Lara walked through the door, slamming it, and threw her bag down on the
sofa. Flicking the switch on the kettle ready to make herself some coffee,
she glanced across to see if there were any messages on the answer phone.
Seeing that there were two, she hit the button to play them.
"You have two messages. Message one," a woman's voice droned.
"Hi there Sally, it's Jane." Lara groaned. Wrong number. How could people not realise? The message on the answering machine said it was Lara Stone! "Just thought I'd call about tonight, and tell you that we're planning on…" Lara reached out and hit the delete button.
"Message deleted. Message two."
"Lara, it's me." She groaned yet again. Her younger sister Kate, who seemed to insist on saying 'it's me' on the phone. How did Kate expect her to know who 'me' was? "I know you're probably at work right now, but can you ring me when you get in? I really need to talk to you. Call on my mobile…I'll have it with me if I go out." Yeah right, Lara thought, like I'm going to call a mobile phone in Australia! "It's really important. I need to talk to someone." That's what Mum's for. "Mum's being so horrible about it. She said that she told me so, and that she knew he was like this, and tried to warn me. But isn't she supposed to be supportive of me?" Lara heard a sniff from her sister, and wondered what she'd done this time. "But I thought it was right. Please don't get annoyed like Mum did. Please understand. You're the only person I can talk to." Lara sighed, wishing she'd just stop rambling. That girl seriously annoyed her. Apparently she was 19, but Lara was sure she was at least 5 years younger than that. At least she behaved that way. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling," Kate said, as if she could tell what Lara would think at that point in the message. "It's just, it's Mark." Mark. Kate's boyfriend. Lara had only met him once, but she didn't like him at all. "Lara, he dumped me." Yet again Kate sniffed.
"You selfish little BITCH," Lara yelled at the phone. "You don't love him; you don't know what it's like to love someone. How dare you come crying to me about your stupid little fling!" Tears started to form in her eyes, and she tried to wipe them away with the back of her hand.
"…her name's Jenny. And now she's pregnant, and that's the only reason he told me. I can't believe he cheated on me." I can believe it, if you're as annoying around him as you are around me, Lara thought. She'd had a bad day, and she certainly didn't have time to be sympathetic towards her little sister, who rarely deserved any anyway. "Just ring me, okay?" Lara heard what sounded like Kate trying to stop herself from sobbing, before the message ended.
She reached over and pressed the delete button, and then grabbed a mug for her coffee. Maybe she'd ring Kate later. Or maybe she wouldn't ring at all. She poured a cup of coffee, and then grabbed the newspaper she'd bought on the way home and sat down on the sofa to read it.
She was halfway through an article about a mother who'd left her baby in the care of her five-year-old daughter, when the phone rang. Deciding she couldn't be bothered to get up just yet, she let the answer phone pick it up.
"Hi, this is Lara Stone. I'm afraid I'm not available at the moment, but leave a message and I'll try to get back to you." She heard her own voice come from the phone, and shook her head as she yet again realised how terrible she sounded on it. There was a beep, signifying the person on the other end could leave a message.
"Lara, it's me again. Are you back yet? I really need to talk to you, and I know you might be busy, but please, just give me a few minutes of your time." Lara started to stand up, but then changed her mind. She wasn't in the mood tonight. She'd deal with Kate in the morning. "Well, I'll talk to you later then. Bye."
It couldn't have been more than twenty minutes before the phone rang again. She hoped it was someone other than Kate. "Lara, are you there?" No such luck. Come on, you've got to be home by now. I guess you're not then…well, ring me. Please?" Lara sighed, and looked up at the clock. It read 19:32. That meant it was about half 5 in the morning for Kate…what was she doing up at half 5? She shook her head, deciding that next time Kate rang she'd pick up the phone. Next time.
Lara finished reading the article she was on, and the flicked through to see what else there was. A headline caught her eye. It read 'Kill Tiredness, Before It Kills You.' Or someone else, she mused solemnly. She started to read the article, about a man who had died after falling asleep at the wheel. In the centre of the article was a small picture of his wife and children. She stared at it sadly. Why did people have to lose loved ones? Or, more to the point, why did she have to lose someone she loved? She continued to read, finding that the journalist had interviewed the man's wife. Lara sighed angrily. For goodness sake, the woman had just lost her husband; didn't anyone have any feelings? Just then, the phone rang again. She almost got up and pulled the phone line out of the wall, but resisted the temptation. She knew she'd promised herself she'd pick up the phone next time, but she couldn't face Kate pouring all her troubles out to her right now…she had enough things to worry about herself.
