Disclaimer: Ain't mine and until i get out of uni, pay off my £14,000 debt
and win the lottery (we all know it's a sham) the they will never be mine
so Joss and David are just looking after them for me.
Summary: A little story of me exploring how Conner, Cordelia and Angel ould end up in the future!! I love to not give nething away!
I'm not losing my shipperish here, just exploring it from a different angle and trust me it ain't not B/A!!!
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Hiding The Future
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Chapter 1 - 'Shattered Glass'
Cordelia's PoV
I lay here in 'our' bed. He isn't with me. He's sitting in his chair and staring out of the window as the rain pelts down, cutting through the darkness like tiny daggers. I've grown poetic in my wisdom. I think it was all those poems Angel read to me when I was in the coma, well between all the despair he tried to calm me down by reading me a poetry book. That memory makes me smile. It's one from the old days. We don't have many happy memories anymore. We dance around each other, pretending to be happy, pretending to be in love but we're not, I don't know if we ever were. Don't get me wrong...I loved him but he doesn't love me the same way back so it doesn't count as being in real love. I know that as he sits by the window he is thinking of her. We haven't mentioned her name in 6 years. We have spent the last three years thinking about her though. You ask why do I stay if he has been loving someone else for the last 3 years of our relationship...the honest answer is that I am scared. Scared to let her win, scared to let him go...scared to be alone. I shouldn't be so scared of being alone, I have been alone all my life...all my life until I came to LA. I was alone when I was a kid because my parents were never around and the nannies never lasted long before mother caught them sleeping with daddy. They were always away on foreign holidays and business trips while I was shipped off to an aunts who ignored me anyway. School wasn't a welcome haven. I was alone there as well. Harmony must have thought I was as stupid as she was. I knew they were sheep, I knew that is my popularity they liked, not me, The emptiness turned me into 'Queen C'. But then I came to LA. No masks, no Cordettes and no parents. You would have thought that I would have felt more alone than ever but I didn't; I felt free. Then I met Angel and all-of-a-sudden I had a family and a place I belonged, people and a brood Vampire who accepted me for who I was. But then Conner was kidnapped 3 years ago and he walked away from me. We don't make love, we find comfort, he doesn't look at me with the same wistful face he has when he looks at his computer screen. The face Angel looked at Buffy with.
He thinks I don't know about the computer thing but I do. The password wasn't too hard. For a Vampire that has been around for 250 years he is not very original. One day he left on a vision and I sat down at the computer in his office. I knew that if I got through the first screen I had lost him to her once again. I shakily keyed in the characters 'B-U-F-F-Y' and hit enter. The screen dissolved and revealed a picture of her sitting under a tree, a book in her lap and the sun shining on her bottle-blonde hair as his wallpaper. I felt my heart shatter and pain ripped through me. I couldn't handle it. I realised that night as we made 'love' that I hadn't just lost him, I had never had him. When we became lovers he admitted that he would always love Buffy in a way 'cos he was his first love but it only hit me in that moment just how much he loved her. I am sure that he has tried to convince himself that he loved me just like I did with him but sadly Angel has never been very good at convincing anyone never mind himself.
I watch him as he sits, he knows I'm awake. I am lucky that he is still in the same building as me. Usually I would reach over and find a cold empty space beside me and I would know that he had left for the town where this all started. It's a long distance stalking thing. That is dedication, to drive 2 hours just to watch a former love...maybe it is just weird!
I climb out of bed and slip on my discarded Chinese silk robe and padded over to him. I reach out and touch him with my hands. As soon as my fingers touch his shoulder he recoils slightly from me then as way of apology, he'll slowly reach up and places his cold hand over mine. He doesn't reflect in the window but I can see that he is still with her in his mind. I crouch down in front of him and pull his face so he will snap out his dream and look at ME!
"Angel" I start but I can't finish.
"Didn't see you there Cora," He still calls by his own little nickname. "Good morning." He doesn't reach out to kiss me like a boyfriend would, he just turns back to his window.
"We need to talk!" I say gaining a little more guts.
"Did you have a vision? I'll call Gunn, you get a glass of water." He goes to stand up but I sit him back down before he can stand upright.
"Angel, this isn't fair on any of us. I can't go on with this." I say, my voice just a knife edge from breaking.
"You want to give up the visions? I thought they didn't hurt anymore." I have to stop myself from picking him up and cuddling him for his naivety.
