Isolation
Disclaimer: I do not own Flame of Recca or any of the characters. I'm merely using them for my own pleasure. Please don't sue me. Thanks.
A/N: Hello again people! Thanks for forgiving me...and my procrastination. Anyway, this is the last chapter. The ending and all, for my story. ^^;; Your patience and perseverance have finally paid off. Now if anyone's wondering what's going to happen next, I'll leave it to you whether you want to scroll down or hit the back button. [I'm hoping no one does the latter] Thank you for all the reviews and thanks a million to the reviewers! You guys help me improve my writing skills.
Also, special thanks to my friend, nixxie. She's helped me by tossing in ideas for this fic when I was suffering the dreaded WB [writer's block] Thanks a million, pal! And now, without further ado, chapter 8. Comments, criticisms and of course, reviews are very much appreciated. ^-^
Chapter 8: I Need YouShe remained in her place. The uncomfortable silence pursued. Domon shifted unceasingly beside her, not knowing what to say. Heck, she didn't know what to say. Mixed emotions ran through her mind. A flood of unknown feelings and she didn't know what to do.
He was...leaving?
But America was halfway around the world! What was that idiot thinking of now?
...really now, did that matter so much?
Fuuko distractedly pushed her utensils away. And so what if he was leaving? She didn't care. Right? Then why was she trying so hard to ignore the queasy feeling inside her? She felt like barfing what her stomach was about to digest. It couldn't mean that she still felt something for her ex-friend, or whatever she called him now.
"Fuuko? You okay?"
She nodded absentmindedly. Of course she was okay. Why wouldn't she be? It's just that Yanagi's sudden confession came out as such a surprise. Of all things...she didn't expect this to happen. What was this? A new plan to avoid her? He was probably sick and tired of Japan. Sick and tired of seeing her... Another escape for him. It was so easy for him to hide.
The thought made her so distressed.
So you are disturbed.
Am not.
Yes you are.
Quit that. I don't care.
You're sad. You feel this squeezing pain in your chest.
So what? I was shocked.
You're empty. Lonely.
...No. I'm fine.
Admit it.
What do you care?
You want him back, don't you?
No! He's a complete moron. I don't want to waste my time with him.
HE made you feel happy.
Raiha made me feel happy. Tokiya hurt my feelings.
Face it. Raiha's dead. He can't do anything now. Tokiya made you smile, in spite of everything.
Until I heard everything.
You're lonely. Again. You never wanted to feel that again right?
...but I feel empty. I have to admit that.
What do you want, then?
I...want him back.
Are you going to let him go, just like Raiha?
No. I can't bear that. I can't.
I can't stand the thought of it.
I can't!She stood up abruptly, nearly upsetting her glass of water. She had to do something. Anything. She scrambled out of the table, heading for the door. The rest of the group gave her astonished faces, but she threw an apologetic look at Yanagi. "I'm sorry." She mumbled. "I have to take care of something first."
Yanagi's mouth fell open then smiled encouragingly. "Good luck."
"Thanks." Fuuko returned the smile and ran out of the door.
*******
He took one last look at his home. He'd been living there for 10 years, and now he was about to leave it. A place filled with so many memories. Tokiya closed his eyes and for once remembered her cheerful smile, her beautiful eyes and closed his door, locking it. In a few hours, he'd be seated in an airplane bound for the other side of the planet. Everything would be left behind.
That wistful face that captured him from the very beginning still remained in his mind. He sighed heavily and followed the driver, carrying his things to the cab. It was going to take him quite some time to forget about her. Just like Mifuyu's death. He estimated that it would take just as long.
Or maybe longer.
Why are you doing this? He asked himself.
Because he wanted to go away. To leave her alone. To let himself be. It was the best for the both of them. She wouldn't have to see his face, which she now hated. And she wouldn't haunt him anymore. In other words, both of them would be in perfect peace if this thing pushed through. Everything was ready. He set his affairs in order, got his recommendation letters from his professors and had his application filled up. Harvard was willing to accept his scholarship.
If only he could bring himself to say goodbye to her.