"It's Kate again. I know you probably think this is stupid Lara, but this really matters to me. You of all people should understand what it feels like to lose someone you love, after Patrick and everything." Lara couldn't contain her annoyance at Kate any longer. How dare she try to get her to talk to her by using Patrick! She flew into the kitchen, grabbed the phone, and put it to her face.
"Kate, will you just leave me alone? I would rather live my life than by plagued by your problems all the time! And how dare you even bring Patrick into this! Don't think you can get me to be sympathetic to you by making it seem like it relates to me and Patrick."
1 "Lara, I…"
"No, Kate, don't say you thought it was the same. This is completely different. You cannot possibly know what I have gone through, and I seriously hope you never have to. So don't come whining to me about your stupid boyfriend going off with someone else, and learn to live in the real world, where people get hurt." She was about to put the phone down when she decided she ought to at least be the mature big sister on one point. "And Kate, go to sleep. No one in their right mind gets up at half 5 in the morning." With that, she slammed the phone down.
She picked up the newspaper, and started to read the article again. But her eyes filled with tears, and before long she couldn't see the words anymore. She tried to be strong, but Kate always seemed to bring out the worst in her. Realising it was no use even trying to read the paper anymore, she stood up and moved to the bedroom. She'd just grab her dressing gown, and then she'd have a nice long shower. She quickly undressed, and put the dressing gown on. As she walked towards the door, she caught site of a picture on her dressing table of her and Patrick. They both looked so happy. She hadn't felt like she looked in that picture in a long time. Not since Patrick had died. Yet tears welled up in her eyes, and she decided she should get into the shower quick before she started to cry properly. But she couldn't stop herself from staring at the two faces looking out at her, big smiles covering their faces. The realisation struck her that one of those people would never smile again, and the other one was having trouble with it at the moment.
Would she ever be able to smile like that again? Would she ever be that happy? Could she be? She'd been told it got better, but right now she didn't think it could. Even little things reminded her that she'd never see Patrick again, never kiss him again, never tease him about anything again. And life didn't seem complete without those things.
Tearing herself away from the photo, she stepped through the door to the living room instead of that to the bathroom. She looked at the CDs on the shelf, and picked one that she rarely listened to, but seemed right at the moment. What she called 'head-banging' music. She then took a bottle of champagne from the wine rack, and grabbed two glasses. It may not be chilled, but at this moment in time she didn't really care. She put the glasses on the coffee table, and then sat on the sofa. She opened the champagne, allowing the cork to fly across to the other side of the room, forgetting that she'd probably break something. Sipping the champagne from one glass, she silently stared at the other. A full glass, and the person who should have it wasn't there to drink it. She finished off her glass, and then reached out for the other one.
"To you, Patrick," she said quietly, before downing it in one go. She blinked slightly, shocked at the sensation it created, and then poured another glass.
Cradling the glass in her hands, she walked into the kitchen and opened the cupboard where she kept the medication. Reaching in, she found a full packet of aspirin. She opened it, and laid the contents out in front of her. Taking another sip of champagne, she stared at the pills. Was this the right thing to do? It felt like it now, but if she waited, would it still feel like it in the morning? Or next week? She'd always viewed people who ended their own lives as quitters. So what gave her to right to do exactly the same? You fiancé died, Lara, she told herself. But then everyone who committed suicide had a reason, however stupid it might sound to other people. If she did this, she'd be wasting the time of the doctors who would try to save her. That was how she'd always viewed attempted suicides that had come into the hospital. But if she did it now, no one would miss her until she wasn't at work the next morning, by which time there would be nothing anything could do. That was always assuming this worked.
She continued to argue with herself in her head, taking sips of champagne every now and then. Surely the fact that she was arguing with herself was proof enough that this wasn't the right thing to do?
As she tried to make her decision, the phone rang. As she had the rest of the evening, she just let it ring into the answering machine.