"No this." I motioned a hand between us. "We have been friends for 6 years, been through a lot together but neither of us deserve this anymore. I know that you don't love me like I loved you. You don't want to be here with me, you want to be with B--, Bu--" Why is it so hard to say a name? "Buffy!" A name foreign from lips but familiar to my mind.
He looks up and for a second he has desire and longing at the mention of her name but then his eyes go distant again. "I want to be here with you. You need me. The visions have to be fought."
I cringe inside...so that's what's kept him. I take a deep breath. Firstly I was his best friend and best friends sacrifice to make the other friend happy. I'm going to have to live up to my end now. "Don't you get it Angel. I'm getting rid of the visions, you aren't needed anymore. I don't want you HERE anymore. I don't want YOU." I can see the hurt in his eyes as I shout in front of him with my hands on my hips so he'll believe me. "Go to Sunnydale because I don't want you here anymore. Lorne is going to send me back to Pylea so I can sleep with Groo and get rid of the visions, then I might bring Groo back and move away. I am really begining to hate LA, too many bad memories and demons. Think I might try Hawaii. It's nice and sunny and lets face it, I haven't been able to get a sun tan in 6 years." I can tell the last words broke him.
"If that's what you want." He got up and pulled his grey jumper over his head that I bought him for his 'birthday'. He loves that jumper. He pulled out his duffel bag from under his side of the bed and careful placed his shirts and trousers in it, his hair gel, underwear and toothbrush on top. I flinched at the closing of the zip, it sounded like my heart breaking all afresh. I can hear the duster rubbing over his jumper as he pulls it on. If he's taking his duster, he's not coming back!
It's my turn to stare out of the window, that way I can't see him leave. I can feel him turn around to look at me but then he's gone. I stand tall by he window, the robe wrapped around my body. I see him leave the hotel and look up as he climbs into the car. he mouths something but I can't tell what. My legs can't hold me anymore so I surrender and collapse to the floor, my hair sticking to my face as the tears leave a wet trail down my cheeks. I can here the Plymouth roar off and I can no longer hold back the tide of tears. I'll convince myself in years to come that he mouthed 'I Love You' as he left.
OK what ya think? This is part of a series…no matter how much I didn't want it to be so watch out for the next tomorrow…hopefully. Oh yeah and please review!
OK what ya think? This is part of a series…no matter how much I didn't want it to be so
Summary: A little story of me exploring how Conner, Cordelia and Angel ould end up in the future!! I love to not give nething away!
I'm not losing my shipperish here, just exploring it from a different angle and trust me it ain't not B/A!!!
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` ````````````````````````````````````````
Hiding The Future
`````````````````````````
Chapter 1 - 'Shattered Glass'
Cordelia's PoV
I lay here in 'our' bed. He isn't with me. He's sitting in his chair and staring out of the window as the rain pelts down, cutting through the darkness like tiny daggers. I've grown poetic in my wisdom. I think it was all those poems Angel read to me when I was in the coma, well between all the despair he tried to calm me down by reading me a poetry book. That memory makes me smile. It's one from the old days. We don't have many happy memories anymore. We dance around each other, pretending to be happy, pretending to be in love but we're not, I don't know if we ever were. Don't get me wrong...I loved him but he doesn't love me the same way back so it doesn't count as being in real love. I know that as he sits by the window he is thinking of her. We haven't mentioned her name in 6 years. We have spent the last three years thinking about her though. You ask why do I stay if he has been loving someone else for the last 3 years of our relationship...the honest answer is that I am scared. Scared to let her win, scared to let him go...scared to be alone. I shouldn't be so scared of being alone, I have been alone all my life...all my life until I came to LA. I was alone when I was a kid because my parents were never around and the nannies never lasted long before mother caught them sleeping with daddy. They were always away on foreign holidays and business trips while I was shipped off to an aunts who ignored me anyway. School wasn't a welcome haven. I was alone there as well. Harmony must have thought I was as stupid as she was. I knew they were sheep, I knew that is my popularity they liked, not me, The emptiness turned me into 'Queen C'. But then I came to LA. No masks, no Cordettes and no parents. You would have thought that I would have felt more alone than ever but I didn't; I felt free. Then I met Angel and all-of-a-sudden I had a family and a place I belonged, people and a brood Vampire who accepted me for who I was. But then Conner was kidnapped 3 years ago and he walked away from me. We don't make love, we find comfort, he doesn't look at me with the same wistful face he has when he looks at his computer screen. The face Angel looked at Buffy with.
