The Buffy and Angel characters belong to Joss. This gets set sometime early
seasons 5/2, though not much specific continuity is actually invoked.
"So," Gunn said. "Explain to me again why we're on this little road trip." Gunn was driving his truck; Cordelia was on the passenger side; there were weapons and anti-demon materiel in the middle. They were driving to Sunnydale.
"I get visions," Cordelia said. "VIZH-ions. Can you say visions?"
"Can you say me turning this truck around?"
Cordy sighed. "Because the vision showed Buffy getting her head chopped off by some demon in a fight, and because Angel's busy out playing one-man- gang, and because Wesley's out at yet another shindig with Virginia."
"You couldn't have called Hertz?"
"Can I ask you a question?"
"If I said no would that stop you?"
Cordy gave him a you-can't-be-serious look and asked, "Are you griping because you're really annoyed or just griping for its own sake?"
"Its own sake."
"Well, could you knock it off? I'm not in the mood right now."
Gunn immediately got serious. "Sorry about that."
"Thanks."
Other people might have asked if she wanted to talk about it. Gunn wasn't that type, really. "So tell me more about this demon, anyway. What'd the dude look like?"
"Okay. Right. Well, you know what Brad Pitt looks like?" Gunn nodded. "Think the exact opposite. 7 feet tall, hairy everywhere except the head, muscular, and red-skinned."
"At least he's going to have trouble blending in."
"That's our only blessing at the moment."
"Where's it take place?" Gunn asked.
"Dunno; inside a building of some sort but that's all I really got."
"Good to know." And the conversation trailed off as they continued driving towards Sunnydale.
* * * * *
"You sure this place is a small town?" Gunn asked as they drove town the streets of what Cordy laughingly called downtown Sunnydale. "Looks more like LA in miniature to me. You got docks, you got an industrial district, you got two colleges – hell, there's even an airport."
"Turn right," Cordy said. "Yeah, Sunnydale's got an identity crisis alright. It's either the biggest small town or the smallest big city in the world, we haven't quite figured out which. At the light, go left half a block."
Gunn turned the truck as ordered and said, "Where to now?"
"Place is called The Magic Box," Cordelia said. "It's on the right side. Giles owns it now. I called them; they should know I'm coming."
"I see it," Gunn said. "Damn but this town needs more parking places." They ended up halfway down the block and having to hoof it back. "You sure about this, Cordelia? Place looks dark."
"I'm sure." The front door was, of course, locked, so they rapped on it. When a few minutes later no one had come Gunn hit it again, this time a lot harder. A minute or so later Cordelia saw Anya's head peering through the window.
"Yes?"
"Anya, it's me, Cordy – this is my friend Gunn."
"Oh." Typical Anya response. A second later the door opened. "Everyone else is in back."
Gunn said, "I thought you told 'em we'd be coming."
"I did." Cordy fixed a glance directly on Anya. "You did tell them, right?"
"Of course." Anya seemed insulted by the suggestion. "They're all in the training room right now, training." They began to walk through the store.
Gunn looked around. "Nice place you got here," he said a little skeptically.
"We sell a lot to suckers," Anya said. "People who have no idea what real magic is. They come in asking for a crystal ball and have NO idea how to use it."
"And you do," Gunn said.
"I used to, back when I was a demon," she said. "But I don't have those powers any more."
"You used to be a demon?" Gunn stopped and looked at Cordelia. "She used to be a demon."
"Don't look so shocked," Anya said. "After all, Cordelia used to be a bitch." Gunn laughed at that. "I did get that right, didn't I?"
"Let me guess," Cordelia said. "Xander told you that."
"Hmm-hmmm. He said mostly good things, not like the rest of them. By the way, if you're here to steal him back you can't."
"I wasn't planning to," Cordy said.
Anya said, "No, I mean you can't. He's got some kind of nasty flu and he's quarantined in his apartment for 72 hours."
"Quarantine?" Gunn asked. "I thought that went out thirty years ago."
"Welcome to Sunnydale," Cordelia said.
And then they rounded a corner and were in a rather spacey back room, decked out like a kickboxer's wet dream. Buffy was sparring with Giles with a pair of small sticks, while Willow and a dishwater blonde Cordy guessed was Tara were sitting in the corner, holding hands and reading a spellbook.
"Ah. Cordelia. There you are," Giles said, and almost immediately got his arms swatted by Buffy. He shot her a sour look, dropped his weapons and walked across the room. Buffy wiped off some sweat and began a bit of stretching, while Willow and Tara stood up. Tara came over and introduced herself to Cordy and Gunn. That settled, she moved over and leaned against the wall, not far from Willow.
"Thanks for the big welcome," Cordelia said.
"Yeah, if I'd known you were going to go through all this trouble, I'd've stayed in the truck and listened to the radio," was Gunn's contribution.
"You called us three hours ago," Buffy said. "We hardly had time to bake a cake."
Gunn shot Cordelia a puzzled look. Cordy ignored it and said. "Anyway. My vision . . . "
"Yes," Giles said. "You said you saw a demon chopping off Buffy's head?"
Cordy nodded. "Yeah." Then she described the vision as best she could. Oddly, they didn't really press her for any details, except for Tara, who asked one question about how the decapitation occurred.
When she was done, Buffy asked, "Not to sound ungrateful or anything, but couldn't you have simply called us instead?"
Shaking her head no, Cordy said, "The visions don't work that way. When they show me something's wrong it's because we have to go out and fix it. If I'd phoned it in you'd probably still be dead in a couple of hours."
"Then why didn't Angel come?" Willow asked.
After looking at each other for a few moments, Cordelia told them, "He wasn't available."
Giles' eyebrows shot upwards. "Are you telling me," he said, the disbelief dripping from his voice, "That Angel knew Buffy was in imminent danger of losing her head and didn't come charging down here himself?"
"He didn't know about it," Cordelia mumbled.
"What?" Buffy said. "You didn't TELL him?"
"Lay off," Gunn said. "Angel's . . . on a long-term project at the moment. Deep-cover kind of thing, trying to take down Wolfram & Hart."
Buffy said, eyes narrowing, "You're lying."
Gunn wasn't intimidated. "And if I am? Do you think I brought Cordy down here just to waste our time? Believe me, I got better things to do with my life than take six or seven hours of it and waste it in a sorry-ass town like Sunnydale. She had a vision, I was there when she had it, and you've heard what she saw. Does it really matter whether or not ANGEL came down to hand-deliver it himself?"
"Especially when you're about to get your head chopped off?" Anya asked.
Tara said, "Anya does have a point."
Sighing, Giles admitted, "Yes, I suppose she does."
But no one said anything until Gunn said, "Okay then. Any of you folks heard of this demon?"
"From the description it sounds like either a Gnopaz or a Velid," Giles said. "Do you recall if it had horns?"
"No," Cordelia said.
Willow asked, "Are you sure about that?" She'd moved over and was now standing directly next to Buffy. Tara had gone from leaning against the wall to sitting on it, while Anya was standing next to Gunn, hands clasped, rocking back and forth.
