And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight…
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming…
When you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am (1)
"Sou-chan?"
"H-hai…?"
She let go of him and turned her back to him. "Let's go inside now. We're both getting drenched."
She gave him a quick glance accompanied by a quick smile. She grabbed his wrist and led him into the Aoiya, where he was promptly hit by two towels, flying mysteriously in mid-air.
"What were you doing? It's raining hard."
Misao took one towel and lovingly placed it on her cheek. "Aoshi-sama! Were you worried about me?" She gave him a huge love struck grin. He returned it with… well, nothing.
"I thought you two may have been attacked."
Misao's eyes flashed between two narrow slits. "What're you talking about, you just cared about me, and that's why you came looking for us!" Misao gave him a warning glare to hint the correct answer.
". . ."
If looks could kill, Aoshi would have been a deformed, rotting corpse. But, looks can't kill, and the way Aoshi acted, Misao's was practically unnoticeable. She gave up and gave him an annoyed look. Followed by a neutral one. Then a tolerant one. Then she just burst into one big smile. "OyASUmI, AoSHi-SaMa!!!!
"...You too."
"Sweet dreams!
"I do…"
"You suck at lying. Dry up and get some rest tonight, 'kay?"
"Oyasumi," he said with a closed-eyed smile as he walked to his designated room.
"Oyasumi!"
Soujirou's inner conflicts were still raging within, but strangely enough, he found himself lulled into sleep by Misao's voice… The next day, the usually-present sun wasn't there to greet Soujirou. He concluded that maybe the sunlight didn't pass easily through the shade of the Aoiya. He opened the door in search for any familiar face and found Okon.
"Ohaiyo, Soujirou-san!"
"Ohaiyo gozaimasu!"
"Misao-chan was looking for you, she said you'd have been awake by now," Okon said.
"Where is she?"
"Depends where Aoshi is."
Soujirou laughed. "You know her well."
"Soujirou-kun, you're awake," came Okina's voice.
"Hai… did I wake up that late?" Soujirou wondered aloud.
Okina nodded. "Come, Omasu, Misao, Kuro and Shiro are already eating lunch."
"L-lunch?!" Soujirou repeated.
"Sou-chan? Where've you been?!" Misao asked.
"Ano… Sleeping…"
She grinned. "Boy, you sure slept late."
"Aa. It was strange," he said, sitting down beside her.
The group ate and chatted as they lazily enjoyed life. "Hey, that's mine!" Omasu said, in an attempt to retrieve her rice cake from her koibito.
"But I thought we were supposed to share things now," Shiro replied innocently.
"Umph! I draw a line our food!"
Okon laughed. "You two sound like you're already married."
"If we were married, she'd be offering her rice cake to me," Shiro said emphatically.
"If we were married," Omasu countered. "But I'm too smart to be marrying a rice cake-stealing nut like you!"
"Here, Omasu-chan, you can have one of mine," Soujirou offered.
"Huh? No, you didn't eat breakfast! Not like some anonymous pig sitting next to me…" Omasu hinted subtly.
"You don't want it, Sou-chan?" Misao asked, eyes big and hopeful.
As Soujirou turned to offer to Misao, Okina gave her a glare and warned, "Misao, don't take it."
"Jiya!" Misao rolled her eyes. "Oh, fine, fine, just eat it, Sou-chan."
"Demo, Misao-chan-" Soujirou started.
Misao shoved it into Soujirou's mouth. "Arfrigatfo (2)," Soujirou said through a rice cake filled mouth.
Misao laughed. She used his sleeve to wipe his face, smeared with crumbs and indistinguishable substances. "Well," she said, rising to her feet, "I'm gonna visit Aoshi-sama. Ja ne!" A chorus of farewells saw her off as she skipped happily away in the joy of knowing that she'd be near her Aoshi in just a short moment.
And was she surprised by how short that moment turned out to be.
She gawked when she saw Aoshi, a few inches from the Aoiya itself. He had on his stern expression, his cold, frozen indigo eyes. His stance made it seem as if he were actually expecting somebody. Misao paused the instantly broke into a smile. "Aoshi-sama! What are you doing here? You're done meditating?"
