Title: Fool To Think
Author: hikari-no-megami
E-mail address: kirei_usa@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst/Romance
Songfic
Disclaimers: I don't own the series you know in here.
Author Notes: I know that there's a fic by Dreama Tsuki with the same title as mine, and same song as well. I'm sort of using her idea, but I just had to write a fic with this song. But as usual the guy characters aren't revealed, hehe. Is the third chapter of A Dream's Desire that bad? Not many people reviewed… Is it the ending? Tell me what I need to work on, and I'll try to fulfill your needs, but really if there's something wrong, tell me so I could work on it and improve my skills. Remember to review!
Quote of the fic:
It is not the end of a journey that gives you success but the journey itself…
**********
~ Look at me dreaming of you
All I could hope is to have you
To have you walking with me
Laughing so in love, we two
Almost drunkenly
I did imbibe of this
Fantasy of you and me ~
She looked on in sorrow, as her love walked away with another girl. Her heart breaking into pieces at the sight of happiness upon their faces. Coldness wrapped itself upon her. Love breaking her into pieces, yet she still looked on. They were laughing, talking, something that she had wished for herself with him. But she didn't have that chance. He was gone, away from her grasps. He wasn't hers anyway, wasn't hers to begin with. That thought had stunned her, but the possibility of it possible had kept her from dark. But now there was no hope. He was hers now, the girl that he was laughing with. They were a perfect couple. Absolutely perfect no matter what her friends thought. They deserved each other. He deserved someone special, not her. Not her who had said 'I hate you' once before to him. She regretted that ever since those words came out of her mouth, but no matter what she said, thought, wished, she couldn't take those words back. Then, before those words had ever come out, they were ok, able to say more than 10 words to each other. However, not even much of a word was said now. Obviously they just weren't perfect together. Fate thought that, they thought that. Life was just an endlessly game of hurt and pain, with her on the opposite side of happiness. She just wished, that for once, she would be able to experience real happiness, true love…
~ Was I a fool to think?
The way you look at me
I swear you did
But you looked away to quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all? ~
"Thank you," she whispered.
He gave a small nod and smiled.
She smiled back, but it was a painful one. A fake smile you could call it. She knew that nothing could happen between them, heck she knew as soon as she saw their hands entwine together, but she couldn't stop her heart from beating, couldn't stop the blushes that kept on popping up when he smiled at her, couldn't stop the pain that appeared faithfully when the fact that he wasn't hers and could never be took her away. It was a lost cause to stop herself from loving him, just like it was a lost cause to stop them from being together. But she knew that no matter how many years have past, how many problems rises, she would love him for eternity itself and beyond.
"So, found anyone yet?" he casually asked. Never knowing how painful the question was to her.
"No…" she said, a painful smile appearing on her face again. He would never know that the person she really cared about the most and loved was him. He would never find out.
"Are you sure? I've seen you hang out with a few guys lately," he said. Happiness seemed to appear in his tone, but she never knew, her sorrow had constrained her to the deception. He didn't know that the guys she spent time with were the only things she could do to force herself to forget him, to forget everything about him.
"Yes! They're not my kind of guy. I need someone who's wonderful and kind, beautiful inside and out… just someone who could understand me, and take me in for who I am,"
"Are you describing me? Cause that's the truth from head to toe!" he joked. He didn't know that she was really describing him.
"You?" she looked at him, up and down. "Maybe, but too bad you have a girlfriend already," she teased, knowing how much the truth hurt her.
"Yeah, too bad I have a girlfriend already, you would've been a perfect choice."
She blushed, wanting him to stop, to stop making her hope again and then crush it in one blow. But then she yearned for him to say things much like that, but it was already too much to hope.
"Yeah, too bad…"
Tension shot out like an arrow and it hit its target. Silence seemed unbearable for her, but it gave her room to think, instead of wondering what would happen what will happen next, will she hope again? It gave her peace, but she was afraid that once the silence continued on, he would leave and…
"Well, I have to go now, it's been nice seeing you again," he waved lightly before turning around to find his girlfriend.
… and leave her broken all over again.
