So.. my story is dragging towards the end... just one more part to go after this one. *sniffle* Thank you all for the kind words you've uttered so far, I greatly appreciate it! :D
Hope you'll enjoy this part as well.
Hugs,
Restina
I wish that I could cry,
fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
about a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd,
but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
but won't you concede-
even heroes have the right to dream
And it's not easy to be- me.
Fragment from Superman, by Five for Fighting
The Curse, part 10
Severus recovered quickly from the accident down in the dungeons. After three days in bed he felt strong enough to jump out of bed. Or to be more precise, arch his way up.. It felt nice being able to wobble around in the halls again, at least his heavy belly didn't weigh him down as much as it did when he laid flat in bed. With two and a half weeks to go he was starting to get impatient. He just wanted to get it over with. All this waiting and the sleepless nights were wearing him down, and he hadn't seen Harry at all the last couple of days. He missed him although he knew this was for the best. He had to get used to the idea of spending the rest of his life alone. But he would be blessed with their child.
Madame Pomfry had been most painful to cope with during this ordeal. She had wanted to do a physical check-up on him, but he had denied her to do anything more than a small check-up on his back, wearing his nightshirt. She nagged and nagged about how important it was for her to actually see his back, and to do some scans, but Severus was stubborn. There was no way she would get any chance to reveal his secret! So she had to settle for the next best thing. Hermione and Ron had dared their way down to see to him from time to time and this surprised him. Especially Ron's presence. And it pained him equally that Harry never found any time to see him.
*-*
The next week dragged away like an endless night. Severus felt gravity pulling every single hour of the day, trying to drag him down. The weight balance in his stomach shifted, making him feel even heavier. This probably was the child preparing for birth, turning its head downwards. And Harry still was as distant as he had been after the accident down in the dungeons. He never met Severus' gaze anymore in classes, at meals or in the hallway. Severus supposed Harry was starting to feel the pressure of the near coming event and needed time to cope. And Severus counted the days to when his secret would be revealed. One week and a half. Albus should be back in three, four days, just in time for the biggest scandal of all time at Hogwarts. A teacher having a child with a student!
He felt uncomfortable no matter what. His appetite grew small and dark rings formed beneath his eyes. Minerva asked him kindly how he was doing one Monday and he'd answered her fine, and thereby he'd escaped to his private quarters bawling his eyes out. He didn't feel fine at all! He was big, fat and ugly and he was so tired he just wanted to lie down and sleep a hundred years. He hated his body. The skin on his belly was stretched so tight it ached all the time, and his back ached due to the strain it was under. Thankfully the baby had calmed down lately, probably due to the lack of space to rumble in. Severus felt time was closing in, it could only be a matter of a couple of days. He didn't know whether to be glad for this or to dread like a dog. But he knew he didn't have the strength to continue like this much longer..
*-*
He first noticed it late one night he was tossing in bed trying to get some sleep. It was a small stabbing pain in the back, not long-lasting that returned every thirty minutes or so. Severus didn't think too much about it. It could be anything and he didn't bother with getting upset, excited or whatever he was supposed to be. He had four hours of Potions Classes to teach the following day and his mind settled on that and he ignored the cramps the following hours.
He felt like he'd gained a ton when he got out of bed the following morning. But the cramps weren't getting any worse, and they weren't easing off either. He reckoned it would do him good to move his body and to eat some breakfast. He felt like a penguin as he made his way to the great hall for the first meal of the day. Students were giggling as he went by them and despite his usual self Severus ignored them. He sat down by the teachers' table and tried to eat, but felt too bloated. Instead his eyes wandered down to the table where Harry was seated. Harry didn't return his gaze. He looked too preoccupied with a conversation with Ron. Severus sighed. He had a feeling this would be one of the longest days in his life.
*-*
Harry felt guilty. Of course he did! He didn't like avoiding Snape like this, but he had to. Something would happen if he didn't watch himself, Harry could feel it. His heart jumped every time he caught a glimpse of Severus and he always had that image in his head for the rest of the day if so. Now he'd just glimpsed up at the teachers' table by lunch and he'd seen a man looking paler than usual and with no appetite what so ever. And his mind started to race. Severus had to be dead tired by now, with only two weeks left or something like that it was only natural he'd look a little worn. Harry wished Severus would stop doing this to himself. He was wearing himself out couldn't he see that? He should rest and gain some strength before the birth, not work like there was nothing going on! Harry decided to have a talk with him in the nearest future, but not today. Today he had his final Quidditch match of the year, probably his last Quidditch match ever and nothing would take his mind of that.
Still his thoughts stayed with Severus all through the day. And as he soared to the air on his Firebolt he noticed Severus wasn't there. He usually didn't miss a Quidditch match, so Harry found this odd. But as the game started all this left Harry's mind. Now there was nothing else in his head except the need to catch the golden snitch and win his last game. And as a born star Harry did what everyone expected, winning the game for his team and providing Gryffindor with the Quidditch Cup. The rest of the day was a feast of food and happiness and Harry never thought anymore about the reason why Snape hadn't attended the game. He went to bed late at night, heart bulging with pride, and he fell asleep almost immediately. Just then, something Ron's sister had mentioned earlier suddenly struck his sleeping mind. She had been at a potions class after lunch and she'd told Ron Snape had gotten a weird expression on his face during the class. He had bent over like he had a stomachache or something and she even thought he looked a little afraid. Ron guessed this probably was another baby kick and Harry had agreed.
It was late night when Harry woke with a start. He heard the door creaking and some light had found its way in the pitch-dark room as the door slowly opened. Severus Snape came staggering into the room, leaning against the wall, clutching his stomach with his right arm. His breath was rapid and even in the dark his eyes seemed to burn with pain.
"H-harry.." A soft moan came from the man as he continued inside, careful not to wake anyone but Harry.
"Severus! What's wrong?!" Harry got out of bed and jumped towards the crouching man.
"I.. I think.. it's .. coming." Severus gasped and took one more halting step towards Harry. His face was wet with sweat:
"I thought I could.. handle it alone... but.." Severus feet were starting to cave in under him. Harry had him lean on his shoulder.
"I'm taking you to Hermione's room, she's head-girl this year and has the room all to her self," Harry whispered as he helped Severus out the door.
*-*
All day long, Severus had done his best to hide the pain that had taken a hold of his body, but it became harder and harder. How he had managed to stay on his feet and teach classes at the end of the day he had no idea. But when time came for the Quidditch match there was no way he could act as he was just fine any more. Contractions tore his body slowly apart, and the only thing he could think of was to lie down and get some rest between every contraction. He had bumped into Minerva on his way down to the dungeons, cold sweat on his forehead and a pained look on his features.
"Severus, I really think you're going too far with this research of yours!" she said as he tried to stagger past her. She didn't let him pass her though, strict look on her face.
"You'll stop this fattening right now, or I will complain to the headmaster when he comes back!" Severus really didn't need this right now. He looked calmly at her and told her to step aside through gritted teeth. But Minerva didn't nudge one millimeter.
"You're sick, Severus. I've been standing on the sideline far to long, letting you do this to your self. But now it has to stop!" Conveniently another contraction jerked hold of his back as he tried to look amused by the old witch's sincere concern.
"Please, woman! If it pleases you I'll stop right now, all right?! No more experimenting. I'll just stop eating and get slim again, just as you want. Now, PLEASE let me pass you- I do not have the time to stand in a hall squabbling with an old witch with a long nose!" His voice was no more than a growl, and he bared his teeth like a wolf trapped in a corner. It worked. Minerva moved aside, looking pretty upset and for once lost for words.
He dragged himself down to his private quarters and crushed down in bed, wishing the pain would go away for a while so he could get some rest. He was too tired for this right now, he just wanted to get some sleep. But he knew he had hours of pain ahead of him and that Albus wouldn't be there to save him this time.
The problem with a magical conceived child is that it has to be born "unmagically". Any spell cast to ease the pain of the one giving birth could very well kill the infant. Any natural drugs could stop the birth, as it was not a normal birth. Basically Severus had hell in front of him and he knew this only too well. But the pain wasn't what felt worst. Severus was afraid. He had never felt so afraid or alone his whole miserable life. He, the fearless alchemist was so afraid he cried in his own bed. He had been so sure he would get through this without any help at all, deal with the pain and the loneliness, but now he felt more alone than ever. And as the contractions soared through his body- his soul and mind grew weaker, his hope crumbled into dust. As the night slowly covered Hogwarts in its cold blanket Severus knew he had to get some help or else he would surly die. No matter how much it would pain him, Severus had to beg Harry for help.
*-*
Now, he looked so worn out Harry was astounded Severus had managed to get this far all by himself. He was panting heavily as he tried to match Harry's slow pace. When they finally were down the stairs and in front of Hermione's door Harry could barely hold him up anymore. He knocked softly on the door. No answer. He knocked harder, still no answer. Harry had one look on Severus and decided there was no time to be polite. He opened the door and helped Severus inside.
"Hermione!" He kept his voice down as he helped the hurting man toward Hermione's bed.
"Hermione wake up!" To his great surprise two shadows stirred and the well-known grunt of Ron Weasly when someone wakes him up too early in the morning would in other circumstances have been quite amusing. But not now. Severus needed help, fast.
"Harry, what is it?" Hermione asked, sounding rather irritated as she fumbled around in the semidarkness to find the switch of the light on her nightstand. The dark figure of Ron jumped out of bed and seemed to be searching for something. The light went on, and there he stood in a pink pair of boxers.
