Salik glanced up from the monitor as Cassiopeia hurried over to him. "What?"
"The second load of evacuated prisoners has arrived and is being processed. The first batch has been decontaminated, examined and assigned temporary quarters." She handed him a thick folder. "Here are the complete test results on..." She shot an uncomfortable glance at the monitor and nodded towards the image on the screen. "...on him."
All eyes turned to the screen that showed the interior of a private cubicle. In it, the young man sat quietly in a chair, managing to look frightened and defensive without moving a muscle. As they watched, footsteps sounded on the deck outside the cubicle, and he ducked his head protectively.
Sheba quietly remarked, "He always does that, when he wants to hide."
"Yeah," Boomer agreed, "it's weird how he retreats behind his hair. I can't get used to seeing him with all that hair. How could it have grown so long, in only three yarons?"
Gem shrugged. "Different radiation levels on the planet, chemicals in the water."
"If he was only there for three yarons," Apollo interjected. "If that's Starbuck."
Salik lifted his head from studying the reports and said, "It's him." That got their undivided attention. "No question. We've run a genetic patterning test on him, and that is definitely Starbuck."
A murmur of relief and wonder ran through the group, and Sheba closed her eyes and muttered, "Thank God."
"Don't get too excited. The tests turned up a lot of other facts, as well."
Apollo shot a grim look over at Gem, then insisted, "Give us all of it, Doc."
"He was captured by the cylons. That's evident. He shows traces of severe injuries that have had yarons to heal, indicating that he was tortured after his capture, but not recently."
"What kind of injuries?"
"Broken bones, internal injuries, and of course, the permanent damage. He was treated with a neural corrosive, one of the cylons' more disgusting inventions. It burns out the nerve synapses, destroying whole sections of the brain, over time."
Cassiopeia asked, "He has...he has brain damage?"
"Yes. The corrosive was injected into his left temporal lobe. His speech center. That's why he doesn't talk. He may be able to regain the ability to speak, since the human brain has countless unused neural pathways and a great deal of redundancy, but not till he's willing to work on it, and in his current condition, he isn't likely to cooperate.
"At some point, the cylons tampered with his mind. At this stage, we can't tell if it was a full wipe, or something less destructive. All we can see are the results. They took out his long-term memory, so he has no recollection of his identity or his life before the prison colony. His reasoning faculties seem to be intact - he hears and understands what you say to him, he just doesn't know what you're talking about."
Salik shot a sad, worried look at Gem and spoke directly to her. "He's still there, somewhere, he just can't find himself. He's upset and frightened, disoriented by his removal from the only environment he knows, very confused, and very...lost."
They all gazed silently at the figured huddled in his chair. Cass voiced what all of them were thinking. "I can't stand to see him like that. What can we do?"
"The first order of business is to give him a sense of stability. He needs some place where he feels safe, or at least in control. I can keep him here, in Life Center, for one watch if I have to, but that will only prolong the torment. He can't take much more of this."
"He won't stay here," Gem assured Salik. "The best place for him to find a sense of security is in his own home. I'll take him there as soon as you've finished."
"What about the children?" Cass demanded. "Won't they be frightened?"
"Sheba, would you be willing..."
"Say no more. Star and Chryse will stay with us as long as necessary."
"Just for one night. Tomorrow, I'll explain who Starbuck is and introduce them to him. Then, we'll play it by ear."
"Like I said, they're welcome to stay with us as long as necessary. I'll go get them, right now." She paused to give Gem a friendly hug, then hurried out of the room.
Gem turned back to stare at the monitor. "Any more tests tonight?"
"No. All of these men from the planet are exhausted. They worked a full day in that blistering heat and were just dropping off to sleep when we swooped down and carried them off. Starbuck would be asleep in his chair, if he weren't so frightened."
"Starbuck...Starbuck...it sounds so odd to be saying his name again. We've been afraid to say it, since we found him."
"It really is Starbuck."
"I know. I knew before you ran the tests."
"Gem..."
"Don't worry about me, Doctor." She lifted clear, gray eyes to his face, and he saw that three yarons of ice had left them. "I've been lost too, but no longer. I won't lose myself or Starbuck again."
A moment later, Salik saw Gem appear on the monitor, in Starbuck's cubicle. He watched her walk up to the chair, Boomer, Apollo and Cassiopeia lurking by the door, then he turned off the monitor and went back to his test results.
Gem moved softly up to Starbuck's chair, noting how he seemed to retreat into it at her approach, and knelt in front of him. She gently disentangled his tightly clenched hands and held them in a firm grasp. Her voice was low, smooth, and comforting.
"Hello, Starbuck. I know you don't recognize that name, but it's the only one I have to call you. Do you have a name you want me to use?" She waited, not expecting an answer but hoping for some kind of response, however subtle. After a few silent microns, Starbuck lifted his head slightly, his eyes shifting toward her face. "Until you can give me another, I'll have to keep calling you Starbuck. Okay?"
He was sitting up straight now, listening to her gentle voice, his face fully visible.