"It's Kate. I know you told me to leave you alone, and I will. I promise I will really leave you along after this call. But I just needed to tell you something. You don't even need to pick up the phone, just listen to this. I expect you're probably listening right now, so I'll get straight to the point. You may think this is different to Patrick, and I'm sure it is. I don't know what that could have been like for you, but there is one thing I know. At least I think I know. I love Mark. And I know that without him I'm nothing. Everything good that's ever happened to me happened with him. Doing anything without him is just pointless. I won't be me. So I've got some pills here. Not sure what they are, there's a mixture, but hopefully they'll do the job." Lara's eyes widened, and she dived for the phone.
"Kate, what the hell do you think you're doing?" she screamed into the phone, without realising the irony of what she was doing.
"I can't do this Lara. I could never watch Mark with Jenny," she spat the name out with hatred. "And I can't avoid them forever. This is just the easiest way."
"The easiest way? For you, maybe, but not for the rest of us! How do you think this will affect everyone around you?"
"I bet Mum won't care. She was being so horrible about it last night."
"She probably wasn't, Kate, that's just the way you took it. Parents can be like that sometimes. You just have to understand that they always think they know what's best."
"And you wouldn't care either," Kate cried into the phone.
"What do you mean I wouldn't care? Of course I'd care! You're my baby sister."
2 "Well what about earlier? If you care about me, why wouldn't you talk to me?"
"I've had a bad day Kate. Don't top it all off by doing this to me," she explained quickly to her sister. "Suicide is for quitters, and you are not a quitter. I won't let you be one. Suicide is the easy way out for the person committing it, but they never think about the people who love them! And it wastes the time of doctors, who could be saving lives of people who want to live, who haven't had to choice to be in that hospital." There was a silence from the other end of the phone line, and for a moment Lara was worried that Kate had actually done it. "Kate?" she cried anxiously.
"I guess you never thought about suicide then," a quiet, shaky, voice said. Lara was about to answer when she remembered what she'd been thinking about when the phone rang. The thought was almost enough to make her laugh. Here she was, trying to persuade her sister not to take her own life, and she'd been about to do exactly the same thing. She reached out for the aspirins lying on the cupboard opposite her. She looked at them solemnly.
"Kate, there's a lot I need to talk to you about. I just need you to do one thing for me. Please, put the pills away." She heard rustling, and sighed with relief, before reaching out for her own pills, and putting them away. "You've got to learn something, Kate. Stone's aren't quitters."
***Fin***
"You have two messages. Message one," a woman's voice droned.
"Hi there Sally, it's Jane." Lara groaned. Wrong number. How could people not realise? The message on the answering machine said it was Lara Stone! "Just thought I'd call about tonight, and tell you that we're planning on…" Lara reached out and hit the delete button.
"Message deleted. Message two."
"Lara, it's me." She groaned yet again. Her younger sister Kate, who seemed to insist on saying 'it's me' on the phone. How did Kate expect her to know who 'me' was? "I know you're probably at work right now, but can you ring me when you get in? I really need to talk to you. Call on my mobile…I'll have it with me if I go out." Yeah right, Lara thought, like I'm going to call a mobile phone in Australia! "It's really important. I need to talk to someone." That's what Mum's for. "Mum's being so horrible about it. She said that she told me so, and that she knew he was like this, and tried to warn me. But isn't she supposed to be supportive of me?" Lara heard a sniff from her sister, and wondered what she'd done this time. "But I thought it was right. Please don't get annoyed like Mum did. Please understand. You're the only person I can talk to." Lara sighed, wishing she'd just stop rambling. That girl seriously annoyed her. Apparently she was 19, but Lara was sure she was at least 5 years younger than that. At least she behaved that way. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling," Kate said, as if she could tell what Lara would think at that point in the message. "It's just, it's Mark." Mark. Kate's boyfriend. Lara had only met him once, but she didn't like him at all. "Lara, he dumped me." Yet again Kate sniffed.
"You selfish little BITCH," Lara yelled at the phone. "You don't love him; you don't know what it's like to love someone. How dare you come crying to me about your stupid little fling!" Tears started to form in her eyes, and she tried to wipe them away with the back of her hand.
"…her name's Jenny. And now she's pregnant, and that's the only reason he told me. I can't believe he cheated on me." I can believe it, if you're as annoying around him as you are around me, Lara thought. She'd had a bad day, and she certainly didn't have time to be sympathetic towards her little sister, who rarely deserved any anyway. "Just ring me, okay?" Lara heard what sounded like Kate trying to stop herself from sobbing, before the message ended.