"Mione!" he squealed but piped down immediately when he noticed Harry wasn't alone.
"Please, he needs to lay down.. I couldn't drag him all the way back to the dungeons," Harry said and helped Severus to sit on the side of Hermione's bed. Hermione was blushing heavily, but regained her old self soon enough to remember to put on a T-shirt before she jumped out of the bed.
"Here, lay him down," she said and moved the blanket for them. Severus arched down to his side and then over to his back, face covered with sweat, pain and exhaustion. Harry started to unbutton his coat and shirt, while Hermione helped him off with his shoes.
"How long have you been sick?" Harry asked Severus as he slowly worked his way down the buttons of the Professor's clothes.
"Twenty four hours.. give.. or take.." the Professor answered with a moan. His night-black locks were soaking wet, and so were most of his clothes. But most disturbing was another fluid staining his shirt and some of his cloak- blood. Harry felt desperation and fear fill his head as he touched the bloodstained fabric. He got an urge to run away and hide, as so many times before during the last few months. But he saw the fear reflecting in dark eyes and knew there was no way he could leave this man now.
"Twenty four hours?" he replied: "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Beacuse I thought.. I could handle it.. I've only been having ..heavy contractions since lunch..time." Severus had a pityful look on his face. Harry was ashamed he hadn't noticed his supposed soul mate's pain. He'd been selfish, only thinking about himself and some stupid Quidditch-match.
Hermione had a look on Severus' belly. She looked deeply concerned and ordered Ron to get a wet cloth. Harry knew she had been reading up on everything she could find about male pregnancies during the last few weeks. She had told him that the man's bellybutton had to be eight to ten centimeters dilated before the birth-passage was wide enough for the baby to pass. And besides there was awfully many elements that could go wrong during such a birth.
Harry felt sick. All that blood, poring out of a hole of Severus' body! How much blood had he already lost, how much blood would he loose? And to see his face contort in pain every time a new contraction ravaged his body. Hermione washed most of the red fluid away so that he could see how far the labor had come.
"Three centimeters.." she said, her voice more tense than what Harry liked. Severus clutched his arms around his belly and he seemed to be fighting the urge to scream.
"Help him sit up," Hermione said, "That will help him work the contractions." Ron and Harry held Severus up while Hermione arranged the pillows to support his back. Severus panted and writhed slightly, but kept surprisingly still.
"I think we should get Madame Pomfrey," Hermione said after wiping Severus forehead with a clean cloth.
"No," Severus breathed and looked her straight in the eye. "Don. don't get. her.. I'll manage.. just a few more minutes and..I'll be.. fully dial.." A small whimper escaped his throat and he clenched his hands into fists.
"Please, Professor- don't hold back! Work with the pain, don't try to will it away. That will only drain your energy." Hermione looked at Harry: "Help him, Harry, he needs to let go!" Harry looked small and afraid, and he knew it. He had no idea how to support this man whose stomach was tearing itself slowly apart. So he did the only thing he could think of, he took Severus' hand and held it tight. Severus clinged to him like a lost child and finally let out a growl. More blood. Harry felt his heart beating faster and faster. He realised he feared for Severus' life and that the grip around his hand was becoming weaker and weaker by the minute. A sudden contraction seemed to have caught the professor by surprise and a scream flung up his throat with such intensity Harry was sure he would hear it again and again in his future nightmares.
"Ron, get Madame Pomfrey, NOW! The Professor needs more help than the three of us can provide." Hermione was determined and there was nothing that could change her mind when she was like this. Her features were cut in stone and her eyes flashed as she bent down to explain the situation to the Potions Master.
"The progress is to slow, Sir. And I fear that both yours and the baby's lives are at stake if you don't get proper help right now." A weak nod was all the answer she got. It seemed like the last of Severus' strength had left with the last contraction, together with the scream that had nearly raptured both his lungs. Harry felt him slowly drift away between the cramps now, only to be ripped back to reality when a new cramp set in. Severus' gaze grew distant, his breathing shallow. Hermione was really worried, and Harry was scared out of his wits.
"Severus, stay with me now, you hear?" Harry squeezed his hand and brushed a cold cheek with a trembling finger. His eyelids flickered before he looked straight at Harry, bottomless hurt scorching his eyes.
"The baby.." he whispered: "I need you to.." Severus had fainted. Tears stung Harry's eyes as he desperately tired to wake the man on the bed looking more dead than alive.
"Severus! You must stay awake, do you hear me, stay awake!!!" Harry started to shiver to the lack of response from the passed out man. The sound of approaching steps caught his ear. Next thing Madame Pomfrey came soaring through the door with an expression of both fury and fear on her face, dressed in a long white night-dress. She didn't say a word, just marched straight to the bed and pinched Severus' cheek. No response.
"RON! My medical-bag!" she roared at the precise moment Ron entered the room with flushing cheeks and heavy breathing.
"How long has he been this way?" Madam Pomfrey checked the passed out man's pulse. She made Harry and Hermione lay Severus down flat on his back again to reduce the pressure on the baby.
"A..a couple of minutes!" Harry stuttered. The mediwitch opened the bag Ron had handed her and sorted through what seemed like hundreds of small bottles with different fluids in them.
"Oh dear, why do I never take the time to tidy up this mess?!" she gnarled through gritted teeth as she tossed one bottle after another harshly away.
Finally she seemed to have found what she was looking for and leaned over to spill the contents down Severus' throat.
"Come on, come on you stubborn old bastard!!" she growled to the lifeless man. Hermione was crying in the corner, Ron was comforting her as best he could while crying himself. Harry couldn't cry. There were no tears inside him. He was a desert, still he wanted to scream, yell, and roar for Severus to wake up. He didn't want this! He wanted Severus alive, he wanted the baby alive. Maybe he wasn't suited to be a father or to be Severus' soul mate, but that didn't mean he wanted them dead!!!
A hoarse gasp and panicked inhales of air sounded as music to everybody's ears. Severus had been hauled back again with the life-bringing potion Madame Pomfry had given him. He looked no better, though. But he was breathing, and that was a start.
"Poppy?" he breathed as he blinked to state where he was: "What.."
"Severus, if it wasn't for your current condition I would slap you!" Madame Pomfrey said with eyes throwing lightning: "What were you thinking hiding this from me? Do you have any idea of the danger you have put yourself in??!"
"Don't blame him," Harry said and touched her shoulder with a begging hand: "He did it to protect me." Madame Pomfrey turned her flashing gaze towards Harry:
"And why is that, if I may ask?!"
"I'm the father." Harry said barely audible, a cloud of guilt covered his eyes as he fought with the shame welling inside him. Her eyes bulged to the point of no recognition, but she calmed down immediately.
"Now, well. I'll deal with the pair of you later. Now we have a baby to deliver!" She bent down over Severus' stomach and moved her hands over it carefully.
"Something's not right here," she mumbled and ignored a small whimper from Severus who suddenly looked even more disturbed.
"Severus, dear," she said now with her voice low and calm, no trace of anger left in her features: "This is going too slowly. Twenty four hours is a long labor and you're not even fully dilated yet. I'm afraid I need to feel how the baby's doing and that means I have to be a bit rough. I'm gonna place my hands on your stomach and decide how the baby is positioned, all right?" Tears of pain were streaming down the face of the dog tired man, but he gave his consent with a small nod. Harry didn't know whether to go hold Severus' hand or to keep out of Pomfrey's way so he stayed put.
"Harry?" a whisper came from the bed. Uncertain eyes, a trembling hand. Harry sat down on his knees by the bed, holding Severus' fingers. A relieved sigh came from the hurting man and Madame Pomfrey went ahead with her work.
A minute later Severus had vomited all over himself and he now felt so utterly humiliated he was sure he couldn't sink any lower. The pressure provided to his stomach by Poppy's trained hands were to much for his stomach-sack and it had done the only thing possible, ridded it self with the food it was digesting. Maybe he should be thankful it came up an didn't continue down and out an even more humiliating place, but Severus was to tired to thank any lucky star for such things right now.
Harry was cleaning him as best as he could, while Madame Pomfrey continued her examination with excruciating results.
"I think he's gonna throw up again! Ron, help me get him over to the side!" Harry's voice somewhere in front of the mist that covered his eyes. He felt the all too well known sensation of something flushing up his throat and out his mouth again. He had done a fair deal of vomiting down in the dungeons the previous hours. This time he wrenched the last drop of gastric juice up his throat and was sure he would start puking intestines any second.
"Roll him over again, I need to finish this no matter how painful it is," Madame Pomfrey said in an apologetic voice. Severus sensed being rolled over to his back again and felt the mediwitch's hard hands over his abdomen once more. He felt Harry's hand embrace his and clutched back, terrified he might let go. Finally Madame Pomfrey removed her hands and the horrible pressure eased a tad.
"No wonder you're not doing any progress, Severus, the baby lays the wrong way!" she said and cleaned her blood stained hands.
"No, ..that's not true," he answered weakly: "I know for a fact the baby has turned with its head down, it's been kicking me in the ribs to state it to!" He saw two Poppy's hovering over him.
