~Blood Rose~
"And even before my brain, lingering in consideration of when things
had happened and of what they had looked like, had collected sufficient
impressions to enable it to identify the room, it, my body, would
recall from each room in succession what the bed was like, where the
doors were, how daylight came in at the windows, whether there was a
passage outside, what I had had in my mind when I went to sleep, and
had found there when I awoke."
--Marcel Proust, "Remembrance of Things Past"
Chapter 23:
Jax looked at Skye with interest. She stood in the hallway with her arms wrapped protectively about what appeared to be an old photo album. He stared intently at her, watching her regroup herself after the surprise of finding him there. Following her with his eyes, he watched as she took a deep breath then walked around him into the living area and sit on the couch.
With a gesture from her thin frame, Jax silently crossed the room and sat beside her. He took the album from her when she offered it to him, and after a questioning glance that went unanswered, opened it.
A multitude of pictures looked up at him of a small babe. The first picture his eyes rested on showed a much younger Skye obviously exhausted and filled with joy holding a tiny infant snuggled to her chest. In another the baby's bight blue eyes were wide open looking at a woman Jax did not recognize with sandy blonde hair. Picture after picture before him were a moment recorded in time of a precious life immeasurably connected to the woman he loved.
With each turning page Jax saw evidence of the growing child from her helpless infancy, to passing milestones of eating, crawling, walking, and birthdays come and gone. When he had learned Skye had lost a child, he imagined a miscarriage or her losing a baby barely out of her whom, not a child that had had a chance to grow and begin experiencing life. Flipping through the pages, pausing to glance at every shred of time Skye was sharing with him, he watched the infant that had rested on Skye's chest grow during the passing of a few years into a beautiful strawberry blonde with bright blue eyes full of happiness and life.
Antoinette watched Jax turn the pages of the album. She didn't have to look at the pictures to know what he saw, she knew everyone by heart and so much more. When Jax had reached the end of the album, she watched him shut the book and set it aside. She waited for him to collect his thoughts and questions she was aware he had as well as knew she wouldn't answer.
When at last he turned to her to speak, she bent forward pressing her fingers to his lips, silencing him with her gentle action. He knew what she could tell him, could open up about at this point in time. He knew now that she had borne a daughter when she herself was a child in age, though in mind she had never truly been able to be a child, and that she had watched the child grow over the best years of her life. He could understand to a better degree carrying the child she now bore brought up memories and tears, more things than he was aware of and could hopefully respect how much he was unaware of.
Despite what she knew she had put him through it was not about him, there was much that was hers alone and not for him. She would not burden him with all her secrets, for indeed there truly was so much he didn't know, but in less than two months time she expected to be gone from this world, he didn't need to carry all her pain in his memories.
She had know she was hurting him, that he needed some level of understanding beyond her condition to accept in no way was anything his fault but to see there truly was much more than he had even imagined there to be in her baggage and she had given him the capacity of that understanding. She planned not on opening up any more doors; there was no need for all to be revealed. In her heart she felt he knew what he needed to know and that he could accept not holding all the answers.
Pressing her fingers to his lips, Antoinette waited for the response she expected. Sure enough, after a moment he nodded in understanding. There would be no questions now, and though she knew he wasn't agreeing on never, she would only have to stall for so long.
*~*~*~*~*
It was a remarkably clear evening, the absence of the usually total cloud cover allowing the setting sun to bring pales colors aside from hues of gray and blue to the endless sky. Jax stood on the deck, leaning against the railing ignoring the chilling wind that moaned about him. Below him Skye stood were the waves met shore, cold water lapping over her feet. He would have worried about her being to cold as she wore nothing but a loose summer dress but he was aware of her battle with being too hot of late and knew the chilling air must have felt good to her.
A month had come and gone since she had shown him the photo album with out further insights to her soul. He had so many questions for her that he longed to ask but knew to give her space. Opening herself up was a new world to Skye, a new experience unfamiliar and frightening. Judging by the first pictures in the album, Skye could hardly have been more than sixteen when she gave birth; he wondered who the father had been and of his absence in the album, how it was in the pictures Skye and the older woman, whom he guessed to be her adoptive mother, seemed to be happy together though he had always gotten the feeling of distance between Skye and that subject as if they hadn't gotten along. He would have wondered where Adam was if not for Adam's appearance in Pine Valley leading to him learning Adam hadn't been apart of Skye's life when she had been growing up thanks to a comment Rae had made, just another thing he hadn't know he felt he should have. However, the most important question was that of what happened to Roslyn but the answer to that question lie in the most dangerous territory to press upon Skye.
In finding one thing about Skye the doors to many more questions and hidden secrets he had not foreseen stood locked before him but he knew that for now he must accept that for all he hated it. The best thing for him to do was simply trust in her and continue to stand by her while at the same time give her the room she required and wished for. She had continues to walk to her daughters grave every evening only now allowing him to go with. He never once witnessed her cry at the grave, instead simply kneeling beside it her eyes betraying her lost to memories.
He shared her bed, if a line between true closeness was kept preserved, accompanied her on her walks, indeed was rarely apart for her side and if so had her with in sight as now yet he couldn't help feel an odd sensation that they were drifting further apart, the gap between them getting wider only more familiar so less glaring.
Pulling himself from thought, Jax focused on Skye, her fiery, curly hair dancing in the wind and showing figure cast in shadow. He watched as she turned from the incoming waves, watched as she moved towards the old wooden steps, and watched in horror as she suddenly dropped to her knees, clutching her middle as her terrifying cry of pain was brought to his ears upon the chilling wind.
