Her lips had become thin when she walked onto the dance floor with her head
held up high and cast her eyes scornfully on Satine who was struggling to
do her first span.
Satine learned quickly. She had a natural gift for dance and show, and I had big problems in finding new lies why she wasn't allowed to go on stage together with the others. It could not be denied that she danced much better than they did. And she knew about this. As well as she knew that I wasn't good at turning down her desires for a long time. And so the day came when I had to give her away. I had praised her show at the rehearsal, and she used my words to entreat me anew, to implore me to give my agreement to her dancing at night.
"Harold, please!" she said and looked at me with this expression in her eyes I could hardly resist, this expression in those faithful blue eyes, deep and unfathomable and wonderful. "You've said I'm very good now!"
"Satine…" I began, helpless. I was famous for my lies and my quickly improved speeches, but with Satine, it failed.
"Why, Harold? Why?" Tears gathered in her eyes, and I swallowed hard while turning away. "I don't understand you!"
"Satine… you cannot understand…"
"I don't understand either", Nini said suddenly and stepped to her side, put her arm around her shoulders and held her close, stroked her head and smiled at me mockingly. "Why should she not dance with us? It's her greatest longing! Let her be just the same like we all are."
"Nini!" I had known that she had only been waiting for that moment to stab both me and Satine in the back, but Satine didn't realize it. But how should she do? She didn't know what I knew, what Nini knew, what everybody knew in this place.
"Harold…" Satine's voice was trembling.
"Harold!" Nini played the innocent girl.
I closed my eyes, my lips were shaking, I was looking for words. "Satine", I said finally, "why don't you go to Marie to help her ironing the costumes for tonight?"
"Harold… please…"
"Go now, Satine", I advised her curtly, forcing myself not to lose self- control. "I'll think about it."
Low steps were dying away very slowly. When the door closed, I opened my eyes and saw the dancers' faces, most of them full of pity and consternation, but also expectant. They all new that Satine was our last hope. Everybody knew. Me too.
"It's the best for us all", Nini said, without a trace of pity. "And you know it, too."
I passed my hand over my mouth, wound my little goatee with thumb and forefinger. A few seconds passed. Then I looked up. "Chocolat?"
The dark-skinned man stood up.
It had to happen. But I would never allow some rich, nasty, fat old wretch to do it. No, I wouldn't allow any. I took a deep breath. "Make her a woman."
Someone was coughing, someone else sniffled.
Chocolat nodded.
I closed my eyes.
Nini started to laugh.
With my head lowered I ran out of the dancing hall, away from this cruel laughter, away from this cruel world that had demanded my angel and which I had not been able to put up any resistance against. I slammed the door of my chamber behind me, fell down on my bed and hid my face in my pillow, I pressed it on my ears to ban Nini's voice, her laughter, out of my head, but there was no use trying it, I wasn't able to do it. I don't know how long I lay there. Sometime, I heard a scream bringing me back to reality. Shortly later someone knocked on my door. Chocolat entered my room and watched me silently. I nodded a bit and gave him advise with gestures to draw back. Then I raised and walked towards Satine's room. The door was slightly open, and slowly and carefully, I opened it completely. Trying to hide in the shadows of the wall, I entered and closed the door quietly.
I didn't dare looking at Satine's bed for a long time, but when I did it, I wished to die on the spot. Satine was lying there, cowered, the blanket wrapped makeshiftly around her naked body, with her eyes wide open and her lips trembling, her hands clutching the blanket, ossified because of horror.
My heart broke.
Satine learned quickly. She had a natural gift for dance and show, and I had big problems in finding new lies why she wasn't allowed to go on stage together with the others. It could not be denied that she danced much better than they did. And she knew about this. As well as she knew that I wasn't good at turning down her desires for a long time. And so the day came when I had to give her away. I had praised her show at the rehearsal, and she used my words to entreat me anew, to implore me to give my agreement to her dancing at night.
"Harold, please!" she said and looked at me with this expression in her eyes I could hardly resist, this expression in those faithful blue eyes, deep and unfathomable and wonderful. "You've said I'm very good now!"
"Satine…" I began, helpless. I was famous for my lies and my quickly improved speeches, but with Satine, it failed.
"Why, Harold? Why?" Tears gathered in her eyes, and I swallowed hard while turning away. "I don't understand you!"
"Satine… you cannot understand…"
"I don't understand either", Nini said suddenly and stepped to her side, put her arm around her shoulders and held her close, stroked her head and smiled at me mockingly. "Why should she not dance with us? It's her greatest longing! Let her be just the same like we all are."
"Nini!" I had known that she had only been waiting for that moment to stab both me and Satine in the back, but Satine didn't realize it. But how should she do? She didn't know what I knew, what Nini knew, what everybody knew in this place.
"Harold…" Satine's voice was trembling.
"Harold!" Nini played the innocent girl.
I closed my eyes, my lips were shaking, I was looking for words. "Satine", I said finally, "why don't you go to Marie to help her ironing the costumes for tonight?"
"Harold… please…"
"Go now, Satine", I advised her curtly, forcing myself not to lose self- control. "I'll think about it."
Low steps were dying away very slowly. When the door closed, I opened my eyes and saw the dancers' faces, most of them full of pity and consternation, but also expectant. They all new that Satine was our last hope. Everybody knew. Me too.
"It's the best for us all", Nini said, without a trace of pity. "And you know it, too."
I passed my hand over my mouth, wound my little goatee with thumb and forefinger. A few seconds passed. Then I looked up. "Chocolat?"
The dark-skinned man stood up.
It had to happen. But I would never allow some rich, nasty, fat old wretch to do it. No, I wouldn't allow any. I took a deep breath. "Make her a woman."
Someone was coughing, someone else sniffled.
Chocolat nodded.
I closed my eyes.
Nini started to laugh.
With my head lowered I ran out of the dancing hall, away from this cruel laughter, away from this cruel world that had demanded my angel and which I had not been able to put up any resistance against. I slammed the door of my chamber behind me, fell down on my bed and hid my face in my pillow, I pressed it on my ears to ban Nini's voice, her laughter, out of my head, but there was no use trying it, I wasn't able to do it. I don't know how long I lay there. Sometime, I heard a scream bringing me back to reality. Shortly later someone knocked on my door. Chocolat entered my room and watched me silently. I nodded a bit and gave him advise with gestures to draw back. Then I raised and walked towards Satine's room. The door was slightly open, and slowly and carefully, I opened it completely. Trying to hide in the shadows of the wall, I entered and closed the door quietly.
I didn't dare looking at Satine's bed for a long time, but when I did it, I wished to die on the spot. Satine was lying there, cowered, the blanket wrapped makeshiftly around her naked body, with her eyes wide open and her lips trembling, her hands clutching the blanket, ossified because of horror.
My heart broke.