"Well, you're both right and wrong," she answered: Yes, the baby lays with her head down, but as you are a man, and this pregnancy is a magically generated one, she's supposed to be positioned with her nose up towards your navel. Now she lies with her head facing your spine. That means that if you try to push, and succeed doing so- you may break her neck!" If Severus hadn't looked pale before he certainly did now. If he hadn't gone and seeked help, if he had stayed in the dungeons and tended to the birth himself he would have killed the baby. Harry's baby! The only thing that had kept him sane and determined for the last nine months! A dry rattle that would have been a sob if he had had the strength for it went through his chest. He could have been a killer!
Madame Pomfrey leaned closer to him and stroke his chin with a reassuring finger:
"I have to go in with my hands to turn her around. Now, I'm not gonna lie to you, Severus- this will hurt! But it's the only way we can save her life. She's under a lot of strain right now and we have no time to loose. I'm gonna give you a light potion to help with the pain, but the most important thing for you now is NOT to push! No matter how natural and important if feels, don't push. Pushing may make things worse for both you and the baby right now, you understand?" Severus only wanted Poppy to save the baby so he could fall asleep and never wake up again. He had no idea how he was to survive with Poppy's hands inside him when he'd been beyond agony with her hands on top of him.
*-*
Severus' features shimmered in the glow from the lamp next to him on the nightstand. He was so covered in sweat and agony Harry wondered how the man could ever recover. The blood was poring out the tear in Severus' belly and now Madame Pomfrey was going to wrench her hands through it!
"Harry, Ron! We need to move the bed away from the wall. This way you can hold Severus down on both sides. He needs to lay perfectly still while I do this procedure and spite as weakened as he is I still believe he is able to move if it hurts bad enough. And Hermione, you'll tie down his legs for me while I give him some sedatives." Hermione looked pale, but she did what she was told. Severus Snape desperately tried to jerk his feet away from her grip, but had no chance. Harry watched in silence. It was horrible to see Severus being tied down like a wild animal. And he would have to hold him down while the mediwitch stuck her hands down his navel! He wanted to throw up, but the voice of Madame Pomfrey cut like a knife in his brain.
"Harry Potter, get a move on! Help Ron move the bed, we have no time to loose here!" she screamed while searching for another bottle down her medical bag.
"Hey, there's no need to scream at me!!" Harry yelled back. He was now so out of his mind of fear and despair this shouting witch made his life hell.
"Harry, calm down." Ron patted him on the shoulder: "Help me move the bed now, OK?" Harry sent Madame Pomfrey a scowling gaze and did what Ron had told him. He knew she probably was just as upset as he was and that it was nothing personal that made her scream at him, but he had too many nerves outside his skin right now, he just didn't cope.. Snape had a look of retreat on his face that Harry didn't like at all. He'd given up, Harry was sure of it. And when he'd moved the bed he bent down and tried to get some sort of contact with the man, but he seemed to be near passing out again.
"Severus, Severus?" There was a mumbling response and Severus Snape turned towards him with begging eyes.
"Listen, I know I've said a lot of harsh things lately, but you mustn't worry about that now. Think about the baby and yourself, you hear?" Harry squeezed a lame hand and tried feverishly to cope with the raging war that went on inside him right now.
There were two sides. There was the side that saw the old Snape, the Potions Master, his old fiend. That side saw the man loathing everything decent, the man who felt joy in throwing himself at the weak as well as deadly opponents, a man which hobby was being unfair and just plain nasty. But then there was the new Snape, the vulnerable man, the lonely man, the supposed soul mate. The Snape that tried so well to hide his vulnerability but failed, the man who attacked before being attacked, the man with an inner beauty so well hidden because of his fear and prejudice, the man who didn't dare to trust because he feared to be betrayed. The man who denied his own faith to protect his soul mate. No matter who Severus eventually turned out to be Harry didn't wish this on him. It was inhuman.
"Harry, step away from the bed while I give Severus the sedative!" Madame
Pomfrey nearly pushed him away from the bedside in her urge to get to Snape. There was a silent moan from the man while he tried to avoid the liquid being pored down his throat, but he surrendered soon enough.
"The sedative will kick in almost instantly, but it's not a strong one. I don't dare give you anything more powerful, but I bet you already knew that, right?" In one second a well-known frown appeared on Snape's face and there was a small curl on his upper lip.
"I also took the liberty to give you some more of the potion I gave you a little while ago. I don't need you passing out on me in the middle of this." She gestured to Harry and Ron to go to their places.
"And please remember- don't push under ANY circumstances- DON'T PUSH!" Her face looked grave as she cleaned her hands with a antibacterial fluid from one of her many bottles.
"Hermione, maybe you could hold his head for me?" she calmly asked as she dried her hands. By Hermione's reaction Harry bet there was nothing less in the whole wide world she wanted to do right now. It simply felt wrong, no matter how necessary it was, to hold down a man like this, to deny him the natural urge to try and fight off the pain scorching his body. And how this ordeal had to feel for the man who cherished his privacy of thoughts, mind and body more than anything.. Harry didn't even want to know.
*-*
Severus felt like some savage animal not to be trusted. He knew it was for his own and the baby's safety, but to be pushed down like this and to have his feet tied to the bedposts.. The seditive took some of the pain, but not remotely as much as he would have liked. He was so afraid he almost pissed his pants as he waited for Madame Pomfrey to start her work. He'd been through so much already he didn't know if he could stand any more. The last nine months and the last twenty four hours rushed through his mind as a pain beyond anything he'd ever imagined grabbed a hold of his whole being and sent him straight to hell. A single thought swirled trough his head: This was the night he would die..
*-*
A scream so terrifying Hermione let go of Snape's head flung through the room moments after the mediwitch started her procedure. All of Severus' body arched and cramped giving Ron and Harry a really hard time holding him down. His eyes wrenched up in horror and the veins on his throat bulged to a point Harry feared they would burst. If it hadn't been for the fact that the stone walls of the castle made most of the rooms practically soundproof the door would have been run down with curious people by now.
"It's gonna be okay, Professor, just hang in there!" Ron's voice was
high-pitched and rather panicky, but he hid it well. Harry had to close his eyes. He didn't have the heart to see more of the suffering of this man.
There had to be a better way than this, there had to be!
"AAAAAAAAAAAARRGHH!" A new scream sent knives of fear down Harry's spine.
Hermione whimpered and Harry opened his eyes to see her sobbing over Severus' head, which she was holding in a trembling grasp. Harry looked over to Ron. There was a determined young man sitting opposite him, clutching Severus' shoulder and arm, an expression of steel painted his eyes as he struggled to hold his Professor down. Over by Severus' belly Madame Pomfrey was working in silence. With red bloodstains on her hands, face and nightgown and the focussed look she looked scary enough to send any last year home screaming. Dear god, Snape had to be scared shitless!
The minutes seemed to pass away like hours. The screaming never ended. The man twitching between their arms seemed possessed by a force much stronger than him. By the look on his face there was no energy left in his body.
Still he screamed and screamed as Madame Pomfrey did her best to save the child within him. And the sedative seemed to have no effect what so ever.
But suddenly he calmed down. The screaming stopped and something new appeared in his worn eyes. Madame Pomfrey had just finished her work inside him and was now removing her hands from Severus' inside.
"She's the right way now," she said. Severus let out a slight growl and an expression of decision awoke in his eyes. Severus closed his eyes and Harry could feel all of the older mans body arch and wrench as he pushed with all his might.
"NO, Severus! No pushing!" Madame Pomfrey screamed in alarm. Severus' eyes lit with confusion and stubbornness.
"I have.. to push. I feel her. she is .. ready.. now. Can't hold.. her back.. anymore.."
"Listen, Severus- DON'T PUSH! Hermione, Harry come with me for a second."
She had them follow her to the corner of the room, while Ron tended the man in the bed.
"Why don't you let him push? He's almost worn out already, why wait until he has no strength left?" Harry was confused, and so was Hermione.
"Yes, Harry's right. The Professor's been through enough already. If he gets to push now when it feels natural for him he'll get it over with sooner."
" Now, listen you two," Madame Pomfrey whispered: "I'm afraid he may have damaged some of his muscles in the lower abdomen after that accident he had down in the dungeons last week. If he starts pushing he might very well rapture an artery and bleed to death in mere seconds." NO! Harry's mind screamed. It wasn't fair! Hadn't Severus been through enough? Could there really be more suffering ahead of him?
"How if you use an enlargement spell on his navel?" Hermione suggested: "That way you could pull out the baby and not hurt the Professor in the process." Pomfrey shook her head:
"Any spell provided to Severus will effect the baby as well. I can't take the risk."
"But what are we to do then?!? Watch him slowly bleed to death?!!" Harry whispered angrily. Madame Pomfrey gave him a calculating look and Harry just knew she was wondering how it was Severus had gotten pregnant in the first place, and with his child.
"I depend on Ron's help on that. Go back to Severus, Harry. He needs you more than anything right now!" She shoved him towards the bed and gestured
Ron to come to her. Harry sat down by the bed again and stroke a wet cloth over Severus' forehead.
"What were you.. whispering about.. " The voice sounded like the voice of an old dying man. "I.. sense..con.. conspira..cy." Blurred eyes tried to search Harry's features.
"We were just discussing your delivery," Harry answered and tried to sound optimistic. Severus didn't seem too impressed by his acting, though.
"I.. know there's ... something.. wrong.." he breathed and clenched a trembling hand to a fist as he did as he was told, ignored the urge to push: "I don't care.. about myself.. Save the.. baby!" A silent sigh made Harry's heart bleed.
