Chapter 6 - 'Finding a Resolution'
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Angel could feel the sand between his toes, the warm sunshine beating down on his face. He never tired of the feeling and now that Conner had told him why he had Shansued, he loved it even more. The cove was special to both of them, quiet due to the rocks that you had to scramble across to get to it. The sands were the purest white, the ocean a clear blue. Cordelia used to dive into the waters, braving the cold at midnight. She used to say it made her feel so alive. The headstone sat at the edge of the beach looking out over the vast blue. He smiled. She always did like a room with a view. The headstone was warm to touch, reflecting the suns rays and tiny flecks of shells on the stone shimmering in the light. It took him a few minutes to bring himself to look at the headstone. He knew that once he did he would have to admit to himself that she was gone and not coming back. His fingertips felt what his eyes wouldn't see. He could feel the smoothness of the marble below his pads and felt the indent where the inscription began. Finally he looked. The tears rolled from his eyes when he saw the first word 'Cora'. He cried because she was gone. he cried because she still kept his pet name for her, he cried because he was the weak one and had left her all those years ago.
His fingers traced the inscription:
'Cora Chase 22-5-1981 to 23-6-2017
A Mother To Many,
A Friend To Many More,
You Will Be Missed,
But You Are In Our Hearts.
She had been 36 years old…To young to die, too young to have been through what he had put her threw. He sat down beside the grave and huddled himself against it.
"You know Cora, I never wanted to leave you all those years ago. I wanted to stay but you told me to go. I ran away because I was scared. I was scared that we would end up like Buffy and I. The tragic Romeo and Juliet as you called us. I never ever wanted to put you through that pain. it nearly broke Buffy and I didn't want to break you too. God you would never believe how much I loved you. I mean I loved you so much that it hurt. I know you thought that I never worried about losing my soul when I was with you, you anchored my soul but I was scared that one day you would stop loving me as much and my soul would go. I realised once I left that because Conner was gone my soul or my heart would ever feel perfect happiness again. I used to wake up in the morning and watch you sleeping then the fear would overwhelm me again and I would have to leave you. I came here you know. This was a place that help the one perfect memory for me, where I felt happiest. This is where we first made love. Do you remember?" He paused as if waiting for an answer. "I brought you out here after the bad vision. I just wanted you to feel something happy so I brought you out here. You called this my 'Brooding Spot'. You took off your shoes and striped to your underwear and just dove in. You didn't realise how cold it was until you came up for air. You screamed like a banshee." He laughed slightly. "Then you realised that the demon part of you protected you from the cold. You still came out shivering. I wrapped you up in my coat and you try to shout at me for letting you dive in there. You looked so cute with your hair all tangled and wet, your lips going a funny shade of blue and I shut you the only way I knew how. I kissed you. Oh boy you squirmed at first but then you gave in. That was the most amazing night of my life. Trust me it still is even after 295 years that I've been around."
He looked out to the ocean and remember the night with crystal clarity. He could still hear the shrieks on the wind and the moaning in his ear. The way Cordelia had writhed underneath him, making him go back to the Plymouth to get a blanket to lie on.
"Thank-you for finding my son. I'm was angry that you didn't tell me he was back but Conner explained it to me. He's a wise one Cora, wonder where he got it from huh! He's so like you. He told me about all the kids you and Gunn adopted. I'm glad you got the big family you always wanted and Conner showed me some of their pictures. You looked so happy when they were around you. If you have li...if your were still ali...here, I could imagine you as a grandma with little grand kids sitting on your knee, telling them stories of the old days. Would you tell them about me?
"Cordelia, I never married Buffy, Cora and Doyle aren't my children. I didn't want any with anyone except you. I never told Buffy that but we decided that an ex-Slayer and ex-Vampire didn't need anymore than two kids. The invitation you received was for Xander and Anyas wedding, well renewing their vows. I wrote the addresses to save money for them. I can't believe you thought I would be as callous as to send you an invitation to my own wedding. Wow, you wouldn't believe Conner. He can fight and he's pretty good at running the business. I like Rachel as well. She keeps him grounded and she understands what exactly goes on in the business. I see a lot of you in her, mind you, I see you everywhere. I wrote you a letter everyday you know. I keep them in a box above my closet. There is 15 years worth in there. Guess I didn't have the guts to send any of them."
The tears began to flow down Angels face again. "Go I wish you were still here and then maybe we could try and be friends, talk things out. I was such a fool to leave you. I mean I not even with Buffy any more. I left when Conner came back. I didn't want to live a lie anymore and she understood. She knew where my heart lay after all. I'm gonna go but I will come back. Soon. I promise. Hope you don't mind me rambling by your grave for a while. I'm going to see Conner again today. He has some important news. I think he finally asked Rachel to marry him. I think 20 is too young but he would be stupid if he left her go. Trust me I know."
Angel stood up and stood back in front for the grave. He kissed his fingertips and pressed them against the gravestone. "I still love you Cora, always." He wipe a stray tear away and began to walk away. He picked up a familiar scent of strawberries and Jasmine in the air. He smiled to himself. Forgiveness was a sweet thing.
*~*FIN*~*
Well what you think huh? Speak up. can't hear you. I know why don't just fill in that little form down there and I'll hear you better. Did you guess the Shipper...if not read the thing again. I couldn't make it any clearer!!!!
