Hiding The Future
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Chapter 2 - 'Long Road Ahead'
Angels PoV
What am I doing?! I don't know why I am driving away. Yes I do. She told me to. I left 'cos Cordelia told me too. No I didn't I left because I am a coward. I can't help it. Put me in front of 3 Canvar demons, a couple of Vampire Nests, a mall full of people and I will fight but give me matters of the heart and I want to run away. So that's what I am doing, running away from her, from the memories, from everything. I have lost everything. Conner, Wesley and now Cordelia. I think I lost Cordelia a long time ago. A small part of me blamed her for Conners death because she was busy Kumsucking or whatever with Groo instead of helping me protect my son.
Have you ever had that feeling when you want what could have been. I have thought like that everyday since I first kissed Buffy. I have thought what it would be like kissing Buffy instead of Cordelia, laughing with Buffy instead of Cordelia. It's natural isn't it? I couldn't help compare Buffy and Cordelia even thought they are completely different people. I was scared, yeah a 251 year old Vampire scared, that the same thing would happen to me and Cordelia that happened to me and Buffy. It plagued my dreams, my thoughts, it spun in my mind until it took over everything else. Every thing that I said, would worry me, would drive me to paranoia. In the end I didn't say 'I love you' anymore to Cordelia because when I told Buffy, it got complicated and we knew we shouldn't be together. I was scared for my soul. We we're told by the Powers that Cordelia could anchor my soul but still I worried that there would be a time when it my fail. So I detached myself from the situation and let her feel satisfaction. My satisfaction from the smile on her face. Over time she noticed and stop smiling. Sure there was that 100 mega watt smile but it was the fake smile she used to give people. I felt ashamed that I had drawn her down to this level. She couldn't even smile anymore.
That's why I am in the car driving under the moonlight. I'm driving because I have pushed her to a point where she wants rid of the visions and is instead turning to Groo who can make her happy and doesn't brood half as much as I do. I'm passing the sign now which means there's no turning back. 'Welcome to Sunnydale' only somebody had crossed out 'dale' in black spray paint and scrawled 'Hell' instead so the sign read 'Welcome to SunnyHell'. It was going to be Hell but it was the only place I had left to turn now. I didn't want to be alone again...I've spent to long alone. It only takes a few minutes to reach her door from the entrance to the town. The lights are on. I look through the window before I knock on the door, just to check that she still lives there. She is sitting watching TV with Dawn curled up under her arm. An empty pot of Ben and Jerry's is sitting on the coffee table and they are both laughing. I look at the TV and see they are watching Xander and Anya's wedding video. I see Buffy turn towards the window and I duck. I move towards the door. Once I knock, I can't turn back...this would be it. I rap lightly and stand back. She might not even answer it, she might not hear it and then I can escape to where ever I can. Anywhere except LA!
I hear the key being unlocked in the door. As it opens I see the little brunette that I remember being a foot smaller, unruly hair and permanently scruffy jeans. She's now 18 and looking like her sister more and more except she had hair like Cordelias. I felt the pain echo in my heart...maybe over time it would fade. Dawnie gasped and I wished she hadn't. I heard Buffy run from the living room to the door in a matter of seconds.
"What's going on Dawn?" Buffy asked looking at Dawn, not the door and she looked up. Her faced flashed so many emotions that I didn't know what she was thinking.
We stood and stared at each other for a few minutes before Dawnie rolled her eyes in Cordelia fashion and said 'Gees, say something would ya?'
"Hi Buffy." I thought that was a nice and easy start. If we could keep the small talk up for a while, maybe we could keep small talk until I felt I had the strength to tell her why I was here. No such luck.
"Angel come in. You are still...em...aren't you."
"A Vampire?" I finish for her. "Yeah, you can't cure it!" I try and make her crack a smile. It works. We head through to the living room and a little Labrador puppy bounds through to the living room but stops and growl at my feet.
"Just like his name sake huh!" Dawn giggles but I fail to see the joke...again.
Buffy frowned at Dawn "Dawn, take Spike and go to your room. You have a mid- term tomorrow and it's getting late.
"I'm home for one night and your already acting like mom!" Dawn huffed but picked up the puppy and stomped upstairs.
I took the seat furthest from Buffy so at least, if she tried to stake me, I could make a run for it! I watch a small part of the video. Buffy is dancing with Xander, her silver dress clinging to her body and sliding over her like liquid as she moved.
"So?"
"So." I answered back.
"Angel, why are you here?"
"I'm back." Was all I could say.
"For how long?"
"Forever!"
As she flung her arms around my neck all I could think of was 'What was Cora doing?'
THE HOTEL.
Cordelia was still sitting on the floor, her eyes swollen with crying. She looked at the window. The dawn was just settling into the sky, a tiny orange ridge shining on the horizon. Her eyes flew to a picture which sat on the mantelpiece above the extinguished fire. Conner was lying down on the baby blue blanket Cordelia had bought him for coming home in after they had him checked out at the hospital. The tears stopped as she stared into Conners chocolate eyes.
"I've lost him, I won't lose you too." She muttered to the photo as if Conner was in the room.
Cordelia picked herself off the floor and stumbled towards the bathroom. A plan was already filing her mind. The determination was set on her face as the hot water washed away the salty tears but not the pain.
