Hi, all! :)
I'm sorry about the delay, many things like a small fire in my building (in the middle of the night before my bloody exam), exams and royal weddings made my tiny brain forget to post the next chapter, so I hope you'll forgive me? :) If it's any conselation the chapter ten is gonna be a long and angsty one. (OK, so I'm not very good at foreshadowing..) It's gonna be a far bit longer than the previous ones because I didn't want to chop it up in the middle of it all, sort of speak.
Hope you'll enjoy! :)
Hugs,
Restina
I'll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurtin' me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide
All my sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Fragment from "Crying In The Rain" by Everly Brothers
The Curse, part 9
Eight days after the disgracing measuring of his body, done by a tailor who seemed to have no idea what he was doing, Severus' new set of clothes finally came. Eight sturdy owls looked near death as they collapsed on top of the teachers' table by breakfast. If Snape could he would have blushed. Silent giggling soared through the hall as Severus hastily gathered the packs and headed for the door. Finally that idiot of a tailor had delivered his merchandise, one whole day past the agreed time. Severus almost ran down to the dungeons to try on the new clothes. This morning he'd blown three buttons of his overcoat as he sat down on his bed to tie his shoes! He ripped the old clothes of his back and dressed in the new ones. The disappointment was clearly written in Severus' face. The clothes he now was wearing would have fitted nicely a week ago, but now they were already starting to get to small. There was nothing else to do than to make another enlargement-spell.
Later that same day he had potion with the Gryffindors and the Slytherins. As head of Slytherin he would normally favor the rotten little bastards, but not anymore. After the death of Voldemort there was no need to suck up to the offspring of death-eaters anymore. Points were drawn as easily from his own house as from any other and he loathed most of them openly. He'd seen many of them fight on the side of evil in the Great War and there was no doubt in his heart that many of them still belonged there.
The only one he actually knew had turned from Voldemort was Draco Malfoy, as he had seen it with his own eyes. And given the fact Malfoy had to give up his parents in the process there was little doubt the boy finally had seen the horror awaiting him if he stayed on the side of darkness. After the war the young man had become quiet. The snide remarks and the superior face had died the same day as his parents. Severus felt pity for the boy, but he knew Albus was taking care of him precisely as he had taken care of Severus when he once took his first step towards the light. He didn't envy the ordeal this kid would have to go through, he knew only too well how it felt.
He wrote the ingredients of today's potion on the blackboard as usual, and then turned and told the students in a silky voice that they were going to make a potion only few of them would manage to get right. This, of course, lit determination and eagerness in Hermione Granger's eyes, as well as it lit desperation in Neville Longbottom's eyes.
"This potion is one that, if made correctly, will ensnare the very mind of a human being. You will feel enchanted, you will feel renewed, and you will fall in love with the first person you lay your eyes on." The girls all started giggling, while loud moans came from the boys.
"But if made wrong, this potion may get explosive. Therefore I tell you not to insert any gingerroot or beetle-shells before I get a look at your potion. And you have to be careful not to heat it up too fast, the potion must only simmer or else it will get ruined." This was one of the hardest potions the students would learn. Sure it wasn't a potion much in use any more, but it was tradition, and it also was a test for a student's skills.
"When the potion's finished we'll try it on a lucky student." Severus couldn't help for the sadistic smile playing on his lips when he heard the loud moans from the young men around the room.
"And not to worry, I have the antidote right here," he said and patted his chest pocket where he carried a tiny flask with a silver blue liquid.
"But when you've tried the potion you'll probably be so head over heals over that special someone you'll probably refuse to take it." It was just as amusing every year. The glow in Severus' eyes could be mistaken for evilness, but he was just having a good time seeing the students sweating. In this room there was only one safe from becoming the guinea pig, and that was his bonded.
The students went to work on their potions. Hermione was so concentrated she seemed to block out the entire world in the process. Neville seemed to be fighting with his tears as usual. Snape had acted kindly towards him for the last few months, but Neville was convinced the Professor was toying with him and was therefore even more afraid of him. So Severus found it best to leave him alone rather than try to help him.