"For the day."
"Kakkoi! Now you can spend some time with us!" Misao said with sparkling, anticipating eyes. "Come on! Everyone's still eating lunch. Jiya, Sou-chan, Okon, Omasu-"
"I want you stay away from Soujirou."
"N…nani?" Misao looked at him, puzzled. "Why? Is it… is it because of the whole killer-with-no-remorse thing? It's alright. He told me everything. I know his past."
"It isn't that," Aoshi replied. "I just don't want you to get too attached to him. He's going to be off wandering again soon."
Misao shrugged. "I know. But he's coming back right after."
"Misao, I've already talked to Soujirou. His journey seems very important to him. He's taking it very seriously. It may take him ten years like Battousai… or not. Soujirou is the kind who needs clear answers to everything. That, with the total repayment of what he's done."
"So… what you're saying is that you think he might not come back here because you think he'll never stop wandering?" Misao said slowly. "…I already talked to him about that. Journeys really don't end and stuff. And… well, and…" She paused. She looked at Aoshi, meeting his eyes. "He's going to come back. That's what I think. But… Aoshi-sama, why do you suddenly care so much about Sou-chan?"
Aoshi turned his back on her. "As I mentioned earlier, I've already talked to him. And he left me with one question. If I knew myself."
Misao looked at his figure, looking to see if there were any emotions given away by his currently hidden eyes. "Do you?"
"I am not sure." Intrigued by his answer, Misao leaned in closer to him. When he felt her head on his back, he continued, "but I know I do not deserve you."
Misao straightened. "Deserve me?"
"I saw you last night, holding Soujirou as he cried. And I had wondered if he deserved to be comforted like that."
"Aoshi-sama."
"Do I deserve to be comforted by you? To be loved by you?"
Misao hugged him from behind, overwhelmed by his question. "Aoshi-sama! You deserve… everything that… Because, you better be worth it! I've waited for you for so long! It was painful, what you put me through. But what can make me happy is for your return. Your true return."
Aoshi stood still, motionless.
"Don't you get it?!" she continued. "You are so DENSE! You've hurt me, you've made me cry, you've made me wait for so long. Don't you understand that I deserve something for all that? Don't you understand you have to do something? You have to care for me, for crying out loud!
"You have to love me!"
A moment prolonged, leaving Misao to hug Aoshi in pure silence.
Finally, finally he turned around. He looked at her with those indigo eyes of his…
…and smiled. "You've made me smile. The fact that I live now made me smile." He held her shoulders. "The fact that I haven't lost you…"
Misao hugged him, tears pouring down her cheeks. "I love you."
"A…Aishiteru…" he whispered, only heard by Misao and the nearby trees.
'Yes,' she thought to herself. 'It's worth the wait.' Slowly, as if her awkwardness could break this moment, wake her up from this fragile dream, she kissed him. And he kissed back.
Omasu wiped a tear from her eyes. "Can we go outside and congratulate them now?"
Okon, clutching Okina's clothes, replied through sobs, "Please, Okina-sama! This is torture!"
"You think that's torture, try having someone getting your clothes all wet!" he replied accusingly. Okon immediately latched herself onto Omasu and the two girls cried on each other. "Besides, Misao would never forgive us. And Aoshi? Oh boy."
"First Omasu and Shiro, now Misao-chan and Aoshi! This is like out of a fairytale!" Kuro said wistfully.
"Yeah. Boy, does Misao look happy," Shiro observed. "And Aoshi… well, I guess that's the closest to happy he'd ever look, ne?"
Soujirou watched them, his friend with the most joyful grin he'd ever seen. And though there was this unexplainable heaviness in his heart, he found himself inwardly thanking Aoshi. "Finally… She got what she deserves."
"Happiness," Okon whispered.
As Soujirou watched Misao take Aoshi's hand, leading him to God knows where, he felt the heaviness in his heart grow deeper. "Unh…"
"What did you say, Soujirou?" Shiro asked.
"Nothing."
"So, are you going with me and Okon?" Omasu invited him.
"Etto… where?"
Omasu grinned. "We're gonna follow 'em around. Don't worry, we're Oniwa, we won't get busted."
