~Blood Rose~
It is all emotions in one,
From joy to pain and fear.
But with any emotion love may bring,
It always brings a tear.
(From Saffer, Daniel R.: Definition of Love)
Chapter 11:
Rae raised a hesitant hand to knock on the door to the townhouse. Alan had immediately left the hospital and come to her hotel room to tell her of Skye's pregnancy and what it could do to her. Minutes had ticked by as she stared at him, unable to piece together in form of a sentence, or comprehensible thought. When at last the shock had worn off and then she'd been able to pull herself together after a release of emotions, she'd realized that Jax had to be told.
Alan had voiced that it would be best for her to tell him while he notified the Quartermaines, but she new he just didn't want to. She didn't really mind, having to be the one to tell Jax the news, it was only a matter of her being able to control herself. She'd always been good at keeping in touch with her emotions but at the moment that didn't seem like such a good thing.
Drawing in a deep breath, Rae determinedly knocked on the door only to receive no answer.
"Great," Rae muttered sarcastically.
Finding the door unlocked Rae opened the door and proceeded inside. "Jax? Are you here?"
She heard the sound of pounding feet and a few moments later Jax appeared rushing down the stairs. "Rae is there news? Did she come back? Did someone find-" he stopped seeing the look on her face as she shook her head sadly. "Oh," was all he managed.
Her heart broke from him, she could she how it was tearing him up inside, the not knowing, the fear, the lost hope. She wasn't sure how she was going to manage telling him what she had to say, what she'd come for.
"Jax, why don't you sit down, there's something we need to discuss."
She watched as Jax immediately tensed, and the worry on his face did the impossible as it increased. His entire manner shouted emotions all brought for by her daughter's leaving. She knew that he was probably blaming himself, thinking if he'd only done this or that, and no matter what anyone said he'd continue to do so, she knew this because she felt the same. Rae didn't want to have to tell him what she'd learned about Skye, if anything it would only make him blame himself more, worry more, and get even less sleep as he did what he could to find her. She knew the only reason he physically wasn't traveling the world in blind hope was another hope, the hope Skye would come back or make contact and if she did, no matter how small the chance, he was determined to be there.
Rae watched Jax sit down, apprehension and dread rolling in waves off of him. Taking a seat across from him she tried to gather her thoughts, tried to think of the right words only to realize she was at a loss. She was trained to know what to say, how to help people but in this instance, this task before her, there didn't seem to be any right words. Perhaps it was because she herself was to close to the situation, was having trouble wrapping her own mind about it.
The silence extended between them, when at last she had to say something and the quicker the better.
"Alan came to me a little while ago, he had been attempting to work when a co-worker approached him, Skye's doctor. She gave Alan some files on Skye, files on something Skye hadn't wanted us to know. Skye had been in an accident some years back, an accident that left her almost incapable of becoming pregnant, and that if she were a very small chance of living. The pressure of the baby would be too hard on her internals, and most likely cause internal bleeding. She, Skye was devastated, I've talked with a few people who knew her when it happened, she apparently lost it for a while, fell into a depression." Rae paused for a moment; all that was left now was to come to the point, which she had been avoiding. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on one's point of view, she didn't have to.
"Rae, I'm afraid I don't understand, you said that was some years ago then why-?" The realization of what it was Rae had come to tell him hit hard. Much like Rae had done, and Alan if she'd known it, Jax sat in shock letting the minutes tick by.
"How long?" he managed to finally whisper.
"According to her doctor, she would be about five months now."
Five months. All that time and he hadn't known, hadn't been able to be there for her. He wondered what she must be going through, carrying a child alone, knowing it could kill her. Maybes and ifs entered Jax's mind, if he'd done this or that or done something to show she could trust him, that he could have handled the truth. That's why she left, wasn't it? She didn't think he loved her enough, couldn't trust him to stand by her? He should have done something all that time he was worried for instead of just doing nothing to prevent her from pushing away, obviously she took it to mean he didn't care, didn't it? With each new thought blaming himself more and became even more desperate to find her, he had to find her. He had to tell her they'd come through it together, that she could trust him, that he loved her. He couldn't bare the thought to loose her forever and he banished the thought, that maybe he already had.
Along the Pacific Coast….