"Don't say that! You'll get through this the both of you!" Madame Pomfrey had finished her peptalk with Ron and Hermione and approached the bed.
"Severus, now we'll finally get some things done here, I expect you can't wait?" The voice showed no traces of worry, but her eyes and features said it all. "As I've told you earlier I don't want you to do any pushing."
"And how am.. I.. to do this.. then? Are.. you gonna.. haul it..ou-ut?!" He still tended to his sarcasm, although he seemed to be scared out of his mind.
"You are gonna lie back and try to relax as best as you can, while Ron do the pushing for you." Ron waved his hand nervously as he'd just been called up to a podium. Severus blinked and swallowed heavily.
"Repeat.that.."
"As I said, Ron here is going to push for you, and you're gonna lie back and stay completely passive," Madame Pomfrey repeated impatiently.
"We both. know I'm.. unable to. relax at my.. current.. state.." Harry noticed the man's voice seemed to fall with every word he spoke. If Madame Pomfrey didn't hurry up soon there would be no trouble with having Snape relaxing. He would be dead! He sent the woman what he wanted to believe was an intimidating look, and she responded with a nod and told him where his place was during this, without words. Hermione lined up behind the mediwitch to be of any help if there was anything she needed, while Ron placed himself standing beside the bed, opposite Severus' stomach. He looked pale and Harry could see his hands trembling violently, no doubt he was dreading like a dog for the task ahead of him. He was to push Severus' stomach from under his ribcage, to force the baby out without having Severus using any of his lower abdomen muscles.
And as for Harry, he went over to the other side of the bed and sat down on his knees beside Severus' face. He placed the suffering man's hand in his and gently stroke his free hand over his cheek.
"Try to relax, this will be over in a few moments," he said reassuringly. But Severus shook his head, or more precisely tried to.
"No," he wisphered: "I.. too late." Harry fought to hold back his tears.
"Don't say that, Severus! You have a baby who's gonna need a lot of attention when he or she's born!" This was an attempt from Harry's side to light a spark of the old stubbornness Severus was so greatly known for. But the man in the bed didn't seem to react at all on the words spoken to him.
"Promise me.. promise… you'll take.. care of... our. child," he gasped with begging eyes clutching Harry's hands with his very last strength.
"I. I promise." Harry could no longer hold back the tears.
"OK, Severus- brace yourself! Ron, PUSH!" Severus Snape closed his eyes as quiet tears streamed down his cheeks. He didn't scream any more, he was barely reacting to the severe pain running through his body. This scared
Harry far more than the screams the man had uttered earlier. Ron pushed every time Madame Pomfrey told him to and Hermione ran back and forth providing the mediwitch with various materials. She had decided the birthpassage still wasn't dilated enough to pass a baby. Therefore she needed to make a small cut on each side of the navel, with a knife resembling the scalpel muggle used for surgery. Severus was in so much pain already that he wouldn't feel a thing from the knife.
There was no time to loose, they worked as fast as possible, pushing the infant up the birthcanal. Harry took his eyes from Severus' face just in time to see a tiny head breach the surface of the man's belly. The sight amazed him. This was so unbelievable! He was witnessing a child being born! And not any child, his child! And Severus' child. The miracle of it all suddenly hit him smack in the face. If he and Severus had been lovers as they were supposed to be this would be the biggest present and act of self-sacrifice the man could give him! But this child was to be born into a world where it would be considered a freak, the last evil act of the lord Voldemort and it would grow up knowing Harry didn't want it. No. If there was any humanity left in him he would prevent that from happening. It was his child after all and it was innocent. A silent gasp from the man beside him made him focus his mind on him again. He felt the soft grasp around his hand ease and slip, he saw Severus have a last look at him with a small tender smile on his lips before he passed out.
A scream rattled through the room as newborn lungs drew their first shaking breaths. Hermione was handed the baby while Ron and Pomfrey continued the pushing work until the placenta was delivered to. Harry sensed none of this. He was trying to bring the man next to him back, but he just didn't wake up.
"Madame Pomfrey! Please! He's not waking up, he's not waking up!" The alarm in his voice made the mediwitch draw one sharp breath before she spat out new orders.
"Hermione, hand the baby over to Ron. Then go notify miss McGonagall and also fetch Hagrid! Ron, clean the baby and keep it dry and warm, Harry- do your best to wake him up, I have some sewing to tend to down here, he's loosing blood fast!"
Harry left his body. His soul floated up in the air and hovered over the unreal scene down beneath his feet. He saw the man, outstretched on a bed- with a bright red gap in his midsection, an odd and sharp contrast to the pale white face. He saw the young man kneeling beside him, howling for him to wake up, not to leave him like this. The sorrow in his face revealed more than the fear of loosing someone who was merely a teacher. Was it.. the fear of loosing a mate? And by Severus' stomach he saw Madame Pomfrey, working in frenzy, all covered in the red vital fluid that had once circulated in Severus' veins. Her face was carved in stone, her mouth just a small outline barely visible. And by Hermione's work desk Ron sat, in his hands he held a screaming baby girl, brought to this world in such a haste no one had taken the time to appreciate her arrival. Tiny, tiny fists, tiny, tiny nose and a tiny, tiny screaming mouth without teeth. Severus' baby-daughter, the one he went through this ordeal for, the sign of love, sacrifice and an undying will. And he had not even been granted the chance to see her, to smell her, hold her close. Harry fell down to the floor and back into his body again, woke up to the harsh smell of reality, the sound of his own screaming, panicked voice, the mumbling of the mediwitch working beside him and the screams from the little one in Ron's protecting arms.
McGonagal came running with her hair flying all over. In her haste she hadn't bothered to tie her hair up in the usual knot, she wore a nightgown very similar to the one Pomfrey wore.
"Oh my god!" She stopped dead in the middle of the room, her hand clutching at her chest.
"Minerva, check his pulse!" Madame Pomfrey yelled as she was working on some stitches to keep Severus from bleeding to death. She did what she was told, with trembling fingers. She gave Harry a frightened look, but he had eyes for no one but the man he tried to awake.
"I've got a pulse, but it's weak," she reported.
"Good! I want you to take care of the baby now, and also notify Albus. I don't think he wants to learn of this through the "Daily Prophet"! McGonagal nodded feverishly and seemed to save all the questions written in her face to a later occasion. Ron didn't seem too willing to let go of the baby though. He had more in mind the idea that the baby should stay here in the room with her fathers in case Severus woke up. Minerva wanted no such nonsense.
"A baby here, in all this noise? It would be scarred for life!" she snorted and brought the little one with her.
"Ron, I now need you to stand guard in front of the door. I bet Hermione and Minerva will cause enough racked to wake up the entire school."
Two minutes later Hagrid stormed through the door with a panting Hermione at his heal. He burst out in tears instantly and nearly fainted by the sight of all the blood. He seemed to have lost his ability to speak.
"Hagrid! HAGRID!" Finally Hagrid turned his gaze toward Madame Pomfrey: "I know it's not a pretty sight, but I need you to help me transport Severus to the medical wing!" Hagrid swalloved:
"But cahnt yeh do a floatin spell on him?" He dried his eyes with the back of his hand: "He looks so, so.. weak!"
"No, I'm not gonna use any floating spell on him, he isn't conscious!" she answered him calmly. "Don't worry you won't hurt him," she added.
Carefully, as if he were lifting the most fragile porcelain cup, he took Severus in his arms. His big beetle black eyes shone mournfully as he carried him out of the room, and Harry sat there left behind- not being missed as Madame Pomfrey and Hermione ran after the half giant. A dry rattle went through his chest and he touched the pillow where Severus' head had rested a few seconds ago. The nauseating smell of blood was the final straw that made him loose what little self-control he had left. He started shaking violently and loud sobs forced their way up his throat. All this blood! How could Severus survive if he had lost all this blood?
Ron came in and sat down beside him. He pulled him close and had him cry on his shoulder.
"It's all right, it's all right!" he messed and rocked him like a small child.
"No," Harry sobbed into his ear: "It's not all right! He may die, and it's all my fault!"
"That's not true and you know it, Harry. This is not your fault. It's not anybody's fault!" Ron said determined. Harry jerked away from the comforting embrace and faced him.
"He's been hiding it for nine months to protect ME, Ron! He even tried to go through the birth alone to protect ME! He was trying to protect an egoistic, spoiled brat who's been denying the love granted him for all the years of which he has known the man! I've only seen a dirty old bastard with no capacity of friendship and definitely not love, while I should be seeing a man willing to die for me and the baby he's brought to this world!" Ron pulled him back to his chest and ran his fingers softly through Harry's hair:
"That was all his decisions, not yours, Harry. Think about it, you were eleven! Snape did the only human thing when he deceived you into believing he hated you. If you had seen the true side of him you probably would have fallen in love, if what Hermione has been babbling about for the last few weeks is true. And do you really think that would have made things easier for you OR Severus? And do you really think he would have let people know straight away about his delicate condition if you had impregnated him under "happy" circumstances? It was a shame for him to be pregnant. He is a man for god's sake! I bet he would rather die than have to listen to Madame Pomfrey and McGonagal giving him advice on maternity clothes, or to have students giggling about him in the corridors. He's a man used to being in control all the time, and this was something he couldn't control to full length. He had no way to stop his body from growing and eventually showing, he had no way to stop or control the labor, and I bet that scared the living daylights out of him. " Harry felt a little comforted by his best friend's words and let himself get rocked carefully back and forth until he drifted away from the grusomeness and let his tired body rest.