~ I've grown tired of love
You are the trouble with me
I watch you walk right by
I smile, you do not notice me
Treat me recklessly
All you do is toss me pennies out
But the silence in me is screaming
Won't you come and get me? ~
The stars slowly dimmed as sunset was approaching. Just like her life. The moon was bright and friendly, something she needed. Even though there were friends and family that was there when she needed them, they couldn't understand her. Couldn't understand what she was going through. The moon related to her. It's isolated yet shines a beautiful light when needed. She took the railing in her hands and rocked back and forth. Trying to catch the wind. Something that other people wouldn't understand. It was her secret. As she looked up, she saw something shiny and beautiful. Curiosity held her firm and caused her to wonder. Quietly she took her shoes off and climbs on the chair close to her. Standing on tiptoes, she reached her hand to grasp the shiny object. As her fist closed around it, the chair fell and she came tumbling down. Her hair falling away in waves from the hair tie. Gingerly she stood up, righting the chair in the process. She sat down and opened her fist. It was indeed a beauty, a wonderful thing, but it was the thought and the person behind it that had her attention. Glittering in the moon, the locket possessed a thought behind it that was only known to the giver and the receiver. The front was decorated with diamonds, in the shape of a moon. At the back were stars, topaz representing them. Inside held a small note, but it was readable:
1 A beauty for the beautiful birthday girl…
Perhaps he didn't hate her, the gift proved it otherwise, but still. Perhaps he didn't hate her but he didn't love her either…
They separated, yet didn't. Life was a confusing little thing. Full of twists and turns, much like a maze. Figure out the way and it would award you. Hold the past, and it would continue to restrain you. That was life's little game. Sorrow, pain, happiness, love, all part of it…
~ Was I a fool to think?
The way you looked at me
I swear you did
But you looked away too quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all? ~
The doorbell rang. She covered her ears. Never wanting to hear that endless sound again. But it rang continuously. In frustration, she threw the closest object and it fell with a thud. But that didn't matter. The item was nothing personal or important, it was just a present from the person she loved, but didn't know that. It wasn't something that she shouldn't keep, cherish. It was just a thing that had no meaning and would never have one. But to whom was she kidding? She loved him even though he had someone already. Loved him even though he never would return her feelings. How she longed to be with him, having him hold her as if nothing else was more important in this universe, but she couldn't betray her friend. She couldn't be disloyal to someone she cared about, no matter how greatly she wanted to be with him.
Again and again it rang, but it met deaf ears.
"Open up! I know you'll in there! You can't hide from me forever!" a voice shouted outside.
She knew she couldn't hide from him forever, but she could escape him for at least a few hours.
"I know you're angry at me, but don't you get it?"
No, she didn't get it and she didn't want to ever get it.
"I'm… I'm sorry, but won't you come out and talk to me, even for a minute?" he pleaded.
She couldn't, couldn't see him. Couldn't face him, even for a minute, who knew what could happen in such time? Would she fall over heels for him again? And get her heart broken in the process? She didn't want to, but her heart won't listen. That was her downfall, using her heart instead of her mind.
"Please come out, please…"
She heard a thump and knew that he was slumped on the ground. Her heart was in agony, but she couldn't leave her walls now, not after how much she put to build the shields
"I… I love you," he whispered out, but too bad she couldn't hear him. She had escaped from her misery and had once again avoided the words she wanted so much to hear, yet dread. She was gone like the winds, never stopping to let him catch up. Gone forever from him, never stopping…
~ Was I a fool to think?
The way you looked at me
I swear you did
But you looked away too quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all? ~
She stared at him, her eyes quickly drifted from his as the intense gaze startled her. She was all messed up, she didn't know what to do anymore or what to feel. She had maybe once knew what she felt for him, but now, all because of a mistake she was… she didn't know, all she knew was that she had a big headache, and in no hurry would it disappear.
She played around with a knot of a blanket close by. It was no use thinking at all. It would only cause confusion and confrontation, something she didn't want at all. What had happened was unknown to her, but she knew that all the secrets would be revealed once someone started to talk. Her heart couldn't hide the secret anymore, and she really did want to get it all out so that the burden would leave her again. But would it really? She didn't want to be awkward with him. It was better off with only one person holding on to the secret, never letting go, despite how heavy the words held her…
"Uh…" he broke the silence, but perhaps the silence was better than the confrontation. "Wh… What-" he stopped as he realized that she was crying. His awkwardness seemed to leave him and he leaned forward. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around her, and she surrendered to the soothing touch and heat of his arms.