"You must be tired. I'd like to take you home, where you can get some sleep, if that's okay." When she made a move to stand up, he quickly ducked his head again, retreating behind a shining curtain of hair. "No." Gem lifted his chin, then brushed the hair back from his face, resting her hand on his cheek. "Don't hide from me."
She stood up and pulled slightly on his hand. He made one attempt to pull away from her, but she held on. Finally, he rose to his feet.
"Follow me. It isn't far."
They reached Gem's quarters without trouble, and she led Starbuck inside. Sheba had gotten the children out, so the small suite of rooms was quiet and deserted. Gem went straight into the bedroom and guided Starbuck up to the bed.
"Sit down, Starbuck." A hand on his shoulder encouraged him to sit.
He settled onto the mattress and seemed a bit surprised. For the first time, Gem saw him show interest in his surroundings. He ran his hand over the quilted blanket and pushed against the mattress experimentally.
"This is a bed. You didn't have beds in the work camp? It's where you sleep, and I know you're ready to sleep." Starbuck's gaze tracked her movements around the room. He didn't seem in the mood to hide anymore. "Take your shoes off."
To Gem's surprise, he promptly bent and slid off one shoe. Salik had arranged for a thorough molecular wash, after the tests were completed, so even Starbuck's feet were clean. When his bare foot touched the metal deck, he pulled it back in alarm and curled his leg up under him on the bed.
"Both shoes," Gem gently reminded him. He kicked off the second shoe and scooted farther onto the bed, avoiding any contact with the alien floor. Gem came over and began untucking the blanket, sending Starbuck toward the foot of the bed. "I won't hurt you. I'm just getting the bed ready for you to sleep in it. It's more comfortable this way. Come here. Come on, Starbuck."
He reluctantly crawled toward her, responding to the unmistakable authority in her tone. He eyed the smooth, silvery sheet curiously, but when his hand contacted the new surface, he snatched it away. Gem just watched with smiling eyes, as he ran his fingers over the sheet and blanket, absorbing the different textures and assuring himself that both were benign. Finally, he moved up to the head of the bed and sat down to wait for Gem's next order.
"Now, take off those breeches." Starbuck just looked blank. "You aren't sleeping on my clean sheets in those dreadful old pants. Will you take them off, or shall I?" When he made no move to obey, she couldn't resist saying, "I've done it before, and I'll do it again!"
Gem was as good as her word. She quickly and efficiently stripped off Starbuck's breeches and bundled him into bed. He looked more startled than alarmed at her behavior, and when she pushed him back against the fat pillow, he made no protest.
"Close your eyes and go to sleep. There's nothing to be afraid of here." She stood up and moved to the locker to change her clothes, leaving him alone to relax and unwind. Though she was afraid he wouldn't be able to sleep in this strange environment, when she turned back around to check on him, he had burrowed down under the blanket and closed his eyes. His even breathing told her that he already slept.
Heaving a sigh of relief, Gem busied herself cleaning up the room. Her own clothing went into the laundry chute, and she was about to stuff Starbuck's grungy pants into the trash, when she thought better of it. A closer look revealed that they were uniform pants, faded and tattered, but unmistakably those of a Colonial warrior. They were very likely the remains of the uniform he was wearing the day he disappeared. Folding the fragile cloth carefully over her arm, she laid them in the clothing locker.
Her head was swimming with exhaustion by the time she put away the last of the girls' toys and closed the door to the outer room. She was completely wiped out; all she could think of was collapsing into bed. She stopped suddenly in the doorway, staring numbly at the man sleeping in her bed - their bed.
As many times as she had dreamed of this moment, imagining Starbuck's sleeping face on the pillow beside her, she could never have concocted this. He really was there, a softly breathing shape under the blanket, his hair spilled in a silken puddle around him, but he wasn't her Starbuck anymore. For the first time since she had seen the ghost by the barracks wall, for the first time in three yarons, she began to cry.
Tears slid silently from her eyes and her breath caught painfully in her throat. Leaning her aching head against the bulkhead, she wrapped both her arms around her ribcage and sobbed in agony. At that moment, she felt more helplessly and hideously alone than she ever had in her life. She would have given her soul to feel Starbuck's arms around her and hear his voice telling her that everything would be all right. Instead, she felt the cold metal of the wall against her cheek and heard her own weeping.
Eventually, even her tears gave way to weariness, and she dried her face on her sleeve. She couldn't take any more of this day. She had to sleep, give herself time to gather strength before she confronted her new responsibilities. Moving slowly, so as not to disturb Starbuck, she crawled into the far side of the bed and collapsed.
In the wee hours of the watch, when Gem was sleeping deeply and dreamlessly, a sudden noise jerked her painfully into wakefulness. She sat up with a start, gazing uncomprehendingly at the dark room. Her brain stumbled through the tatters of sleep, baffled by her abrupt awakening.
Then she heard it again, a muffled cry of pain. Memory flooded back to her, and she bent to look at Starbuck. He had snarled the covers around himself and pulled the pillow over his head, and as Gem lifted it away, she saw that he was shivering, though his hair was damp with sweat. He cried out again, a wordless, formless sound that sent a splash of cold fear down her spine.