"… n-no thanks." Sweatdrop.
Okon waved. "Suit yourself! Ciao!"
Aoshi, Misao, Okon and Omasu disappeared from then on. Okina was in his room, being convinced by Shiro that Aoshi was indeed suitable for Okina's little Misao. Kuro was preoccupied getting ready for a special dinner - in celebration for… take a wild guess. Soujirou was outside the Aoiya, content being alone. He wished to be by himself because he didn't really feel like smiling for anyone. Then they'd ask him what's wrong. And he'd have no answer.
'Maybe… is this what Kamatari described to me one day?'
He recalled Kamatari's words…
"There's a certain feeling. When somebody feels more important than yourself. When that person is in your mind everyday. You're happy, when he's happy. You're sad, when he's sad. But sometimes you're sad when it isn't you who's making him happy. You'd do everything for him, because you. . ."
'That's pretty much how I feel. Except, Misao is a girl.'
'That feeling. What was it? It was…'
Soujirou told himself not to remember.
'It was…'
Soujirou told himself to pretend not to remember.
'It was love…'
That was it. There was no turning back. Soujirou had faced the truth. And the truth was…
'I love Misao. I can't be without her...'
He remembered Kamatari, who had said the same thing about Shishio.
'Shishio… Shishio-sama…'
Shishio. The poignant name that reminded him that he had to go on wandering. That he had crimes that could not be erased.
'I love Misao. That is why I cannot be with her.' He felt his chest tighten once again. He begged for rain.
'I will leave tonight.' And it rained.
"Soujirou! Get in! Dinner will come soon, and it's pouring outside!" came Kuro's voice.
"Hai, Kuro-san," he yelled over the rain. The grief-stricken Soujirou smiled at Okina, Shiro and Kuro.
"Soujirou! You're wetter than - mmmpphhff!!" Okina was interrupted abruptly by Shiro's hand. Okina whacked Shiro's palm away. "I was gonna say that you were wetter than a drowned fish, but someone here rudely put his dirty hands on me!"
"Drowned fish?" Shiro muttered, unconvinced.
"Mm… It's raining real hard outside," Soujirou said.
"Aa. I wonder where Misao and the others are," Okina said.
As if on cue, in came Misao, glomped tightly onto Aoshi, with Okon and Omasu following them with a trail of giggles.
"Ah, my little Misao… Where have you been?!" Okina barked.
"Relax, Jiya. We were talking. Privately, or so we THOUGHT," Misao said with a snarl.
"Really, Misao-chan, you should have noticed. You're Oniwabanshuu, after all," Omasu, guilty party, said, still giggling.
"Okashira, no less!" Okon added.
Misao stuck her tongue out. "Absolutely no respect."
"Respect or no, you oughtta eat now, Misao-chan," Kuro said. "I worked hard for the dinner we're gonna eat tonight."
"Dinner? Oh! Peace! Let's eat!" Misao said quickly. She happily hopped to take her place in the dining area, still inextricably attached to Aoshi's arm. Googly-eyed, she pointed at the food. "Wow! Look at that fish!"
"Really… What's the occasion?" Okon asked casually.
"Nothing. Just thought it wouldn't hurt to make Misao even happier," Kuro replied coyly.
Misao grimaced. "You ALL know, don't you?"
"Know what? Yeah, ok, so we do," Shiro said.
"That death hold you have on Aoshi's arm would have given it away, even if we didn't," Soujirou said, and everyone laughed. "We're all happy for you both."
Misao burst into an uncontainable grin. "Thanks, minna."
Aoshi glared.
"Oh, well, at least he isn't brooding anymore," Omasu observed quietly.
"I'm really happy for you," Soujirou repeated. "And, I'd just like to say thank you. Thank you to all of you. I … will remember all of you when I… when I leave tonight."
Misao's jaw dropped. "You're leaving?!" she hissed, more of a command to answer correctly, rather than a question.
"H-hai. Wandering, remember?"
"Yeah, but… but…" Misao looked almost frantic. "It's raining hard outside! Why don't you leave tomorrow?"
"Believe me, it'll be harder for me to…"
"It's nighttime, to boot! It'd be better if you left tomorrow, it's going to be less dark! You won't get lost!"