Antoinette took her time coming back from her walk. The sun was setting changing the hues of grays to different shades. She'd always loved along the northern Pacific, the sky always seemed to reflect a mood of sadness, it suited her.
She passed a few beach houses as she walked, paying them no mind. At one point a small child ran out to her, thinking she was someone else. Embarrassed the little girl had blushed then ran off again laughing to her mother's arms. Antoinette wondered if soon that would ever be her, opening her arms out for a small child to run into or if that gift would prove beyond her strength to hold to.
Finally reaching her own house, she headed up the beach, away from the calming sea. It was strange that even though she'd been living there for several days she still felt a sense of foreboding as she walked up the wooden steps to the back door. Tensing as she opened the door she stepped into the kitchen area, after a moment when nothing happened she relaxed, feeling energy drain out of her.
She'd been gone a lot longer than usual this time. She always set out for a specific point; it really wasn't that far but it held a special meaning in her heart she couldn't ignore. Sometimes she'd sit there for hours, replaying memories of a different time in her mind. It was a difficult for her to go there, but being so near it, she couldn't very well avoid it. Sometimes on the way back she'd have to stop and sit upon a washed up log in order to push away haunting thoughts and regain her composure long enough to continue.
This time had been particularly painful and it hadn't helped that her little one had been particularly playful with in her, allowing for no moment of escape, keeping her conscious of where she was and why.
Antoinette slipped off her shoes, deciding to nap awhile before making herself dinner. She headed down the hall to her room but for the first time stopped in front of the first door she came to. This was the door that led to the room she avoided; she knew what lay beyond it, a bedroom filled with boxes and old keepsakes. It was nothing special, at least to anyone else it would not be, for her it was room filled with woe.
She stepped up to the door, laying a hand on the handle. She stood there, staring down at her hand upon the brass doorknob, breathing hard. She couldn't do it. Moving her hand from the knob she brought her hand up, hovering above where a small, stenciled rose was painted on top of the white door. She traced her fingertips along its outline, smiling sadly, remembering all those years ago when she placed it there.
Backing away from the door, she continued to her room and crawled into bed. No sleep came.
It is all emotions in one,
From joy to pain and fear.
But with any emotion love may bring,
It always brings a tear.
(From Saffer, Daniel R.: Definition of Love)
Chapter 11:
Rae raised a hesitant hand to knock on the door to the townhouse. Alan had immediately left the hospital and come to her hotel room to tell her of Skye's pregnancy and what it could do to her. Minutes had ticked by as she stared at him, unable to piece together in form of a sentence, or comprehensible thought. When at last the shock had worn off and then she'd been able to pull herself together after a release of emotions, she'd realized that Jax had to be told.
Alan had voiced that it would be best for her to tell him while he notified the Quartermaines, but she new he just didn't want to. She didn't really mind, having to be the one to tell Jax the news, it was only a matter of her being able to control herself. She'd always been good at keeping in touch with her emotions but at the moment that didn't seem like such a good thing.
Drawing in a deep breath, Rae determinedly knocked on the door only to receive no answer.
"Great," Rae muttered sarcastically.
Finding the door unlocked Rae opened the door and proceeded inside. "Jax? Are you here?"
She heard the sound of pounding feet and a few moments later Jax appeared rushing down the stairs. "Rae is there news? Did she come back? Did someone find-" he stopped seeing the look on her face as she shook her head sadly. "Oh," was all he managed.
Her heart broke from him, she could she how it was tearing him up inside, the not knowing, the fear, the lost hope. She wasn't sure how she was going to manage telling him what she had to say, what she'd come for.
"Jax, why don't you sit down, there's something we need to discuss."
She watched as Jax immediately tensed, and the worry on his face did the impossible as it increased. His entire manner shouted emotions all brought for by her daughter's leaving. She knew that he was probably blaming himself, thinking if he'd only done this or that, and no matter what anyone said he'd continue to do so, she knew this because she felt the same. Rae didn't want to have to tell him what she'd learned about Skye, if anything it would only make him blame himself more, worry more, and get even less sleep as he did what he could to find her. She knew the only reason he physically wasn't traveling the world in blind hope was another hope, the hope Skye would come back or make contact and if she did, no matter how small the chance, he was determined to be there.
