Day #8: In the mess hall of the refugee starship Ani, oh Ani. Our favorite Padawan hasn't stopped hitting on me! Now he's saying that my axe-like hairstyle is his biggest turn-on. If I ever have the chance, I'll tie my hair up in two croissant bun-like projections from my head. What about an Afro perm? I believe Jedi knights don't get cardiac arrests since the Force is always with them.

Day #10: Approaching Naboo Approaching Naboo, my home planet. Naboo is way better than any planet in the universe, sans the fashion sense there. I wonder what is the latest craze now. I hope it's not the spandex fighting gear for the fairer sex that some twisted scientist invented over at Coruscant. Heh! I don't want to jinx myself.

According to the Grand Jedi Council, Ani has to follow me everywhere. Does going to the bathroom count? Ani had probably dreamt of this day for 10 long, long years. My family is another problem here. What would mom say? That I've finally gotten myself a steady? That Ani is extremely good-looking in leather? That Ani looks like he's a boy band lead singer?

Obviously, Yoda's smart enough to let Jedi knights choose their type of fabric. I seriously doubt Yoda will look smashing in leather. He better stick to cotton.

Later, with the Queen… I can't believe it! Ani just insulted me in front of the Queen; that he is charge of my safety and I can't go anywhere I want. Fine. He might as well put a collar around my neck and pull me along with a chain.

Okay. Here's a plan. Ani grew up in Tatooine before he was taken in as a Jedi Padawan by Obi-Wan. That means, he must have loved sand, sun and more sand. I'll take him to my lake retreat where we have lakes, waterfalls and rolling hills where we have water, water and more water.

Day #11: Naboo Lake Retreat - The Platform Today has been both an exciting day. I don't know what have gotten into me today when I picked a bareback halter dress. I know I'm a sultry temptress and I just have to tell you how Ani's jaw dropped when he saw me in that. For a moment, Ani looked at me as if I have suddenly morphed into one of those cute creatures in E.T.

Then, he got bolder. Dear Ani, you really have grown up.

I didn't know Jedi Masters teach their Padawans on how to touch and kiss a girl. Either Obi-Wan has been teaching Anakin all that or Obi-Wan has a hidden stash of X-rated movies in the Jedi Temple. Perhaps Obi-Wan inherited them from Qui-Gon. You'll never know…

Day #12: Naboo Lake Retreat - Hills come alive with the sound of lightsabers… Today has been a best day of my life so far! Surrounded by serene waterfalls and daisy-filled fields, I feel like the hills will come alive, with the sound of music. For a moment or two, I had this strange anticipation that Obi-Wan will burst into the scene and start running up a slope, singing 'Hills come alive… With the sound of music…' Probably not, but the mental image is rather funny.

Ani and I talked, kissed, talked and kissed. Well, you get the idea. Then, we rolled around in the grass like those Bollywood flicks where the hero and heroine have to frolic in the hills to make the movie complete. I feel like a movie star now…

Did I mention that Anakin's a great kisser? I need to ask him whether he has experimented his 'skills' with other non-humaniod species. I truly hope he didn't try them on Jar Jar.

Day #13: Naboo Lake Retreat - The Dinner I think I have been infected by the leather bug. I just have to wear a leather corset to the dinner. I wonder if Ani will like me this way… Anyhow, I think he appreciates me, since he has been showing off his Jedi skills a lot. I think it is part and parcel of his Jedi training on the chapter 'How to pick-up girls using the Force'.

Later, in front of the fireplace Dear Yoda, I have just heard the corniest pick-up line in the entire galaxy. Thank the Republic that it has been hours after dinner when he said, "My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me."

Where in the Jedi Temple did he learn that line? Don't tell me Yoda practiced those lines very often. Maybe Yoda's a cute hunk in Yoda-verse. Alright, either one of the three Grand Jedi Masters taught him that or Anakin's turning into a major mush ball. Actually, that is not a bad idea. Anakin can get Obi-Wan, Yoda and Windu to form a boy band named the 'Backstreet Jedi' with song titles like 'Quit Playing Jedi Tricks With My Heart'.

Then, I can sing 'Not a Queen, Not Yet A Jedi's Lover'.

I swear. I'm attracted to Anakin because of those corny lines.

Even later, in my bed… No, I didn't jump in bed with Anakin, although I was mentally cursing myself for that. R2 has just beeped me that it recorded some strange noises from Ani's room next door. So, out of curiosity, I got up and took a peek at him.

He was there, obviously undressed. I hadn't really seen naked men before so I stood there, looking at his even breathing and of course, his yummy bare chest. Then, it happened. I still remember clearly how he moaned "No… No…" For a minute, I thought he was having another of those, ahem, dreams. Well, you can't blame me for saying that. Some of my handmaidens told me that some boys moan that way when they are uh, excited. I even wondered who was the lucky girl he was dreaming about. Secretly, I thought the girl might be me.

Wait a moment. Did he just mention 'mom'? Dear Lord.

To be continued…

A/N: I didn't write Padme in character for this spoof. If I wrote her in character, there will be no humor at all, since Padme didn't strike me as an exceptionally funny and irritating Senator like Jar Jar Binks. Everything's in the name of fun and I'm not going to respond to flames and such. =) Have a nice day!