He really was intending to say his goodbyes. That was why he requested Yanagi to keep the thing confidential. But knowing her, she'd probably tell Fuuko tomorrow. Hopefully. There was no use hiding it anyway. She'll be bound to notice that he was leaving.
Did she? The past few times he'd encounter her in the school campus, she would have this determined look and she ignored him. He longed to go to her and apologize profusely, to beg her to forgive him. But his pride kept him back. She probably didn't want to speak to him anyway. It hurt him, to see her so cold and harsh. He had to admit that he missed her. He missed her smile, her voice, and her eyes...
Oh, stop it. He told himself. Getting all too sentimental would get him nowhere.
As he sat in the cab, the sky's blue hues slowly blended into deep orange and red. The perfect sunset. He leaned against a propped elbow and watched the sun sink down to make way for the moon. He spent many afternoons watching nature's marvels. He wondered if the same scene would take place in the US. Were the sunsets the same? Were the people as courteous as the ones here?
Would I still see the same pair of eyes and the smiling mouth?"Where to, sir?" the taxi driver interrupted his thoughts.
"To the airport, please." He responded politely. "But before that...there's this place I'd like to stop by..."
*******
She stopped and leaned over, trying to catch her breath. She stood before his door. Thankfully, no one she knew saw her run recklessly by the streets. And now, she was actually here. Again. The place still looked the same. She hadn't been here for a long time. 3 weeks was long. She was back. It took her a while for her to gather her courage to knock.
Was he mad at me?
Her sudden outburst, her cruel words were definitely a mistake. She didn't want him to go. Fuuko drew a deep breath and knocked smartly on the door.
There was no answer.
Fuuko tried again.
Silence.
She was about to kick it open when she found out that it was unlocked. She entered the room.
Empty.
Everything was gone, save for the basic furniture. But nothing was around. Not a trace of life. His coat, his jacket, his shoes were replaced by the empty space. She ran desperately to his room, only to find a bare bedstead. The picture frame of Mifuyu was gone. More so, the silver band she had given him on one of their special outings was not to be found anywhere.
She was late.
Too late.
Where could he be?
A tear rolled down her cheek.
He's gone. It's all your fault.
It was all her fault! Her foolish pride, her selfish thoughts...it all led to this.
And there was nothing she could do now.
She could have done so much. She wasted time.
They could have been happy.
We could have been together.
She hung her head in despair and fled out.
There was only one place she could go to now. Before, she had him. She could run to his place and pour out everything. Yanagi could only do so much...but she felt right at home with him. He listened patiently to all her problems; he gave her advice she'd never heard before. He made her smile, he made her laugh...he gave her the comfort she was longing for.
I was such a fool.
Why did she only realize this now?
You only miss the water when it's gone.
Another one. She let him go.
Only a fool would make the same mistakes.
Just like Raiha.
Fuuko didn't stop running until she reached her favorite swing by the same old hillside park. She wasn't crying...yet. She couldn't bring herself to cry now. Her heart was. A painful ache tore through her chest and she pushed herself furiously. Mad at herself, angry at him for leaving, and most of all, enraged at her own stupidity. She knew she wasn't worth anything anymore. She closed her eyes, feeling the hot prickling liquid trickling down.
If only I hadn't said anything.
If only I forgave you.
If only I told you.
As the swing took her up to higher momentum, she was able to catch a glimpse of the whole city. It was already dark and the metropolis was lighted with all sorts of colors. A pretty sight, to behold. If only she could share it with a special someone, this time. She shook her head sadly, inhaling mixed feelings of regret and misery. There goes another chance of happiness. She had ruined it all.
"Way to go Fuu---"
A flash of silver caught her eye.
She frowned and slowed down. Right down there was a cemetery. A graveyard. Unless her eyes were fooling her, there was a yellow cab. And getting out of it was a tall man, with long silver hair.
Was that him?
She squinted, trying to get a proper look. It was him. The long locks of silver hair she longed to run her hands in. The tall lean figure that held her when she was troubled. No doubt that it was him. He was still here. Kami-sama granted her 5 more minutes, or so she hoped.