Hope you'll enjoy this part as well.
Hugs,
Restina
I wish that I could cry,
fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
about a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd,
but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
but won't you concede-
even heroes have the right to dream
And it's not easy to be- me.
Fragment from Superman, by Five for Fighting
The Curse, part 10
Severus recovered quickly from the accident down in the dungeons. After three days in bed he felt strong enough to jump out of bed. Or to be more precise, arch his way up.. It felt nice being able to wobble around in the halls again, at least his heavy belly didn't weigh him down as much as it did when he laid flat in bed. With two and a half weeks to go he was starting to get impatient. He just wanted to get it over with. All this waiting and the sleepless nights were wearing him down, and he hadn't seen Harry at all the last couple of days. He missed him although he knew this was for the best. He had to get used to the idea of spending the rest of his life alone. But he would be blessed with their child.
Madame Pomfry had been most painful to cope with during this ordeal. She had wanted to do a physical check-up on him, but he had denied her to do anything more than a small check-up on his back, wearing his nightshirt. She nagged and nagged about how important it was for her to actually see his back, and to do some scans, but Severus was stubborn. There was no way she would get any chance to reveal his secret! So she had to settle for the next best thing. Hermione and Ron had dared their way down to see to him from time to time and this surprised him. Especially Ron's presence. And it pained him equally that Harry never found any time to see him.
*-*
The next week dragged away like an endless night. Severus felt gravity pulling every single hour of the day, trying to drag him down. The weight balance in his stomach shifted, making him feel even heavier. This probably was the child preparing for birth, turning its head downwards. And Harry still was as distant as he had been after the accident down in the dungeons. He never met Severus' gaze anymore in classes, at meals or in the hallway. Severus supposed Harry was starting to feel the pressure of the near coming event and needed time to cope. And Severus counted the days to when his secret would be revealed. One week and a half. Albus should be back in three, four days, just in time for the biggest scandal of all time at Hogwarts. A teacher having a child with a student!
He felt uncomfortable no matter what. His appetite grew small and dark rings formed beneath his eyes. Minerva asked him kindly how he was doing one Monday and he'd answered her fine, and thereby he'd escaped to his private quarters bawling his eyes out. He didn't feel fine at all! He was big, fat and ugly and he was so tired he just wanted to lie down and sleep a hundred years. He hated his body. The skin on his belly was stretched so tight it ached all the time, and his back ached due to the strain it was under. Thankfully the baby had calmed down lately, probably due to the lack of space to rumble in. Severus felt time was closing in, it could only be a matter of a couple of days. He didn't know whether to be glad for this or to dread like a dog. But he knew he didn't have the strength to continue like this much longer..
*-*
He first noticed it late one night he was tossing in bed trying to get some sleep. It was a small stabbing pain in the back, not long-lasting that returned every thirty minutes or so. Severus didn't think too much about it. It could be anything and he didn't bother with getting upset, excited or whatever he was supposed to be. He had four hours of Potions Classes to teach the following day and his mind settled on that and he ignored the cramps the following hours.
He felt like he'd gained a ton when he got out of bed the following morning. But the cramps weren't getting any worse, and they weren't easing off either. He reckoned it would do him good to move his body and to eat some breakfast. He felt like a penguin as he made his way to the great hall for the first meal of the day. Students were giggling as he went by them and despite his usual self Severus ignored them. He sat down by the teachers' table and tried to eat, but felt too bloated. Instead his eyes wandered down to the table where Harry was seated. Harry didn't return his gaze. He looked too preoccupied with a conversation with Ron. Severus sighed. He had a feeling this would be one of the longest days in his life.
*-*
Harry felt guilty. Of course he did! He didn't like avoiding Snape like this, but he had to. Something would happen if he didn't watch himself, Harry could feel it. His heart jumped every time he caught a glimpse of Severus and he always had that image in his head for the rest of the day if so. Now he'd just glimpsed up at the teachers' table by lunch and he'd seen a man looking paler than usual and with no appetite what so ever. And his mind started to race. Severus had to be dead tired by now, with only two weeks left or something like that it was only natural he'd look a little worn. Harry wished Severus would stop doing this to himself. He was wearing himself out couldn't he see that? He should rest and gain some strength before the birth, not work like there was nothing going on! Harry decided to have a talk with him in the nearest future, but not today. Today he had his final Quidditch match of the year, probably his last Quidditch match ever and nothing would take his mind of that.
Still his thoughts stayed with Severus all through the day. And as he soared to the air on his Firebolt he noticed Severus wasn't there. He usually didn't miss a Quidditch match, so Harry found this odd. But as the game started all this left Harry's mind. Now there was nothing else in his head except the need to catch the golden snitch and win his last game. And as a born star Harry did what everyone expected, winning the game for his team and providing Gryffindor with the Quidditch Cup. The rest of the day was a feast of food and happiness and Harry never thought anymore about the reason why Snape hadn't attended the game. He went to bed late at night, heart bulging with pride, and he fell asleep almost immediately. Just then, something Ron's sister had mentioned earlier suddenly struck his sleeping mind. She had been at a potions class after lunch and she'd told Ron Snape had gotten a weird expression on his face during the class. He had bent over like he had a stomachache or something and she even thought he looked a little afraid. Ron guessed this probably was another baby kick and Harry had agreed.
It was late night when Harry woke with a start. He heard the door creaking and some light had found its way in the pitch-dark room as the door slowly opened. Severus Snape came staggering into the room, leaning against the wall, clutching his stomach with his right arm. His breath was rapid and even in the dark his eyes seemed to burn with pain.
"H-harry.." A soft moan came from the man as he continued inside, careful not to wake anyone but Harry.
"Severus! What's wrong?!" Harry got out of bed and jumped towards the crouching man.
"I.. I think.. it's .. coming." Severus gasped and took one more halting step towards Harry. His face was wet with sweat:
"I thought I could.. handle it alone... but.." Severus feet were starting to cave in under him. Harry had him lean on his shoulder.
"I'm taking you to Hermione's room, she's head-girl this year and has the room all to her self," Harry whispered as he helped Severus out the door.
*-*
All day long, Severus had done his best to hide the pain that had taken a hold of his body, but it became harder and harder. How he had managed to stay on his feet and teach classes at the end of the day he had no idea. But when time came for the Quidditch match there was no way he could act as he was just fine any more. Contractions tore his body slowly apart, and the only thing he could think of was to lie down and get some rest between every contraction. He had bumped into Minerva on his way down to the dungeons, cold sweat on his forehead and a pained look on his features.
"Severus, I really think you're going too far with this research of yours!" she said as he tried to stagger past her. She didn't let him pass her though, strict look on her face.
"You'll stop this fattening right now, or I will complain to the headmaster when he comes back!" Severus really didn't need this right now. He looked calmly at her and told her to step aside through gritted teeth. But Minerva didn't nudge one millimeter.
"You're sick, Severus. I've been standing on the sideline far to long, letting you do this to your self. But now it has to stop!" Conveniently another contraction jerked hold of his back as he tried to look amused by the old witch's sincere concern.
"Please, woman! If it pleases you I'll stop right now, all right?! No more experimenting. I'll just stop eating and get slim again, just as you want. Now, PLEASE let me pass you- I do not have the time to stand in a hall squabbling with an old witch with a long nose!" His voice was no more than a growl, and he bared his teeth like a wolf trapped in a corner. It worked. Minerva moved aside, looking pretty upset and for once lost for words.
He dragged himself down to his private quarters and crushed down in bed, wishing the pain would go away for a while so he could get some rest. He was too tired for this right now, he just wanted to get some sleep. But he knew he had hours of pain ahead of him and that Albus wouldn't be there to save him this time.
The problem with a magical conceived child is that it has to be born "unmagically". Any spell cast to ease the pain of the one giving birth could very well kill the infant. Any natural drugs could stop the birth, as it was not a normal birth. Basically Severus had hell in front of him and he knew this only too well. But the pain wasn't what felt worst. Severus was afraid. He had never felt so afraid or alone his whole miserable life. He, the fearless alchemist was so afraid he cried in his own bed. He had been so sure he would get through this without any help at all, deal with the pain and the loneliness, but now he felt more alone than ever. And as the contractions soared through his body- his soul and mind grew weaker, his hope crumbled into dust. As the night slowly covered Hogwarts in its cold blanket Severus knew he had to get some help or else he would surly die. No matter how much it would pain him, Severus had to beg Harry for help.
*-*
Now, he looked so worn out Harry was astounded Severus had managed to get this far all by himself. He was panting heavily as he tried to match Harry's slow pace. When they finally were down the stairs and in front of Hermione's door Harry could barely hold him up anymore. He knocked softly on the door. No answer. He knocked harder, still no answer. Harry had one look on Severus and decided there was no time to be polite. He opened the door and helped Severus inside.
"Hermione!" He kept his voice down as he helped the hurting man toward Hermione's bed.
"Hermione wake up!" To his great surprise two shadows stirred and the well-known grunt of Ron Weasly when someone wakes him up too early in the morning would in other circumstances have been quite amusing. But not now. Severus needed help, fast.
"Harry, what is it?" Hermione asked, sounding rather irritated as she fumbled around in the semidarkness to find the switch of the light on her nightstand. The dark figure of Ron jumped out of bed and seemed to be searching for something. The light went on, and there he stood in a pink pair of boxers.
