Entry # 31
First let me get this clear: I am not crazy. I didn't lose my mind, just my heart.
I loved him. I still love him and I needed to free him. I needed to see him safe and away from harm. And on that night I violated all that my calling stood for and chose the well-being of one vampire over that of the world I was called to protect.
Like I said, I wasn't crazy. I knew very well what I was doing and what I was exposing. I was responsible for unleashing one of the most violent creatures that ever walked the earth. He could very well turn against me and resume his killing spree. In fact he could very well start with me. But he didn't.
"Hello Cutie"
"Spike. Are you okay"
"Just peachy pet. And all thanks to you"
His lips met mine and I lost myself to the sensation. Lost in the texture and taste of my lover's cold lips. And I was so enraptured that I did not notice the door open to reveal Riley Finn accompanied by half-a-dozen armed Initiative guards.
Spike was immediately on his feet. He shifted into his game face and readied his body for the attack. I did not hesitate to join him.
Riley did not even blink as his ex-girlfriend revealed her true allegiance. My suspicions were then confirmed. He had known from the start.
He signaled and the guards moved forward with their weapons firmly aimed at Spike and me. My lover growled but stood his ground. I felt a certain thrill at seeing him so strong, formidable and ready for anything.
They gave us hell and they got it back in spades. Riley's team was as efficient and ruthless as its leader. They hit us with everything they had but technology was no match for Spike's fury and unleashed rage.
I had my share of the violence too so it took me awhile to notice that Spike was fighting his way towards Riley.
He wanted my ex's blood.
So now I had a choice before me. A sense of justice and an understanding of vengeance urged me to let what would happen, happen. If anyone deserved to end Riley Finn's life it was Spike. Riley had used the guise of science to torment him. The fact that Spike had managed to survive gave him the right to seek retribution. Who was I to take that from him?
But that was just it. Deep inside I was the slayer and couldn't let it happen. I could never let it happen. I had to take my lover down.
As Riley struggled to keep Spike from ripping his throat out I dispatched the three commandos that were still standing. Without losing momentum I sprinted towards Spike and Riley successfully blocking the human from the vampire.
"Buffy? What are you doing?"
"I can't let you kill him Spike. Even if he deserves it" the last words were said with disgust for the celebrated Captain Finn who was trying to catch his breath.
"Buffy you have no idea, you have no concept of how much I need to end his life. All those years at his mercy, cowering in a cell, wishing for my own death… I can't just let it be. I can't just walk away"
"I know…but you have to"
"No, I don't"
And he lunged for me.
****
It wasn't the first time we fought but it was the first time I had faced him at full strength.
And he had killed another slayer. I on the other hand was inexperienced. The odds were heavily against me.
But years of Giles' thorough training and my own determination would not let me give in. I had the Slayer's pride if not practice. So in the end I pounded kicked and punched my heart out to its owner.
I landed one good kick that sent Spike crashing into the autopsy table but he was on his feet in less than an instant. The ridges and distensions of the vampire had replaced his human face. His eyes no longer shone blue but a menacing gold. And I conceded that I might just never see another dawn.
But incredibly enough I didn't love him any less.
His fighting reenergized and after a few well-placed punches I was underneath him and waiting for his fangs to sink into my neck.
I stopped fighting him. I still cannot understand what made me feel as I did but part of me wanted it. I wanted him to take from me until my life was his. I wanted to go back to that dream world and never wake up.
As I felt his teeth graze my skin I closed my eyes. Waiting.
But nothing happened. I opened my eyes. His human face was back.
1 "You win pet. The wanker lives on"
It all came crashing down as his lips reclaimed mine. I was lost in the now-familiar power of his ardor.
But then a painful current of electricity burns through my body and I see my lover collapse on top of me. I sit up and cradle his unconscious form as I look up to see Riley grasping the black tazer gun.
"Bastard. He wasn't going to kill you"
"I know" he says simply.
I lay Spike gently on the floor and stand up to face Riley. He makes no move to attack me. In fact he seems not altogether there. When he finally speaks his voice is a pained whisper.