"What happened?" he asked softly, but she didn't respond, she couldn't. It was like her mind had shut down and forced her to do something she wouldn't really do in a situation much like this.
He respected her silence and she shed her tears.
It seemed like she was crying for hours and days, but in fact it was only a few minutes, but during those minutes, tears were shed and an understanding grew between them. Perhaps it would've been better if the incident hadn't happen, but then both would've tried to escape confrontation for as long as they lived and nothing would've resulted in it. It was only a matter of time before more troubles would've taken place and they couldn't run away from it. Only a matter of time…
~ You make a mess of me here
I dance a thousand steps for you
If you say yes to me
I'll be whatever gets you through ~
~ You make a mess of me here (was I a fool?)
I dance a thousand steps for you (was I a fool?)
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think?
Am I a fool, am I a fool for you? ~
Am I a fool to wish for something that I know wouldn't be given?
Am I a fool to keep on loving a forbidden person?
Am I a fool to hope that you'll one day be mine?
Am I a fool to believe in a dream never to occur?
Am I a fool to yearn for you when you'll never be mine?
Am I a fool to assume that you will notice me?
Am I a fool to be whatever that gets you through?
Am I a fool to consider you'll say yes?
Am I a fool to your command?
Am I a fool to dream of a forbidden relationship?
Am I a fool to think that something might happen between us?
Am I a fool for you?
Maybe I am, but I know that no matter what happens, I'll still love that lost boy wandering to find a way out, the young man with the sad eyes, the knight that keeps on rescuing me…
"If loving you was a mistake and there was a chance to change what had happened, I know that I will still choose to love you…"
End of Fool To Think
Well, was it okay? Just to tell you, the next chapter, it will describe everything in order. That means the guys name will be revealed (no more secrecy) and well, just to tell you, this is a love web fic. That means that I'm going to have lots of guys fall for Usagi and well, it's going to very fun to write it. Anyway, it will start from the beginning (how she met all the bishonen and what happened after that…) (that means that the scenes I had in the chapters will be in it, and the guys names will be unveiled) and we'll start our way from there. Are you confused? Well don't worry cause it won't be confusing when you read the next chapter. Remember to review… ^_^
Author: hikari-no-megami
E-mail address: kirei_usa@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst/Romance
Songfic
Disclaimers: I don't own the series you know in here.
Author Notes: I know that there's a fic by Dreama Tsuki with the same title as mine, and same song as well. I'm sort of using her idea, but I just had to write a fic with this song. But as usual the guy characters aren't revealed, hehe. Is the third chapter of A Dream's Desire that bad? Not many people reviewed… Is it the ending? Tell me what I need to work on, and I'll try to fulfill your needs, but really if there's something wrong, tell me so I could work on it and improve my skills. Remember to review!
Quote of the fic:
It is not the end of a journey that gives you success but the journey itself…
**********
~ Look at me dreaming of you
All I could hope is to have you
To have you walking with me
Laughing so in love, we two
Almost drunkenly
I did imbibe of this
Fantasy of you and me ~
She looked on in sorrow, as her love walked away with another girl. Her heart breaking into pieces at the sight of happiness upon their faces. Coldness wrapped itself upon her. Love breaking her into pieces, yet she still looked on. They were laughing, talking, something that she had wished for herself with him. But she didn't have that chance. He was gone, away from her grasps. He wasn't hers anyway, wasn't hers to begin with. That thought had stunned her, but the possibility of it possible had kept her from dark. But now there was no hope. He was hers now, the girl that he was laughing with. They were a perfect couple. Absolutely perfect no matter what her friends thought. They deserved each other. He deserved someone special, not her. Not her who had said 'I hate you' once before to him. She regretted that ever since those words came out of her mouth, but no matter what she said, thought, wished, she couldn't take those words back. Then, before those words had ever come out, they were ok, able to say more than 10 words to each other. However, not even much of a word was said now. Obviously they just weren't perfect together. Fate thought that, they thought that. Life was just an endlessly game of hurt and pain, with her on the opposite side of happiness. She just wished, that for once, she would be able to experience real happiness, true love…
~ Was I a fool to think?
The way you look at me
I swear you did
But you looked away to quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all? ~
"Thank you," she whispered.
He gave a small nod and smiled.