Fuuko tore down the hill, running as fast as her legs would take her.
*******
Tokiya walked over to a particular tombstone. There he offered white roses, in mid bloom. It would be a long time before he would be able to do this again. Mifuyu Mikagami. A loving daughter and sister. "Neechan." He whispered, smiling sadly. "I'll be gone for awhile. But I'll be back to give you your favorite flowers. I'm sorry that I have to go, but it has to be done."
He'd do anything to take that moment to hug his sister and cry for her advice. But he was used to being alone. He'd live most of his present life like that.
He wanted to linger for another thirty minutes, but since the taxi driver was waiting for him, he allotted another 5 minutes to spend time there. After all, it would be very long before he did come back. He also wondered, if he intended to go back. And if he were to come back, would he go back to her? Would she still remember his face?
Would she still accept him?
Tokiya pictured Fuuko after another 6 years. Probably working, successfully. And with another.
The image made him wince. If it was anything, he wanted to be the one to hold her.
Damn, he hadn't even left the country and he missed her already! How was he supposed to live like this?
He loved her. He loved everything about her. He loved her so much that it begun to hurt now. He wanted to hold her in his arms again, to continue that kiss he had begun. He longed to tell her that he loved her since the beginning of everything. He wanted to be with her.
Unwilling to take this any longer, he stood up and said his final goodbye to his sister. If he was to forget everything, then the sooner he started, the better it would be. He turned around, and made his way to where the cab was waiting to take him to the airport. But he fixed the flowers once more. He couldn't help but do it. "The truth is..." he said to the tombstone, "I don't want to leave. But..."
"But what?" A voice interrupted.
He stopped, nearly dropping the flowers.
"Well?"
That voice.
He couldn't believe it. Tokiya spun around to find Fuuko staring at him expectantly, a bit out of breath. She was panting and the cold atmosphere made her breath visible to the eye. He opened his mouth a bit, surprised, shocked and yet relieved at the same time. She was there. Looking at him, waiting for him to answer. He couldn't speak.
She took a few steps closer with her hand raised. And slapped him.
He winced inwardly as her hand struck his face. An obvious red mark replaced the spot on his pale cheek. He regained his composure and stared at her blankly. At least he knew now that she knew about everything AND that she was angry with him.
"Liar!" She yelled at him. "Why didn't you tell me about it?"
"About what?"
"About everything!"
At that moment, rain fell from the skies, at first gentle then stronger drops pursued. He closed his eyes for a moment feeling the cold wetness, before opening them again. "It was nothing, Fuuko. Think of it as nothing." He forced himself to lie, once more. He had to go. He couldn't stay here. It was much too hard now. His plane was due in 2 hours.
"You should know that you're a terrible liar, Mikagami." She crossed her arms. "You idiot. I know about everything. Why didn't you tell me about it? You never even told me about how you felt!"
"I'm telling you, it was a spur of the moment. It was a mistake, okay?" his voice, raising a few decibels higher. "Why do you insist on taking up this subject? It's a painful thing for both of us, so might I suggest that you go and that I leave now?"
"Look, I know I was scared at first and I wasn't ready...but you should have told me! I wasn't blind, you know. Why didn't you tell me?" she insisted, her eyes flashing.
"Tell you what?" he asked.
"That you had feelings for me!"
He stopped for the second time. Taken aback. She knew. How? Why? He bit his inner cheek and remained quiet. Fine. He'd tell her and get it over and done with. It was clear that she wasn't allowing him to escape. Even if it was against his will. His mind told him to go, yet his heart begged him to stay. And confess everything.
He was going to clear his conscience once and for all.
"I was scared too." He spoke in calm but subdued tones. "Scared that you'd reject me. I knew you still loved Raiha and that I would look like a mere fool if I told you everything I felt."
For a second, she almost smiled, but her face remained cold. "Idiot!" she said again. How many times did she have to say that? He knew he was an idiot, a complete moron. "You would never know unless you tried, right? You're nothing but a coward, Tokiya. Here you go. You're running away again, just like you did to us before. Is this your way of solving your problems? Like a selfish brat?!"