*-*
An hour later a foul stench was clouding up the classroom. Thirteen cauldrons were destroyed due to a too rapid heating of the potion they were containing. So far only Hermione had finished it without flaws. Her potion was now simmering, brightly blue in the cauldron and she looked so proud Severus could have sworn her ears were moving upwards. Neville was the only one who'd not begun to heat his potion. He was sweating over the gingerroots and beetle-shells, looking bewildered and scared. Severus felt sorry for the boy.
"Here, Neville let me help you!" He went down the rows of student desks to lend Neville a helping hand. A look of horror appeared on Neville's face as Severus approached him, and before anyone had a chance to even blink he'd scooped up a handful of gingerroot cubes and crushed beetle shells and thrown it into the cauldron.
"Neville, NOO..." Severus voice got caught off by a deafening explosion. The shockwave hit him in the midsection and threw him backward across the room and he went flying into the blackboard with a sickening crash. He barely remembered opening his eyes to see a room filled with panic before he fainted.
*-*
The scene had seemed so unreal. The potion had exploded and sent a shockwave upwards and downwards the midsection of the room. Luckily no one was standing there at the time, except for Severus Snape. The sight of him flying across the room to crash into the wall felt so unbelievable Harry was sure he was dreaming. But the screaming and the stench were to real to be only a dream. People were fleeing for their lives, all physically unmarked by the explosion but all afraid. Hermione was screaming at Neville for being the biggest idiot in the world, while Neville was crying his eyes out. Ron was running towards Snape to see if he was still breathing and Harry just sat there as if he was carved in stone, not able to move an inch. Was the dreadful wish he'd made some months ago finally coming true? No! He didn't want this! He didn't want Severus to die! He got to his feet, blinded by tears, as he ran towards the wall where Snape was laying, not moving at all.
"Is he.." Harry got down on his knees besides Ron who was currently checking the professor's pulse. He couldn't be dead, he couldn't!" A small trail of blood was dripping from the older man's lower lip.
"He has a pulse, and he's breathing, with some difficulty," Ron said, sounding relieved by the sign of life the man's throat just had given him. He started to loosen the tie round Snape's neck and unbuttoned some of the upper buttons of his shirt. Severus then stirred and opened his eyes. Panic lit his eyes as he tried to sit up, but couldn't.
"Don't try to move, Professor. You had a pretty bad bang to your back, I think it would be wise for you to rest for a bit." Ron patted his arm and pulled off his cloak to lie it under Snape's head for support.
"No, " Snape still tried to sit up: "the baby." A single tear ran silently down his cheek.
"I can't feel the baby," he whispered. Harry felt his stomach turn into stone. He wanted to support the man but he was frozen, unable to move. Ron on the other hand seemed able to keep his head cool.
"Don't worry, Professor- I bet it's just fine! A bit shocked maybe, but fine. What you need now is some rest. I suggest we get some help from Hermione to do a floating spell on you. That way you can just lie back and enjoy the ride." Hermione entered the room as on cue after headhunting Neville down the corridor.
"Did you say Floating spell?" she panted as she tucked up her sleeves. Three minutes later Severus was put in bed. He looked pale even for him. Harry stood beside Ron. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to comfort his supposed soul mate, but he seemed to have lost his ability of speech.
"The baby," Snape whispered again as trembling fingers brushed over his abdomen. "I can't feel it, why doesn't it move?" Hermione stepped forward and lay a hand on his stomach, searching for signs of life.
"Do you want me to get Madam Pomfry?" Ron asked Severus who was currently biting his lip in anxiety.
"No.. I don't know." Severus looked scared. Harry knew he didn't want Madame Pomfry to learn his secret whereas he at the same time feared for the life of their unborn child.
"There is a spell." Hermione said as she had a pondering look on her face: "A quite simple one. It picks up the heartbeat of a baby, almost like a muggle stethoscope."