Nutty
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Angel could feel the sand between his toes, the warm sunshine beating down on his face. He never tired of the feeling and now that Conner had told him why he had Shansued, he loved it even more. The cove was special to both of them, quiet due to the rocks that you had to scramble across to get to it. The sands were the purest white, the ocean a clear blue. Cordelia used to dive into the waters, braving the cold at midnight. She used to say it made her feel so alive. The headstone sat at the edge of the beach looking out over the vast blue. He smiled. She always did like a room with a view. The headstone was warm to touch, reflecting the suns rays and tiny flecks of shells on the stone shimmering in the light. It took him a few minutes to bring himself to look at the headstone. He knew that once he did he would have to admit to himself that she was gone and not coming back. His fingertips felt what his eyes wouldn't see. He could feel the smoothness of the marble below his pads and felt the indent where the inscription began. Finally he looked. The tears rolled from his eyes when he saw the first word 'Cora'. He cried because she was gone. he cried because she still kept his pet name for her, he cried because he was the weak one and had left her all those years ago.
His fingers traced the inscription:
'Cora Chase 22-5-1981 to 23-6-2017
A Mother To Many,
A Friend To Many More,
You Will Be Missed,
But You Are In Our Hearts.
She had been 36 years old…To young to die, too young to have been through what he had put her threw. He sat down beside the grave and huddled himself against it.
"You know Cora, I never wanted to leave you all those years ago. I wanted to stay but you told me to go. I ran away because I was scared. I was scared that we would end up like Buffy and I. The tragic Romeo and Juliet as you called us. I never ever wanted to put you through that pain. it nearly broke Buffy and I didn't want to break you too. God you would never believe how much I loved you. I mean I loved you so much that it hurt. I know you thought that I never worried about losing my soul when I was with you, you anchored my soul but I was scared that one day you would stop loving me as much and my soul would go. I realised once I left that because Conner was gone my soul or my heart would ever feel perfect happiness again. I used to wake up in the morning and watch you sleeping then the fear would overwhelm me again and I would have to leave you. I came here you know. This was a place that help the one perfect memory for me, where I felt happiest. This is where we first made love. Do you remember?" He paused as if waiting for an answer. "I brought you out here after the bad vision. I just wanted you to feel something happy so I brought you out here. You called this my 'Brooding Spot'. You took off your shoes and striped to your underwear and just dove in. You didn't realise how cold it was until you came up for air. You screamed like a banshee." He laughed slightly. "Then you realised that the demon part of you protected you from the cold. You still came out shivering. I wrapped you up in my coat and you try to shout at me for letting you dive in there. You looked so cute with your hair all tangled and wet, your lips going a funny shade of blue and I shut you the only way I knew how. I kissed you. Oh boy you squirmed at first but then you gave in. That was the most amazing night of my life. Trust me it still is even after 295 years that I've been around."
He looked out to the ocean and remember the night with crystal clarity. He could still hear the shrieks on the wind and the moaning in his ear. The way Cordelia had writhed underneath him, making him go back to the Plymouth to get a blanket to lie on.
"Thank-you for finding my son. I'm was angry that you didn't tell me he was back but Conner explained it to me. He's a wise one Cora, wonder where he got it from huh! He's so like you. He told me about all the kids you and Gunn adopted. I'm glad you got the big family you always wanted and Conner showed me some of their pictures. You looked so happy when they were around you. If you have li...if your were still ali...here, I could imagine you as a grandma with little grand kids sitting on your knee, telling them stories of the old days. Would you tell them about me?
"Cordelia, I never married Buffy, Cora and Doyle aren't my children. I didn't want any with anyone except you. I never told Buffy that but we decided that an ex-Slayer and ex-Vampire didn't need anymore than two kids. The invitation you received was for Xander and Anyas wedding, well renewing their vows. I wrote the addresses to save money for them. I can't believe you thought I would be as callous as to send you an invitation to my own wedding. Wow, you wouldn't believe Conner. He can fight and he's pretty good at running the business. I like Rachel as well. She keeps him grounded and she understands what exactly goes on in the business. I see a lot of you in her, mind you, I see you everywhere. I wrote you a letter everyday you know. I keep them in a box above my closet. There is 15 years worth in there. Guess I didn't have the guts to send any of them."
The tears began to flow down Angels face again. "Go I wish you were still here and then maybe we could try and be friends, talk things out. I was such a fool to leave you. I mean I not even with Buffy any more. I left when Conner came back. I didn't want to live a lie anymore and she understood. She knew where my heart lay after all. I'm gonna go but I will come back. Soon. I promise. Hope you don't mind me rambling by your grave for a while. I'm going to see Conner again today. He has some important news. I think he finally asked Rachel to marry him. I think 20 is too young but he would be stupid if he left her go. Trust me I know."
Angel stood up and stood back in front for the grave. He kissed his fingertips and pressed them against the gravestone. "I still love you Cora, always." He wipe a stray tear away and began to walk away. He picked up a familiar scent of strawberries and Jasmine in the air. He smiled to himself. Forgiveness was a sweet thing.
*~*FIN*~*
Well what you think huh? Speak up. can't hear you. I know why don't just fill in that little form down there and I'll hear you better. Did you guess the Shipper...if not read the thing again. I couldn't make it any clearer!!!!
Nutty