WARNINGS - Angst (by the shovel full!), shounen ai (Guyxguy), OOC Heero (Make that OOC everyone!), Heero torture, abuse of Wufei's name, foul language (*Gasps* Oo, shocking!), bastardised Dr. J, violence, fluffiness, darkness, paranormalness (Is that a word?), extreme mushiness, a lickle bit of Quatre torture for added spice, WAFFiness (All together now…awwww!) blatant referance to NCS (non-consensual sex, rape) and limeiness.
EXTRA WARNING – Ok this chapter is probably NC-17 but I don't want to change the rating for the entire fic. There is guy on guy nekkid action but no sex. So read with caution! I don't want any flames complaining about it, I warned you, you don't HAVE to read it!
Disclaimer – EEK! I forgot to mention that the song Quatre sings at the beginning on Chapter 17 is from the wonderful musical "Les Miserables", which I have had the privilege of seeing! Therefore I don't own it and the song used in this chapter is called "Carry that Weight" and was written by the Beatles. (Anyone who owns the Abbey Road album can see where I'm going with this!)
Thank yous – Yonaka no Inu-Ryuu (Don't worry, this parts longer!), Karasuko (*beams* Thank you!), sapphire, Bleeding Star Goddess, Katie, Dreamer, BlackWind, Princess of Destrustion (Mwhaha! I have an idea 4 the 2xH fic! ^___^ finally!), Anna, CobaltPrincess, ThatGirl, Empress Yue (Korn rawk!!! Ahem, sorry!), Princess Lightina, Sakura Maxwell (Sorry if I caused confusion! I didn't mean too, it just happened!) and Unholy Quintet . . .*Huggles all tightly* Thank you for visiting Harmless Heart! Please review again!
Harmless Heart -
Chapter 17
"Carry that Weight"
#Boy you're gonna carry that weight, carry that weight,
A long time. #
Four
Gundam pilots crowed anxiously around the bed of Heero Yuy, watching as the
Japanese boy writhed and cried out in the grip of a sedative, which should have
placed him in a dreamless slumber. All of them were deeply disturbed by the
sight that lay before them. Heero had always been the core of their strength;
he was powerful, he was undefeatable, he was perfect. And now he was broken. A
fragile doll that had been thrown to the ground by a careless child. He was
battered and bruised. He was painfully thin, bordering on malnutrition. He was
in pain; the evidence was starkly obvious as tears streamed down his sallow
cheeks and his expression contorted in torment. Since they had returned to the
safe house Heero had been drifting in and out of consciousness. When he was
awake he had suffered from panic attacks, hyperventilating until he passed out
again. When he was asleep he was haunted by vivid dreams, crying out names of
people they knew and many that were unfamiliar. Eventually they had been forced
to administer the strongest sedative they had in their possession but it had
helped very little.
Wufei
stood silently by the end of the bed watching the scene unfold with sombre onyx
eyes. His mind raced as he tried to think of a way to put the information he
had uncovered to good use. The books he had managed to get hold of had revealed
startling facts which had stirred him into following Duo and aiding him in
Heero's recovery. He had learned that people were born into their empathy and
spent their life building up intricate walls and defences against overwhelming
emotional pain. One Para researcher had gone into vast amounts of detail about
her theory that any empathic abilities, which were not present at birth, could
cause the owner to go insane, due to the emotional turmoil they would be open
too. There had also been a few vague chapters discussing possible transference
of powers and methods of reversal. Wufei could only hope that he would get the
chance to test them out. He wanted to help both of his friends.
Quatre
Raberba Winner clung tightly to Trowa's arm, pressing against his side and
resting his head against his shoulder. The blond refused to let go. He shivered
continually, his body reacting to his emotions. To Quatre the loss of his Space
Heart was just as devastating as loosing any other of his senses. For as long
as he could remember he had always been emotionally connected to someone and
now those bonds had been brutally severed. He felt crippled. Tightening his
grip Quatre turned his eyes away from Heero's pain wracked form. It unnerved
him to be able to see his pain, but not to feel it.
Trowa
Barton murmured comforting words to his lover. The Heavy Arms pilot was at a
loss. In this situation there was nothing he could do to help anyone. The
European wanted to growl his frustration, but was determined to help his lover
in anyway he could, so he kept up his quiet murmurs. The soft whispers were the
only other sound in the room and served as the binary opposite to the harsh
cries and screams of Heero.
Duo
sat by Heero's side, watching him with sick violet eyes. Occasionally he would
try to comfort the sleeping boy but had only succeeded in increasing his panic,
which in turn increased Duo's depression. The initial fury at seeing Heero
downed by the enemy had subsided but still flickered, red and angry under the
surface, at every whimper which escaped the Japanese boys lips.
Heero
Yuy was still fighting. The battlefield stretched on and on, the brown earth
stained red with the blood of his victims. He stood alone on the battle field,
gun in hand, facing an endless sea of faces and all of them had a past, a
family, a home, but no future. And behind the Perfect Soldier stood, as always,
Dr. J. The scientist guided his motions, his voice filled his mind as the
teacher commanded and the pupil obeyed. One by one the victims fell under the
unending barrage of Heero's bullets. He felt /everything/. Every bullet that
was fired tore through his own skin, every tear that they cried fell from his
own sore blue eyes and every scream of pain and fear tore from his raw and
bleeding throat. This was hell.
#Boy you're gonna carry that weight, carry that weight,
A long time. #
Suddenly
the blood soaked earth was replaced by lush green grass and the faint sound of
a dogs yapping reached his sensitive ears. Panic welled up inside of him and he
tried to close his eyes against the all too familiar scene. /Not here, please!