"Stillorion," Severus breathed. He seemed to be dozing off again.
"Yes, that's it!" Hermione lifted her wand and uttered the spell. The sound of a beating heart magically resounded around them.
"It's beating awfully fast!" Ron whispered to Hermione.
"It's supposed to do that silly!" Hermione said, smiling: "The baby is just fine!" Severus' pale face looked relieved.
Madame Pomfry came bursting through the door just as Hermione tucked the blanket closer around her Potions Professor.
"I just heard, Malfoy told me about the accident," she breathed. Someone was obviously not used to run through the halls.
"We think he'll be fine after a few hours of sleep and resting his back," Hermione reported like a trained nurse: "He got the worst blow on his stomach when the explosion hit him and on his back as he crashed into a wall." Madame Pomfry gave the pale man a searching look.
"I should give him a proper checkup," she said and moved towards the bed.
"Stop right there!" Severus hissed, some life and stamina returning to his eyes as he saw her coming: "There'll be no checking up on this man, and you can stop talking as if I'm not even here!"
"Don't be ridiculous, Severus! You may have hurt your back, I need to see if you are all right!"
"I'm fine, woman!" Severus panted: "I just need some rest." She looked at him, apparently trying to scan him with her very eyes as a look of resentment climbed her face.
"I really would feel better if I just could..."
"No." Severus showed no signs of retrieving all though he seemed to be passing out at any second. Madame Pomfrey sighed as she knew she was fighting a lost battle.
"Now, well. I trust one of you will sit with him until he recovers? If he has any pain anywhere when he wakes up, don't hesitate to call me. He's a stubborn bastard but if he's not feeling better by the evening I'm examining him no matter how loud his protests are!"
Harry watched as Madame Pomfry went out the door and desperately wished he could go with her. All this was his fault! If Snape lost the baby he would be to blame! Severus by the way passed out the very second Pomfrey had closed the door behind her. Harry stared as Hermione and Ron took off the Professor's shoes.
"Harry, unbutton his overcoat, it looked awfully tight," Hermione said as she placed Severus' shoes neatly by the side of the bed. Harry looked at her dumbly, then looked at Snape.
"Come on Harry! What's with you?! For god's sake, help him!" Hermione snapped and pushed him towards the bed. Harry swallowed. A wave of guilt washed over him.
"It's my fault," he whispered. Hermione and Ron both looked confused.
"What?"
"I wished it. When I first knew of the bonding and the baby. I wished them dead.." Harry looked much older than his age as he stepped backwards, away from the bed: "I wished it, and it almost happened." Tears were starting to run down Harry's cheeks.
"That's nonsense, Harry and you know it!" Hermione said in a mild tone as she laid an arm around his shoulder.
"It was a bad shock for you, and you think many things under such circumstances. You know in your heart you didn't mean it, and that it was only a brief thought, Harry."
"Yeah, don't hang with your head, Harry! I would have thought the exact very same thing for a second if it was me!" Ron patted Harry on the back.
"Come on Mione let's leave Harry alone for a little while." Harry stared after them as they exited the room. He was alone. In the bed Severus started to moan softly, as if he was having a bad dream. Harry dried his tears and went toward the bed to do the task he'd been given. He slowly lifted the blanket away, while Severus whimpered silently. He looked afraid.
"Ssshh, I'm here, you're not alone," Harry whispered and laid a hand on Snape's cheek. The Potions Master calmed down with his touch and his face looked neutral again. Very carefully Harry started to unbutton Severus' overcoat. Hermione was right, it was awfully tight. Harry had a hard time trying to lurk up the buttons without disturbing the passed out man. His fingers trembled slightly as more and more of Snape's white shirt came into the open. It felt so odd touching him. A new sensation filled Harry's mind as his fingers brushed the thin shirt and felt the stretched skin beneath it. He'd never been so close to Snape before and his heart started racing as he finished the last button. Severus looked beautiful. Harry almost laughed as his mind confessed it. But the clouds were disappearing from his eyes, feelings were starting to emerge. And as his soul started realising its destiny Harry leant down and kissed the stomach of Severus Snape.
