the look on Potter.. Severus just wanted to lie down and die. A soft knock on his door.
"Professor Snape, can I come in?" Potter. Severus shivered as the drums of doom painfully banged in his head. He didn't answer, hoping the boy, no the man, would go away. But the knocking continued.
"Go away!" Severus growled and backed into the corner of his office.
"No, sir. I need to talk to you!" Potter answered from behind the door. And then the door opened. Severus had forgotten to lock it in his haste.
"I told you to leave!" Severus screamed as Harry Potter entered the room. He was growing even more handsome by the day, even in that dreadful, knitted sweater. The very sight of him made Severus' heart ache. He had to look mentally unstable hiding in a corner like this, with a foul grimace on his face, but he didn't care. He just wanted Potter to be out the door, to leave him alone.
*-*
Harry was stunned by the vision that met him. Snape looked mad, his face wrenched with a mix of rage and fear, trapped in a corner as if he was trying to back away.
"Severus... what's wrong?" Carefully, he stepped inside the room, not knowing if it was wise. But he couldn't leave the man like this, he looked like he was able to hurt himself. The man in front of him was hiding his face in the shadows, bending like an old man, breathing rapidly.
"Please... just go.." Snape's voice dropped to a bare whisper.
"No," said Harry calmly: "Not until you tell me what's wrong."
"I can't," the answer came slowly: "I'm a decent human being. Or at least I like to think so." Harry felt puzzled. What did Snape mean by that?
"At least let me help you lie down," Harry urged, worried the trembling man in front of him would pass out and crash to the floor. He walked across the room and lay his hand gently on Snape's back. The touch sent shivers through the older man's body, but he didn't try to back away. Harry made Snape lean on his shoulder and for the second time in nearly a week he helped his potions master to bed. He was pale and sweating, his eyes filled with something Harry had never seen before in Snape's eyes: defeat.
"I wish you could tell me what's bothering you," Harry told him: "If it was that stupid remark Ron made.."
"Please Potter, I've already lost my dignity... just leave me alone.. I'm not worth your efforts." Harry gasped as he stared into the saddest face he'd ever seen. The hurt this man was going through seemed to be beyond anything Harry had ever encountered, and that pained him deeply, playing his cord of Gryffindor empathy. And he looked down on Severus' stomach, saw how the fabric of his clothes was starting to stretch. The impossible wasn't possible, was it?? Harry had been part of the wizarding society for six and a half years now, but he'd never heard of anything remotely like this. He lay a trembling hand on his teacher's stomach, half expecting Snape to rip his arm off its socket, but he lay still like stone.
"Are.. Are you.. preg.." He couldn't even finish the sentence, it was too ludicrous. A sudden movement made Harry jerk his hand away as if he was bitten. Did he just feel Snape's stomach move??
"I am with... child.. yes." The answer was a nearly silent whisper.
"But how." Harry gaped, looking so startled his eyes were bulging over the top of his glasses.
"Cursed by Voldemort." Snape closed his eyes, looking ashamed.
"Does anyone know?" Harry tried to hold back the strike of panic swinging by his brain.
"Just you." Snape answered, toneless.
*-*
Harry lay in his bed that night, not able to fall asleep. Before he'd left the broken man he had promised not to reveal his secret no matter what. This was none of Harry's business, he should carry on as if this never had happened. But all the questions in Harry's brain forbade him from getting as much as a wink of an eye. Impregnated by a curse and keeping it secret. But for how long? He was already starting to show, and when the time was up, then what? Snape couldn't stay in that condition forever. And how would he.. Harry groaned and turned violently in his bed. How could he pretend this had never happened?
*-*
In another place in the castle that night, down in the very dungeons,
Severus Snape was clenching his fists not to cry out in agony. Tonight Harry had touched him, and that touch was probably the nearest their child would ever get from its second father. Sure he could keep the baby's father a secret until it was born, but then.. If not others could piece it together he knew at least Albus Dumbledore would. And either way the headmaster would order a parental test, and a simple scan would reveal the second father's identity. He reckoned they would expect the second father to be Voldemort and that he had chosen Severus as his mate in one last attempt to continue his legacy. And think of the horror and shock on all their faces when they would discover the true father. Severus suddenly realized that in some way his unbreakable bond to Harry was the very thing that had saved him from bearing his old master's evil child. Because of the bond between his and Harry's souls Severus was able to carry none other than Harry's child. Voldemort had discovered this mere seconds before he had died and therefore had settled for the next best thing, the destruction of his former slave.