"Mione!" he squealed but piped down immediately when he noticed Harry wasn't alone.
"Please, he needs to lay down.. I couldn't drag him all the way back to the dungeons," Harry said and helped Severus to sit on the side of Hermione's bed. Hermione was blushing heavily, but regained her old self soon enough to remember to put on a T-shirt before she jumped out of the bed.
"Here, lay him down," she said and moved the blanket for them. Severus arched down to his side and then over to his back, face covered with sweat, pain and exhaustion. Harry started to unbutton his coat and shirt, while Hermione helped him off with his shoes.
"How long have you been sick?" Harry asked Severus as he slowly worked his way down the buttons of the Professor's clothes.
"Twenty four hours.. give.. or take.." the Professor answered with a moan. His night-black locks were soaking wet, and so were most of his clothes. But most disturbing was another fluid staining his shirt and some of his cloak- blood. Harry felt desperation and fear fill his head as he touched the bloodstained fabric. He got an urge to run away and hide, as so many times before during the last few months. But he saw the fear reflecting in dark eyes and knew there was no way he could leave this man now.
"Twenty four hours?" he replied: "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Beacuse I thought.. I could handle it.. I've only been having ..heavy contractions since lunch..time." Severus had a pityful look on his face. Harry was ashamed he hadn't noticed his supposed soul mate's pain. He'd been selfish, only thinking about himself and some stupid Quidditch-match.
Hermione had a look on Severus' belly. She looked deeply concerned and ordered Ron to get a wet cloth. Harry knew she had been reading up on everything she could find about male pregnancies during the last few weeks. She had told him that the man's bellybutton had to be eight to ten centimeters dilated before the birth-passage was wide enough for the baby to pass. And besides there was awfully many elements that could go wrong during such a birth.
Harry felt sick. All that blood, poring out of a hole of Severus' body! How much blood had he already lost, how much blood would he loose? And to see his face contort in pain every time a new contraction ravaged his body. Hermione washed most of the red fluid away so that he could see how far the labor had come.
"Three centimeters.." she said, her voice more tense than what Harry liked. Severus clutched his arms around his belly and he seemed to be fighting the urge to scream.
"Help him sit up," Hermione said, "That will help him work the contractions." Ron and Harry held Severus up while Hermione arranged the pillows to support his back. Severus panted and writhed slightly, but kept surprisingly still.
"I think we should get Madame Pomfrey," Hermione said after wiping Severus forehead with a clean cloth.
"No," Severus breathed and looked her straight in the eye. "Don. don't get. her.. I'll manage.. just a few more minutes and..I'll be.. fully dial.." A small whimper escaped his throat and he clenched his hands into fists.
"Please, Professor- don't hold back! Work with the pain, don't try to will it away. That will only drain your energy." Hermione looked at Harry: "Help him, Harry, he needs to let go!" Harry looked small and afraid, and he knew it. He had no idea how to support this man whose stomach was tearing itself slowly apart. So he did the only thing he could think of, he took Severus' hand and held it tight. Severus clinged to him like a lost child and finally let out a growl. More blood. Harry felt his heart beating faster and faster. He realised he feared for Severus' life and that the grip around his hand was becoming weaker and weaker by the minute. A sudden contraction seemed to have caught the professor by surprise and a scream flung up his throat with such intensity Harry was sure he would hear it again and again in his future nightmares.
"Ron, get Madame Pomfrey, NOW! The Professor needs more help than the three of us can provide." Hermione was determined and there was nothing that could change her mind when she was like this. Her features were cut in stone and her eyes flashed as she bent down to explain the situation to the Potions Master.
"The progress is to slow, Sir. And I fear that both yours and the baby's lives are at stake if you don't get proper help right now." A weak nod was all the answer she got. It seemed like the last of Severus' strength had left with the last contraction, together with the scream that had nearly raptured both his lungs. Harry felt him slowly drift away between the cramps now, only to be ripped back to reality when a new cramp set in. Severus' gaze grew distant, his breathing shallow. Hermione was really worried, and Harry was scared out of his wits.
"Severus, stay with me now, you hear?" Harry squeezed his hand and brushed a cold cheek with a trembling finger. His eyelids flickered before he looked straight at Harry, bottomless hurt scorching his eyes.
"The baby.." he whispered: "I need you to.." Severus had fainted. Tears stung Harry's eyes as he desperately tired to wake the man on the bed looking more dead than alive.
"Severus! You must stay awake, do you hear me, stay awake!!!" Harry started to shiver to the lack of response from the passed out man. The sound of approaching steps caught his ear. Next thing Madame Pomfrey came soaring through the door with an expression of both fury and fear on her face, dressed in a long white night-dress. She didn't say a word, just marched straight to the bed and pinched Severus' cheek. No response.
"RON! My medical-bag!" she roared at the precise moment Ron entered the room with flushing cheeks and heavy breathing.
"How long has he been this way?" Madam Pomfrey checked the passed out man's pulse. She made Harry and Hermione lay Severus down flat on his back again to reduce the pressure on the baby.
"A..a couple of minutes!" Harry stuttered. The mediwitch opened the bag Ron had handed her and sorted through what seemed like hundreds of small bottles with different fluids in them.
"Oh dear, why do I never take the time to tidy up this mess?!" she gnarled through gritted teeth as she tossed one bottle after another harshly away.
Finally she seemed to have found what she was looking for and leaned over to spill the contents down Severus' throat.
"Come on, come on you stubborn old bastard!!" she growled to the lifeless man. Hermione was crying in the corner, Ron was comforting her as best he could while crying himself. Harry couldn't cry. There were no tears inside him. He was a desert, still he wanted to scream, yell, and roar for Severus to wake up. He didn't want this! He wanted Severus alive, he wanted the baby alive. Maybe he wasn't suited to be a father or to be Severus' soul mate, but that didn't mean he wanted them dead!!!
A hoarse gasp and panicked inhales of air sounded as music to everybody's ears. Severus had been hauled back again with the life-bringing potion Madame Pomfry had given him. He looked no better, though. But he was breathing, and that was a start.
"Poppy?" he breathed as he blinked to state where he was: "What.."
"Severus, if it wasn't for your current condition I would slap you!" Madame Pomfrey said with eyes throwing lightning: "What were you thinking hiding this from me? Do you have any idea of the danger you have put yourself in??!"
"Don't blame him," Harry said and touched her shoulder with a begging hand: "He did it to protect me." Madame Pomfrey turned her flashing gaze towards Harry:
"And why is that, if I may ask?!"
"I'm the father." Harry said barely audible, a cloud of guilt covered his eyes as he fought with the shame welling inside him. Her eyes bulged to the point of no recognition, but she calmed down immediately.
"Now, well. I'll deal with the pair of you later. Now we have a baby to deliver!" She bent down over Severus' stomach and moved her hands over it carefully.
"Something's not right here," she mumbled and ignored a small whimper from Severus who suddenly looked even more disturbed.
"Severus, dear," she said now with her voice low and calm, no trace of anger left in her features: "This is going too slowly. Twenty four hours is a long labor and you're not even fully dilated yet. I'm afraid I need to feel how the baby's doing and that means I have to be a bit rough. I'm gonna place my hands on your stomach and decide how the baby is positioned, all right?" Tears of pain were streaming down the face of the dog tired man, but he gave his consent with a small nod. Harry didn't know whether to go hold Severus' hand or to keep out of Pomfrey's way so he stayed put.
"Harry?" a whisper came from the bed. Uncertain eyes, a trembling hand. Harry sat down on his knees by the bed, holding Severus' fingers. A relieved sigh came from the hurting man and Madame Pomfrey went ahead with her work.
A minute later Severus had vomited all over himself and he now felt so utterly humiliated he was sure he couldn't sink any lower. The pressure provided to his stomach by Poppy's trained hands were to much for his stomach-sack and it had done the only thing possible, ridded it self with the food it was digesting. Maybe he should be thankful it came up an didn't continue down and out an even more humiliating place, but Severus was to tired to thank any lucky star for such things right now.
Harry was cleaning him as best as he could, while Madame Pomfrey continued her examination with excruciating results.
"I think he's gonna throw up again! Ron, help me get him over to the side!" Harry's voice somewhere in front of the mist that covered his eyes. He felt the all too well known sensation of something flushing up his throat and out his mouth again. He had done a fair deal of vomiting down in the dungeons the previous hours. This time he wrenched the last drop of gastric juice up his throat and was sure he would start puking intestines any second.
"Roll him over again, I need to finish this no matter how painful it is," Madame Pomfrey said in an apologetic voice. Severus sensed being rolled over to his back again and felt the mediwitch's hard hands over his abdomen once more. He felt Harry's hand embrace his and clutched back, terrified he might let go. Finally Madame Pomfrey removed her hands and the horrible pressure eased a tad.
"No wonder you're not doing any progress, Severus, the baby lays the wrong way!" she said and cleaned her blood stained hands.
"No, ..that's not true," he answered weakly: "I know for a fact the baby has turned with its head down, it's been kicking me in the ribs to state it to!" He saw two Poppy's hovering over him.
"Well, you're both right and wrong," she answered: Yes, the baby lays with her head down, but as you are a man, and this pregnancy is a magically generated one, she's supposed to be positioned with her nose up towards your navel. Now she lies with her head facing your spine. That means that if you try to push, and succeed doing so- you may break her neck!" If Severus hadn't looked pale before he certainly did now. If he hadn't gone and seeked help, if he had stayed in the dungeons and tended to the birth himself he would have killed the baby. Harry's baby! The only thing that had kept him sane and determined for the last nine months! A dry rattle that would have been a sob if he had had the strength for it went through his chest. He could have been a killer!
