Author's note: Aaaaaaaargh!!!!! This is not happening. It is not
happening… at least not in my world.
Entry #26
"You have got to be kidding me... You are kidding right? Right?" Xander sounded like he was due for a heart attack at any minute.
"I'm not kidding"
"But how? Why?"
"I don't know. All I know is that I have to save him but I can't do it without your help"
"Let me get this clear. You feel the unexplained need to help a fugitive vamp and you want me to help you do it"
"Yes"
"You do remember who you are?"
"I have never been more certain"
"Okay. I need a moment as I try to absorb this." He actually turned away "Almost absorbed. Getting there. There. Buffy you are insane"
"Maybe, but that's not the point. You are the only person who I can ask. The only one besides Willow who I can trust"
"But Buffy you are talking about helping a vampire. Vampires are evil and Spike is one of the worst"
I shook my head. "No, that's when you are wrong Xander. Look around. Look at the system we live in and tell me if all the evil in the world is contained in demons"
He was speechless. I had dared speak against the social order. Me, who was its strongest symbol.
"What are asking of me?"
"I need a way inside the Initiative. An ID with the top clearance level. I want to get into the labs and the command center. They are sending a signal to William's chip which will effectively kill him if I don't stop it"
"And then what? You'll just turn it off?"
"No. I want to do something permanent. Maybe I'll find a way to disable the chip completely. I don't know"
"Once you disable the chip he will start killing again. Have you thought about that?"
"Yes"
"And are you still willing?"
"I am still willing because I know that he will not kill again. He loves me Xander. He does"
"I don't know what went on between you too and I don't want to know. You are my friend Buffy and I'll do anything for you and Willow…including this. But I ask you to reconsider. What you are thinking of doing goes against your own nature. Is William the bloody worth the risk you are going to take?"
"He is worth it, Xander, I've never been more certain than anything else"
"Fine then. I'll see what I can do. It may take a while though as security is pretty tight since the escape"
"He only has a couple of weeks"
"Well then you'll hear from sooner than that" he said as he made his way to the door "Thank you for everything Will. It was nice to see you again"
And he left. Without saying goodbye to me. I know that Xander felt that I was using him. And he was right. I hope that I can someday make it up to him.
Willow felt my discomfort because she wrapped her arms around me. "S'kay Buff. You just did what you felt you needed to do"
I blinked at the tears threatening to spill. I wanted to find a quiet place and cry my heart out for William, for Xander and for this messed up world but I was worried that I would never stop once I started.
"Willow, what do you think is going to happen?"
"I truly believe that you will be able to save William. I believe that both of you will live happily ever after because you earned it"
"You don't think he will start killing again if I am able to disable the chip?"
"No, because he loves you. He told me so the night that he was here"
My lips curled in an inevitable grin. He had confided in Willow about what he felt for me. It made his love all the more real.
"Thank you Will. That's all I needed to hear"
*******
I was literally singing in the car as I made my way back to my house and my vamp. It was not until I made the turn to Revello Drive that I saw the black Jeeps with the Initiative insignia on them. There were about a dozen surrounding the perimeter but my eyes focused on the one in which six guards were pushing a blanket-covered body into.
TBC.
Entry #26
"You have got to be kidding me... You are kidding right? Right?" Xander sounded like he was due for a heart attack at any minute.
"I'm not kidding"
"But how? Why?"
"I don't know. All I know is that I have to save him but I can't do it without your help"
"Let me get this clear. You feel the unexplained need to help a fugitive vamp and you want me to help you do it"
"Yes"
"You do remember who you are?"
"I have never been more certain"
"Okay. I need a moment as I try to absorb this." He actually turned away "Almost absorbed. Getting there. There. Buffy you are insane"
"Maybe, but that's not the point. You are the only person who I can ask. The only one besides Willow who I can trust"
"But Buffy you are talking about helping a vampire. Vampires are evil and Spike is one of the worst"
I shook my head. "No, that's when you are wrong Xander. Look around. Look at the system we live in and tell me if all the evil in the world is contained in demons"
He was speechless. I had dared speak against the social order. Me, who was its strongest symbol.
"What are asking of me?"
"I need a way inside the Initiative. An ID with the top clearance level. I want to get into the labs and the command center. They are sending a signal to William's chip which will effectively kill him if I don't stop it"
"And then what? You'll just turn it off?"
"No. I want to do something permanent. Maybe I'll find a way to disable the chip completely. I don't know"
"Once you disable the chip he will start killing again. Have you thought about that?"
"Yes"
"And are you still willing?"
"I am still willing because I know that he will not kill again. He loves me Xander. He does"
"I don't know what went on between you too and I don't want to know. You are my friend Buffy and I'll do anything for you and Willow…including this. But I ask you to reconsider. What you are thinking of doing goes against your own nature. Is William the bloody worth the risk you are going to take?"
"He is worth it, Xander, I've never been more certain than anything else"
"Fine then. I'll see what I can do. It may take a while though as security is pretty tight since the escape"
"He only has a couple of weeks"
"Well then you'll hear from sooner than that" he said as he made his way to the door "Thank you for everything Will. It was nice to see you again"
And he left. Without saying goodbye to me. I know that Xander felt that I was using him. And he was right. I hope that I can someday make it up to him.
Willow felt my discomfort because she wrapped her arms around me. "S'kay Buff. You just did what you felt you needed to do"
I blinked at the tears threatening to spill. I wanted to find a quiet place and cry my heart out for William, for Xander and for this messed up world but I was worried that I would never stop once I started.
"Willow, what do you think is going to happen?"
"I truly believe that you will be able to save William. I believe that both of you will live happily ever after because you earned it"
"You don't think he will start killing again if I am able to disable the chip?"
"No, because he loves you. He told me so the night that he was here"
My lips curled in an inevitable grin. He had confided in Willow about what he felt for me. It made his love all the more real.
"Thank you Will. That's all I needed to hear"
*******
I was literally singing in the car as I made my way back to my house and my vamp. It was not until I made the turn to Revello Drive that I saw the black Jeeps with the Initiative insignia on them. There were about a dozen surrounding the perimeter but my eyes focused on the one in which six guards were pushing a blanket-covered body into.
TBC.