Anywhere but here!/ His body moved against his orders as he turned to face an
innocent girl and her puppy, Mary. He felt her happiness, her joy that came
from simply being alive and as the scene shifted he felt that contentment
shatter as confusion, fear and pain filled her. The sensations intensified and Heero
could feel the flames lick his skin until they became totally unbearable and
Mary's owner was killed. With a startled gasp Heero sat up on his bed, eyes
wide and panicked until his gaze caught Duo's and some semblance of calm
reached his unsettled mind.
"Hee-chan?"
Duo ventured almost timidly, unsure of what to say to the frightened boy before
him. Tearful blue eyes bored into his and Duo has the unsettling sensation that
the world had been turned upside down.
Before he could say another word the Deathscythe pilot found his arms
full of Heero Yuy, who clung to his shirt and buried his face into the crook of
his neck. Heart-wrenching sobs escaped Heero's throat one after the other. Duo
wrapped his arms around the other boys form, resting his head atop Heero's,
relief that his love was conscious washed over him, battling with the worry and
anger which still had a strong hold. Suddenly feeling like intruders Wufei and
Trowa shared a significant glance; Quatre still having a death grip on Trowa's
arm. Silently coming to an agreement Wufei and Trowa quietly herded the blonde
from the room.
Duo
gave his friends a small smile of appreciation as they closed the door behind
them, before turning his full attention back to Heero. Carefully the braided
man gripped Heero's chin and tilted his head back until their eyes locked.
Heero felt his cheeks heating in embarrassment as he realised he had just been
crying into Duo's shirt.
"Are
you alright?" Duo asked softly, his voice rough with emotion. Some people looked
like hags when they cry. Heero looked beautiful. His skin was flushed, his eyes
were wide and glistening, his lips slightly parted as ragged breaths escaped
him. The Wing pilot nodded that he was, not trusting his voice to answer.
Unlike Duo, Heero was not above telling a lie.
Duo
burned with sudden passion as the sight of Heero looking so vulnerable reminded
him of the soft fleeting kiss that the two had shared. He wanted to feel that
again. He needed it. Without warning Duo leapt forwards and captured Heero's
lips in a kiss. For a few shocked seconds the perfect soldier remained
unresponsive before, after what felt like a small eternity, returning Duo's
advances. The self-proclaimed God of Death pulled Heero against his chest
tightly, possessively. In response Heero tilted back his head and parted his
lips, allowing the Deathscythe pilot to deepen the kiss. Duo began to kiss Heero with an almost
fevered passion, his tongue thrust into Heero's mouth as his hands found their
way beneath Heero's tank top to cares his abdomen and make swipes at his
nipples. Heero moaned and gasped into
Duo's mouth, his mind becoming a jumble of pleasure and disorientation swept
over him as Duo pressed him back onto the bed.
#I never give you my pillow,
I only send you my invitations.
And in the middle of the celebrations
I break down.#
Passion and hormones rose to the forefront of Duo's mind as he quickly divested himself of clothing and then proceeded to tear away Heero's own. The braided man then continued his exploration of his loves body, so lost in his senses that he did not notice that Heero was no longer responding to his touch. The injured boy lay back on the bed, his breathing short an shallow, blue eyes wide and locked on the ceiling, as dark memories paralysed him. The emotions that he could feel clearly from Duo were quickly taking on a more sinister tone. Warmth, love and concern were overtaken by animalistic lust and desperation with startling bursts of anger whenever Duo came across a wound on Heero's body. Fear grew inside Heero as the Deathscythe pilot's hands became bolder and ventured further south. The panic swelled to bursting point as he felt a questing finger press against his entrance and hear Duo's lust filled voice rasp in his ear.
"This will only hurt a little,"
/Never again! /
Heero began to fight. Duo's half lidded violet eyes shot wide open as his lover suddenly began to panic beneath him. Had the Wing ZERO pilot been at full strength Duo would have been sent across the room as he was, injured and drugged, it proved no challenge for the L2 thief to capture his partners wrists and restrain him to the bed, pinning him down with his own, naked, body. All sexual thoughts and feelings drained from Duo as he peered worriedly down at the Japanese youth. Heero's face was clenched in frustration, tears of humiliation seeped from behind closed eyes as he murmured something repeatedly beneath his breath.
"Stop hurting me. I won't let you hurt me any more. I won't let you hurt me anymore," The fragile figure whispered those words in a mantra causing Duo to almost panic himself, not sure of what to do. Coming to a decision the longhaired boy released his grip on Heero's wrists and backed off, sitting on the very edge of the bed in what he hoped was a relaxed, vulnerable position. The second he was released Heero sat up and shuffled back on the bed until he felt the solid wall behind him. How long they sat in that position, eying each other warily, neither of them had any idea. Slowly Heero's panic subsided but he remained visibly shaken and nervous as he returned to sit at Duo's side.
"I think that we need to talk," Duo said quietly as not to startle his uneasy lover. "About our pasts, about everything, before we try something like that again." And so they did. For the rest of the night and well into the morning, two adults before their time spoke of laboratories and churches, scientists and Sisters, isolation and loss, torture and torment. They shared no more caresses, kisses or even hugs that night, simply sitting side by side as both of them bared their souls for the first time in their short but harsh lives. Something almost miraculous happened to both of them during their confessions; burdens, which they had been carrying for as long as they could remember, were lifted from their shoulders and they greeted the sunrise together.
#Boy you're gonna
carry that weight, carry that weight,
A long time.
Boy you're gonna
carry that weight, carry that weight,
A long time. #
A/N – No cliffhangar! There's no cliffhangar! What's going on?! Is it me?!?