*-*
Severus awoke in the evening, with a serious ache in nearly all his body. He hesitated whether he should open his eyes. He didn't want to wake up alone and lonely, and he did absolutely not want to wake up realising something inside him was dead. He had placed a protection spell on the infant a long time ago. This would protect the baby to a certain point, but not against any kind of blow. He let out a moan of relief when a foot kicked him painfully in a rib.
"Severus.. are you awake?" Severus opened his eyes in surprise. He wasn't alone. Harry was there with him. He was sitting on the side of his bed looking relieved.
"How are you feeling?" Harry asked. He showed no sign of moving from the bed, and Severus liked that.
"A bit shaken, but not stirred," he answered with a small frown that couldn't hide his happiness. The baby stretched and patted the inside of his stomach with a small hand. Severus pulled down the blanket tucked around him and tried to sit up. But the weight on top of him was pinning him down on his bed and an aching back made it all so much more difficult.
"I don't think you should try and get up just yet," Harry said with worried eyes stating his point.
"Well I don't have much choice unless I want to wet my bed," Severus groaned and tried once more.
"Here, let me help you!" Harry reached out his hands. Severus hesitated for a moment. He wasn't used accepting any offers of help, at least not in a clear state of mind. But he looked into Harry Potter's eyes and saw the kindness, the spark of determination and something new. He dived into these sparkling green eyes, sensing security, trust and that something he couldn't determine. Severus took the hand Harry offered and let him steady him all the way to the bathroom. It made him feel sort of safe, a sensation that scared him almost senseless. He couldn't grow too attached to the young man he had to leave at some point after the birth. He was afraid he would go away with a heart too shattered to mend and he couldn't do that to the child he was set to raise. Therefore he got rid of Harry with a sneer on his face after he'd helped him back to bed again. He needed rest, or at least that was his excuse. Harry almost looked disappointed as he left. He seemed to have something to say, but changed his mind when Severus turned his back on him.
As the door shut Severus realised he still was almost fully dressed. He made some poor attempts to get out of the bed, looking like a stranded whale, before he decided he needed no nightshirt and this clothes would do just fine.
*-*
Harry didn't sleep at all that night. His mind was raging with new and scaring feelings and his body seemed to be on fire. The sight of the sleeping man hadn't escaped his mind no matter how hard he had tried to shut it out. Why was he fussing like this? Snape had acted cold and unthankful, he'd stated he didn't want Harry's company. But the peace on his face in his sleep. The secret he carried so gracefully deep inside his heart, and the look on his eyes as Harry had offered him a hand. Harry tossed back and forth, not able to find any comfortable positions. He ripped off his shirt to help the heat off, but still felt like he was burning. What was happening to him??
By daylight he got up, dressed and decided to go for a walk on the campus. That would surely ease his mind and cool him down. Fresh air and a cool March wind played with his black hair as he went for a stroll alongside the lake. Slowly he hurried his pace, slowly his steps became more rapid, and his heart beat faster, his mind filling with more and more thoughts too huge for his young age. His pacing went from jogging to running. His feet raced the ground in such a menacing pace one may have wondered if he was possessed. And he felt possessed. Something had entered his mind and denied letting go no matter how hard he shook. Black bottomless eyes hunted him, and he ran until he ran out of breath, until he collapsed on the grass gasping for air. Tears clouded his eyes as he slowly recovered from the running, from whatever it was he couldn't escape.
He avoided Snape the following days. He made sure he was all right and thereby excused himself with work. Hermione and Ron went to check on him from time to time the days he was still too weak to get up from bed. But Harry kept his distance. Something about Snape made him weak and that scared him. He didn't want to change anything between them one way or the other and the last few days had been so confusing. He didn't know what was troubling him but he was pretty sure it would get worse if he allowed himself to let go. He was to be a father in a couple of weeks that was enough for now, and by far.