As he lay there in agony his mind drifted to the memory of an early september night in 1992, the night his life had changed. The very first time he laid his eyes on Harry Potter Severus was sure his heart would stop. Never had he felt urges so strong rushing through his body and mind at the very moment he looked at a young teenage boy getting ready for his sorting. His soul screamed with longing and it reached out for the boy as he sat down at the Gryffindoor-table. And as he met the boy's gaze... He forgot everything else around him, he lost track of the conversation he had with Professor Krengle, the hall with hundreds of students, the teachers, the world. All he could see was two emerald green eyes that owned his soul and heart. This couldn't be true! No, it had to be a mistake! He wasn't falling in love with an eleven years old boy, for god's sake- he was not a pervert! But every second he felt the presence of the stranger, he knew more surely that his life was now changed forever. The boy who lived was his soul mate. And he didn't even believe this mumbo jumbo about soul mates! He didn't dare look at the boy any more during the meal. He was fighting the fight of his life, suppressing the urge to claim his soul mate the way he was meant to. In his head a mad picture of him lunging himself at the poor boy, consummating their faith on the very Griffindoor-table with shocked children and teachers as spectators spun around and around. He should have expected something like this. The Fates had let him be for too long now, he was almost settled down, getting his life back. And now this had to happen. When would mother fortune ever give him a fucking break??!
When he went down to his private quarters that night he felt half insane with lust and despair. He was so aroused he couldn't sit still and he was so ashamed of himself that he blushed. For god's sake, show some nerve, some stamina! Stop fretting, forget the boy! But his mind refused to let go. For both the boy and his own safety he sealed his door with an unbreakable spell. This would keep the door locked until tomorrow morning and hopefully his craving had let go by then. The night that followed was long and painful.
When two soul mates bond they tie the very last ribbon by a leap of faith. They don't say a word, just join hands and go to the very first place suited to consummate a heavenly wedding. This comes natural to the both of them, it's imprinted in their hearts, they just know it is the right thing to do. And Severus knew the young boy would love him if he let him. But how could he? He was only a boy, still too young to be bonded! He cried out in anger and despair, threw himself at the door, cursing everything around him. The next thing he knew he was helping himself off with the throbbing sensation in his crotch as pictures of sparkling green eyes flashed before his mind. He came with a desperate growl as he fell to his knees, knowing he had only one choice. He had to deny his lust, his fate and to do that he had to do the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. He had to show his one true love he meant nothing to him.
A call to Albus' office. Severus was sweating by the thought. Obviously people were starting to get worried about him, weirdly enough. Even Ron had stepped forward and apologised for his remark some days ago. And Severus knew that had to have hurt! He'd even received a couple of anonymous get well-cards while he'd been hiding away in his quarters too ashamed to show his miserable old self. Hagrid had sent him some cakes that was supposed to help against nausea, but Severus severely doubted cookies hard as rocks would do his stomach any good at the moment. And now Albus had sent for him.
This was not good. He'd never been a good liar faced with Albus' wise eyes. The headmaster was waiting for him in front of the secret entrance to his office and private quarters. Severus followed him without a sound and settled himself in one of the comfortable armchairs in front of Dumbledore's desk. Albus sat down behind the desk, his kind blue eyes fixed upon him in a curious gaze.
"How are you doing today, Severus?" he asked kindly and smiled like a grandfather with his grandson on his lap.
"I'm fine.thanks," Severus answered. And that was true. He wasn't feeling sick at the moment.
"Good, that's good," Albus said and smiled once more. Then his eyes got serious and Severus knew what had to come.
"You've been looking tired lately, Severus. Many have come to me and uttered their concern, especially after that little.. incident down in the dungeons.. You nearly got killed fivemonths ago, and I have to say I still feel Voldemort's presence in some way on you, a curse maybe. Are you sure he didn't cast any spells on you?"