"No," Cordelia said acidly. "Now that I think of it, the demon was three feet tall, green, had a big bushy mustache and a mohawk and had horns the size of pool cues. What do you take me for, an amateur?"
"We're just checking," Buffy said. "You've been known to be wrong before."
Cordelia shook her head irritably. "I don't make mistakes about my visions."
"In any event," Giles said. "Presuming your description accurate, this is a Gnopaz. They're very strong and quick to defend themselves, but they're not particularly homicidal demons. In fact, they're not usually very aggressive. Unless . . . you are quite CERTAIN about these horns?"
"Do they always treat you like this?" Gunn asked.
Cordelia said, "No, normally they give me a hard time. YES, I'm certain." Tara and Willow chuckled a bit hollowly.
Buffy dropped the towel to the ground and went over to get her jacket. "So, I guess the plan is, I go out, find this demon, and kill him."
"Hardly," Gunn said. "Our vision, we go out and do the killing."
"This is my town," Buffy said. "I get to slaughter the bad guys here."
"All we know," Gunn retorted, "you going out after the demon might be what gets your head chopped off." He reached into his bag and brought out a hand- held axe and a pistol. "I'm not exactly an amateur at this."
Willow said, "How many vampires have YOU killed?" Tara blinked.
"I haven't kept an exact count," Gunn said. Buffy began to smirk. "At least thirty." Buffy's smirk vanished. "But that was just by myself. I'd say me and my crew've taken down at least a hundred or so."
"Thirty?"
"We can do this," Cordelia said. "The rest of us, that is. If we work together."
Tara said, "Well, I guess we could do some kind of spell to help –" Anya nodded her head in agreement, but Willow seemed a bit more skeptical. "Willow?"
"No. I don't like this. Buffy's the Slayer, she should be the one out there . . . Slaying."
"In general, yes. But not this time." Cordelia said it as determinedly as she could.
Which didn't faze Buffy in the least, of course. "Are you going to stop me?" she said as she walked up to face Cordelia directly.
"What, and ruin my hair?" Cordelia said sarcastically. "Of course I'm not going to stop you. You're the Slayer. But when the hell did you become so suicidal?"
Giles said, "She's beaten prophecies before where she was supposed to die, you know."
"Only through a loophole. The Powers that Be don't tend to show me visions with loopholes." She spoke again. More quietly. "I actually saw Buffy's head bouncing to the ground, and the rest of her body gushing blood. I come rushing down here to save your life and all I get is grief. Buffy, listen to me and listen carefully." She enunciated the next words as clearly as she could. "If you fight this demon, you are going to die. Not may. Not might. You WILL. So sit down and let the rest of us take care of this."
Willow said, "That was harsh."
"Do YOU want Buffy dead?" Cordelia demanded.
"Um – no . . . "
"Then it wasn't harsh."
There followed a period of awkward silence, after which Anya said. "So. This demon. Likes to chop off heads. Big, strong, red. What else do we know?"
"Not much, actually," Giles admitted. "Gnopazzes don't typically go on prolonged killing sprees. For creatures that look as they do, they tend to stay in the shadows as much as possible. Unless –" He disappeared for a moment, during which everyone stood around and glared at each other awkwardly. Gunn took a few swings at the bag, Willow came over to talk with Tara, and Anya stood there quietly. Cordelia waited for an apology
When Giles returned, he was holding – no points for figuring it out – a book. "Gnopazzes react badly to alcohol. More than a drop or two and they can indeed turn into homicidal maniacs."
"Then why would one of 'em drink?" Gunn asked.
"They wouldn't," Giles said. "Which doesn't preclude the possibility of someone slipping them a mickey. Or accidentally eating some rum cake."
"Well then," Gunn said. "Where does the well-dressed demon hang out these days?"
* * * * *
"This is Sunnydale's favorite demon bar?" Gunn said doubtfully, looking at the Alibi and clearly not being impressed.
"Only one," Buffy said. She, Gunn, Cordelia and Willow were at the bar looking to get some information out of Willy by hook or crook. Reluctantly, Buffy had gone along with not confronting the Gnopaz, but she insisted on being in on the action. Just as reluctantly, Cordelia and Gunn hadn't protested her coming along, with the promise that when the Gnopaz showed, the rest of them would handle it and she'd fade into the background.
Gunn snorted. "Seems to me some young enterprising type could make himself some real money by doing the same thing upscale."
"You think I'd let something like that in Sunnydale?" Buffy asked. In answer, Gunn simply pointed to the Alibi. "That's different."
"Yeah." Gunn wasn't buying it.
The four of them walked inside. Willy blanched at the sight of them and then said, nervously, "Slayer. What are you doing here? Nothing going down at the moment. I know that." Around the room, assorted demons and vampires glared in the general direction of Cordelia and company.
"We're looking for a Gnopaz demon," Cordelia explained.
And then, surprisingly, Willy relaxed. "Oh. You must mean Gnorm. Nice guy. Comes in all the time."
"You're serving a Gnopaz alcohol?" Willow demanded.
"Do I look suicidal?" Willy said. "He's strictly ginger-ale." He paused to give a bottle of Heineken to a vampire at the far end of the bar, then said, "What do you need him for?"
"I had a vision of him chopping off Buffy's head," Cordelia said.
Willy looked genuinely confused. "You're kidding, right? Gnorm's as nonviolent as demons come. Only place he gets aggressive is the pool table." Willy pointed towards his table on the other side of the dim room. "Hey, Harry!" he called.
A vampire warily walked up. "What is it?" He eyed Buffy and Willow as though they were going to eat him.
"Relax. You won't get killed in here. You seen Gnorm recently?"
"I'm not turning him in," Harry said. "The Slayer and her pals want him they can find him." He turned to leave. Admirable loyalty.
Also, complete faith in Willy. While Willy couldn't enforce his dictate (that if anyone was going to get beaten up in his establishment it was damn well going to be him), he relied on Buffy's word that she'd never come in here and pound on the patrons, because if she did they wouldn't come in any more and there went his potential as a source.
Knowing this, Cordelia nerved herself and tapped Harry on the shoulder. The vampire turned around, a bit irritated, and growled, "Yeah?"
Buffy started to say something; Cordelia stepped on her feet and said, "Look. We're not interested in killing Gnorm, or even hurting him. We're actually trying to stop him from hurting himself."
"Yeah?" Harry asked again, clearly unconvinced. "The Slayer wants to help a demon?"
"Yes, she does," Cordelia said firmly. "We have it on good authority he's about to drink some alcohol, and –"
"Don't be ridiculous," Harry said. "Gnorm ain't that stupid. He comes in here for the company and the pool, not the booze. He wouldn't take a drink if you paid him. Quit wasting my time with these excuses."
"I get visions," Cordelia said. "One of my visions showed Gnorm on a violent rampage. Everyone we've talked to has said he's not that type. Look. Just tell us where he is. I promise we're not going to hurt him."
"Unless he tries to hurt us first," Buffy added.
Cordelia shot her a nasty look and said, "No. We won't. Period."