I'm sorry about the delay, many things like a small fire in my building (in the middle of the night before my bloody exam), exams and royal weddings made my tiny brain forget to post the next chapter, so I hope you'll forgive me? :) If it's any conselation the chapter ten is gonna be a long and angsty one. (OK, so I'm not very good at foreshadowing..) It's gonna be a far bit longer than the previous ones because I didn't want to chop it up in the middle of it all, sort of speak.
Hope you'll enjoy! :)
Hugs,
Restina
I'll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurtin' me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide
All my sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain
Fragment from "Crying In The Rain" by Everly Brothers
The Curse, part 9
Eight days after the disgracing measuring of his body, done by a tailor who seemed to have no idea what he was doing, Severus' new set of clothes finally came. Eight sturdy owls looked near death as they collapsed on top of the teachers' table by breakfast. If Snape could he would have blushed. Silent giggling soared through the hall as Severus hastily gathered the packs and headed for the door. Finally that idiot of a tailor had delivered his merchandise, one whole day past the agreed time. Severus almost ran down to the dungeons to try on the new clothes. This morning he'd blown three buttons of his overcoat as he sat down on his bed to tie his shoes! He ripped the old clothes of his back and dressed in the new ones. The disappointment was clearly written in Severus' face. The clothes he now was wearing would have fitted nicely a week ago, but now they were already starting to get to small. There was nothing else to do than to make another enlargement-spell.
Later that same day he had potion with the Gryffindors and the Slytherins. As head of Slytherin he would normally favor the rotten little bastards, but not anymore. After the death of Voldemort there was no need to suck up to the offspring of death-eaters anymore. Points were drawn as easily from his own house as from any other and he loathed most of them openly. He'd seen many of them fight on the side of evil in the Great War and there was no doubt in his heart that many of them still belonged there.
The only one he actually knew had turned from Voldemort was Draco Malfoy, as he had seen it with his own eyes. And given the fact Malfoy had to give up his parents in the process there was little doubt the boy finally had seen the horror awaiting him if he stayed on the side of darkness. After the war the young man had become quiet. The snide remarks and the superior face had died the same day as his parents. Severus felt pity for the boy, but he knew Albus was taking care of him precisely as he had taken care of Severus when he once took his first step towards the light. He didn't envy the ordeal this kid would have to go through, he knew only too well how it felt.
He wrote the ingredients of today's potion on the blackboard as usual, and then turned and told the students in a silky voice that they were going to make a potion only few of them would manage to get right. This, of course, lit determination and eagerness in Hermione Granger's eyes, as well as it lit desperation in Neville Longbottom's eyes.
"This potion is one that, if made correctly, will ensnare the very mind of a human being. You will feel enchanted, you will feel renewed, and you will fall in love with the first person you lay your eyes on." The girls all started giggling, while loud moans came from the boys.
"But if made wrong, this potion may get explosive. Therefore I tell you not to insert any gingerroot or beetle-shells before I get a look at your potion. And you have to be careful not to heat it up too fast, the potion must only simmer or else it will get ruined." This was one of the hardest potions the students would learn. Sure it wasn't a potion much in use any more, but it was tradition, and it also was a test for a student's skills.
"When the potion's finished we'll try it on a lucky student." Severus couldn't help for the sadistic smile playing on his lips when he heard the loud moans from the young men around the room.
"And not to worry, I have the antidote right here," he said and patted his chest pocket where he carried a tiny flask with a silver blue liquid.
"But when you've tried the potion you'll probably be so head over heals over that special someone you'll probably refuse to take it." It was just as amusing every year. The glow in Severus' eyes could be mistaken for evilness, but he was just having a good time seeing the students sweating. In this room there was only one safe from becoming the guinea pig, and that was his bonded.
The students went to work on their potions. Hermione was so concentrated she seemed to block out the entire world in the process. Neville seemed to be fighting with his tears as usual. Snape had acted kindly towards him for the last few months, but Neville was convinced the Professor was toying with him and was therefore even more afraid of him. So Severus found it best to leave him alone rather than try to help him.