His patience was giving up already as his eyes began to narrow dangerously. But he kept his temper in check. If this was the last conversation they were going to have, then he had better make it good. "Fine then. I loved Fuuko Kirisawa ever since I came back from Europe and saw her. That's the reason why I wanted to help her because I couldn't bear the sad picture in my mind. I couldn't find any explanation for it. I tried to distract myself...but you know what?" he cupped her cheeks and looked straight into those pools of blue. "I found out that love has no explanation. It just happened, Fuuko. You just captured me. I didn't mean to fall for you, but it just happened and no matter what I'd do, you'd always be there inside my mind. I had no choice but to go so that it wouldn't continue."
All the time, her mouth has opened in a semi-circle, while red tinted her cheeks. His words had gotten to her, somehow. Tokiya sighed and reluctantly brought back his hands to his sides. "But I knew that nothing good would come out of it, since you still love the man who's probably watching us up there. I wouldn't want to betray your relationship or anything. Besides," he chuckled uninterestedly, "I'm already labeled as a pathetic loser...so what good will it do if I stay here?"
He turned his back and headed over to the driver, who seemed to be watching the two, amused at the funny scene.
She was still frozen in place. He said it. He loved her. Funny, how it felt...but somehow, she knew it all the time. It explained everything that happened. From the time when he was acting so strange to when he almost kissed her. And he held it all back because he was scared? All because he thought that Raiha was still her distinct lover?
He didn't expect her to return his love.
But she wanted to. She knew she wanted to.
So what happens now?He was leaving.
She couldn't let him.
"Wait!" she called out, running to him.
He stopped in his place and faced her.
"Don't leave." She told him, a touch of pleading present in her voice.
Once again, he sighed. "Give me a good reason, Kirisawa." His voice was icy. Her heart skipped a few beats in horror. Only the old Mikagami spoke like that. And if he was going to revert to that unbearable state once more...
"Because..." her voice quivered. She had to try. "Before you came back, I was so lonely. Everything about me was sad. Yet you managed to change everything. You were the least expected person to help me...but somehow you did succeed. And not only that," she took his hand and pressed it to her heart. "I gained someone special too. If you go now, all the pain would come back and everything would be empty. I know I've made terrible mistakes, and I'd be committing another one if I let you go. I don't want to feel that emptiness anymore." She squeezed his hand harder. "So please don't leave me. I'd be lost...and I need you to guide me."
Tokiya remained silent, staring at her, unable to speak.
She had feelings for him?
Fuuko awaited his reaction.
Nothing.
Two drops of tears rolled down. "I love you Tokiya." She whispered. "Please don't go."
He wanted to say something. He wanted to wipe those tears away. A horn honked and he knew that he'd be late if he delayed getting himself to the airport any longer.
But those begging eyes.
The ones he longed to see happy and filled with life. They were filled with tears now. He never wanted to see them like this.
"Tokiya..." she looked at him despairingly. Then her face fell after a few seconds and she turned her back to go. "I'd better leave now...if you still have that plane to catch..."
Wait. What was she doing?
What am I doing?He grabbed her arm, pulling her back to him, wrapping his arms around her in a closed embrace. She held him back, not wanting to let go. Neither wanted to let go. She mumbled all sorts of apologies for calling him names, for mistaking everything... He closed his eyes, letting himself soak in the rain, while telling her that everything was going to be okay.
And she looked at him, asking for reassurance, for she was scared.
That's when he realized that he didn't want to be alone. He felt right at home, here in Japan. Here with her. Nothing would ever replace the warmth he felt, though rain fell and wet everything around them. What a fool he'd been. He was happy here. Holding her safe. She was content, protected, loved. She felt destined to be with him.
They belonged together.
Both of them were afraid of keeping the distance.
So he drew her closer.
And finally sealed it.
~Owari
Started: January 29, 2002 – 8:06 am
Finished: May 28, 2002 – 9:56 am