Something in the way Cordelia said it must have gotten to Harry. He said, "Look, you wouldn't be able to hurt Gnorm if you tried. So I'd trust you with the info. But them?" He pointed to Buffy, Willow and Gunn. "One's the Slayer, one's a witch, and one's packing. Maybe if they left . . . ?"
An interesting idea, but obviously not one Cordelia fully trusted. She was about to try to negotiate for Gunn staying and Willow and Buffy backing away when Buffy apparently decided she'd had enough. She grabbed Harry by his shoulders and said, "Alright, that's enough. You tell us where Gnorm is, now, or you're dead. Capisce?"
Willy protested. "Hey, wait a second. I told him he'd be safe. You can't just come in here and –"
"Willy," Buffy said through gritted teeth, "Shut up." She slammed Harry up against the bar. "Well?"
Just then someone, or something, massive entered the bar behind them. As Willow shouted, "Look out!" the someone said, "What's going on here? Let go of Harry!" Then he shoved his way past Willow, Gunn and Cordelia, accidentally sending Cordelia stumbling. With horror Cordelia recognized who it was.
But as she was about to mention this, Buffy shoved Harry forward into a wall, turned around, saw Cordelia being knocked away and jumped immediately to the wrong conclusion. Her Slayer instinct kicked into overdrive, and seeing in front of her only a large demon who'd just manhandled one of her friends, she grabbed the bottle of Michelob Willy'd just put up on the bar and smashed it across the demon's face.
And of course the demon was Gnorm. Or if not him, his identical twin, because this was EXACTLY the demon Cordy'd seen in her vision.
"Buffy! That's a Gnopaz demon!"
Buffy was just coming to the same realization – as the beer slowly dripped down the demon's face, and down his throat . . .
Of all of them, Willy was the one who acted first. He yelled, in a voice louder than anyone would have guessed, "Everyone! CLEAR OUT! GNOPAZ ON BOOZE!" Then he grabbed a small locked box and dashed into the back of the bar, where he could be heard repeatedly locking a door.
Within about ten seconds the only beings left in the place were Buffy, Cordelia, Willow, Gunn, Gnorm, and Harry.
Harry was still recovering from being thrown against the wall. To everyone's great shock, when he recovered he ran over to Gnorm's side. "Gnorm!" he said. "You okay, buddy?"
Gnorm's response was to backhand Harry across the room.
Willow and Cordelia looked at each other and as one dove behind the bar. Cordelia could have killed Buffy just then, but she limited herself to yelling, "Buffy! My vision!"
Gunn had pulled out his axe when he heard Cordelia, and not wanting to give the demon anything sharp, shoved it back in the bag and instead looked for an opening. Gnorm swung at Buffy and missed, then grabbed Gunn's jacket. In the meantime, Harry'd gotten up and, finally realizing he couldn't do anything and not wanting to stick around to confront a pissed-off Slayer, he dashed for the Alibi's front door and vanished into the night.
Gunn didn't make any wisecracks; he just twisted free of the jacket and left the demon holding it. "Get out of my way," Buffy said. Howling in rage, Gnorm slammed one fist down on a barstool, which cracked in two, the parts falling to the floor.
"Excuse you," Gunn said as they stepped backwards. "This is supposed to be the rest of our fight, remember? You're gonna get your head chopped off if you're not careful."
"Screw Cordy's vision," Buffy said, and punched the demon in the stomach twice. Gnorm then grunted twice – he'd felt the punches, alright – and then clouted Buffy on the top of the head. She collapsed to the ground, groaning in pain. She tried to get up, but Gnorm kicked her in the stomach, and then the head. Willow was trying to come up with some spell she could cast, but right now the only think she could think of was her telekinesis – and Gnorm was a lot heavier than she could manage on her own.
Hurriedly, Gunn took half of the busted barstool and swung it into the demon's face as hard as he could. Gnorm howled again and turned his attention away from Buffy.
Gunn backed away once, twice, then swung the stool again as Gnorm charged him. He caught the demon on the arm, but lost the stool in the attack and barely dodged Gnorm's clawed hands. Finally, Gunn said, "To hell with this," and got out the axe. He'd do his best to avoid killing the demon, but if it was him or them, well, Gnorm lost.
On the floor, Buffy groaned again. Just then Willow came up with a quick spell. She took a deep breath and said, in carefully memorized German, "Thor, Gott des Donners, helfen mir, hinunter meinen Feind anzuschlagen!" and pointed her finger at Gnorm.
The results, while dramatic, weren't quite what Willow'd intended. She'd invoked the Thunder God in hopes of getting a blast of lightning; instead, a thunderclap louder than any she'd ever heard echoed in the room, knocking everyone down and shattering the glass in the mirror, which showered over Willow and Cordelia. They peered over the bar --
And found they and Gnorm were the only three still conscious, and even the demon looked a bit woozy. Gunn had been thrown into a table by the force of the explosion, and Buffy wasn't moving either. Gnorm crawled across the floor and opened his mouth –
And opened, and opened, and opened, until it looked wide enough to damn near swallow a bowling ball. Dear god, he was going to bite Buffy's head off! Quickly, Cordelia and Willow sprang from behind the bar; Cordy grabbed the other half of the cracked stool and smashed Gnorm over the top of the head as hard as she could. Willow got a full whiskey bottle, remembered that that had been what had started the trouble in the first place and thought better of it.
It didn't matter, since Cordelia got off two more solid blows to the back of Gnorm's skull, and the demon finally collapsed. Together Willow and Cordelia dragged Buffy clear, then woke up Gunn. He told Willow, "Next time, a little warning before you decide to blow out my eardrums."
Willy peered out from his door. "No noise," he said. "Everything okay?"
"More or less," Cordelia sighed. "Gnorm's under control and no one's dead." Willy came into the main bar area and groaned when he saw the mess.
"You know how much this is gonna cost?" He demanded. "Do you?"
"I'd think you'd be used to it," Willow said. "You know, with your clientele being mostly demons."
Angrily, Willy said, "My clientele doesn't trash the place. They know they're safe here. Or they did."
Buffy sat up, a little shakily, and said, "What happened?"
Before anyone else could answer, Willy stormed up to her and said, "What happened? You ruined my business is what happened. I'll be lucky if I stay open. Not to mention that the mirror's trashed, there's blood and booze all over the floor, half the furniture is in pieces and my customers don't trust me any more. And you know what, Slayer? It's all your fault. You'll be getting my bill in the mail." Cordy looked Gunn over, but apart from a small bump on the head he seemed okay.
Blinking as she slowly stood up, Buffy said, "You're kidding, right?"
"The hell I am. This is your fault. Now, unless you'd like to help me clean up, get out. Gnorm'll be okay when he wakes up and I gotta get ready for whatever customers bother coming back."
"Hey!" Willow protested. "You can't talk to Buffy like that!"
"Yeah?" Willy said as he picked up both halves of the busted stool. "Why not?"
"Well – you never have before . . . "
"Yeah?" Willy said again. "Maybe it's time I started."
* * * * *
As they walked outside Buffy said, "Can you believe him?"
Willow had just begun shaking her head when Gunn said, "Yeah, pretty much, I can believe him."