*-*
An hour later a foul stench was clouding up the classroom. Thirteen cauldrons were destroyed due to a too rapid heating of the potion they were containing. So far only Hermione had finished it without flaws. Her potion was now simmering, brightly blue in the cauldron and she looked so proud Severus could have sworn her ears were moving upwards. Neville was the only one who'd not begun to heat his potion. He was sweating over the gingerroots and beetle-shells, looking bewildered and scared. Severus felt sorry for the boy.
"Here, Neville let me help you!" He went down the rows of student desks to lend Neville a helping hand. A look of horror appeared on Neville's face as Severus approached him, and before anyone had a chance to even blink he'd scooped up a handful of gingerroot cubes and crushed beetle shells and thrown it into the cauldron.
"Neville, NOO..." Severus voice got caught off by a deafening explosion. The shockwave hit him in the midsection and threw him backward across the room and he went flying into the blackboard with a sickening crash. He barely remembered opening his eyes to see a room filled with panic before he fainted.
*-*
The scene had seemed so unreal. The potion had exploded and sent a shockwave upwards and downwards the midsection of the room. Luckily no one was standing there at the time, except for Severus Snape. The sight of him flying across the room to crash into the wall felt so unbelievable Harry was sure he was dreaming. But the screaming and the stench were to real to be only a dream. People were fleeing for their lives, all physically unmarked by the explosion but all afraid. Hermione was screaming at Neville for being the biggest idiot in the world, while Neville was crying his eyes out. Ron was running towards Snape to see if he was still breathing and Harry just sat there as if he was carved in stone, not able to move an inch. Was the dreadful wish he'd made some months ago finally coming true? No! He didn't want this! He didn't want Severus to die! He got to his feet, blinded by tears, as he ran towards the wall where Snape was laying, not moving at all.
"Is he.." Harry got down on his knees besides Ron who was currently checking the professor's pulse. He couldn't be dead, he couldn't!" A small trail of blood was dripping from the older man's lower lip.
"He has a pulse, and he's breathing, with some difficulty," Ron said, sounding relieved by the sign of life the man's throat just had given him. He started to loosen the tie round Snape's neck and unbuttoned some of the upper buttons of his shirt. Severus then stirred and opened his eyes. Panic lit his eyes as he tried to sit up, but couldn't.
"Don't try to move, Professor. You had a pretty bad bang to your back, I think it would be wise for you to rest for a bit." Ron patted his arm and pulled off his cloak to lie it under Snape's head for support.
"No, " Snape still tried to sit up: "the baby." A single tear ran silently down his cheek.
"I can't feel the baby," he whispered. Harry felt his stomach turn into stone. He wanted to support the man but he was frozen, unable to move. Ron on the other hand seemed able to keep his head cool.
"Don't worry, Professor- I bet it's just fine! A bit shocked maybe, but fine. What you need now is some rest. I suggest we get some help from Hermione to do a floating spell on you. That way you can just lie back and enjoy the ride." Hermione entered the room as on cue after headhunting Neville down the corridor.
"Did you say Floating spell?" she panted as she tucked up her sleeves. Three minutes later Severus was put in bed. He looked pale even for him. Harry stood beside Ron. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to comfort his supposed soul mate, but he seemed to have lost his ability of speech.
"The baby," Snape whispered again as trembling fingers brushed over his abdomen. "I can't feel it, why doesn't it move?" Hermione stepped forward and lay a hand on his stomach, searching for signs of life.
"Do you want me to get Madam Pomfry?" Ron asked Severus who was currently biting his lip in anxiety.
"No.. I don't know." Severus looked scared. Harry knew he didn't want Madame Pomfry to learn his secret whereas he at the same time feared for the life of their unborn child.
"There is a spell." Hermione said as she had a pondering look on her face: "A quite simple one. It picks up the heartbeat of a baby, almost like a muggle stethoscope."
