By Marie Noire
Chapter Eight : Guilt
Remus was waiting for Chantal in the dark hallway leading to both his and her chambers. She could tell by his frown that he was not in a happy mood… not that Remus ever was, really.
"Where did you go? You missed the feast." he asked, his voice more gentle than his expression.
"I went… to go find Severus." She sighed, knowing there was no point in lying. "I wanted his opinion on the concert and he left before I could get it from him."
Remus nodded and sighed. "Well… what did he have to say?"
"He liked it, if you can believe that." She smiled a little. "I guess even Severus Snape has a little bit of Christmas spirit in him."
Remus' eyes clouded over slightly before meeting hers. "Tally… when we were kids… you remember our very last term? When you and Severus started… you know… getting close."
"Remus… I really don't want to relive that part of our nostalgia... I'm tired." She bit her lip and tried to walk past him.
"Tally, please… I just want to know… you didn't really like him… did you?" he asked.
"Mon dieu, Remus… are we back to being first years and worrying about who 'likes' who?" she tried to make light of it, but was shot down by Remus pleading look.
"Tally… you know Sirius was just looking out for you…"
"I don't want to talk about it, Remus." She shook her head and shoved past him. "We were kids, we were stupid… end of discussion. Good night."
Luckily, Remus did not chase after her this time and she was able to lock herself inside of her own chambers without further comment. She leaned back against the door, starting a cheery fire in the fireplace without even thinking about it. What a disaster of a night… and it had started out so fantastically. Now all she could do was think about that night long ago… after the seventh years had finished their exams and had a farewell dance.
She couldn't help but laugh delightfully as Lily passed around the picture of Chantal, polyjuiced into Sirius while still wearing her traditional skirt ensemble. Sirius sputtered and chortled until he was red in the face from embarrassment… Peter thought it was the best thing since they invented the broomstick… James and Remus simply looked relieved that she hadn't turned into either of them. Finally, Lily gave in and turned the photograph over to Sirius for "safekeeping".
"You are no fun, Sirius…that was a fantastic blackmail photo!" she mock-pouted from within the safe confines of James' arms.
"All the more reason for me to burn the bloody thing." He growled in a threat that no one took seriously. Suddenly, he perked up and smiled. "Hey… take a look at who just showed up… the Snakes themselves…"
Tally turned in the indicated direction to see a group of seventh year Slytherins entering the great hall… Severus among them, although hanging in the back somewhat. Without hesitation Tally left her friends and scampered over to him with a bright smile. "Severus! I didn't think you would come to this thing… you said you hate dances."
He looked distinctly uncomfortable and kept glancing at the floor. "Yes, well… it is the last time we'll all be together… and I wanted to ask how you did on the Potions exam."
"Oh, do we have to talk about school? You sound like a Ravenclaw, for Heaven's sake." She teased him lightly before taking his hand. "Dance with me? Please?"
He resisted. "What about your other friends? Don't they dance?"
She glanced back at them briefly before leaning in to whisper. "Peter can't dance to save his life… James and Lily will dominate each other's dance cards… Sirius is more concerned with several other pretty Gryffindors… and Remus has four left feet."
A slight smile tugged on his lips at the idea of Remus not being good at something. "Well… then… I suppose if I must, I must." He sighed, looking for all of the world as though it were a chore.
"You must." She nodded, taking his hands.
They danced for a better part of the night, talking softly about trivial things like the coming summer and what everyone else at the school was planning on doing. Tally forgot about Sirius, who she had left in a slightly fuming position… and about Remus, who kept shooting her doleful looks from over Severus' shoulder. She was tired of having to defend her choice of tutor… and dared not even think of how her dear friends would react to the idea that her feelings for Severus were no longer of the platonic kind. The Slytherin boy who she had once thought of as skinny, awkward, and greasy had grown as certainly as she had. While he still remained slender of build, he was no longer "all arms and legs"… the hooked nose now seemed aquiline and lent dignity to his countenance… the dark eyes were deep and glittered with clear intelligence. Granted, he was not the traditional picture of male beauty, no golden-haired Adonis… by her girlish eyes had come to adore the eccentric features that made up Severus Snape.
She smiled at him throughout the dance, unwittingly flirting with the former enemy. To his credit, he rewarded her unconscious efforts with soft words and small smiles that only she could detect. His hands were warm in hers and she found herself mildly enthralled with the scent of the potions classroom that clung to his clothes. A shift in the tempo of the music caused her to step closer to him, resting her head against his shoulder and sliding her hands to rest on his back gently.
His heartbeat was quick and heavy under her ear, matching her own as his hands settled uncertainly at her waist. His cheek pressed against the top of her head. She began to hum along with the song, enjoying the simple pleasure of a dance with a possible love.
Slytherin and Gryffindor be damned.
"Chantal…" he whispered, his voice deeper than usual.
"Hmm..?" she sighed by way of reply.
"I…" he paused. "Nothing… I only… wanted to say your name."
Her brow furrowed, certainly he had meant to say something… but what had changed his mind? The answer came quickly as the sight of Sirius and James approaching swam into view. She parted from Severus quickly, unwilling to have this conflict… not here, not now!
"Tally… got a minute? Or do I need a snake on my robe?" Sirius asked, eyeing Severus with obvious distaste.
