He looked...different. The clothes were the same, even the hair was the
same. But his eyes, his eyes looked...haunted. Full of terrible
knowledge.
The self-dubbed Scooby gang was staring at him in shock. He was still clutching Anna to him, but was now backing away slowly, eyes filling with tears. Before anyone could do anything, he turned around and fled out the door.
Into the sunlight.
For a while, no one said anything. Then,
"Was...was that Spike?"
Buffy looked around tearfully, searching for a negation from her friends. Everyone just stood there, still trying to process what had happened in the past ten minutes.
Dawn was the first to reply.
" Yeah...I think it was."
The others voiced their agreements with this statement.
" He just walked out into the sunlight, didn't he?" Xander asked.
In a collective movement, everyone rushed to the door of the shop, searching for the pile of dust that should have been there. Nothing was there.
Buffy shrank back into herself. Sliding down the wall, she slumped her head down in denial.
" Oh God."
Spike fled. He ran away from his memories, holding his pseudo-daughter to him like a precious doll. He ran, feet pounding into the hot pavement, tear running down his cheeks. When he reached the Flamingo Inn, where he was staying, he burst into his room, set the shell shocked Anna down on the bed, went into the bathroom, and locked the door.
On the cool white tiles of the ceramic floor, he curled up into fetal position, and bit his lip until it bled, overwhelmed with memories and guilt.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Should never have stopped by this bloody town. Too many bleedin' memories, too many...sins. Oh God, her face, the look on her face...Spike, you bugger, you had to screw it up again, didn't you? You couldn't bloody well leave her alone could you? You should have gone straight to LA and your bleedin' grandsire, but nooo, you had to give in to nostalgia. You just had to stop by at bloody Sunnydale. Just to see if they're doin' alright, you said. Just to see her from the shadows, one more bleedin' time. Well bugger it all, Spike. You've just screwed up everything. You just can't seem to do anything can you? One hundred and twenty years of killing in the darkness, and you finally get your soul, yet the pain, it keeps a comin'. You're worthless, Spike, you're absolute scum. You're truly beneath her.
After a while, he heard a soft tapping noise against the bathroom door.
"Daddy?"
He wiped the tears off his face and opened the door. Anna was looking up at him, sniffling in remorse.
"Daddy, I'm sorry. I...I promise I won't ever leave by myself again. Don' cry. I jus' wann'ed to see if Buffy was as purdy as you tol' me..."
Spike smiled, and brought her close for a hug.
"It's OK, sweets. Daddy was just...afraid, that's all."
" Buy why are you 'fraid? You're never 'fraid of 'nything. You tol' me that Buffy was a good person."
Her little voice was tremulous and unsure.
" Well you see, lil' bit. Daddy hasn't really told you everything. I'm not afraid of Buffy like you're afraid of monsters, pet. Daddy's afraid of...remembering, that's all."
She looked at him in confusion.
"Remembering what?"
"Well, luv. A couple months before Daddy found you and killed all the monsters at your old home, he was a bad, bad, man. Daddy used to be a real vampire, just like all the monsters that killed your friends, Anna."
The little girl smiled.
" I know that, silly Daddy. But Daddy is a good vampire now, isn't he? Wasn't Daddy always a good vampire?"
Spike sighed. He did not want to explain his...situation and what had happened before to this mere chit of a girl. But...he loved Anna. She had seen too much for her young life...had suffered too much at the hands of his kind. She deserved an explanation as to why she was living with a monster. She deserved to be told that she didn't have to stay with him.
" Anna...pet...Daddy wasn't always a good vampire. Daddy used to be just as bad as those monsters that...that killed your friends. He used to be even worse. You see......
TBC...next chapt will probably cover what exactly happened to Spike in 2002 (i.e. I'll try and explain just why he's still a vampire and can go out into sunlight)
The self-dubbed Scooby gang was staring at him in shock. He was still clutching Anna to him, but was now backing away slowly, eyes filling with tears. Before anyone could do anything, he turned around and fled out the door.
Into the sunlight.
For a while, no one said anything. Then,
"Was...was that Spike?"
Buffy looked around tearfully, searching for a negation from her friends. Everyone just stood there, still trying to process what had happened in the past ten minutes.
Dawn was the first to reply.
" Yeah...I think it was."
The others voiced their agreements with this statement.
" He just walked out into the sunlight, didn't he?" Xander asked.
In a collective movement, everyone rushed to the door of the shop, searching for the pile of dust that should have been there. Nothing was there.
Buffy shrank back into herself. Sliding down the wall, she slumped her head down in denial.
" Oh God."
Spike fled. He ran away from his memories, holding his pseudo-daughter to him like a precious doll. He ran, feet pounding into the hot pavement, tear running down his cheeks. When he reached the Flamingo Inn, where he was staying, he burst into his room, set the shell shocked Anna down on the bed, went into the bathroom, and locked the door.
On the cool white tiles of the ceramic floor, he curled up into fetal position, and bit his lip until it bled, overwhelmed with memories and guilt.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Should never have stopped by this bloody town. Too many bleedin' memories, too many...sins. Oh God, her face, the look on her face...Spike, you bugger, you had to screw it up again, didn't you? You couldn't bloody well leave her alone could you? You should have gone straight to LA and your bleedin' grandsire, but nooo, you had to give in to nostalgia. You just had to stop by at bloody Sunnydale. Just to see if they're doin' alright, you said. Just to see her from the shadows, one more bleedin' time. Well bugger it all, Spike. You've just screwed up everything. You just can't seem to do anything can you? One hundred and twenty years of killing in the darkness, and you finally get your soul, yet the pain, it keeps a comin'. You're worthless, Spike, you're absolute scum. You're truly beneath her.
After a while, he heard a soft tapping noise against the bathroom door.
"Daddy?"
He wiped the tears off his face and opened the door. Anna was looking up at him, sniffling in remorse.
"Daddy, I'm sorry. I...I promise I won't ever leave by myself again. Don' cry. I jus' wann'ed to see if Buffy was as purdy as you tol' me..."
Spike smiled, and brought her close for a hug.
"It's OK, sweets. Daddy was just...afraid, that's all."
" Buy why are you 'fraid? You're never 'fraid of 'nything. You tol' me that Buffy was a good person."
Her little voice was tremulous and unsure.
" Well you see, lil' bit. Daddy hasn't really told you everything. I'm not afraid of Buffy like you're afraid of monsters, pet. Daddy's afraid of...remembering, that's all."
She looked at him in confusion.
"Remembering what?"
"Well, luv. A couple months before Daddy found you and killed all the monsters at your old home, he was a bad, bad, man. Daddy used to be a real vampire, just like all the monsters that killed your friends, Anna."
The little girl smiled.
" I know that, silly Daddy. But Daddy is a good vampire now, isn't he? Wasn't Daddy always a good vampire?"
Spike sighed. He did not want to explain his...situation and what had happened before to this mere chit of a girl. But...he loved Anna. She had seen too much for her young life...had suffered too much at the hands of his kind. She deserved an explanation as to why she was living with a monster. She deserved to be told that she didn't have to stay with him.
" Anna...pet...Daddy wasn't always a good vampire. Daddy used to be just as bad as those monsters that...that killed your friends. He used to be even worse. You see......
TBC...next chapt will probably cover what exactly happened to Spike in 2002 (i.e. I'll try and explain just why he's still a vampire and can go out into sunlight)