"Huh?" Buffy asked.
"Well, thing is, it WAS your fault."
"Huh?" Buffy repeated.
They got to the truck. Cordy said, "Well, let's see. Who slugged the Gnopaz demon with a bottle of beer?"
In a voice tight with irritation, Buffy said, "I thought he'd just thrown you across the room."
"Well," Cordy said. "You thought wrong. And that alcohol in the face is what started the whole thing."
"No," Buffy said, "You coming down here is what started the whole thing." She deliberately mimicked Cordelia's tone.
"Does it really matter what started it?" Willow asked, trying to keep the tone light. "What matters is, good triumphed over evil, and Buffy still has her head!"
"And if Buffy had used it, we wouldn't have needed to triumph over anyone," Cordelia said. Gunn got into the driver's seat, and the three women squeezed in next to him.
Buffy seemed quite ready to continue the argument when Gunn said, "My truck, my rules. All of you be quiet." He flipped on the radio and scanned until he found a good station. "But if we were talking, and we're not, I'd still agree with Cordy. You insisted on coming along AND you almost got us all killed." As Buffy opened her mouth, Gunn cranked up the volume.
Wisely, Buffy shut up.
* * * * *
The debriefing session was not going well.
Everyone agreed on the central fact – Buffy was no longer in imminent danger of losing her head – but after that it was a mess.
They were all in the front room of the magic shop. Cordelia and Gunn stood by the door, Anya was behind the counter, Tara sat at the table facing Anya while Willow sat next to her facing the door, while Giles and Buffy paced behind them.
Willow backed Buffy, as might be expected, and Giles tended to agree with her description. Anya, on the other hand, seemed to agree with Cordelia and Gunn, that it had mostly been Buffy's fault, while Tara got stuck in the middle trying to play peacemaker.
Giles said mildly, "I don't see where Buffy's truly to blame. She believed she was protecting you."
"So because she thought she was protecting me," Cordy said, "that justified a blow to the face that could have KILLED the demon?"
"Yeah –" Buffy said.
Cordelia said, "I realize I only heard this secondhand, but didn't Faith KILL someone using that kind of logic?"
Anger flared in Buffy's eyes. She stormed over to Cordelia and said, "Don't you EVER compare me to Faith."
"The truth," Anya said. "It bothers her."
Buffy looked at her and said, "Don't you do it either."
"Or what?" Gunn said. "You'll break a bottle across her face too?"
Before Buffy could say anything, Cordelia said, "Don't try intimidating me. It's never worked before and it's not going to now."
"That was a very low blow, Cordelia, and quite unfair," Giles said.
"Is any of this really important?" Tara asked. "We had a happy ending. Isn't that good enough?"
"It's not just that, Tara," Cordelia sighed. "It's just that – ever since I came down here no one's taken me seriously." Anya cleared her throat. "Almost no one."
"Um, I don't really know you that well –" Tara said.
A bitter laugh escaped Cordelia's lips. "Oh, I don't blame you. It's these three." She pointed to Willow, Giles, and Buffy.
"What are you talking about?" Willow said. "We took you seriously enough to go investigate your vision, didn't we?"
"Not seriously enough that Buffy stayed behind," Cordelia shot back. "Not seriously enough that she didn't get involved in the fight."
"And why should it be a problem you taking her seriously at all?" Gunn said.
"Well, come on," Buffy said. "After all, this is Cordy we're talking about. Not exactly the most reliable person in the world."
"Yeah!" Willow said. "And it's not like we were ever your top priority anyway."
Cordelia paled as Anya said, "There was that wish she made –"
Then Cordelia interrupted her. Quietly, she said, "You never really knew me at all, did you?" Before they could answer she said, "Gunn, I'm going out to the truck now." Then she left.
Everyone else stood there for a few moments, saying nothing. Finally, Gunn snorted and said, "And she called you people her friends."
"We are," Giles said.
"Yeah?" Gunn said. "The whole night you did nothing but put her down, ignore her ideas, and treat her like crap. If you're her friends I'd hate to meet her enemies." Then he left too. Tara moved a little closer to Willow, but said nothing.
After a couple of minutes where no one said something, Giles said, "There was something about a wish?"
"Yes," Anya said. "Do you remember that vampire Willow? That was from the universe Cordelia's wish made. And you know what her wish was?"
"That I become a vampire?" Willow said, puzzled.
"No. It was, 'I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale.'"
Giles asked, "Why on earth would she wish that?"
"Because she'd just been screwed over by Willow and Xander's affair, and Buffy, you stuck with the two of them. You all betrayed her."
.
Buffy shook her head. "Yeah, but -"
"But what?" Anya asked.
"Willow and Xander were my friends."
Anya shrugged. "And Cordelia?"
Buffy blew out a breath through pursed lips. "She – well, look. Xander and Willow are my best friends. I wasn't going to abandon them for Cordelia. It's not like I didn't try to reach out to her."
"When?"
"At the Bronze the night after she came back to school. I went to her and told her that anytime she needed to talk, she could come to me. She threw the offer back in my face."
Anya lifted an eyebrow. "And?"
"And what?"
"Did you try again?"
Buffy frowned. "No. I didn't try again. She made it quite clear that she wanted nothing to do with us-"
"And so you went back to Xander and Willow while leaving your other 'friend' alone to deal with her pain -- the only person willing to listen to her being a vengeance demon. Me, by the way."
"She pushed US away."
"From what I saw back then she didn't have to push very far or very hard."
Buffy shook her head again. "Oh, no. You're not making us out to be the bad guys here. You didn't know how Cordelia could be."
"Does that matter? Does it matter what she was like before when it was her that was cheated on, skewered, and then abandoned by everyone and left alone?"
"It was her choice," Giles protested mildly.
Anya's voice dripped sarcasm. "Right. And people who're hurting always do and say what they mean. They don't put up all their defense systems. They don't do everything they can to keep the people who hurt them before from doing again. I'd forgotten how logical we all are." The room was silent. Anya continued, "If she hadn't cared, she wouldn't have given any of you a thought for the rest of her life. Look what she did, though. She came back today to help you and all you did was see what you WANTED to see. Not what's actually there. But what do I know about any of this? I'm only the ex-demon you barely tolerate because I'm having sex with Xander."
Tara added, "And running Giles' shop."
Anya smiled briefly. "Yes. Thank you."
"She's not nearly as bad as you all made me believe," Tara ventured.
Willow asked Anya, "What IS actually there?" and shot Tara a hurt look.
Anya sighed and shook her head. "None of you are that dumb."
"Anya," Buffy said. "This is Cordelia we're talking about. Things roll off her. It's not like she cares about us or what we say."
"Just like you don't care about her or what she says?"
Again an uneasy silence.
"Don't you think she would have found a way to stay here," Anya asked, "if there'd been anything worth staying for?" Then she left as well.
Tara trailed after her, saying, "Um, she shouldn't walk home alone in Sunnydale . . . and you all look like you need to think for a while. So, bye."
Leaving Willow, Giles and Buffy standing there, staring blankly at each other, not wondering what had just happened, but knowing it.