The kindness in his eyes, Severus didn't know how to stand it.
"No, there were no curses." Severus answered flatly: "I guess I'm just experiencing some nasty side-effects of the medicine I've been taking lately, for the pain in my back." Of course he wasn't taking any medicine, his back had mended perfectly, but he was the only one who knew that. Albus nodded.
"Yes, maybe that's it. I really think you should consider trying a new medicine, Severus."
"I have," Severus lied: "The others didn't help my back nearly as much and I couldn't catch a wink of sleep all night. I think I'll just stick with this one for now, maybe it will wear off." Dumbledore still looked a bit concerned.
"You will tell me if there's something troubling you Severus?" he looked almost vulnerable and Severus felt a twinge of guilt.
"Of course, Albus," he answered, not meeting the old wizards gaze.
"Ah good! Now, you know you don't have to force yourself to work on the days you're feeling sick, right? I don't want you killing yourself for my sake, Severus!" Albus said with a spark in his eye before he brightened up in a big cheery smile.
"So! What do you think about the Christmas-decorations?"
"I. think they are coming along nicely.. Sir." Severus loathed himself for deceiving the only man who'd ever trusted him.
*-*
Christmas. Severus Snape woke for once not feeling nauseous. Maybe he was over the worst now. He'd felt almost normal for three long, blessed days.
Today all he had on his schedule was the meals. He dreaded meeting all the cheery teachers and the few students who were staying at Hogwarts for the holidays. Harry Potter was staying, of course, as he did every year and Severus was pretty sure his best friend, Ron, would stay too. Well, who cared anyway! He could survive four lousy meals. He knew he was being watched so he might as well eat now while he wasn't puking all over the place.
*-*
Harry and Ron came down for breakfast dressed in their newly knitted sweaters. Ron wasn't all too fond of the idea, but Harry had convinced him after a round of exploding snaps. Harry was happier than he had felt for ages. This was the first Christmas he had nothing to worry about. Lord Voldemort had finally been defeated, but who would have thought Snape would be the one finishing him off! The slimy potion master had finally proved trustworthy to the entire wizarding-society and even Ron had to admit the old professor had shown some stamina, luring his old master into a deadly trap.
Or.. well, to claim he had no worries any more what so ever would be an exaggeration. Harry had grown to be a tall and handsome young man, making many girls' heart beat a little faster as he went by. Weirdly enough he hadn't found the girl right for him yet. He once had a crush on Cho, a Rawenclaw-girl, but that never evolved to anything. Since then he'd been searching, but every time he thought this was the right girl for him he was mistaken once again. And lately he'd been fussing about Snape, his former fiend and hate object number one. There was something odd going on with the Potions Master. He looked sick and tired, the new Snape was a grey and bad reflection of the old Master of the Dungeons.
As he and Ron sat down by the Gryffindor table the very Snape came swooshing in by a side-door, taking his place at the teachers' table. He looked better than he had in weeks... yes, months even. Some colour seemed to have found its way back to the professor's pale cheeks. Harry didn't know why he'd been fussing so much about the professor's wellbeing lately. It was probably because the professor had saved his life and nearly died doing so. Harry watched as Snape started to eat, a sight he hadn't seen for weeks. So his appetite had returned, good! Weirdly Snape didn't look like he had been vomiting for months. As a matter of fact, he looked well fed, especially round his stomach, but his face was showing signs of weight loss as his cheekbones had grown more and more intimidating over the last few weeks. But now he seemed to be eating again and Harry felt a strange relief.
"Hey Harry," Ron whispered at his side: "I heard a really good one from Remy, the Ravenclaw over there, today!"
"Oh?" Harry turned his gaze from his potions teacher back to Ron who was basically sniggering: "Well tell me then!" he said, looking impatient.
Ron chuckled:
"Remy told me he'd found out why professor Snape has been acting so odd lately, you know- the puking, his weird moods, the very fact that his clothes are getting to small.."
"And that would be..." Harry raised an eyebrow although he knew it had to be something completely off.
"He's pregnant off course!" Ron proclaimed in a triumphant, too loud voice.