"How could this he possible? Demons are not capable of developing any feelings. We know this. We PROVED this. They are animalistic and have no morals. Then how…"
He didn't finish his sentence but I got the meaning. Riley's worldview did not include vampires that would put their emotions over instinct. Spike's actions had pulled the rug from under him.
"Spike is different. I don't know why but he just is. The real question is what are you going to do about it?"
His troubled gaze met mine. Riley Finn was the decisive, no-nonsense military man and scientist. He wasn't evil, that facet was reserved for his mentor, but he wasn't ruled by emotion.
"You can go"
"And him" I was incredulous.
"Him too. You both can go. I'll arrange it so nobody will follow you"
"What about them?" I asked pointing towards the unconscious soldiers.
"They will not reveal anything about what happened here tonight. I strongly suggest that you take him out of Sunnydale as soon as possible"
"Why?"
"Because the Hellmouth is about to reopen"
"What? But that's not possible. It was sealed permanently"
"That's what we thought but we our information was lacking. The demons know this and we expect that they will soon attack"
I could not believe what I was hearing. My predecessor had prevailed over the darkness a generation ago. The battle had been waged and we had won.
"The bodies that kept appearing…"
"He is called the Master. He is the source of an especially powerful line of vampires. Spike here is a member of that line as is Angel and Drusilla. He has been in a dormant state for the past seven decades. Now our reports indicate that he has awoken and managed to assemble a group of followers from ragtag bands of vampires that exist outside our perimeters. They are currently involved in something they refer to as the "Harvest". The details are sketchy but it doesn't bode well for us"
I nodded at glanced at Spike who was beginning to stir.
"I need for you to arrange for his safe passage out of Sunnydale. I don't want any problems at the border"
"Give me an hour. I'll send a car out to your house. You can take the time to pack."
"No. I don't need to pack. I won't be going with him"
My vision blurred but I did not let the tears fall. There wasn't much point to them.
TBC.
Okay, only the epilogue left. Riley came through just like I promised. He was never evil, just misguided and heavily influenced by Walsh. Also, I could not destroy the Initiative (Buffy is going to need all the help she can get to fight the Master). And before you ask I have no idea how Riley discovered that B and S were in the lab. I think he set Xander up.
First let me get this clear: I am not crazy. I didn't lose my mind, just my heart.
I loved him. I still love him and I needed to free him. I needed to see him safe and away from harm. And on that night I violated all that my calling stood for and chose the well-being of one vampire over that of the world I was called to protect.
Like I said, I wasn't crazy. I knew very well what I was doing and what I was exposing. I was responsible for unleashing one of the most violent creatures that ever walked the earth. He could very well turn against me and resume his killing spree. In fact he could very well start with me. But he didn't.
"Hello Cutie"
"Spike. Are you okay"
"Just peachy pet. And all thanks to you"
His lips met mine and I lost myself to the sensation. Lost in the texture and taste of my lover's cold lips. And I was so enraptured that I did not notice the door open to reveal Riley Finn accompanied by half-a-dozen armed Initiative guards.
Spike was immediately on his feet. He shifted into his game face and readied his body for the attack. I did not hesitate to join him.
Riley did not even blink as his ex-girlfriend revealed her true allegiance. My suspicions were then confirmed. He had known from the start.
He signaled and the guards moved forward with their weapons firmly aimed at Spike and me. My lover growled but stood his ground. I felt a certain thrill at seeing him so strong, formidable and ready for anything.
They gave us hell and they got it back in spades. Riley's team was as efficient and ruthless as its leader. They hit us with everything they had but technology was no match for Spike's fury and unleashed rage.
I had my share of the violence too so it took me awhile to notice that Spike was fighting his way towards Riley.
He wanted my ex's blood.
So now I had a choice before me. A sense of justice and an understanding of vengeance urged me to let what would happen, happen. If anyone deserved to end Riley Finn's life it was Spike. Riley had used the guise of science to torment him. The fact that Spike had managed to survive gave him the right to seek retribution. Who was I to take that from him?
But that was just it. Deep inside I was the slayer and couldn't let it happen. I could never let it happen. I had to take my lover down.
As Riley struggled to keep Spike from ripping his throat out I dispatched the three commandos that were still standing. Without losing momentum I sprinted towards Spike and Riley successfully blocking the human from the vampire.