"I won't get lost. I don't have a place I'm looking for."
Misao whacked him upside the head.
Hard.
"Misao-chan-!!!" Okon began to scold her.
"Why do you have to ruin my happiness, just when I found it?! You can't leave tonight, what difference would it make if you stayed for one more day?"
Still shocked from the blow, he stammered, "I have to leave tonight!"
"No! You won't!" Misao told him firmly. "Now don't give me any of that crap on how you can stand it or whatever, it's raining really hard outside. It's very dark, too, and it'd make me feel better if you left when there's light. I want you to stay here for one more night. Where I know you'll be safe. If you're going to leave me, I want you to go with me knowing that you're going to be safe. Just one more night, Sou-chan, onegai." Big aqua eyes began to melt Soujirou's heart…
"Let him go Misao," Aoshi said quietly.
"N-nani?"
"Don't try to keep him here. It will just make it harder for him to leave," Aoshi said.
Misao's head bowed down. She looked up and whispered, "Iie."
Aoshi looked at her with obvious disapproving glares.
It was hard, but she managed to ignore them. "If you're going to really leave me, the least you can do is stay with me, in safety, for just one more night."
"She's right, Soujirou-kun, it would be much more reasonable if you left tomorrow," Okina finally said. "But the decision-that is entirely up to you."
"…I'll leave tomorrow," Soujirou said weakly.
Silence reigned over the Aoiya. Except for the triumphant rain, singing in its boastful glory.
"Arigatou… Hontou ni arigato…" Misao said.
When dinner was over, the time Soujirou had been yearning for ever since he announced his departure, Soujirou went straight to sleep. He could hear Aoshi and Misao talk. Misao's voice had never been as bittersweet.
"Aoshi-sama. You never did get to answer my question," Misao said leadingly, as she and Aoshi sat together.
"What question?"
"The question I asked right before Okon landed on me, right before she fell off the tree she was eavesdropping from?" Misao said. No recognition landed on the man. Misao sighed. "Why did you make me wait so long?"
There was a moment of silence. "It wasn't to let you wait, it was to let me wait."
"Let you wait? For what?"
"Until I could forgive myself."
Misao paused, thinking about what he had just said. Finally, she glanced up at him. "Then, you've forgiven yourself?"
"..Hai."
She wrapped her arms around Aoshi. "Then, I'm happy."
"But not entirely."
"Eh? What makes you say that?"
Aoshi shook his head, but remained as silent as the stars.
"I am happy…" Misao insisted.
"Yes, I know. But you do feel a certain loss, don't you? It's Soujirou, isn't it?"
Misao finally understood what Aoshi had been driving at. "Oh. Sou-chan. Well, yeah… I'm going to miss him so much. I desperately want him to stay."
"But he can't. You really have to let him go."
"Hai, hai, hai. I know." Misao let out a sigh. "I'm just… I'm just gonna miss him a lot." She put her head on Aoshi's shoulder. "At least… At least I have you."
"Misao…"
That night, the rain died down. Although it was pouring really hard during the beginning of the night, it got lighter as the night grew darker.
By morning, it was ultimately sunny. The day was virtually perfect, clear blue sky, morning dew, and to top it all off, a rainbow.
"Omasu-san! It's such a wonderful day!" Misao chirped.
Omasu, doing the laundry, laughed. "Hai, Misao-chan. Or shall we call you Shinomori Misao?" (3)
Misao blushed. "Hmph!… Actually, it sounds very rhythmic…" Misao bounced off to Okina's room. "Ohaiyo, Jiya!"
"Ohaiyo…"
Obviously not a morning person.
"Ohaiyo, Sou-chan!"
No answer.
'Still asleep?' she thought. 'Is it just me, or does Kyoto bring out the late riser in him?'
She opened the door, but Soujirou wasn't there. She went inside Soujirou's room, as if to make sure. "Hmm… so he's not - chotto!" Something caught her eye. There was a piece of paper stuck from inside the door. (4)
"What the hell?" she muttered to herself.
It was folded rather awkwardly, and the paper seemed torn and tattered.
Misao took it and opened it.