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This is a story that will have in my eyes the happiest ending possible with a start like this but where it goes….nobody know…not even me
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Chapter 2 - 'Long Road Ahead'
Angels PoV
What am I doing?! I don't know why I am driving away. Yes I do. She told me to. I left 'cos Cordelia told me too. No I didn't I left because I am a coward. I can't help it. Put me in front of 3 Canvar demons, a couple of Vampire Nests, a mall full of people and I will fight but give me matters of the heart and I want to run away. So that's what I am doing, running away from her, from the memories, from everything. I have lost everything. Conner, Wesley and now Cordelia. I think I lost Cordelia a long time ago. A small part of me blamed her for Conners death because she was busy Kumsucking or whatever with Groo instead of helping me protect my son.
Have you ever had that feeling when you want what could have been. I have thought like that everyday since I first kissed Buffy. I have thought what it would be like kissing Buffy instead of Cordelia, laughing with Buffy instead of Cordelia. It's natural isn't it? I couldn't help compare Buffy and Cordelia even thought they are completely different people. I was scared, yeah a 251 year old Vampire scared, that the same thing would happen to me and Cordelia that happened to me and Buffy. It plagued my dreams, my thoughts, it spun in my mind until it took over everything else. Every thing that I said, would worry me, would drive me to paranoia. In the end I didn't say 'I love you' anymore to Cordelia because when I told Buffy, it got complicated and we knew we shouldn't be together. I was scared for my soul. We we're told by the Powers that Cordelia could anchor my soul but still I worried that there would be a time when it my fail. So I detached myself from the situation and let her feel satisfaction. My satisfaction from the smile on her face. Over time she noticed and stop smiling. Sure there was that 100 mega watt smile but it was the fake smile she used to give people. I felt ashamed that I had drawn her down to this level. She couldn't even smile anymore.
That's why I am in the car driving under the moonlight. I'm driving because I have pushed her to a point where she wants rid of the visions and is instead turning to Groo who can make her happy and doesn't brood half as much as I do. I'm passing the sign now which means there's no turning back. 'Welcome to Sunnydale' only somebody had crossed out 'dale' in black spray paint and scrawled 'Hell' instead so the sign read 'Welcome to SunnyHell'. It was going to be Hell but it was the only place I had left to turn now. I didn't want to be alone again...I've spent to long alone. It only takes a few minutes to reach her door from the entrance to the town. The lights are on. I look through the window before I knock on the door, just to check that she still lives there. She is sitting watching TV with Dawn curled up under her arm. An empty pot of Ben and Jerry's is sitting on the coffee table and they are both laughing. I look at the TV and see they are watching Xander and Anya's wedding video. I see Buffy turn towards the window and I duck. I move towards the door. Once I knock, I can't turn back...this would be it. I rap lightly and stand back. She might not even answer it, she might not hear it and then I can escape to where ever I can. Anywhere except LA!
I hear the key being unlocked in the door. As it opens I see the little brunette that I remember being a foot smaller, unruly hair and permanently scruffy jeans. She's now 18 and looking like her sister more and more except she had hair like Cordelias. I felt the pain echo in my heart...maybe over time it would fade. Dawnie gasped and I wished she hadn't. I heard Buffy run from the living room to the door in a matter of seconds.
"What's going on Dawn?" Buffy asked looking at Dawn, not the door and she looked up. Her faced flashed so many emotions that I didn't know what she was thinking.
We stood and stared at each other for a few minutes before Dawnie rolled her eyes in Cordelia fashion and said 'Gees, say something would ya?'
"Hi Buffy." I thought that was a nice and easy start. If we could keep the small talk up for a while, maybe we could keep small talk until I felt I had the strength to tell her why I was here. No such luck.
"Angel come in. You are still...em...aren't you."
"A Vampire?" I finish for her. "Yeah, you can't cure it!" I try and make her crack a smile. It works. We head through to the living room and a little Labrador puppy bounds through to the living room but stops and growl at my feet.
"Just like his name sake huh!" Dawn giggles but I fail to see the joke...again.
Buffy frowned at Dawn "Dawn, take Spike and go to your room. You have a mid- term tomorrow and it's getting late.
"I'm home for one night and your already acting like mom!" Dawn huffed but picked up the puppy and stomped upstairs.
I took the seat furthest from Buffy so at least, if she tried to stake me, I could make a run for it! I watch a small part of the video. Buffy is dancing with Xander, her silver dress clinging to her body and sliding over her like liquid as she moved.
"So?"
"So." I answered back.
"Angel, why are you here?"
"I'm back." Was all I could say.
"For how long?"
"Forever!"
As she flung her arms around my neck all I could think of was 'What was Cora doing?'
THE HOTEL.
Cordelia was still sitting on the floor, her eyes swollen with crying. She looked at the window. The dawn was just settling into the sky, a tiny orange ridge shining on the horizon. Her eyes flew to a picture which sat on the mantelpiece above the extinguished fire. Conner was lying down on the baby blue blanket Cordelia had bought him for coming home in after they had him checked out at the hospital. The tears stopped as she stared into Conners chocolate eyes.
"I've lost him, I won't lose you too." She muttered to the photo as if Conner was in the room.
Cordelia picked herself off the floor and stumbled towards the bathroom. A plan was already filing her mind. The determination was set on her face as the hot water washed away the salty tears but not the pain.
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This is a story that will have in my eyes the happiest ending possible with a start like this but where it goes….nobody know…not even me