"Buffy? What are you doing?"
"I can't let you kill him Spike. Even if he deserves it" the last words were said with disgust for the celebrated Captain Finn who was trying to catch his breath.
"Buffy you have no idea, you have no concept of how much I need to end his life. All those years at his mercy, cowering in a cell, wishing for my own death… I can't just let it be. I can't just walk away"
"I know…but you have to"
"No, I don't"
And he lunged for me.
****
It wasn't the first time we fought but it was the first time I had faced him at full strength.
And he had killed another slayer. I on the other hand was inexperienced. The odds were heavily against me.
But years of Giles' thorough training and my own determination would not let me give in. I had the Slayer's pride if not practice. So in the end I pounded kicked and punched my heart out to its owner.
I landed one good kick that sent Spike crashing into the autopsy table but he was on his feet in less than an instant. The ridges and distensions of the vampire had replaced his human face. His eyes no longer shone blue but a menacing gold. And I conceded that I might just never see another dawn.
But incredibly enough I didn't love him any less.
His fighting reenergized and after a few well-placed punches I was underneath him and waiting for his fangs to sink into my neck.
I stopped fighting him. I still cannot understand what made me feel as I did but part of me wanted it. I wanted him to take from me until my life was his. I wanted to go back to that dream world and never wake up.
As I felt his teeth graze my skin I closed my eyes. Waiting.
But nothing happened. I opened my eyes. His human face was back.
1 "You win pet. The wanker lives on"
It all came crashing down as his lips reclaimed mine. I was lost in the now-familiar power of his ardor.
But then a painful current of electricity burns through my body and I see my lover collapse on top of me. I sit up and cradle his unconscious form as I look up to see Riley grasping the black tazer gun.
"Bastard. He wasn't going to kill you"
"I know" he says simply.
I lay Spike gently on the floor and stand up to face Riley. He makes no move to attack me. In fact he seems not altogether there. When he finally speaks his voice is a pained whisper.
"How could this he possible? Demons are not capable of developing any feelings. We know this. We PROVED this. They are animalistic and have no morals. Then how…"
He didn't finish his sentence but I got the meaning. Riley's worldview did not include vampires that would put their emotions over instinct. Spike's actions had pulled the rug from under him.
"Spike is different. I don't know why but he just is. The real question is what are you going to do about it?"
His troubled gaze met mine. Riley Finn was the decisive, no-nonsense military man and scientist. He wasn't evil, that facet was reserved for his mentor, but he wasn't ruled by emotion.
"You can go"
"And him" I was incredulous.
"Him too. You both can go. I'll arrange it so nobody will follow you"
"What about them?" I asked pointing towards the unconscious soldiers.
"They will not reveal anything about what happened here tonight. I strongly suggest that you take him out of Sunnydale as soon as possible"
"Why?"
"Because the Hellmouth is about to reopen"
"What? But that's not possible. It was sealed permanently"
"That's what we thought but we our information was lacking. The demons know this and we expect that they will soon attack"
I could not believe what I was hearing. My predecessor had prevailed over the darkness a generation ago. The battle had been waged and we had won.
"The bodies that kept appearing…"
"He is called the Master. He is the source of an especially powerful line of vampires. Spike here is a member of that line as is Angel and Drusilla. He has been in a dormant state for the past seven decades. Now our reports indicate that he has awoken and managed to assemble a group of followers from ragtag bands of vampires that exist outside our perimeters. They are currently involved in something they refer to as the "Harvest". The details are sketchy but it doesn't bode well for us"
I nodded at glanced at Spike who was beginning to stir.
"I need for you to arrange for his safe passage out of Sunnydale. I don't want any problems at the border"
"Give me an hour. I'll send a car out to your house. You can take the time to pack."
"No. I don't need to pack. I won't be going with him"
My vision blurred but I did not let the tears fall. There wasn't much point to them.
TBC.
Okay, only the epilogue left. Riley came through just like I promised. He was never evil, just misguided and heavily influenced by Walsh. Also, I could not destroy the Initiative (Buffy is going to need all the help she can get to fight the Master). And before you ask I have no idea how Riley discovered that B and S were in the lab. I think he set Xander up.