He thinks I don't know about the computer thing but I do. The password wasn't too hard. For a Vampire that has been around for 250 years he is not very original. One day he left on a vision and I sat down at the computer in his office. I knew that if I got through the first screen I had lost him to her once again. I shakily keyed in the characters 'B-U-F-F-Y' and hit enter. The screen dissolved and revealed a picture of her sitting under a tree, a book in her lap and the sun shining on her bottle-blonde hair as his wallpaper. I felt my heart shatter and pain ripped through me. I couldn't handle it. I realised that night as we made 'love' that I hadn't just lost him, I had never had him. When we became lovers he admitted that he would always love Buffy in a way 'cos he was his first love but it only hit me in that moment just how much he loved her. I am sure that he has tried to convince himself that he loved me just like I did with him but sadly Angel has never been very good at convincing anyone never mind himself.
I watch him as he sits, he knows I'm awake. I am lucky that he is still in the same building as me. Usually I would reach over and find a cold empty space beside me and I would know that he had left for the town where this all started. It's a long distance stalking thing. That is dedication, to drive 2 hours just to watch a former love...maybe it is just weird!
I climb out of bed and slip on my discarded Chinese silk robe and padded over to him. I reach out and touch him with my hands. As soon as my fingers touch his shoulder he recoils slightly from me then as way of apology, he'll slowly reach up and places his cold hand over mine. He doesn't reflect in the window but I can see that he is still with her in his mind. I crouch down in front of him and pull his face so he will snap out his dream and look at ME!
"Angel" I start but I can't finish.
"Didn't see you there Cora," He still calls by his own little nickname. "Good morning." He doesn't reach out to kiss me like a boyfriend would, he just turns back to his window.
"We need to talk!" I say gaining a little more guts.
"Did you have a vision? I'll call Gunn, you get a glass of water." He goes to stand up but I sit him back down before he can stand upright.
"Angel, this isn't fair on any of us. I can't go on with this." I say, my voice just a knife edge from breaking.
"You want to give up the visions? I thought they didn't hurt anymore." I have to stop myself from picking him up and cuddling him for his naivety.
"No this." I motioned a hand between us. "We have been friends for 6 years, been through a lot together but neither of us deserve this anymore. I know that you don't love me like I loved you. You don't want to be here with me, you want to be with B--, Bu--" Why is it so hard to say a name? "Buffy!" A name foreign from lips but familiar to my mind.
He looks up and for a second he has desire and longing at the mention of her name but then his eyes go distant again. "I want to be here with you. You need me. The visions have to be fought."
I cringe inside...so that's what's kept him. I take a deep breath. Firstly I was his best friend and best friends sacrifice to make the other friend happy. I'm going to have to live up to my end now. "Don't you get it Angel. I'm getting rid of the visions, you aren't needed anymore. I don't want you HERE anymore. I don't want YOU." I can see the hurt in his eyes as I shout in front of him with my hands on my hips so he'll believe me. "Go to Sunnydale because I don't want you here anymore. Lorne is going to send me back to Pylea so I can sleep with Groo and get rid of the visions, then I might bring Groo back and move away. I am really begining to hate LA, too many bad memories and demons. Think I might try Hawaii. It's nice and sunny and lets face it, I haven't been able to get a sun tan in 6 years." I can tell the last words broke him.
"If that's what you want." He got up and pulled his grey jumper over his head that I bought him for his 'birthday'. He loves that jumper. He pulled out his duffel bag from under his side of the bed and careful placed his shirts and trousers in it, his hair gel, underwear and toothbrush on top. I flinched at the closing of the zip, it sounded like my heart breaking all afresh. I can hear the duster rubbing over his jumper as he pulls it on. If he's taking his duster, he's not coming back!
It's my turn to stare out of the window, that way I can't see him leave. I can feel him turn around to look at me but then he's gone. I stand tall by he window, the robe wrapped around my body. I see him leave the hotel and look up as he climbs into the car. he mouths something but I can't tell what. My legs can't hold me anymore so I surrender and collapse to the floor, my hair sticking to my face as the tears leave a wet trail down my cheeks. I can here the Plymouth roar off and I can no longer hold back the tide of tears. I'll convince myself in years to come that he mouthed 'I Love You' as he left.
OK what ya think? This is part of a series…no matter how much I didn't want it to be so watch out for the next tomorrow…hopefully. Oh yeah and please review!
OK what ya think? This is part of a series…no matter how much I didn't want it to be so