She reached over and pressed the delete button, and then grabbed a mug for her coffee. Maybe she'd ring Kate later. Or maybe she wouldn't ring at all. She poured a cup of coffee, and then grabbed the newspaper she'd bought on the way home and sat down on the sofa to read it.
She was halfway through an article about a mother who'd left her baby in the care of her five-year-old daughter, when the phone rang. Deciding she couldn't be bothered to get up just yet, she let the answer phone pick it up.
"Hi, this is Lara Stone. I'm afraid I'm not available at the moment, but leave a message and I'll try to get back to you." She heard her own voice come from the phone, and shook her head as she yet again realised how terrible she sounded on it. There was a beep, signifying the person on the other end could leave a message.
"Lara, it's me again. Are you back yet? I really need to talk to you, and I know you might be busy, but please, just give me a few minutes of your time." Lara started to stand up, but then changed her mind. She wasn't in the mood tonight. She'd deal with Kate in the morning. "Well, I'll talk to you later then. Bye."
It couldn't have been more than twenty minutes before the phone rang again. She hoped it was someone other than Kate. "Lara, are you there?" No such luck. Come on, you've got to be home by now. I guess you're not then…well, ring me. Please?" Lara sighed, and looked up at the clock. It read 19:32. That meant it was about half 5 in the morning for Kate…what was she doing up at half 5? She shook her head, deciding that next time Kate rang she'd pick up the phone. Next time.
Lara finished reading the article she was on, and the flicked through to see what else there was. A headline caught her eye. It read 'Kill Tiredness, Before It Kills You.' Or someone else, she mused solemnly. She started to read the article, about a man who had died after falling asleep at the wheel. In the centre of the article was a small picture of his wife and children. She stared at it sadly. Why did people have to lose loved ones? Or, more to the point, why did she have to lose someone she loved? She continued to read, finding that the journalist had interviewed the man's wife. Lara sighed angrily. For goodness sake, the woman had just lost her husband; didn't anyone have any feelings? Just then, the phone rang again. She almost got up and pulled the phone line out of the wall, but resisted the temptation. She knew she'd promised herself she'd pick up the phone next time, but she couldn't face Kate pouring all her troubles out to her right now…she had enough things to worry about herself.
"It's Kate again. I know you probably think this is stupid Lara, but this really matters to me. You of all people should understand what it feels like to lose someone you love, after Patrick and everything." Lara couldn't contain her annoyance at Kate any longer. How dare she try to get her to talk to her by using Patrick! She flew into the kitchen, grabbed the phone, and put it to her face.
"Kate, will you just leave me alone? I would rather live my life than by plagued by your problems all the time! And how dare you even bring Patrick into this! Don't think you can get me to be sympathetic to you by making it seem like it relates to me and Patrick."
1 "Lara, I…"
"No, Kate, don't say you thought it was the same. This is completely different. You cannot possibly know what I have gone through, and I seriously hope you never have to. So don't come whining to me about your stupid boyfriend going off with someone else, and learn to live in the real world, where people get hurt." She was about to put the phone down when she decided she ought to at least be the mature big sister on one point. "And Kate, go to sleep. No one in their right mind gets up at half 5 in the morning." With that, she slammed the phone down.
She picked up the newspaper, and started to read the article again. But her eyes filled with tears, and before long she couldn't see the words anymore. She tried to be strong, but Kate always seemed to bring out the worst in her. Realising it was no use even trying to read the paper anymore, she stood up and moved to the bedroom. She'd just grab her dressing gown, and then she'd have a nice long shower. She quickly undressed, and put the dressing gown on. As she walked towards the door, she caught site of a picture on her dressing table of her and Patrick. They both looked so happy. She hadn't felt like she looked in that picture in a long time. Not since Patrick had died. Yet tears welled up in her eyes, and she decided she should get into the shower quick before she started to cry properly. But she couldn't stop herself from staring at the two faces looking out at her, big smiles covering their faces. The realisation struck her that one of those people would never smile again, and the other one was having trouble with it at the moment.
Would she ever be able to smile like that again? Would she ever be that happy? Could she be? She'd been told it got better, but right now she didn't think it could. Even little things reminded her that she'd never see Patrick again, never kiss him again, never tease him about anything again. And life didn't seem complete without those things.