And knowing it was likely too late to do anything about it either.
"So," Gunn said. "Explain to me again why we're on this little road trip." Gunn was driving his truck; Cordelia was on the passenger side; there were weapons and anti-demon materiel in the middle. They were driving to Sunnydale.
"I get visions," Cordelia said. "VIZH-ions. Can you say visions?"
"Can you say me turning this truck around?"
Cordy sighed. "Because the vision showed Buffy getting her head chopped off by some demon in a fight, and because Angel's busy out playing one-man- gang, and because Wesley's out at yet another shindig with Virginia."
"You couldn't have called Hertz?"
"Can I ask you a question?"
"If I said no would that stop you?"
Cordy gave him a you-can't-be-serious look and asked, "Are you griping because you're really annoyed or just griping for its own sake?"
"Its own sake."
"Well, could you knock it off? I'm not in the mood right now."
Gunn immediately got serious. "Sorry about that."
"Thanks."
Other people might have asked if she wanted to talk about it. Gunn wasn't that type, really. "So tell me more about this demon, anyway. What'd the dude look like?"
"Okay. Right. Well, you know what Brad Pitt looks like?" Gunn nodded. "Think the exact opposite. 7 feet tall, hairy everywhere except the head, muscular, and red-skinned."
"At least he's going to have trouble blending in."
"That's our only blessing at the moment."
"Where's it take place?" Gunn asked.
"Dunno; inside a building of some sort but that's all I really got."
"Good to know." And the conversation trailed off as they continued driving towards Sunnydale.
* * * * *
"You sure this place is a small town?" Gunn asked as they drove town the streets of what Cordy laughingly called downtown Sunnydale. "Looks more like LA in miniature to me. You got docks, you got an industrial district, you got two colleges – hell, there's even an airport."
"Turn right," Cordy said. "Yeah, Sunnydale's got an identity crisis alright. It's either the biggest small town or the smallest big city in the world, we haven't quite figured out which. At the light, go left half a block."
Gunn turned the truck as ordered and said, "Where to now?"
"Place is called The Magic Box," Cordelia said. "It's on the right side. Giles owns it now. I called them; they should know I'm coming."
"I see it," Gunn said. "Damn but this town needs more parking places." They ended up halfway down the block and having to hoof it back. "You sure about this, Cordelia? Place looks dark."
"I'm sure." The front door was, of course, locked, so they rapped on it. When a few minutes later no one had come Gunn hit it again, this time a lot harder. A minute or so later Cordelia saw Anya's head peering through the window.
"Yes?"
"Anya, it's me, Cordy – this is my friend Gunn."
"Oh." Typical Anya response. A second later the door opened. "Everyone else is in back."
Gunn said, "I thought you told 'em we'd be coming."
"I did." Cordy fixed a glance directly on Anya. "You did tell them, right?"
"Of course." Anya seemed insulted by the suggestion. "They're all in the training room right now, training." They began to walk through the store.
Gunn looked around. "Nice place you got here," he said a little skeptically.
"We sell a lot to suckers," Anya said. "People who have no idea what real magic is. They come in asking for a crystal ball and have NO idea how to use it."
"And you do," Gunn said.
"I used to, back when I was a demon," she said. "But I don't have those powers any more."
"You used to be a demon?" Gunn stopped and looked at Cordelia. "She used to be a demon."
"Don't look so shocked," Anya said. "After all, Cordelia used to be a bitch." Gunn laughed at that. "I did get that right, didn't I?"
"Let me guess," Cordelia said. "Xander told you that."
"Hmm-hmmm. He said mostly good things, not like the rest of them. By the way, if you're here to steal him back you can't."
"I wasn't planning to," Cordy said.
Anya said, "No, I mean you can't. He's got some kind of nasty flu and he's quarantined in his apartment for 72 hours."
"Quarantine?" Gunn asked. "I thought that went out thirty years ago."
"Welcome to Sunnydale," Cordelia said.
And then they rounded a corner and were in a rather spacey back room, decked out like a kickboxer's wet dream. Buffy was sparring with Giles with a pair of small sticks, while Willow and a dishwater blonde Cordy guessed was Tara were sitting in the corner, holding hands and reading a spellbook.
"Ah. Cordelia. There you are," Giles said, and almost immediately got his arms swatted by Buffy. He shot her a sour look, dropped his weapons and walked across the room. Buffy wiped off some sweat and began a bit of stretching, while Willow and Tara stood up. Tara came over and introduced herself to Cordy and Gunn. That settled, she moved over and leaned against the wall, not far from Willow.
"Thanks for the big welcome," Cordelia said.
"Yeah, if I'd known you were going to go through all this trouble, I'd've stayed in the truck and listened to the radio," was Gunn's contribution.
"You called us three hours ago," Buffy said. "We hardly had time to bake a cake."
Gunn shot Cordelia a puzzled look. Cordy ignored it and said. "Anyway. My vision . . . "
"Yes," Giles said. "You said you saw a demon chopping off Buffy's head?"
Cordy nodded. "Yeah." Then she described the vision as best she could. Oddly, they didn't really press her for any details, except for Tara, who asked one question about how the decapitation occurred.
When she was done, Buffy asked, "Not to sound ungrateful or anything, but couldn't you have simply called us instead?"
Shaking her head no, Cordy said, "The visions don't work that way. When they show me something's wrong it's because we have to go out and fix it. If I'd phoned it in you'd probably still be dead in a couple of hours."
"Then why didn't Angel come?" Willow asked.
After looking at each other for a few moments, Cordelia told them, "He wasn't available."
Giles' eyebrows shot upwards. "Are you telling me," he said, the disbelief dripping from his voice, "That Angel knew Buffy was in imminent danger of losing her head and didn't come charging down here himself?"
"He didn't know about it," Cordelia mumbled.
"What?" Buffy said. "You didn't TELL him?"
"Lay off," Gunn said. "Angel's . . . on a long-term project at the moment. Deep-cover kind of thing, trying to take down Wolfram & Hart."
Buffy said, eyes narrowing, "You're lying."
Gunn wasn't intimidated. "And if I am? Do you think I brought Cordy down here just to waste our time? Believe me, I got better things to do with my life than take six or seven hours of it and waste it in a sorry-ass town like Sunnydale. She had a vision, I was there when she had it, and you've heard what she saw. Does it really matter whether or not ANGEL came down to hand-deliver it himself?"
"Especially when you're about to get your head chopped off?" Anya asked.
Tara said, "Anya does have a point."
Sighing, Giles admitted, "Yes, I suppose she does."
But no one said anything until Gunn said, "Okay then. Any of you folks heard of this demon?"
"From the description it sounds like either a Gnopaz or a Velid," Giles said. "Do you recall if it had horns?"
"No," Cordelia said.
Willow asked, "Are you sure about that?" She'd moved over and was now standing directly next to Buffy. Tara had gone from leaning against the wall to sitting on it, while Anya was standing next to Gunn, hands clasped, rocking back and forth.
"No," Cordelia said acidly. "Now that I think of it, the demon was three feet tall, green, had a big bushy mustache and a mohawk and had horns the size of pool cues. What do you take me for, an amateur?"