She smiled back, but it was a painful one. A fake smile you could call it. She knew that nothing could happen between them, heck she knew as soon as she saw their hands entwine together, but she couldn't stop her heart from beating, couldn't stop the blushes that kept on popping up when he smiled at her, couldn't stop the pain that appeared faithfully when the fact that he wasn't hers and could never be took her away. It was a lost cause to stop herself from loving him, just like it was a lost cause to stop them from being together. But she knew that no matter how many years have past, how many problems rises, she would love him for eternity itself and beyond.
"So, found anyone yet?" he casually asked. Never knowing how painful the question was to her.
"No…" she said, a painful smile appearing on her face again. He would never know that the person she really cared about the most and loved was him. He would never find out.
"Are you sure? I've seen you hang out with a few guys lately," he said. Happiness seemed to appear in his tone, but she never knew, her sorrow had constrained her to the deception. He didn't know that the guys she spent time with were the only things she could do to force herself to forget him, to forget everything about him.
"Yes! They're not my kind of guy. I need someone who's wonderful and kind, beautiful inside and out… just someone who could understand me, and take me in for who I am,"
"Are you describing me? Cause that's the truth from head to toe!" he joked. He didn't know that she was really describing him.
"You?" she looked at him, up and down. "Maybe, but too bad you have a girlfriend already," she teased, knowing how much the truth hurt her.
"Yeah, too bad I have a girlfriend already, you would've been a perfect choice."
She blushed, wanting him to stop, to stop making her hope again and then crush it in one blow. But then she yearned for him to say things much like that, but it was already too much to hope.
"Yeah, too bad…"
Tension shot out like an arrow and it hit its target. Silence seemed unbearable for her, but it gave her room to think, instead of wondering what would happen what will happen next, will she hope again? It gave her peace, but she was afraid that once the silence continued on, he would leave and…
"Well, I have to go now, it's been nice seeing you again," he waved lightly before turning around to find his girlfriend.
… and leave her broken all over again.
~ I've grown tired of love
You are the trouble with me
I watch you walk right by
I smile, you do not notice me
Treat me recklessly
All you do is toss me pennies out
But the silence in me is screaming
Won't you come and get me? ~
The stars slowly dimmed as sunset was approaching. Just like her life. The moon was bright and friendly, something she needed. Even though there were friends and family that was there when she needed them, they couldn't understand her. Couldn't understand what she was going through. The moon related to her. It's isolated yet shines a beautiful light when needed. She took the railing in her hands and rocked back and forth. Trying to catch the wind. Something that other people wouldn't understand. It was her secret. As she looked up, she saw something shiny and beautiful. Curiosity held her firm and caused her to wonder. Quietly she took her shoes off and climbs on the chair close to her. Standing on tiptoes, she reached her hand to grasp the shiny object. As her fist closed around it, the chair fell and she came tumbling down. Her hair falling away in waves from the hair tie. Gingerly she stood up, righting the chair in the process. She sat down and opened her fist. It was indeed a beauty, a wonderful thing, but it was the thought and the person behind it that had her attention. Glittering in the moon, the locket possessed a thought behind it that was only known to the giver and the receiver. The front was decorated with diamonds, in the shape of a moon. At the back were stars, topaz representing them. Inside held a small note, but it was readable:
1 A beauty for the beautiful birthday girl…
Perhaps he didn't hate her, the gift proved it otherwise, but still. Perhaps he didn't hate her but he didn't love her either…
They separated, yet didn't. Life was a confusing little thing. Full of twists and turns, much like a maze. Figure out the way and it would award you. Hold the past, and it would continue to restrain you. That was life's little game. Sorrow, pain, happiness, love, all part of it…
~ Was I a fool to think?
The way you looked at me
I swear you did
But you looked away too quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all? ~
The doorbell rang. She covered her ears. Never wanting to hear that endless sound again. But it rang continuously. In frustration, she threw the closest object and it fell with a thud. But that didn't matter. The item was nothing personal or important, it was just a present from the person she loved, but didn't know that. It wasn't something that she shouldn't keep, cherish. It was just a thing that had no meaning and would never have one. But to whom was she kidding? She loved him even though he had someone already. Loved him even though he never would return her feelings. How she longed to be with him, having him hold her as if nothing else was more important in this universe, but she couldn't betray her friend. She couldn't be disloyal to someone she cared about, no matter how greatly she wanted to be with him.