Tearing herself away from the photo, she stepped through the door to the living room instead of that to the bathroom. She looked at the CDs on the shelf, and picked one that she rarely listened to, but seemed right at the moment. What she called 'head-banging' music. She then took a bottle of champagne from the wine rack, and grabbed two glasses. It may not be chilled, but at this moment in time she didn't really care. She put the glasses on the coffee table, and then sat on the sofa. She opened the champagne, allowing the cork to fly across to the other side of the room, forgetting that she'd probably break something. Sipping the champagne from one glass, she silently stared at the other. A full glass, and the person who should have it wasn't there to drink it. She finished off her glass, and then reached out for the other one.
"To you, Patrick," she said quietly, before downing it in one go. She blinked slightly, shocked at the sensation it created, and then poured another glass.
Cradling the glass in her hands, she walked into the kitchen and opened the cupboard where she kept the medication. Reaching in, she found a full packet of aspirin. She opened it, and laid the contents out in front of her. Taking another sip of champagne, she stared at the pills. Was this the right thing to do? It felt like it now, but if she waited, would it still feel like it in the morning? Or next week? She'd always viewed people who ended their own lives as quitters. So what gave her to right to do exactly the same? You fiancé died, Lara, she told herself. But then everyone who committed suicide had a reason, however stupid it might sound to other people. If she did this, she'd be wasting the time of the doctors who would try to save her. That was how she'd always viewed attempted suicides that had come into the hospital. But if she did it now, no one would miss her until she wasn't at work the next morning, by which time there would be nothing anything could do. That was always assuming this worked.
She continued to argue with herself in her head, taking sips of champagne every now and then. Surely the fact that she was arguing with herself was proof enough that this wasn't the right thing to do?
As she tried to make her decision, the phone rang. As she had the rest of the evening, she just let it ring into the answering machine.
"It's Kate. I know you told me to leave you alone, and I will. I promise I will really leave you along after this call. But I just needed to tell you something. You don't even need to pick up the phone, just listen to this. I expect you're probably listening right now, so I'll get straight to the point. You may think this is different to Patrick, and I'm sure it is. I don't know what that could have been like for you, but there is one thing I know. At least I think I know. I love Mark. And I know that without him I'm nothing. Everything good that's ever happened to me happened with him. Doing anything without him is just pointless. I won't be me. So I've got some pills here. Not sure what they are, there's a mixture, but hopefully they'll do the job." Lara's eyes widened, and she dived for the phone.
"Kate, what the hell do you think you're doing?" she screamed into the phone, without realising the irony of what she was doing.
"I can't do this Lara. I could never watch Mark with Jenny," she spat the name out with hatred. "And I can't avoid them forever. This is just the easiest way."
"The easiest way? For you, maybe, but not for the rest of us! How do you think this will affect everyone around you?"
"I bet Mum won't care. She was being so horrible about it last night."
"She probably wasn't, Kate, that's just the way you took it. Parents can be like that sometimes. You just have to understand that they always think they know what's best."
"And you wouldn't care either," Kate cried into the phone.
"What do you mean I wouldn't care? Of course I'd care! You're my baby sister."
2 "Well what about earlier? If you care about me, why wouldn't you talk to me?"
"I've had a bad day Kate. Don't top it all off by doing this to me," she explained quickly to her sister. "Suicide is for quitters, and you are not a quitter. I won't let you be one. Suicide is the easy way out for the person committing it, but they never think about the people who love them! And it wastes the time of doctors, who could be saving lives of people who want to live, who haven't had to choice to be in that hospital." There was a silence from the other end of the phone line, and for a moment Lara was worried that Kate had actually done it. "Kate?" she cried anxiously.
"I guess you never thought about suicide then," a quiet, shaky, voice said. Lara was about to answer when she remembered what she'd been thinking about when the phone rang. The thought was almost enough to make her laugh. Here she was, trying to persuade her sister not to take her own life, and she'd been about to do exactly the same thing. She reached out for the aspirins lying on the cupboard opposite her. She looked at them solemnly.
"Kate, there's a lot I need to talk to you about. I just need you to do one thing for me. Please, put the pills away." She heard rustling, and sighed with relief, before reaching out for her own pills, and putting them away. "You've got to learn something, Kate. Stone's aren't quitters."
***Fin***