"We're just checking," Buffy said. "You've been known to be wrong before."
Cordelia shook her head irritably. "I don't make mistakes about my visions."
"In any event," Giles said. "Presuming your description accurate, this is a Gnopaz. They're very strong and quick to defend themselves, but they're not particularly homicidal demons. In fact, they're not usually very aggressive. Unless . . . you are quite CERTAIN about these horns?"
"Do they always treat you like this?" Gunn asked.
Cordelia said, "No, normally they give me a hard time. YES, I'm certain." Tara and Willow chuckled a bit hollowly.
Buffy dropped the towel to the ground and went over to get her jacket. "So, I guess the plan is, I go out, find this demon, and kill him."
"Hardly," Gunn said. "Our vision, we go out and do the killing."
"This is my town," Buffy said. "I get to slaughter the bad guys here."
"All we know," Gunn retorted, "you going out after the demon might be what gets your head chopped off." He reached into his bag and brought out a hand- held axe and a pistol. "I'm not exactly an amateur at this."
Willow said, "How many vampires have YOU killed?" Tara blinked.
"I haven't kept an exact count," Gunn said. Buffy began to smirk. "At least thirty." Buffy's smirk vanished. "But that was just by myself. I'd say me and my crew've taken down at least a hundred or so."
"Thirty?"
"We can do this," Cordelia said. "The rest of us, that is. If we work together."
Tara said, "Well, I guess we could do some kind of spell to help –" Anya nodded her head in agreement, but Willow seemed a bit more skeptical. "Willow?"
"No. I don't like this. Buffy's the Slayer, she should be the one out there . . . Slaying."
"In general, yes. But not this time." Cordelia said it as determinedly as she could.
Which didn't faze Buffy in the least, of course. "Are you going to stop me?" she said as she walked up to face Cordelia directly.
"What, and ruin my hair?" Cordelia said sarcastically. "Of course I'm not going to stop you. You're the Slayer. But when the hell did you become so suicidal?"
Giles said, "She's beaten prophecies before where she was supposed to die, you know."
"Only through a loophole. The Powers that Be don't tend to show me visions with loopholes." She spoke again. More quietly. "I actually saw Buffy's head bouncing to the ground, and the rest of her body gushing blood. I come rushing down here to save your life and all I get is grief. Buffy, listen to me and listen carefully." She enunciated the next words as clearly as she could. "If you fight this demon, you are going to die. Not may. Not might. You WILL. So sit down and let the rest of us take care of this."
Willow said, "That was harsh."
"Do YOU want Buffy dead?" Cordelia demanded.
"Um – no . . . "
"Then it wasn't harsh."
There followed a period of awkward silence, after which Anya said. "So. This demon. Likes to chop off heads. Big, strong, red. What else do we know?"
"Not much, actually," Giles admitted. "Gnopazzes don't typically go on prolonged killing sprees. For creatures that look as they do, they tend to stay in the shadows as much as possible. Unless –" He disappeared for a moment, during which everyone stood around and glared at each other awkwardly. Gunn took a few swings at the bag, Willow came over to talk with Tara, and Anya stood there quietly. Cordelia waited for an apology
When Giles returned, he was holding – no points for figuring it out – a book. "Gnopazzes react badly to alcohol. More than a drop or two and they can indeed turn into homicidal maniacs."
"Then why would one of 'em drink?" Gunn asked.
"They wouldn't," Giles said. "Which doesn't preclude the possibility of someone slipping them a mickey. Or accidentally eating some rum cake."
"Well then," Gunn said. "Where does the well-dressed demon hang out these days?"
* * * * *
"This is Sunnydale's favorite demon bar?" Gunn said doubtfully, looking at the Alibi and clearly not being impressed.
"Only one," Buffy said. She, Gunn, Cordelia and Willow were at the bar looking to get some information out of Willy by hook or crook. Reluctantly, Buffy had gone along with not confronting the Gnopaz, but she insisted on being in on the action. Just as reluctantly, Cordelia and Gunn hadn't protested her coming along, with the promise that when the Gnopaz showed, the rest of them would handle it and she'd fade into the background.
Gunn snorted. "Seems to me some young enterprising type could make himself some real money by doing the same thing upscale."
"You think I'd let something like that in Sunnydale?" Buffy asked. In answer, Gunn simply pointed to the Alibi. "That's different."
"Yeah." Gunn wasn't buying it.
The four of them walked inside. Willy blanched at the sight of them and then said, nervously, "Slayer. What are you doing here? Nothing going down at the moment. I know that." Around the room, assorted demons and vampires glared in the general direction of Cordelia and company.
"We're looking for a Gnopaz demon," Cordelia explained.
And then, surprisingly, Willy relaxed. "Oh. You must mean Gnorm. Nice guy. Comes in all the time."
"You're serving a Gnopaz alcohol?" Willow demanded.
"Do I look suicidal?" Willy said. "He's strictly ginger-ale." He paused to give a bottle of Heineken to a vampire at the far end of the bar, then said, "What do you need him for?"
"I had a vision of him chopping off Buffy's head," Cordelia said.
Willy looked genuinely confused. "You're kidding, right? Gnorm's as nonviolent as demons come. Only place he gets aggressive is the pool table." Willy pointed towards his table on the other side of the dim room. "Hey, Harry!" he called.
A vampire warily walked up. "What is it?" He eyed Buffy and Willow as though they were going to eat him.
"Relax. You won't get killed in here. You seen Gnorm recently?"
"I'm not turning him in," Harry said. "The Slayer and her pals want him they can find him." He turned to leave. Admirable loyalty.
Also, complete faith in Willy. While Willy couldn't enforce his dictate (that if anyone was going to get beaten up in his establishment it was damn well going to be him), he relied on Buffy's word that she'd never come in here and pound on the patrons, because if she did they wouldn't come in any more and there went his potential as a source.
Knowing this, Cordelia nerved herself and tapped Harry on the shoulder. The vampire turned around, a bit irritated, and growled, "Yeah?"
Buffy started to say something; Cordelia stepped on her feet and said, "Look. We're not interested in killing Gnorm, or even hurting him. We're actually trying to stop him from hurting himself."
"Yeah?" Harry asked again, clearly unconvinced. "The Slayer wants to help a demon?"
"Yes, she does," Cordelia said firmly. "We have it on good authority he's about to drink some alcohol, and –"
"Don't be ridiculous," Harry said. "Gnorm ain't that stupid. He comes in here for the company and the pool, not the booze. He wouldn't take a drink if you paid him. Quit wasting my time with these excuses."
"I get visions," Cordelia said. "One of my visions showed Gnorm on a violent rampage. Everyone we've talked to has said he's not that type. Look. Just tell us where he is. I promise we're not going to hurt him."
"Unless he tries to hurt us first," Buffy added.
Cordelia shot her a nasty look and said, "No. We won't. Period."