Madame Pomfrey leaned closer to him and stroke his chin with a reassuring finger:
"I have to go in with my hands to turn her around. Now, I'm not gonna lie to you, Severus- this will hurt! But it's the only way we can save her life. She's under a lot of strain right now and we have no time to loose. I'm gonna give you a light potion to help with the pain, but the most important thing for you now is NOT to push! No matter how natural and important if feels, don't push. Pushing may make things worse for both you and the baby right now, you understand?" Severus only wanted Poppy to save the baby so he could fall asleep and never wake up again. He had no idea how he was to survive with Poppy's hands inside him when he'd been beyond agony with her hands on top of him.
*-*
Severus' features shimmered in the glow from the lamp next to him on the nightstand. He was so covered in sweat and agony Harry wondered how the man could ever recover. The blood was poring out the tear in Severus' belly and now Madame Pomfrey was going to wrench her hands through it!
"Harry, Ron! We need to move the bed away from the wall. This way you can hold Severus down on both sides. He needs to lay perfectly still while I do this procedure and spite as weakened as he is I still believe he is able to move if it hurts bad enough. And Hermione, you'll tie down his legs for me while I give him some sedatives." Hermione looked pale, but she did what she was told. Severus Snape desperately tried to jerk his feet away from her grip, but had no chance. Harry watched in silence. It was horrible to see Severus being tied down like a wild animal. And he would have to hold him down while the mediwitch stuck her hands down his navel! He wanted to throw up, but the voice of Madame Pomfrey cut like a knife in his brain.
"Harry Potter, get a move on! Help Ron move the bed, we have no time to loose here!" she screamed while searching for another bottle down her medical bag.
"Hey, there's no need to scream at me!!" Harry yelled back. He was now so out of his mind of fear and despair this shouting witch made his life hell.
"Harry, calm down." Ron patted him on the shoulder: "Help me move the bed now, OK?" Harry sent Madame Pomfrey a scowling gaze and did what Ron had told him. He knew she probably was just as upset as he was and that it was nothing personal that made her scream at him, but he had too many nerves outside his skin right now, he just didn't cope.. Snape had a look of retreat on his face that Harry didn't like at all. He'd given up, Harry was sure of it. And when he'd moved the bed he bent down and tried to get some sort of contact with the man, but he seemed to be near passing out again.
"Severus, Severus?" There was a mumbling response and Severus Snape turned towards him with begging eyes.
"Listen, I know I've said a lot of harsh things lately, but you mustn't worry about that now. Think about the baby and yourself, you hear?" Harry squeezed a lame hand and tried feverishly to cope with the raging war that went on inside him right now.
There were two sides. There was the side that saw the old Snape, the Potions Master, his old fiend. That side saw the man loathing everything decent, the man who felt joy in throwing himself at the weak as well as deadly opponents, a man which hobby was being unfair and just plain nasty. But then there was the new Snape, the vulnerable man, the lonely man, the supposed soul mate. The Snape that tried so well to hide his vulnerability but failed, the man who attacked before being attacked, the man with an inner beauty so well hidden because of his fear and prejudice, the man who didn't dare to trust because he feared to be betrayed. The man who denied his own faith to protect his soul mate. No matter who Severus eventually turned out to be Harry didn't wish this on him. It was inhuman.
"Harry, step away from the bed while I give Severus the sedative!" Madame
Pomfrey nearly pushed him away from the bedside in her urge to get to Snape. There was a silent moan from the man while he tried to avoid the liquid being pored down his throat, but he surrendered soon enough.
"The sedative will kick in almost instantly, but it's not a strong one. I don't dare give you anything more powerful, but I bet you already knew that, right?" In one second a well-known frown appeared on Snape's face and there was a small curl on his upper lip.
"I also took the liberty to give you some more of the potion I gave you a little while ago. I don't need you passing out on me in the middle of this." She gestured to Harry and Ron to go to their places.
"And please remember- don't push under ANY circumstances- DON'T PUSH!" Her face looked grave as she cleaned her hands with a antibacterial fluid from one of her many bottles.
"Hermione, maybe you could hold his head for me?" she calmly asked as she dried her hands. By Hermione's reaction Harry bet there was nothing less in the whole wide world she wanted to do right now. It simply felt wrong, no matter how necessary it was, to hold down a man like this, to deny him the natural urge to try and fight off the pain scorching his body. And how this ordeal had to feel for the man who cherished his privacy of thoughts, mind and body more than anything.. Harry didn't even want to know.
*-*
Severus felt like some savage animal not to be trusted. He knew it was for his own and the baby's safety, but to be pushed down like this and to have his feet tied to the bedposts.. The seditive took some of the pain, but not remotely as much as he would have liked. He was so afraid he almost pissed his pants as he waited for Madame Pomfrey to start her work. He'd been through so much already he didn't know if he could stand any more. The last nine months and the last twenty four hours rushed through his mind as a pain beyond anything he'd ever imagined grabbed a hold of his whole being and sent him straight to hell. A single thought swirled trough his head: This was the night he would die..
*-*
A scream so terrifying Hermione let go of Snape's head flung through the room moments after the mediwitch started her procedure. All of Severus' body arched and cramped giving Ron and Harry a really hard time holding him down. His eyes wrenched up in horror and the veins on his throat bulged to a point Harry feared they would burst. If it hadn't been for the fact that the stone walls of the castle made most of the rooms practically soundproof the door would have been run down with curious people by now.
"It's gonna be okay, Professor, just hang in there!" Ron's voice was
high-pitched and rather panicky, but he hid it well. Harry had to close his eyes. He didn't have the heart to see more of the suffering of this man.
There had to be a better way than this, there had to be!
"AAAAAAAAAAAARRGHH!" A new scream sent knives of fear down Harry's spine.
Hermione whimpered and Harry opened his eyes to see her sobbing over Severus' head, which she was holding in a trembling grasp. Harry looked over to Ron. There was a determined young man sitting opposite him, clutching Severus' shoulder and arm, an expression of steel painted his eyes as he struggled to hold his Professor down. Over by Severus' belly Madame Pomfrey was working in silence. With red bloodstains on her hands, face and nightgown and the focussed look she looked scary enough to send any last year home screaming. Dear god, Snape had to be scared shitless!
The minutes seemed to pass away like hours. The screaming never ended. The man twitching between their arms seemed possessed by a force much stronger than him. By the look on his face there was no energy left in his body.
Still he screamed and screamed as Madame Pomfrey did her best to save the child within him. And the sedative seemed to have no effect what so ever.
But suddenly he calmed down. The screaming stopped and something new appeared in his worn eyes. Madame Pomfrey had just finished her work inside him and was now removing her hands from Severus' inside.
"She's the right way now," she said. Severus let out a slight growl and an expression of decision awoke in his eyes. Severus closed his eyes and Harry could feel all of the older mans body arch and wrench as he pushed with all his might.
"NO, Severus! No pushing!" Madame Pomfrey screamed in alarm. Severus' eyes lit with confusion and stubbornness.
"I have.. to push. I feel her. she is .. ready.. now. Can't hold.. her back.. anymore.."
"Listen, Severus- DON'T PUSH! Hermione, Harry come with me for a second."
She had them follow her to the corner of the room, while Ron tended the man in the bed.
"Why don't you let him push? He's almost worn out already, why wait until he has no strength left?" Harry was confused, and so was Hermione.
"Yes, Harry's right. The Professor's been through enough already. If he gets to push now when it feels natural for him he'll get it over with sooner."
" Now, listen you two," Madame Pomfrey whispered: "I'm afraid he may have damaged some of his muscles in the lower abdomen after that accident he had down in the dungeons last week. If he starts pushing he might very well rapture an artery and bleed to death in mere seconds." NO! Harry's mind screamed. It wasn't fair! Hadn't Severus been through enough? Could there really be more suffering ahead of him?
"How if you use an enlargement spell on his navel?" Hermione suggested: "That way you could pull out the baby and not hurt the Professor in the process." Pomfrey shook her head:
"Any spell provided to Severus will effect the baby as well. I can't take the risk."
"But what are we to do then?!? Watch him slowly bleed to death?!!" Harry whispered angrily. Madame Pomfrey gave him a calculating look and Harry just knew she was wondering how it was Severus had gotten pregnant in the first place, and with his child.
"I depend on Ron's help on that. Go back to Severus, Harry. He needs you more than anything right now!" She shoved him towards the bed and gestured
Ron to come to her. Harry sat down by the bed again and stroke a wet cloth over Severus' forehead.
"What were you.. whispering about.. " The voice sounded like the voice of an old dying man. "I.. sense..con.. conspira..cy." Blurred eyes tried to search Harry's features.
"We were just discussing your delivery," Harry answered and tried to sound optimistic. Severus didn't seem too impressed by his acting, though.
"I.. know there's ... something.. wrong.." he breathed and clenched a trembling hand to a fist as he did as he was told, ignored the urge to push: "I don't care.. about myself.. Save the.. baby!" A silent sigh made Harry's heart bleed.
"Don't say that! You'll get through this the both of you!" Madame Pomfrey had finished her peptalk with Ron and Hermione and approached the bed.