It was a letter…
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight…
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming…
When you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am (1)
"Sou-chan?"
"H-hai…?"
She let go of him and turned her back to him. "Let's go inside now. We're both getting drenched."
She gave him a quick glance accompanied by a quick smile. She grabbed his wrist and led him into the Aoiya, where he was promptly hit by two towels, flying mysteriously in mid-air.
"What were you doing? It's raining hard."
Misao took one towel and lovingly placed it on her cheek. "Aoshi-sama! Were you worried about me?" She gave him a huge love struck grin. He returned it with… well, nothing.
"I thought you two may have been attacked."
Misao's eyes flashed between two narrow slits. "What're you talking about, you just cared about me, and that's why you came looking for us!" Misao gave him a warning glare to hint the correct answer.
". . ."
If looks could kill, Aoshi would have been a deformed, rotting corpse. But, looks can't kill, and the way Aoshi acted, Misao's was practically unnoticeable. She gave up and gave him an annoyed look. Followed by a neutral one. Then a tolerant one. Then she just burst into one big smile. "OyASUmI, AoSHi-SaMa!!!!
"...You too."
"Sweet dreams!
"I do…"
"You suck at lying. Dry up and get some rest tonight, 'kay?"
"Oyasumi," he said with a closed-eyed smile as he walked to his designated room.
"Oyasumi!"
Soujirou's inner conflicts were still raging within, but strangely enough, he found himself lulled into sleep by Misao's voice… The next day, the usually-present sun wasn't there to greet Soujirou. He concluded that maybe the sunlight didn't pass easily through the shade of the Aoiya. He opened the door in search for any familiar face and found Okon.
"Ohaiyo, Soujirou-san!"
"Ohaiyo gozaimasu!"
"Misao-chan was looking for you, she said you'd have been awake by now," Okon said.
"Where is she?"
"Depends where Aoshi is."
Soujirou laughed. "You know her well."
"Soujirou-kun, you're awake," came Okina's voice.
"Hai… did I wake up that late?" Soujirou wondered aloud.
Okina nodded. "Come, Omasu, Misao, Kuro and Shiro are already eating lunch."
"L-lunch?!" Soujirou repeated.
"Sou-chan? Where've you been?!" Misao asked.
"Ano… Sleeping…"
She grinned. "Boy, you sure slept late."
"Aa. It was strange," he said, sitting down beside her.
The group ate and chatted as they lazily enjoyed life. "Hey, that's mine!" Omasu said, in an attempt to retrieve her rice cake from her koibito.
"But I thought we were supposed to share things now," Shiro replied innocently.
"Umph! I draw a line our food!"
Okon laughed. "You two sound like you're already married."
"If we were married, she'd be offering her rice cake to me," Shiro said emphatically.
"If we were married," Omasu countered. "But I'm too smart to be marrying a rice cake-stealing nut like you!"
"Here, Omasu-chan, you can have one of mine," Soujirou offered.
"Huh? No, you didn't eat breakfast! Not like some anonymous pig sitting next to me…" Omasu hinted subtly.
"You don't want it, Sou-chan?" Misao asked, eyes big and hopeful.
As Soujirou turned to offer to Misao, Okina gave her a glare and warned, "Misao, don't take it."
"Jiya!" Misao rolled her eyes. "Oh, fine, fine, just eat it, Sou-chan."
"Demo, Misao-chan-" Soujirou started.
Misao shoved it into Soujirou's mouth. "Arfrigatfo (2)," Soujirou said through a rice cake filled mouth.
Misao laughed. She used his sleeve to wipe his face, smeared with crumbs and indistinguishable substances. "Well," she said, rising to her feet, "I'm gonna visit Aoshi-sama. Ja ne!" A chorus of farewells saw her off as she skipped happily away in the joy of knowing that she'd be near her Aoshi in just a short moment.
And was she surprised by how short that moment turned out to be.
She gawked when she saw Aoshi, a few inches from the Aoiya itself. He had on his stern expression, his cold, frozen indigo eyes. His stance made it seem as if he were actually expecting somebody. Misao paused the instantly broke into a smile. "Aoshi-sama! What are you doing here? You're done meditating?"