Harry was about to laugh him off, and beg him to be quieter in case Snape actually heard them, but the loud scraping of a chair took his mind off that, long enough to see a grave white faced Snape stagger out the same side door he'd appeared from minutes earlier. He caught his eyes for just a second, and the terror and fear screaming at him from the black eyes of the potions master made him jump in his chair.
"Oh shit! Do you think he heard me??" Ron gasped.
"Heard you?? The whole fucking hall heard you!" Harry yelled and rose from his chair, too angry and afraid to even realise the weirdness of it. Why was he reacting to this? He'd feared and loathed Snape ever since he had come to Hogwarts. Around the hall a choir of mumbling rose as the few remaining students were wondering openly and loudly why Snape had left in such a hurry. Harry had to get away. He ran out of the hall, Ron yelling behind him:
"I didn't mean it, Harry! I didn't mean it! Don't be so upset!" But Harry was already on his way down the stairs heading for the dungeon, heart throbbing painfully in his chest. He couldn't forget the image of Snape fleeing, the look in his eyes. Like a scared child who'd just had his secret revealed.
*-*
The pain in his chest wouldn't let go. Severus tried to calm his breathing to stop from hyperventilating, but there was no use. The scene he just had created! He heard Ron utter the words "He's pregnant" and so he just flipped. He had to get away no matter the cost, there was no way he would survive if he had to sit through the rest of that breakfast. And the look on Potter.. Severus just wanted to lie down and die. A soft knock on his door.
"Professor Snape, can I come in?" Potter. Severus shivered as the drums of doom painfully banged in his head. He didn't answer, hoping the boy, no the man, would go away. But the knocking continued.
"Go away!" Severus growled and backed into the corner of his office.
"No, sir. I need to talk to you!" Potter answered from behind the door. And then the door opened. Severus had forgotten to lock it in his haste.
"I told you to leave!" Severus screamed as Harry Potter entered the room. He was growing even more handsome by the day, even in that dreadful, knitted sweater. The very sight of him made Severus' heart ache. He had to look mentally unstable hiding in a corner like this, with a foul grimace on his face, but he didn't care. He just wanted Potter to be out the door, to leave him alone.
*-*
Harry was stunned by the vision that met him. Snape looked mad, his face wrenched with a mix of rage and fear, trapped in a corner as if he was trying to back away.
"Severus... what's wrong?" Carefully, he stepped inside the room, not knowing if it was wise. But he couldn't leave the man like this, he looked like he was able to hurt himself. The man in front of him was hiding his face in the shadows, bending like an old man, breathing rapidly.
"Please... just go.." Snape's voice dropped to a bare whisper.
"No," said Harry calmly: "Not until you tell me what's wrong."
"I can't," the answer came slowly: "I'm a decent human being. Or at least I like to think so." Harry felt puzzled. What did Snape mean by that?
"At least let me help you lie down," Harry urged, worried the trembling man in front of him would pass out and crash to the floor. He walked across the room and lay his hand gently on Snape's back. The touch sent shivers through the older man's body, but he didn't try to back away. Harry made Snape lean on his shoulder and for the second time in nearly a week he helped his potions master to bed. He was pale and sweating, his eyes filled with something Harry had never seen before in Snape's eyes: defeat.
"I wish you could tell me what's bothering you," Harry told him: "If it was that stupid remark Ron made.."
"Please Potter, I've already lost my dignity... just leave me alone.. I'm not worth your efforts." Harry gasped as he stared into the saddest face he'd ever seen. The hurt this man was going through seemed to be beyond anything Harry had ever encountered, and that pained him deeply, playing his cord of Gryffindor empathy. And he looked down on Severus' stomach, saw how the fabric of his clothes was starting to stretch. The impossible wasn't possible, was it?? Harry had been part of the wizarding society for six and a half years now, but he'd never heard of anything remotely like this. He lay a trembling hand on his teacher's stomach, half expecting Snape to rip his arm off its socket, but he lay still like stone.
"Are.. Are you.. preg.." He couldn't even finish the sentence, it was too ludicrous. A sudden movement made Harry jerk his hand away as if he was bitten. Did he just feel Snape's stomach move??