Rae watched Jax sit down, apprehension and dread rolling in waves off of him. Taking a seat across from him she tried to gather her thoughts, tried to think of the right words only to realize she was at a loss. She was trained to know what to say, how to help people but in this instance, this task before her, there didn't seem to be any right words. Perhaps it was because she herself was to close to the situation, was having trouble wrapping her own mind about it.
The silence extended between them, when at last she had to say something and the quicker the better.
"Alan came to me a little while ago, he had been attempting to work when a co-worker approached him, Skye's doctor. She gave Alan some files on Skye, files on something Skye hadn't wanted us to know. Skye had been in an accident some years back, an accident that left her almost incapable of becoming pregnant, and that if she were a very small chance of living. The pressure of the baby would be too hard on her internals, and most likely cause internal bleeding. She, Skye was devastated, I've talked with a few people who knew her when it happened, she apparently lost it for a while, fell into a depression." Rae paused for a moment; all that was left now was to come to the point, which she had been avoiding. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on one's point of view, she didn't have to.
"Rae, I'm afraid I don't understand, you said that was some years ago then why-?" The realization of what it was Rae had come to tell him hit hard. Much like Rae had done, and Alan if she'd known it, Jax sat in shock letting the minutes tick by.
"How long?" he managed to finally whisper.
"According to her doctor, she would be about five months now."
Five months. All that time and he hadn't known, hadn't been able to be there for her. He wondered what she must be going through, carrying a child alone, knowing it could kill her. Maybes and ifs entered Jax's mind, if he'd done this or that or done something to show she could trust him, that he could have handled the truth. That's why she left, wasn't it? She didn't think he loved her enough, couldn't trust him to stand by her? He should have done something all that time he was worried for instead of just doing nothing to prevent her from pushing away, obviously she took it to mean he didn't care, didn't it? With each new thought blaming himself more and became even more desperate to find her, he had to find her. He had to tell her they'd come through it together, that she could trust him, that he loved her. He couldn't bare the thought to loose her forever and he banished the thought, that maybe he already had.
Along the Pacific Coast….
Antoinette took her time coming back from her walk. The sun was setting changing the hues of grays to different shades. She'd always loved along the northern Pacific, the sky always seemed to reflect a mood of sadness, it suited her.
She passed a few beach houses as she walked, paying them no mind. At one point a small child ran out to her, thinking she was someone else. Embarrassed the little girl had blushed then ran off again laughing to her mother's arms. Antoinette wondered if soon that would ever be her, opening her arms out for a small child to run into or if that gift would prove beyond her strength to hold to.
Finally reaching her own house, she headed up the beach, away from the calming sea. It was strange that even though she'd been living there for several days she still felt a sense of foreboding as she walked up the wooden steps to the back door. Tensing as she opened the door she stepped into the kitchen area, after a moment when nothing happened she relaxed, feeling energy drain out of her.
She'd been gone a lot longer than usual this time. She always set out for a specific point; it really wasn't that far but it held a special meaning in her heart she couldn't ignore. Sometimes she'd sit there for hours, replaying memories of a different time in her mind. It was a difficult for her to go there, but being so near it, she couldn't very well avoid it. Sometimes on the way back she'd have to stop and sit upon a washed up log in order to push away haunting thoughts and regain her composure long enough to continue.
This time had been particularly painful and it hadn't helped that her little one had been particularly playful with in her, allowing for no moment of escape, keeping her conscious of where she was and why.
Antoinette slipped off her shoes, deciding to nap awhile before making herself dinner. She headed down the hall to her room but for the first time stopped in front of the first door she came to. This was the door that led to the room she avoided; she knew what lay beyond it, a bedroom filled with boxes and old keepsakes. It was nothing special, at least to anyone else it would not be, for her it was room filled with woe.
She stepped up to the door, laying a hand on the handle. She stood there, staring down at her hand upon the brass doorknob, breathing hard. She couldn't do it. Moving her hand from the knob she brought her hand up, hovering above where a small, stenciled rose was painted on top of the white door. She traced her fingertips along its outline, smiling sadly, remembering all those years ago when she placed it there.
Backing away from the door, she continued to her room and crawled into bed. No sleep came.