Something in the way Cordelia said it must have gotten to Harry. He said, "Look, you wouldn't be able to hurt Gnorm if you tried. So I'd trust you with the info. But them?" He pointed to Buffy, Willow and Gunn. "One's the Slayer, one's a witch, and one's packing. Maybe if they left . . . ?"
An interesting idea, but obviously not one Cordelia fully trusted. She was about to try to negotiate for Gunn staying and Willow and Buffy backing away when Buffy apparently decided she'd had enough. She grabbed Harry by his shoulders and said, "Alright, that's enough. You tell us where Gnorm is, now, or you're dead. Capisce?"
Willy protested. "Hey, wait a second. I told him he'd be safe. You can't just come in here and –"
"Willy," Buffy said through gritted teeth, "Shut up." She slammed Harry up against the bar. "Well?"
Just then someone, or something, massive entered the bar behind them. As Willow shouted, "Look out!" the someone said, "What's going on here? Let go of Harry!" Then he shoved his way past Willow, Gunn and Cordelia, accidentally sending Cordelia stumbling. With horror Cordelia recognized who it was.
But as she was about to mention this, Buffy shoved Harry forward into a wall, turned around, saw Cordelia being knocked away and jumped immediately to the wrong conclusion. Her Slayer instinct kicked into overdrive, and seeing in front of her only a large demon who'd just manhandled one of her friends, she grabbed the bottle of Michelob Willy'd just put up on the bar and smashed it across the demon's face.
And of course the demon was Gnorm. Or if not him, his identical twin, because this was EXACTLY the demon Cordy'd seen in her vision.
"Buffy! That's a Gnopaz demon!"
Buffy was just coming to the same realization – as the beer slowly dripped down the demon's face, and down his throat . . .
Of all of them, Willy was the one who acted first. He yelled, in a voice louder than anyone would have guessed, "Everyone! CLEAR OUT! GNOPAZ ON BOOZE!" Then he grabbed a small locked box and dashed into the back of the bar, where he could be heard repeatedly locking a door.
Within about ten seconds the only beings left in the place were Buffy, Cordelia, Willow, Gunn, Gnorm, and Harry.
Harry was still recovering from being thrown against the wall. To everyone's great shock, when he recovered he ran over to Gnorm's side. "Gnorm!" he said. "You okay, buddy?"
Gnorm's response was to backhand Harry across the room.
Willow and Cordelia looked at each other and as one dove behind the bar. Cordelia could have killed Buffy just then, but she limited herself to yelling, "Buffy! My vision!"
Gunn had pulled out his axe when he heard Cordelia, and not wanting to give the demon anything sharp, shoved it back in the bag and instead looked for an opening. Gnorm swung at Buffy and missed, then grabbed Gunn's jacket. In the meantime, Harry'd gotten up and, finally realizing he couldn't do anything and not wanting to stick around to confront a pissed-off Slayer, he dashed for the Alibi's front door and vanished into the night.
Gunn didn't make any wisecracks; he just twisted free of the jacket and left the demon holding it. "Get out of my way," Buffy said. Howling in rage, Gnorm slammed one fist down on a barstool, which cracked in two, the parts falling to the floor.
"Excuse you," Gunn said as they stepped backwards. "This is supposed to be the rest of our fight, remember? You're gonna get your head chopped off if you're not careful."
"Screw Cordy's vision," Buffy said, and punched the demon in the stomach twice. Gnorm then grunted twice – he'd felt the punches, alright – and then clouted Buffy on the top of the head. She collapsed to the ground, groaning in pain. She tried to get up, but Gnorm kicked her in the stomach, and then the head. Willow was trying to come up with some spell she could cast, but right now the only think she could think of was her telekinesis – and Gnorm was a lot heavier than she could manage on her own.
Hurriedly, Gunn took half of the busted barstool and swung it into the demon's face as hard as he could. Gnorm howled again and turned his attention away from Buffy.
Gunn backed away once, twice, then swung the stool again as Gnorm charged him. He caught the demon on the arm, but lost the stool in the attack and barely dodged Gnorm's clawed hands. Finally, Gunn said, "To hell with this," and got out the axe. He'd do his best to avoid killing the demon, but if it was him or them, well, Gnorm lost.
On the floor, Buffy groaned again. Just then Willow came up with a quick spell. She took a deep breath and said, in carefully memorized German, "Thor, Gott des Donners, helfen mir, hinunter meinen Feind anzuschlagen!" and pointed her finger at Gnorm.
The results, while dramatic, weren't quite what Willow'd intended. She'd invoked the Thunder God in hopes of getting a blast of lightning; instead, a thunderclap louder than any she'd ever heard echoed in the room, knocking everyone down and shattering the glass in the mirror, which showered over Willow and Cordelia. They peered over the bar --
And found they and Gnorm were the only three still conscious, and even the demon looked a bit woozy. Gunn had been thrown into a table by the force of the explosion, and Buffy wasn't moving either. Gnorm crawled across the floor and opened his mouth –
And opened, and opened, and opened, until it looked wide enough to damn near swallow a bowling ball. Dear god, he was going to bite Buffy's head off! Quickly, Cordelia and Willow sprang from behind the bar; Cordy grabbed the other half of the cracked stool and smashed Gnorm over the top of the head as hard as she could. Willow got a full whiskey bottle, remembered that that had been what had started the trouble in the first place and thought better of it.
It didn't matter, since Cordelia got off two more solid blows to the back of Gnorm's skull, and the demon finally collapsed. Together Willow and Cordelia dragged Buffy clear, then woke up Gunn. He told Willow, "Next time, a little warning before you decide to blow out my eardrums."
Willy peered out from his door. "No noise," he said. "Everything okay?"
"More or less," Cordelia sighed. "Gnorm's under control and no one's dead." Willy came into the main bar area and groaned when he saw the mess.
"You know how much this is gonna cost?" He demanded. "Do you?"
"I'd think you'd be used to it," Willow said. "You know, with your clientele being mostly demons."
Angrily, Willy said, "My clientele doesn't trash the place. They know they're safe here. Or they did."
Buffy sat up, a little shakily, and said, "What happened?"
Before anyone else could answer, Willy stormed up to her and said, "What happened? You ruined my business is what happened. I'll be lucky if I stay open. Not to mention that the mirror's trashed, there's blood and booze all over the floor, half the furniture is in pieces and my customers don't trust me any more. And you know what, Slayer? It's all your fault. You'll be getting my bill in the mail." Cordy looked Gunn over, but apart from a small bump on the head he seemed okay.
Blinking as she slowly stood up, Buffy said, "You're kidding, right?"
"The hell I am. This is your fault. Now, unless you'd like to help me clean up, get out. Gnorm'll be okay when he wakes up and I gotta get ready for whatever customers bother coming back."
"Hey!" Willow protested. "You can't talk to Buffy like that!"
"Yeah?" Willy said as he picked up both halves of the busted stool. "Why not?"
"Well – you never have before . . . "
"Yeah?" Willy said again. "Maybe it's time I started."
* * * * *
As they walked outside Buffy said, "Can you believe him?"
Willow had just begun shaking her head when Gunn said, "Yeah, pretty much, I can believe him."
"Huh?" Buffy asked.