"For the day."
"Kakkoi! Now you can spend some time with us!" Misao said with sparkling, anticipating eyes. "Come on! Everyone's still eating lunch. Jiya, Sou-chan, Okon, Omasu-"
"I want you stay away from Soujirou."
"N…nani?" Misao looked at him, puzzled. "Why? Is it… is it because of the whole killer-with-no-remorse thing? It's alright. He told me everything. I know his past."
"It isn't that," Aoshi replied. "I just don't want you to get too attached to him. He's going to be off wandering again soon."
Misao shrugged. "I know. But he's coming back right after."
"Misao, I've already talked to Soujirou. His journey seems very important to him. He's taking it very seriously. It may take him ten years like Battousai… or not. Soujirou is the kind who needs clear answers to everything. That, with the total repayment of what he's done."
"So… what you're saying is that you think he might not come back here because you think he'll never stop wandering?" Misao said slowly. "…I already talked to him about that. Journeys really don't end and stuff. And… well, and…" She paused. She looked at Aoshi, meeting his eyes. "He's going to come back. That's what I think. But… Aoshi-sama, why do you suddenly care so much about Sou-chan?"
Aoshi turned his back on her. "As I mentioned earlier, I've already talked to him. And he left me with one question. If I knew myself."
Misao looked at his figure, looking to see if there were any emotions given away by his currently hidden eyes. "Do you?"
"I am not sure." Intrigued by his answer, Misao leaned in closer to him. When he felt her head on his back, he continued, "but I know I do not deserve you."
Misao straightened. "Deserve me?"
"I saw you last night, holding Soujirou as he cried. And I had wondered if he deserved to be comforted like that."
"Aoshi-sama."
"Do I deserve to be comforted by you? To be loved by you?"
Misao hugged him from behind, overwhelmed by his question. "Aoshi-sama! You deserve… everything that… Because, you better be worth it! I've waited for you for so long! It was painful, what you put me through. But what can make me happy is for your return. Your true return."
Aoshi stood still, motionless.
"Don't you get it?!" she continued. "You are so DENSE! You've hurt me, you've made me cry, you've made me wait for so long. Don't you understand that I deserve something for all that? Don't you understand you have to do something? You have to care for me, for crying out loud!
"You have to love me!"
A moment prolonged, leaving Misao to hug Aoshi in pure silence.
Finally, finally he turned around. He looked at her with those indigo eyes of his…
…and smiled. "You've made me smile. The fact that I live now made me smile." He held her shoulders. "The fact that I haven't lost you…"
Misao hugged him, tears pouring down her cheeks. "I love you."
"A…Aishiteru…" he whispered, only heard by Misao and the nearby trees.
'Yes,' she thought to herself. 'It's worth the wait.' Slowly, as if her awkwardness could break this moment, wake her up from this fragile dream, she kissed him. And he kissed back.
Omasu wiped a tear from her eyes. "Can we go outside and congratulate them now?"
Okon, clutching Okina's clothes, replied through sobs, "Please, Okina-sama! This is torture!"
"You think that's torture, try having someone getting your clothes all wet!" he replied accusingly. Okon immediately latched herself onto Omasu and the two girls cried on each other. "Besides, Misao would never forgive us. And Aoshi? Oh boy."
"First Omasu and Shiro, now Misao-chan and Aoshi! This is like out of a fairytale!" Kuro said wistfully.
"Yeah. Boy, does Misao look happy," Shiro observed. "And Aoshi… well, I guess that's the closest to happy he'd ever look, ne?"
Soujirou watched them, his friend with the most joyful grin he'd ever seen. And though there was this unexplainable heaviness in his heart, he found himself inwardly thanking Aoshi. "Finally… She got what she deserves."
"Happiness," Okon whispered.
As Soujirou watched Misao take Aoshi's hand, leading him to God knows where, he felt the heaviness in his heart grow deeper. "Unh…"
"What did you say, Soujirou?" Shiro asked.
"Nothing."
"So, are you going with me and Okon?" Omasu invited him.
"Etto… where?"
Omasu grinned. "We're gonna follow 'em around. Don't worry, we're Oniwa, we won't get busted."