"And even before my brain, lingering in consideration of when things
had happened and of what they had looked like, had collected sufficient
impressions to enable it to identify the room, it, my body, would
recall from each room in succession what the bed was like, where the
doors were, how daylight came in at the windows, whether there was a
passage outside, what I had had in my mind when I went to sleep, and
had found there when I awoke."
--Marcel Proust, "Remembrance of Things Past"
Chapter 23:
Jax looked at Skye with interest. She stood in the hallway with her arms wrapped protectively about what appeared to be an old photo album. He stared intently at her, watching her regroup herself after the surprise of finding him there. Following her with his eyes, he watched as she took a deep breath then walked around him into the living area and sit on the couch.
With a gesture from her thin frame, Jax silently crossed the room and sat beside her. He took the album from her when she offered it to him, and after a questioning glance that went unanswered, opened it.
A multitude of pictures looked up at him of a small babe. The first picture his eyes rested on showed a much younger Skye obviously exhausted and filled with joy holding a tiny infant snuggled to her chest. In another the baby's bight blue eyes were wide open looking at a woman Jax did not recognize with sandy blonde hair. Picture after picture before him were a moment recorded in time of a precious life immeasurably connected to the woman he loved.
With each turning page Jax saw evidence of the growing child from her helpless infancy, to passing milestones of eating, crawling, walking, and birthdays come and gone. When he had learned Skye had lost a child, he imagined a miscarriage or her losing a baby barely out of her whom, not a child that had had a chance to grow and begin experiencing life. Flipping through the pages, pausing to glance at every shred of time Skye was sharing with him, he watched the infant that had rested on Skye's chest grow during the passing of a few years into a beautiful strawberry blonde with bright blue eyes full of happiness and life.
Antoinette watched Jax turn the pages of the album. She didn't have to look at the pictures to know what he saw, she knew everyone by heart and so much more. When Jax had reached the end of the album, she watched him shut the book and set it aside. She waited for him to collect his thoughts and questions she was aware he had as well as knew she wouldn't answer.
When at last he turned to her to speak, she bent forward pressing her fingers to his lips, silencing him with her gentle action. He knew what she could tell him, could open up about at this point in time. He knew now that she had borne a daughter when she herself was a child in age, though in mind she had never truly been able to be a child, and that she had watched the child grow over the best years of her life. He could understand to a better degree carrying the child she now bore brought up memories and tears, more things than he was aware of and could hopefully respect how much he was unaware of.
Despite what she knew she had put him through it was not about him, there was much that was hers alone and not for him. She would not burden him with all her secrets, for indeed there truly was so much he didn't know, but in less than two months time she expected to be gone from this world, he didn't need to carry all her pain in his memories.
She had know she was hurting him, that he needed some level of understanding beyond her condition to accept in no way was anything his fault but to see there truly was much more than he had even imagined there to be in her baggage and she had given him the capacity of that understanding. She planned not on opening up any more doors; there was no need for all to be revealed. In her heart she felt he knew what he needed to know and that he could accept not holding all the answers.
Pressing her fingers to his lips, Antoinette waited for the response she expected. Sure enough, after a moment he nodded in understanding. There would be no questions now, and though she knew he wasn't agreeing on never, she would only have to stall for so long.
*~*~*~*~*
It was a remarkably clear evening, the absence of the usually total cloud cover allowing the setting sun to bring pales colors aside from hues of gray and blue to the endless sky. Jax stood on the deck, leaning against the railing ignoring the chilling wind that moaned about him. Below him Skye stood were the waves met shore, cold water lapping over her feet. He would have worried about her being to cold as she wore nothing but a loose summer dress but he was aware of her battle with being too hot of late and knew the chilling air must have felt good to her.
A month had come and gone since she had shown him the photo album with out further insights to her soul. He had so many questions for her that he longed to ask but knew to give her space. Opening herself up was a new world to Skye, a new experience unfamiliar and frightening. Judging by the first pictures in the album, Skye could hardly have been more than sixteen when she gave birth; he wondered who the father had been and of his absence in the album, how it was in the pictures Skye and the older woman, whom he guessed to be her adoptive mother, seemed to be happy together though he had always gotten the feeling of distance between Skye and that subject as if they hadn't gotten along. He would have wondered where Adam was if not for Adam's appearance in Pine Valley leading to him learning Adam hadn't been apart of Skye's life when she had been growing up thanks to a comment Rae had made, just another thing he hadn't know he felt he should have. However, the most important question was that of what happened to Roslyn but the answer to that question lie in the most dangerous territory to press upon Skye.
In finding one thing about Skye the doors to many more questions and hidden secrets he had not foreseen stood locked before him but he knew that for now he must accept that for all he hated it. The best thing for him to do was simply trust in her and continue to stand by her while at the same time give her the room she required and wished for. She had continues to walk to her daughters grave every evening only now allowing him to go with. He never once witnessed her cry at the grave, instead simply kneeling beside it her eyes betraying her lost to memories.
He shared her bed, if a line between true closeness was kept preserved, accompanied her on her walks, indeed was rarely apart for her side and if so had her with in sight as now yet he couldn't help feel an odd sensation that they were drifting further apart, the gap between them getting wider only more familiar so less glaring.
Pulling himself from thought, Jax focused on Skye, her fiery, curly hair dancing in the wind and showing figure cast in shadow. He watched as she turned from the incoming waves, watched as she moved towards the old wooden steps, and watched in horror as she suddenly dropped to her knees, clutching her middle as her terrifying cry of pain was brought to his ears upon the chilling wind.