"Stillorion," Severus breathed. He seemed to be dozing off again.
"Yes, that's it!" Hermione lifted her wand and uttered the spell. The sound of a beating heart magically resounded around them.
"It's beating awfully fast!" Ron whispered to Hermione.
"It's supposed to do that silly!" Hermione said, smiling: "The baby is just fine!" Severus' pale face looked relieved.
Madame Pomfry came bursting through the door just as Hermione tucked the blanket closer around her Potions Professor.
"I just heard, Malfoy told me about the accident," she breathed. Someone was obviously not used to run through the halls.
"We think he'll be fine after a few hours of sleep and resting his back," Hermione reported like a trained nurse: "He got the worst blow on his stomach when the explosion hit him and on his back as he crashed into a wall." Madame Pomfry gave the pale man a searching look.
"I should give him a proper checkup," she said and moved towards the bed.
"Stop right there!" Severus hissed, some life and stamina returning to his eyes as he saw her coming: "There'll be no checking up on this man, and you can stop talking as if I'm not even here!"
"Don't be ridiculous, Severus! You may have hurt your back, I need to see if you are all right!"
"I'm fine, woman!" Severus panted: "I just need some rest." She looked at him, apparently trying to scan him with her very eyes as a look of resentment climbed her face.
"I really would feel better if I just could..."
"No." Severus showed no signs of retrieving all though he seemed to be passing out at any second. Madame Pomfrey sighed as she knew she was fighting a lost battle.
"Now, well. I trust one of you will sit with him until he recovers? If he has any pain anywhere when he wakes up, don't hesitate to call me. He's a stubborn bastard but if he's not feeling better by the evening I'm examining him no matter how loud his protests are!"
Harry watched as Madame Pomfry went out the door and desperately wished he could go with her. All this was his fault! If Snape lost the baby he would be to blame! Severus by the way passed out the very second Pomfrey had closed the door behind her. Harry stared as Hermione and Ron took off the Professor's shoes.
"Harry, unbutton his overcoat, it looked awfully tight," Hermione said as she placed Severus' shoes neatly by the side of the bed. Harry looked at her dumbly, then looked at Snape.
"Come on Harry! What's with you?! For god's sake, help him!" Hermione snapped and pushed him towards the bed. Harry swallowed. A wave of guilt washed over him.
"It's my fault," he whispered. Hermione and Ron both looked confused.
"What?"
"I wished it. When I first knew of the bonding and the baby. I wished them dead.." Harry looked much older than his age as he stepped backwards, away from the bed: "I wished it, and it almost happened." Tears were starting to run down Harry's cheeks.
"That's nonsense, Harry and you know it!" Hermione said in a mild tone as she laid an arm around his shoulder.
"It was a bad shock for you, and you think many things under such circumstances. You know in your heart you didn't mean it, and that it was only a brief thought, Harry."
"Yeah, don't hang with your head, Harry! I would have thought the exact very same thing for a second if it was me!" Ron patted Harry on the back.
"Come on Mione let's leave Harry alone for a little while." Harry stared after them as they exited the room. He was alone. In the bed Severus started to moan softly, as if he was having a bad dream. Harry dried his tears and went toward the bed to do the task he'd been given. He slowly lifted the blanket away, while Severus whimpered silently. He looked afraid.
"Ssshh, I'm here, you're not alone," Harry whispered and laid a hand on Snape's cheek. The Potions Master calmed down with his touch and his face looked neutral again. Very carefully Harry started to unbutton Severus' overcoat. Hermione was right, it was awfully tight. Harry had a hard time trying to lurk up the buttons without disturbing the passed out man. His fingers trembled slightly as more and more of Snape's white shirt came into the open. It felt so odd touching him. A new sensation filled Harry's mind as his fingers brushed the thin shirt and felt the stretched skin beneath it. He'd never been so close to Snape before and his heart started racing as he finished the last button. Severus looked beautiful. Harry almost laughed as his mind confessed it. But the clouds were disappearing from his eyes, feelings were starting to emerge. And as his soul started realising its destiny Harry leant down and kissed the stomach of Severus Snape.