Again and again it rang, but it met deaf ears.
"Open up! I know you'll in there! You can't hide from me forever!" a voice shouted outside.
She knew she couldn't hide from him forever, but she could escape him for at least a few hours.
"I know you're angry at me, but don't you get it?"
No, she didn't get it and she didn't want to ever get it.
"I'm… I'm sorry, but won't you come out and talk to me, even for a minute?" he pleaded.
She couldn't, couldn't see him. Couldn't face him, even for a minute, who knew what could happen in such time? Would she fall over heels for him again? And get her heart broken in the process? She didn't want to, but her heart won't listen. That was her downfall, using her heart instead of her mind.
"Please come out, please…"
She heard a thump and knew that he was slumped on the ground. Her heart was in agony, but she couldn't leave her walls now, not after how much she put to build the shields
"I… I love you," he whispered out, but too bad she couldn't hear him. She had escaped from her misery and had once again avoided the words she wanted so much to hear, yet dread. She was gone like the winds, never stopping to let him catch up. Gone forever from him, never stopping…
~ Was I a fool to think?
The way you looked at me
I swear you did
But you looked away too quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all? ~
She stared at him, her eyes quickly drifted from his as the intense gaze startled her. She was all messed up, she didn't know what to do anymore or what to feel. She had maybe once knew what she felt for him, but now, all because of a mistake she was… she didn't know, all she knew was that she had a big headache, and in no hurry would it disappear.
She played around with a knot of a blanket close by. It was no use thinking at all. It would only cause confusion and confrontation, something she didn't want at all. What had happened was unknown to her, but she knew that all the secrets would be revealed once someone started to talk. Her heart couldn't hide the secret anymore, and she really did want to get it all out so that the burden would leave her again. But would it really? She didn't want to be awkward with him. It was better off with only one person holding on to the secret, never letting go, despite how heavy the words held her…
"Uh…" he broke the silence, but perhaps the silence was better than the confrontation. "Wh… What-" he stopped as he realized that she was crying. His awkwardness seemed to leave him and he leaned forward. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around her, and she surrendered to the soothing touch and heat of his arms.
"What happened?" he asked softly, but she didn't respond, she couldn't. It was like her mind had shut down and forced her to do something she wouldn't really do in a situation much like this.
He respected her silence and she shed her tears.
It seemed like she was crying for hours and days, but in fact it was only a few minutes, but during those minutes, tears were shed and an understanding grew between them. Perhaps it would've been better if the incident hadn't happen, but then both would've tried to escape confrontation for as long as they lived and nothing would've resulted in it. It was only a matter of time before more troubles would've taken place and they couldn't run away from it. Only a matter of time…
~ You make a mess of me here
I dance a thousand steps for you
If you say yes to me
I'll be whatever gets you through ~
~ You make a mess of me here (was I a fool?)
I dance a thousand steps for you (was I a fool?)
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think?
Am I a fool, am I a fool for you? ~
Am I a fool to wish for something that I know wouldn't be given?
Am I a fool to keep on loving a forbidden person?
Am I a fool to hope that you'll one day be mine?
Am I a fool to believe in a dream never to occur?
Am I a fool to yearn for you when you'll never be mine?
Am I a fool to assume that you will notice me?
Am I a fool to be whatever that gets you through?
Am I a fool to consider you'll say yes?
Am I a fool to your command?
Am I a fool to dream of a forbidden relationship?
Am I a fool to think that something might happen between us?
Am I a fool for you?
Maybe I am, but I know that no matter what happens, I'll still love that lost boy wandering to find a way out, the young man with the sad eyes, the knight that keeps on rescuing me…
"If loving you was a mistake and there was a chance to change what had happened, I know that I will still choose to love you…"
End of Fool To Think
Well, was it okay? Just to tell you, the next chapter, it will describe everything in order. That means the guys name will be revealed (no more secrecy) and well, just to tell you, this is a love web fic. That means that I'm going to have lots of guys fall for Usagi and well, it's going to very fun to write it. Anyway, it will start from the beginning (how she met all the bishonen and what happened after that…) (that means that the scenes I had in the chapters will be in it, and the guys names will be unveiled) and we'll start our way from there. Are you confused? Well don't worry cause it won't be confusing when you read the next chapter. Remember to review… ^_^