She narrowed her eyes at Sirius, but managed to maintain her innate fury. "Very funny, Sirius… Severus, do you mind? I'll be right back, I promise."
Severus only nodded, never lessening his glare in Sirius' direction. Tally found herself being all but dragged away by an equally infuriated Sirius, with James close behind. As soon as they were in a secluded area, away from the professors and other students, Tally pulled away from Sirius almost violently.
"What is your problem, Sirius?" she demanded.
"My problem is you dancing with that-that… snake!" Sirius growled in a manner more becoming of Remus when the moon was full. "You are finished with him now, Tally! You don't owe him anymore! You already passed potions and you never have to speak to the slime-ball again!"
James was wise enough to back away as Tally's blue eyes seemed to glow white-hot with her anger. "Damn it, Sirius! When will you get it into your head that I am doing this because I want to? Severus is not going to hurt me, no matter what you say to the contrary. I like him! What is so wrong with liking a Slytherin anyway?"
Sirius was so incensed that he couldn't speak, it was the calmer voice of James that countered. "Tally… we all know that the Slytherin House is known for putting out Dark wizards… it's a fact. What if Snape is just trying to use you for some evil purpose? I mean, he's not exactly the naturally helpful kind. We just find it a little too convenient that all of the sudden he's being so buddy-buddy nice to you."
He paused while Tally chose to look at the flagstone floor. "And besides… do you have any idea how much this whole thing bothers Remus?"
"Remus? From what I see, it's you two who are throwing fits about it?" Tally asked, although her tone was far more reasonable now.
"You know Moony… he's too shy to say anything directly to you. But he's really upset about you spending so much time with Snape… time you used to spend with him?" Sirius grumbled.
Tally bit her lip… indeed it had escaped her attention that she was neglecting her friendship with Remus to a certain extent. "All right… I see your point there. But just because Snape is in Slytherin doesn't mean he's a Dark wizard… lots of perfectly fine wizards have come out of Slytherin too."
"Tally, you have to admit that Snape does fit the bill…he's pretty sour… not to mention the fact that he's always skulking around looking for something to report to Dumbledore or McGonagall… I mean just being so mean is bad enough… but turning in fellow schoolmates is just plain slimy." Sirius protested in a low voice.
Tally sighed… they were making far too many points. The instances of kindness in her associations with Snape now looked mildly sinister in this particular light. What if her friends were right?
"Well… it's not like I was going to marry the fellow after all." She shrugged. "I mean we're graduating in a few days… then I'll be off to Paris after the summer holidays…I'll just make my apologies to him and… what do you all say we sneak down to Hogsmeade and get some butterbeers? Just for nostalgia? I'll even go fetch Remus myself if it'll make you guys feel better."
Sirius heaved a great sigh of relief and James flashed a bright grin at her. "Great! Glad to have you back, Tally!"
She didn't reply, but smiled as she steeled herself to go face Severus… she knew it wasn't likely to be pretty, but maybe she could soften the blow and avoid a scene. She found Severus directly beyond the doorway… a place she knew was within earshot.
He didn't even give her a chance to open her mouth. "So that's it then, is it?" he sneered, his black eyes shooting cold fire. "I use my valuable time to help you in potions and this is how you repay me? So much for the honour of Gryffindor…"
"Severus… I didn't mean…" she stammered uneasily.
"Didn't mean what?" she growled suddenly. "Didn't mean one friendly thing you ever said to me? I believe it. What I can't believe is why I was foolish enough to trust a conniving little veela like you. Go join your pathetic excuses for friends, Duquesne… I have more important things to do than grovel for the attentions of a manipulative, lying tease."
That said, he stalked off, disappearing into the crowds before Chantal even had the chance to go after him. She stood, open-mouthed and pale. Oh god, what had she done?
No… she didn't want to remember. It didn't take much in the way of detective work to figure out that Severus had heard every word she and the boys had said. In retrospect, her juvenile actions did seem spiteful and two-timing. One week she was smacking Sirius upside the head for calling Severus a slime-ball… the next she was all but agreeing with them. Poor Severus… she had treated him with kindness before… well… because she had liked him. Then she had blown everything to bits with a few hasty words spoken out of weariness. James and Sirius had worn her down… and she did not want to lose them if it came to that either.
The choice she hadn't wanted to make had been made for her. Severus had cut their fragile ties and cauterised the ends so that they would never bind again. He had been efficient in his work. Over the intervening years, she had sent him one or two owls, asking general questions of how he was getting on. When she heard of his trial over his alleged connections to the Dark Lord, her heart had leapt into her throat with anxiety. She was certain that only Dumbledore's intervention had saved the potions master from Azkabam. She never received any replies from him… not that she expected any.
Seeing him again at Hogwarts was both a dream and a nightmare come true. She had harboured childish hopes of reconciling with him… but now that idea seemed a foolish one.
Briefly, she wondered if she should accept Remus' attentions. He had been her friend since they were eleven… he didn't sneer or bark sarcastic remarks at her… and he had to be one of the gentlest souls she knew. So why couldn't she see him a romantic light? Simple… Remus was, for all intents and purposes, her overprotective brother. She could clearly remember him being challenged to stick chocolate frogs up his nose… and doing it. Memories like that did not make for amorous conversation, after all.
She sighed… just once, couldn't life be simple?