*-*
Severus awoke in the evening, with a serious ache in nearly all his body. He hesitated whether he should open his eyes. He didn't want to wake up alone and lonely, and he did absolutely not want to wake up realising something inside him was dead. He had placed a protection spell on the infant a long time ago. This would protect the baby to a certain point, but not against any kind of blow. He let out a moan of relief when a foot kicked him painfully in a rib.
"Severus.. are you awake?" Severus opened his eyes in surprise. He wasn't alone. Harry was there with him. He was sitting on the side of his bed looking relieved.
"How are you feeling?" Harry asked. He showed no sign of moving from the bed, and Severus liked that.
"A bit shaken, but not stirred," he answered with a small frown that couldn't hide his happiness. The baby stretched and patted the inside of his stomach with a small hand. Severus pulled down the blanket tucked around him and tried to sit up. But the weight on top of him was pinning him down on his bed and an aching back made it all so much more difficult.
"I don't think you should try and get up just yet," Harry said with worried eyes stating his point.
"Well I don't have much choice unless I want to wet my bed," Severus groaned and tried once more.
"Here, let me help you!" Harry reached out his hands. Severus hesitated for a moment. He wasn't used accepting any offers of help, at least not in a clear state of mind. But he looked into Harry Potter's eyes and saw the kindness, the spark of determination and something new. He dived into these sparkling green eyes, sensing security, trust and that something he couldn't determine. Severus took the hand Harry offered and let him steady him all the way to the bathroom. It made him feel sort of safe, a sensation that scared him almost senseless. He couldn't grow too attached to the young man he had to leave at some point after the birth. He was afraid he would go away with a heart too shattered to mend and he couldn't do that to the child he was set to raise. Therefore he got rid of Harry with a sneer on his face after he'd helped him back to bed again. He needed rest, or at least that was his excuse. Harry almost looked disappointed as he left. He seemed to have something to say, but changed his mind when Severus turned his back on him.
As the door shut Severus realised he still was almost fully dressed. He made some poor attempts to get out of the bed, looking like a stranded whale, before he decided he needed no nightshirt and this clothes would do just fine.
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Harry didn't sleep at all that night. His mind was raging with new and scaring feelings and his body seemed to be on fire. The sight of the sleeping man hadn't escaped his mind no matter how hard he had tried to shut it out. Why was he fussing like this? Snape had acted cold and unthankful, he'd stated he didn't want Harry's company. But the peace on his face in his sleep. The secret he carried so gracefully deep inside his heart, and the look on his eyes as Harry had offered him a hand. Harry tossed back and forth, not able to find any comfortable positions. He ripped off his shirt to help the heat off, but still felt like he was burning. What was happening to him??
By daylight he got up, dressed and decided to go for a walk on the campus. That would surely ease his mind and cool him down. Fresh air and a cool March wind played with his black hair as he went for a stroll alongside the lake. Slowly he hurried his pace, slowly his steps became more rapid, and his heart beat faster, his mind filling with more and more thoughts too huge for his young age. His pacing went from jogging to running. His feet raced the ground in such a menacing pace one may have wondered if he was possessed. And he felt possessed. Something had entered his mind and denied letting go no matter how hard he shook. Black bottomless eyes hunted him, and he ran until he ran out of breath, until he collapsed on the grass gasping for air. Tears clouded his eyes as he slowly recovered from the running, from whatever it was he couldn't escape.
He avoided Snape the following days. He made sure he was all right and thereby excused himself with work. Hermione and Ron went to check on him from time to time the days he was still too weak to get up from bed. But Harry kept his distance. Something about Snape made him weak and that scared him. He didn't want to change anything between them one way or the other and the last few days had been so confusing. He didn't know what was troubling him but he was pretty sure it would get worse if he allowed himself to let go. He was to be a father in a couple of weeks that was enough for now, and by far.