"I am with... child.. yes." The answer was a nearly silent whisper.
"But how." Harry gaped, looking so startled his eyes were bulging over the top of his glasses.
"Cursed by Voldemort." Snape closed his eyes, looking ashamed.
"Does anyone know?" Harry tried to hold back the strike of panic swinging by his brain.
"Just you." Snape answered, toneless.
*-*
Harry lay in his bed that night, not able to fall asleep. Before he'd left the broken man he had promised not to reveal his secret no matter what. This was none of Harry's business, he should carry on as if this never had happened. But all the questions in Harry's brain forbade him from getting as much as a wink of an eye. Impregnated by a curse and keeping it secret. But for how long? He was already starting to show, and when the time was up, then what? Snape couldn't stay in that condition forever. And how would he.. Harry groaned and turned violently in his bed. How could he pretend this had never happened?
*-*
In another place in the castle that night, down in the very dungeons,
Severus Snape was clenching his fists not to cry out in agony. Tonight Harry had touched him, and that touch was probably the nearest their child would ever get from its second father. Sure he could keep the baby's father a secret until it was born, but then.. If not others could piece it together he knew at least Albus Dumbledore would. And either way the headmaster would order a parental test, and a simple scan would reveal the second father's identity. He reckoned they would expect the second father to be Voldemort and that he had chosen Severus as his mate in one last attempt to continue his legacy. And think of the horror and shock on all their faces when they would discover the true father. Severus suddenly realized that in some way his unbreakable bond to Harry was the very thing that had saved him from bearing his old master's evil child. Because of the bond between his and Harry's souls Severus was able to carry none other than Harry's child. Voldemort had discovered this mere seconds before he had died and therefore had settled for the next best thing, the destruction of his former slave.
As he lay there in agony his mind drifted to the memory of an early september night in 1992, the night his life had changed. The very first time he laid his eyes on Harry Potter Severus was sure his heart would stop. Never had he felt urges so strong rushing through his body and mind at the very moment he looked at a young teenage boy getting ready for his sorting. His soul screamed with longing and it reached out for the boy as he sat down at the Gryffindoor-table. And as he met the boy's gaze... He forgot everything else around him, he lost track of the conversation he had with Professor Krengle, the hall with hundreds of students, the teachers, the world. All he could see was two emerald green eyes that owned his soul and heart. This couldn't be true! No, it had to be a mistake! He wasn't falling in love with an eleven years old boy, for god's sake- he was not a pervert! But every second he felt the presence of the stranger, he knew more surely that his life was now changed forever. The boy who lived was his soul mate. And he didn't even believe this mumbo jumbo about soul mates! He didn't dare look at the boy any more during the meal. He was fighting the fight of his life, suppressing the urge to claim his soul mate the way he was meant to. In his head a mad picture of him lunging himself at the poor boy, consummating their faith on the very Griffindoor-table with shocked children and teachers as spectators spun around and around. He should have expected something like this. The Fates had let him be for too long now, he was almost settled down, getting his life back. And now this had to happen. When would mother fortune ever give him a fucking break??!
When he went down to his private quarters that night he felt half insane with lust and despair. He was so aroused he couldn't sit still and he was so ashamed of himself that he blushed. For god's sake, show some nerve, some stamina! Stop fretting, forget the boy! But his mind refused to let go. For both the boy and his own safety he sealed his door with an unbreakable spell. This would keep the door locked until tomorrow morning and hopefully his craving had let go by then. The night that followed was long and painful.
When two soul mates bond they tie the very last ribbon by a leap of faith. They don't say a word, just join hands and go to the very first place suited to consummate a heavenly wedding. This comes natural to the both of them, it's imprinted in their hearts, they just know it is the right thing to do. And Severus knew the young boy would love him if he let him. But how could he? He was only a boy, still too young to be bonded! He cried out in anger and despair, threw himself at the door, cursing everything around him. The next thing he knew he was helping himself off with the throbbing sensation in his crotch as pictures of sparkling green eyes flashed before his mind. He came with a desperate growl as he fell to his knees, knowing he had only one choice. He had to deny his lust, his fate and to do that he had to do the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. He had to show his one true love he meant nothing to him.