"Severus, now we'll finally get some things done here, I expect you can't wait?" The voice showed no traces of worry, but her eyes and features said it all. "As I've told you earlier I don't want you to do any pushing."
"And how am.. I.. to do this.. then? Are.. you gonna.. haul it..ou-ut?!" He still tended to his sarcasm, although he seemed to be scared out of his mind.
"You are gonna lie back and try to relax as best as you can, while Ron do the pushing for you." Ron waved his hand nervously as he'd just been called up to a podium. Severus blinked and swallowed heavily.
"Repeat.that.."
"As I said, Ron here is going to push for you, and you're gonna lie back and stay completely passive," Madame Pomfrey repeated impatiently.
"We both. know I'm.. unable to. relax at my.. current.. state.." Harry noticed the man's voice seemed to fall with every word he spoke. If Madame Pomfrey didn't hurry up soon there would be no trouble with having Snape relaxing. He would be dead! He sent the woman what he wanted to believe was an intimidating look, and she responded with a nod and told him where his place was during this, without words. Hermione lined up behind the mediwitch to be of any help if there was anything she needed, while Ron placed himself standing beside the bed, opposite Severus' stomach. He looked pale and Harry could see his hands trembling violently, no doubt he was dreading like a dog for the task ahead of him. He was to push Severus' stomach from under his ribcage, to force the baby out without having Severus using any of his lower abdomen muscles.
And as for Harry, he went over to the other side of the bed and sat down on his knees beside Severus' face. He placed the suffering man's hand in his and gently stroke his free hand over his cheek.
"Try to relax, this will be over in a few moments," he said reassuringly. But Severus shook his head, or more precisely tried to.
"No," he wisphered: "I.. too late." Harry fought to hold back his tears.
"Don't say that, Severus! You have a baby who's gonna need a lot of attention when he or she's born!" This was an attempt from Harry's side to light a spark of the old stubbornness Severus was so greatly known for. But the man in the bed didn't seem to react at all on the words spoken to him.
"Promise me.. promise… you'll take.. care of... our. child," he gasped with begging eyes clutching Harry's hands with his very last strength.
"I. I promise." Harry could no longer hold back the tears.
"OK, Severus- brace yourself! Ron, PUSH!" Severus Snape closed his eyes as quiet tears streamed down his cheeks. He didn't scream any more, he was barely reacting to the severe pain running through his body. This scared
Harry far more than the screams the man had uttered earlier. Ron pushed every time Madame Pomfrey told him to and Hermione ran back and forth providing the mediwitch with various materials. She had decided the birthpassage still wasn't dilated enough to pass a baby. Therefore she needed to make a small cut on each side of the navel, with a knife resembling the scalpel muggle used for surgery. Severus was in so much pain already that he wouldn't feel a thing from the knife.
There was no time to loose, they worked as fast as possible, pushing the infant up the birthcanal. Harry took his eyes from Severus' face just in time to see a tiny head breach the surface of the man's belly. The sight amazed him. This was so unbelievable! He was witnessing a child being born! And not any child, his child! And Severus' child. The miracle of it all suddenly hit him smack in the face. If he and Severus had been lovers as they were supposed to be this would be the biggest present and act of self-sacrifice the man could give him! But this child was to be born into a world where it would be considered a freak, the last evil act of the lord Voldemort and it would grow up knowing Harry didn't want it. No. If there was any humanity left in him he would prevent that from happening. It was his child after all and it was innocent. A silent gasp from the man beside him made him focus his mind on him again. He felt the soft grasp around his hand ease and slip, he saw Severus have a last look at him with a small tender smile on his lips before he passed out.
A scream rattled through the room as newborn lungs drew their first shaking breaths. Hermione was handed the baby while Ron and Pomfrey continued the pushing work until the placenta was delivered to. Harry sensed none of this. He was trying to bring the man next to him back, but he just didn't wake up.
"Madame Pomfrey! Please! He's not waking up, he's not waking up!" The alarm in his voice made the mediwitch draw one sharp breath before she spat out new orders.
"Hermione, hand the baby over to Ron. Then go notify miss McGonagall and also fetch Hagrid! Ron, clean the baby and keep it dry and warm, Harry- do your best to wake him up, I have some sewing to tend to down here, he's loosing blood fast!"
Harry left his body. His soul floated up in the air and hovered over the unreal scene down beneath his feet. He saw the man, outstretched on a bed- with a bright red gap in his midsection, an odd and sharp contrast to the pale white face. He saw the young man kneeling beside him, howling for him to wake up, not to leave him like this. The sorrow in his face revealed more than the fear of loosing someone who was merely a teacher. Was it.. the fear of loosing a mate? And by Severus' stomach he saw Madame Pomfrey, working in frenzy, all covered in the red vital fluid that had once circulated in Severus' veins. Her face was carved in stone, her mouth just a small outline barely visible. And by Hermione's work desk Ron sat, in his hands he held a screaming baby girl, brought to this world in such a haste no one had taken the time to appreciate her arrival. Tiny, tiny fists, tiny, tiny nose and a tiny, tiny screaming mouth without teeth. Severus' baby-daughter, the one he went through this ordeal for, the sign of love, sacrifice and an undying will. And he had not even been granted the chance to see her, to smell her, hold her close. Harry fell down to the floor and back into his body again, woke up to the harsh smell of reality, the sound of his own screaming, panicked voice, the mumbling of the mediwitch working beside him and the screams from the little one in Ron's protecting arms.
McGonagal came running with her hair flying all over. In her haste she hadn't bothered to tie her hair up in the usual knot, she wore a nightgown very similar to the one Pomfrey wore.
"Oh my god!" She stopped dead in the middle of the room, her hand clutching at her chest.
"Minerva, check his pulse!" Madame Pomfrey yelled as she was working on some stitches to keep Severus from bleeding to death. She did what she was told, with trembling fingers. She gave Harry a frightened look, but he had eyes for no one but the man he tried to awake.
"I've got a pulse, but it's weak," she reported.
"Good! I want you to take care of the baby now, and also notify Albus. I don't think he wants to learn of this through the "Daily Prophet"! McGonagal nodded feverishly and seemed to save all the questions written in her face to a later occasion. Ron didn't seem too willing to let go of the baby though. He had more in mind the idea that the baby should stay here in the room with her fathers in case Severus woke up. Minerva wanted no such nonsense.
"A baby here, in all this noise? It would be scarred for life!" she snorted and brought the little one with her.
"Ron, I now need you to stand guard in front of the door. I bet Hermione and Minerva will cause enough racked to wake up the entire school."
Two minutes later Hagrid stormed through the door with a panting Hermione at his heal. He burst out in tears instantly and nearly fainted by the sight of all the blood. He seemed to have lost his ability to speak.
"Hagrid! HAGRID!" Finally Hagrid turned his gaze toward Madame Pomfrey: "I know it's not a pretty sight, but I need you to help me transport Severus to the medical wing!" Hagrid swalloved:
"But cahnt yeh do a floatin spell on him?" He dried his eyes with the back of his hand: "He looks so, so.. weak!"
"No, I'm not gonna use any floating spell on him, he isn't conscious!" she answered him calmly. "Don't worry you won't hurt him," she added.
Carefully, as if he were lifting the most fragile porcelain cup, he took Severus in his arms. His big beetle black eyes shone mournfully as he carried him out of the room, and Harry sat there left behind- not being missed as Madame Pomfrey and Hermione ran after the half giant. A dry rattle went through his chest and he touched the pillow where Severus' head had rested a few seconds ago. The nauseating smell of blood was the final straw that made him loose what little self-control he had left. He started shaking violently and loud sobs forced their way up his throat. All this blood! How could Severus survive if he had lost all this blood?
Ron came in and sat down beside him. He pulled him close and had him cry on his shoulder.
"It's all right, it's all right!" he messed and rocked him like a small child.
"No," Harry sobbed into his ear: "It's not all right! He may die, and it's all my fault!"
"That's not true and you know it, Harry. This is not your fault. It's not anybody's fault!" Ron said determined. Harry jerked away from the comforting embrace and faced him.
"He's been hiding it for nine months to protect ME, Ron! He even tried to go through the birth alone to protect ME! He was trying to protect an egoistic, spoiled brat who's been denying the love granted him for all the years of which he has known the man! I've only seen a dirty old bastard with no capacity of friendship and definitely not love, while I should be seeing a man willing to die for me and the baby he's brought to this world!" Ron pulled him back to his chest and ran his fingers softly through Harry's hair:
"That was all his decisions, not yours, Harry. Think about it, you were eleven! Snape did the only human thing when he deceived you into believing he hated you. If you had seen the true side of him you probably would have fallen in love, if what Hermione has been babbling about for the last few weeks is true. And do you really think that would have made things easier for you OR Severus? And do you really think he would have let people know straight away about his delicate condition if you had impregnated him under "happy" circumstances? It was a shame for him to be pregnant. He is a man for god's sake! I bet he would rather die than have to listen to Madame Pomfrey and McGonagal giving him advice on maternity clothes, or to have students giggling about him in the corridors. He's a man used to being in control all the time, and this was something he couldn't control to full length. He had no way to stop his body from growing and eventually showing, he had no way to stop or control the labor, and I bet that scared the living daylights out of him. " Harry felt a little comforted by his best friend's words and let himself get rocked carefully back and forth until he drifted away from the grusomeness and let his tired body rest.