"Well, thing is, it WAS your fault."
"Huh?" Buffy repeated.
They got to the truck. Cordy said, "Well, let's see. Who slugged the Gnopaz demon with a bottle of beer?"
In a voice tight with irritation, Buffy said, "I thought he'd just thrown you across the room."
"Well," Cordy said. "You thought wrong. And that alcohol in the face is what started the whole thing."
"No," Buffy said, "You coming down here is what started the whole thing." She deliberately mimicked Cordelia's tone.
"Does it really matter what started it?" Willow asked, trying to keep the tone light. "What matters is, good triumphed over evil, and Buffy still has her head!"
"And if Buffy had used it, we wouldn't have needed to triumph over anyone," Cordelia said. Gunn got into the driver's seat, and the three women squeezed in next to him.
Buffy seemed quite ready to continue the argument when Gunn said, "My truck, my rules. All of you be quiet." He flipped on the radio and scanned until he found a good station. "But if we were talking, and we're not, I'd still agree with Cordy. You insisted on coming along AND you almost got us all killed." As Buffy opened her mouth, Gunn cranked up the volume.
Wisely, Buffy shut up.
* * * * *
The debriefing session was not going well.
Everyone agreed on the central fact – Buffy was no longer in imminent danger of losing her head – but after that it was a mess.
They were all in the front room of the magic shop. Cordelia and Gunn stood by the door, Anya was behind the counter, Tara sat at the table facing Anya while Willow sat next to her facing the door, while Giles and Buffy paced behind them.
Willow backed Buffy, as might be expected, and Giles tended to agree with her description. Anya, on the other hand, seemed to agree with Cordelia and Gunn, that it had mostly been Buffy's fault, while Tara got stuck in the middle trying to play peacemaker.
Giles said mildly, "I don't see where Buffy's truly to blame. She believed she was protecting you."
"So because she thought she was protecting me," Cordy said, "that justified a blow to the face that could have KILLED the demon?"
"Yeah –" Buffy said.
Cordelia said, "I realize I only heard this secondhand, but didn't Faith KILL someone using that kind of logic?"
Anger flared in Buffy's eyes. She stormed over to Cordelia and said, "Don't you EVER compare me to Faith."
"The truth," Anya said. "It bothers her."
Buffy looked at her and said, "Don't you do it either."
"Or what?" Gunn said. "You'll break a bottle across her face too?"
Before Buffy could say anything, Cordelia said, "Don't try intimidating me. It's never worked before and it's not going to now."
"That was a very low blow, Cordelia, and quite unfair," Giles said.
"Is any of this really important?" Tara asked. "We had a happy ending. Isn't that good enough?"
"It's not just that, Tara," Cordelia sighed. "It's just that – ever since I came down here no one's taken me seriously." Anya cleared her throat. "Almost no one."
"Um, I don't really know you that well –" Tara said.
A bitter laugh escaped Cordelia's lips. "Oh, I don't blame you. It's these three." She pointed to Willow, Giles, and Buffy.
"What are you talking about?" Willow said. "We took you seriously enough to go investigate your vision, didn't we?"
"Not seriously enough that Buffy stayed behind," Cordelia shot back. "Not seriously enough that she didn't get involved in the fight."
"And why should it be a problem you taking her seriously at all?" Gunn said.
"Well, come on," Buffy said. "After all, this is Cordy we're talking about. Not exactly the most reliable person in the world."
"Yeah!" Willow said. "And it's not like we were ever your top priority anyway."
Cordelia paled as Anya said, "There was that wish she made –"
Then Cordelia interrupted her. Quietly, she said, "You never really knew me at all, did you?" Before they could answer she said, "Gunn, I'm going out to the truck now." Then she left.
Everyone else stood there for a few moments, saying nothing. Finally, Gunn snorted and said, "And she called you people her friends."
"We are," Giles said.
"Yeah?" Gunn said. "The whole night you did nothing but put her down, ignore her ideas, and treat her like crap. If you're her friends I'd hate to meet her enemies." Then he left too. Tara moved a little closer to Willow, but said nothing.
After a couple of minutes where no one said something, Giles said, "There was something about a wish?"
"Yes," Anya said. "Do you remember that vampire Willow? That was from the universe Cordelia's wish made. And you know what her wish was?"
"That I become a vampire?" Willow said, puzzled.
"No. It was, 'I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale.'"
Giles asked, "Why on earth would she wish that?"
"Because she'd just been screwed over by Willow and Xander's affair, and Buffy, you stuck with the two of them. You all betrayed her."
.
Buffy shook her head. "Yeah, but -"
"But what?" Anya asked.
"Willow and Xander were my friends."
Anya shrugged. "And Cordelia?"
Buffy blew out a breath through pursed lips. "She – well, look. Xander and Willow are my best friends. I wasn't going to abandon them for Cordelia. It's not like I didn't try to reach out to her."
"When?"
"At the Bronze the night after she came back to school. I went to her and told her that anytime she needed to talk, she could come to me. She threw the offer back in my face."
Anya lifted an eyebrow. "And?"
"And what?"
"Did you try again?"
Buffy frowned. "No. I didn't try again. She made it quite clear that she wanted nothing to do with us-"
"And so you went back to Xander and Willow while leaving your other 'friend' alone to deal with her pain -- the only person willing to listen to her being a vengeance demon. Me, by the way."
"She pushed US away."
"From what I saw back then she didn't have to push very far or very hard."
Buffy shook her head again. "Oh, no. You're not making us out to be the bad guys here. You didn't know how Cordelia could be."
"Does that matter? Does it matter what she was like before when it was her that was cheated on, skewered, and then abandoned by everyone and left alone?"
"It was her choice," Giles protested mildly.
Anya's voice dripped sarcasm. "Right. And people who're hurting always do and say what they mean. They don't put up all their defense systems. They don't do everything they can to keep the people who hurt them before from doing again. I'd forgotten how logical we all are." The room was silent. Anya continued, "If she hadn't cared, she wouldn't have given any of you a thought for the rest of her life. Look what she did, though. She came back today to help you and all you did was see what you WANTED to see. Not what's actually there. But what do I know about any of this? I'm only the ex-demon you barely tolerate because I'm having sex with Xander."
Tara added, "And running Giles' shop."
Anya smiled briefly. "Yes. Thank you."
"She's not nearly as bad as you all made me believe," Tara ventured.
Willow asked Anya, "What IS actually there?" and shot Tara a hurt look.
Anya sighed and shook her head. "None of you are that dumb."
"Anya," Buffy said. "This is Cordelia we're talking about. Things roll off her. It's not like she cares about us or what we say."
"Just like you don't care about her or what she says?"
Again an uneasy silence.
"Don't you think she would have found a way to stay here," Anya asked, "if there'd been anything worth staying for?" Then she left as well.
Tara trailed after her, saying, "Um, she shouldn't walk home alone in Sunnydale . . . and you all look like you need to think for a while. So, bye."
Leaving Willow, Giles and Buffy standing there, staring blankly at each other, not wondering what had just happened, but knowing it.
And knowing it was likely too late to do anything about it either.