"… n-no thanks." Sweatdrop.
Okon waved. "Suit yourself! Ciao!"
Aoshi, Misao, Okon and Omasu disappeared from then on. Okina was in his room, being convinced by Shiro that Aoshi was indeed suitable for Okina's little Misao. Kuro was preoccupied getting ready for a special dinner - in celebration for… take a wild guess. Soujirou was outside the Aoiya, content being alone. He wished to be by himself because he didn't really feel like smiling for anyone. Then they'd ask him what's wrong. And he'd have no answer.
'Maybe… is this what Kamatari described to me one day?'
He recalled Kamatari's words…
"There's a certain feeling. When somebody feels more important than yourself. When that person is in your mind everyday. You're happy, when he's happy. You're sad, when he's sad. But sometimes you're sad when it isn't you who's making him happy. You'd do everything for him, because you. . ."
'That's pretty much how I feel. Except, Misao is a girl.'
'That feeling. What was it? It was…'
Soujirou told himself not to remember.
'It was…'
Soujirou told himself to pretend not to remember.
'It was love…'
That was it. There was no turning back. Soujirou had faced the truth. And the truth was…
'I love Misao. I can't be without her...'
He remembered Kamatari, who had said the same thing about Shishio.
'Shishio… Shishio-sama…'
Shishio. The poignant name that reminded him that he had to go on wandering. That he had crimes that could not be erased.
'I love Misao. That is why I cannot be with her.' He felt his chest tighten once again. He begged for rain.
'I will leave tonight.' And it rained.
"Soujirou! Get in! Dinner will come soon, and it's pouring outside!" came Kuro's voice.
"Hai, Kuro-san," he yelled over the rain. The grief-stricken Soujirou smiled at Okina, Shiro and Kuro.
"Soujirou! You're wetter than - mmmpphhff!!" Okina was interrupted abruptly by Shiro's hand. Okina whacked Shiro's palm away. "I was gonna say that you were wetter than a drowned fish, but someone here rudely put his dirty hands on me!"
"Drowned fish?" Shiro muttered, unconvinced.
"Mm… It's raining real hard outside," Soujirou said.
"Aa. I wonder where Misao and the others are," Okina said.
As if on cue, in came Misao, glomped tightly onto Aoshi, with Okon and Omasu following them with a trail of giggles.
"Ah, my little Misao… Where have you been?!" Okina barked.
"Relax, Jiya. We were talking. Privately, or so we THOUGHT," Misao said with a snarl.
"Really, Misao-chan, you should have noticed. You're Oniwabanshuu, after all," Omasu, guilty party, said, still giggling.
"Okashira, no less!" Okon added.
Misao stuck her tongue out. "Absolutely no respect."
"Respect or no, you oughtta eat now, Misao-chan," Kuro said. "I worked hard for the dinner we're gonna eat tonight."
"Dinner? Oh! Peace! Let's eat!" Misao said quickly. She happily hopped to take her place in the dining area, still inextricably attached to Aoshi's arm. Googly-eyed, she pointed at the food. "Wow! Look at that fish!"
"Really… What's the occasion?" Okon asked casually.
"Nothing. Just thought it wouldn't hurt to make Misao even happier," Kuro replied coyly.
Misao grimaced. "You ALL know, don't you?"
"Know what? Yeah, ok, so we do," Shiro said.
"That death hold you have on Aoshi's arm would have given it away, even if we didn't," Soujirou said, and everyone laughed. "We're all happy for you both."
Misao burst into an uncontainable grin. "Thanks, minna."
Aoshi glared.
"Oh, well, at least he isn't brooding anymore," Omasu observed quietly.
"I'm really happy for you," Soujirou repeated. "And, I'd just like to say thank you. Thank you to all of you. I … will remember all of you when I… when I leave tonight."
Misao's jaw dropped. "You're leaving?!" she hissed, more of a command to answer correctly, rather than a question.
"H-hai. Wandering, remember?"
"Yeah, but… but…" Misao looked almost frantic. "It's raining hard outside! Why don't you leave tomorrow?"
"Believe me, it'll be harder for me to…"
"It's nighttime, to boot! It'd be better if you left tomorrow, it's going to be less dark! You won't get lost!"
