Alright, this is just a wild jab at the humorous side of Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. Any flames will be extinguished with a blue lightsaber. XD Reviews and comments are welcomed.

Rhea : rhea@wong.as

The Very Secret Diaries of Padme Amidala Day #1: On Padme Amidala's Bed, Naboo

Time to rise and shine! Being dragged out of bed isn't what I have in mind though, R2. Today, I'm going out to meet the Naboo Parliament, minus the stupid headgears I'm forced to put on. Who says Nabooians have the best sense of fashion in the Republic?

Thank god I'm not Queen anymore.

Day #2: In the Grand Council Meeting Room, Naboo

Great. I'm supposed to cast a vote now. Vote casting is never good and I've survived for assassination plots to last me a lifetime to know that. Still, I have to vote for or against a Republic Army. I'm a firm believer of Democracy, and I'll never stop believing it. Anyway, I have to get off this planet by this afternoon or I won't be able to vote in time.

Why do I get the feeling that Jar Jar is going to be the next Senator after me? Blame it on a terrifying nightmare of Jar Jar addressing the Senate.

Day #5: In front of my starship, Coruscant

Old tricks never die out, they say. Again, I switched roles with one of my handmaidens, which is a good thing because I've been dying to get out of that costume which they call a kinomo in a galaxy far, far away. I should have banned space travelers from bringing back obscure dresses when I was Queen.

Later... In front of a smoldering wreck which was once my starship

Old plans never expire, they say. I have been the target of assassination again. Yes, again. Don't they give up trying to kill me? My friend, you will never succeed. It's getting clichéd. The sad thing is, my handmaiden died. It would have been me if I were eager to play dress-up.

Later still... In front of the Jedi Council

Yoda's there. Windu's there. Count Dooku isn't there. Of course, he's planning to kill me. One question has been hanging in my mind. Why doesn't Count Dooku just call himself Dracula when he has the same initials as an infamous vampire? I heard he wears black, like Count Dracula.

Obi-Wan's there too, with Ani. Cute butt, Obi-Wan has. I'm secretly beginning to think if Master Yoda has ever thought of that. Thank the stars that Jedi knights are fond of tights. Ani's not bad too, but I feel like a pedophile for looking at him like that. He's just an obnoxious kid I once knew.

Oh, both of them are protecting me. Ani wanted to watch me undress, that little pervert. I'll just shut off the surveillance cameras and let Skywalker settle his own frustration. Only if Obi-Wan was there...

Day #6: Early morning in my bed with slug entrails over my blanket

I was dreaming a very sweet dream starring myself and Obi-Wan. Then, I woke up to see Ani squatting on top of me. What a rude way to wake someone up! The next thing I knew, Obi-Wan attempted suicide. Or, rather, threw himself through the glass windows.

Wait, I didn't know Jedi knights are fans of Extreme Sports. Not until I see Obi-Wan hanging onto a spy-bot after crashing out of my room.

I'll leave R2 to clean up those horrid intestines spilling out of those slugs Ani chopped up just now.

Day #7: In my room, again

Officially, my life is in danger and I have to run away from Coruscant. No, I'm not alone. I'm with Obi-Wan's Padawan, Ani. Since yesterday, Ani has been hitting on me like he has never seen a female humanoid since I left him 10 years ago. I can't blame him. I think Yoda's sexless.

Obi-Wan seems so tamed compared to Ani. Strangely enough, I find myself attracted to bad boys who can electrify girls with their gazes. I hope he is not using The Force to feed dirty thoughts into my head. *You're exactly the way I remember you in my dreams,* Ani had said to me and he seemed to be undressing me with his eyes. I'm now convinced that he isn't having any innocent dream starring me.

Later, in the refugee starship...

I'm the Senator of Naboo and I'm crammed here with dozens of weird creatures with eyes attached on their feet. I regret ever wearing a dress here. I'm still giggling when those creatures tried to peek under Ani's Jedi robe. Obviously, they thought he was going commando and Ani simply gave them a hard kick each on their jelly-like eyes. What twisted minds, they had. Perhaps Darwin's Theory of Evolution favors eyes being grown on feet.

At least Ani isn't interested in non-humanoid species. 

To be continued…