"I won't get lost. I don't have a place I'm looking for."
Misao whacked him upside the head.
Hard.
"Misao-chan-!!!" Okon began to scold her.
"Why do you have to ruin my happiness, just when I found it?! You can't leave tonight, what difference would it make if you stayed for one more day?"
Still shocked from the blow, he stammered, "I have to leave tonight!"
"No! You won't!" Misao told him firmly. "Now don't give me any of that crap on how you can stand it or whatever, it's raining really hard outside. It's very dark, too, and it'd make me feel better if you left when there's light. I want you to stay here for one more night. Where I know you'll be safe. If you're going to leave me, I want you to go with me knowing that you're going to be safe. Just one more night, Sou-chan, onegai." Big aqua eyes began to melt Soujirou's heart…
"Let him go Misao," Aoshi said quietly.
"N-nani?"
"Don't try to keep him here. It will just make it harder for him to leave," Aoshi said.
Misao's head bowed down. She looked up and whispered, "Iie."
Aoshi looked at her with obvious disapproving glares.
It was hard, but she managed to ignore them. "If you're going to really leave me, the least you can do is stay with me, in safety, for just one more night."
"She's right, Soujirou-kun, it would be much more reasonable if you left tomorrow," Okina finally said. "But the decision-that is entirely up to you."
"…I'll leave tomorrow," Soujirou said weakly.
Silence reigned over the Aoiya. Except for the triumphant rain, singing in its boastful glory.
"Arigatou… Hontou ni arigato…" Misao said.
When dinner was over, the time Soujirou had been yearning for ever since he announced his departure, Soujirou went straight to sleep. He could hear Aoshi and Misao talk. Misao's voice had never been as bittersweet.
"Aoshi-sama. You never did get to answer my question," Misao said leadingly, as she and Aoshi sat together.
"What question?"
"The question I asked right before Okon landed on me, right before she fell off the tree she was eavesdropping from?" Misao said. No recognition landed on the man. Misao sighed. "Why did you make me wait so long?"
There was a moment of silence. "It wasn't to let you wait, it was to let me wait."
"Let you wait? For what?"
"Until I could forgive myself."
Misao paused, thinking about what he had just said. Finally, she glanced up at him. "Then, you've forgiven yourself?"
"..Hai."
She wrapped her arms around Aoshi. "Then, I'm happy."
"But not entirely."
"Eh? What makes you say that?"
Aoshi shook his head, but remained as silent as the stars.
"I am happy…" Misao insisted.
"Yes, I know. But you do feel a certain loss, don't you? It's Soujirou, isn't it?"
Misao finally understood what Aoshi had been driving at. "Oh. Sou-chan. Well, yeah… I'm going to miss him so much. I desperately want him to stay."
"But he can't. You really have to let him go."
"Hai, hai, hai. I know." Misao let out a sigh. "I'm just… I'm just gonna miss him a lot." She put her head on Aoshi's shoulder. "At least… At least I have you."
"Misao…"
That night, the rain died down. Although it was pouring really hard during the beginning of the night, it got lighter as the night grew darker.
By morning, it was ultimately sunny. The day was virtually perfect, clear blue sky, morning dew, and to top it all off, a rainbow.
"Omasu-san! It's such a wonderful day!" Misao chirped.
Omasu, doing the laundry, laughed. "Hai, Misao-chan. Or shall we call you Shinomori Misao?" (3)
Misao blushed. "Hmph!… Actually, it sounds very rhythmic…" Misao bounced off to Okina's room. "Ohaiyo, Jiya!"
"Ohaiyo…"
Obviously not a morning person.
"Ohaiyo, Sou-chan!"
No answer.
'Still asleep?' she thought. 'Is it just me, or does Kyoto bring out the late riser in him?'
She opened the door, but Soujirou wasn't there. She went inside Soujirou's room, as if to make sure. "Hmm… so he's not - chotto!" Something caught her eye. There was a piece of paper stuck from inside the door. (4)
"What the hell?" she muttered to herself.
It was folded rather awkwardly, and the paper seemed torn and tattered.
Misao took it and opened it.
It was a letter…