Sliding closer to him, she leaned down to murmur soothing words in his ear, and she stroked his hair and face with a gentle hand.
"Starbuck, can you hear me?"
He twisted violently away from her, moaning in fear and clutching at the blanket.
"Shhh. It's only a dream. Wake up, angel."
He was trying to say something, though the words were barely recognizable as such. His head tossed fretfully for a moment, then he stiffened, terror in every line of his body, and called out a single word. Gem put a hand on his shoulder, and he rolled abruptly towards her.
The next micron he was huddled in her arms, his face buried in her shoulder, weeping uncontrollably. Gem held him as tightly as she could, trying to calm his convulsive shivering with her sheltering warmth. The nightmare lasted for nearly a centar, then he slowly relaxed and drifted into a deeper, quieter sleep, but he stayed curled close to Gem, protected by her arms and soothed by her presence. As Starbuck quieted, Gem also slept, strangely comforted by the familiar body next to hers.
Gem awoke at her usual time, out of habit, and stumbled into the turbo wash in a vain attempt to revive herself. Starbuck still slept, nearly comatose with exhaustion, so she could move freely about the suite without fear of disturbing him. A long wash, clean clothes and a big meal helped drive the cobwebs from her brain. She checked once more on Starbuck, then settled down to do some work on her computer link-up.
She had complete quiet and isolation in which to work for more than three centars, interrupted only by a couple of calls. Salik wanted Starbuck down in Life Center for more tests but willingly postponed them at her request. Sheba called to find out when she planned to talk to the girls, but Gem couldn't give her a schedule. She had no idea what Starbuck's frame of mind would be when he woke up, and she didn't want to risk upsetting him or the children with a premature meeting.
The research was not going well, and Gem was getting extremely frustrated with the stubborn refusal of the facts to tally. With a disgusted sigh, she turned off the computer and stood up to stretch. Her eyes strayed through the open bedroom door, and she turned in surprise.
Starbuck was awake, lying quietly with his gaze fixed on the far wall. He looked calm, drained, and a little sad. Gem wondered how long he had been awake, lying there alone, not knowing where he was or what to do. At least he didn't seem frightened.
She walked softly up to the bed and spoke to him in her gentlest voice, trying not to startle him. "Good morning, Starbuck."
His eyes lifted to her face, suddenly wary, and he pulled the blanket a little higher under his chin.
Gem sat on the edge of the mattress and put one hand lightly on his knee. "I hope you feel better. Are you hungry?" She watched him for a long moment, trying to gauge his receptiveness to her. Salik claimed that Starbuck was fully rational and mentally competent, but he was so completely cut off from her that she had no idea how much he really understood. Would he communicate with her if he could?
She caressed the side of his face, letting him feel her touch and get accustomed to it. When she saw the tension begin to drain from his muscles, she pushed against his shoulder to roll him onto his back. He stared up at her, nervous and confused, but also a touch curious.
"I think you understand me, Starbuck. I'd like to show you a way to answer my questions without talking, since you're not ready to talk to me yet. All you have to do is move your head, like this." She nodded slowly, then lifted his chin slightly, in imitation of her gesture. "That means `yes'. Then if you move your head this way, it means `no'. If you nod yes and shake your head no, everyone will understand you, and you can talk to anyone you like. Now, I'll ask you again; are you hungry?"
Starbuck stared uncertainly at her for several microns, with a wary look in his eyes. She had about decided that he wasn't going to respond when he nodded slowly and awkwardly.
Gem smiled widely, with a genuine sparkle of happiness. "I'll have some food ready for you when you get out of the turbo wash. But you don't eat till you get cleaned up. Wait here." She got up and fetched a wrap from the locker, then came back over to the bed and stripped his covers off. "Stand up."
He obeyed, but he didn't like the slick, hard feel of the deck under his bare feet and shifted uncomfortably till Gem put a steadying hand on his shoulder.
"Relax, it's only a floor. You'll get used to it, and it's a lot cleaner than dirt." She coaxed his arms into the sleeves of the wrap and belted it snugly around his waist. "Come with me, and I'll show you how the turbo wash works."
Still twitching dubiously at the cold touch of the floor, he followed her into the head. She explained how all the fixtures worked and checked to be sure he understood, then she left him alone. Several centons later, he appeared in the doorway, freshly laundered and looking very young and lost in his oversized wrap and disheveled mop of shining hair.
Gem hurried over to him and took his arm to lead him back over to the bed. "Do you feel better?" He nodded slightly. "Sit down." She brought his meal over on a floater tray. For today, at least, she wanted to keep his environment as small and safe as possible, so she had decided not to introduce him to the other rooms in the suite. He could eat here, sitting on the bed, where he felt at home.
She watched him eat for a moment, wondering what it was that made him look so small and vulnerable, and suddenly noticed the impossible fit of the wrap. That was a piece of Starbuck's own clothing and should have fit him perfectly, but he was dwarfed by it. Studying his narrow waist and slender hips, she knew his uniforms would never fit him now.
"I'll be right back, Starbuck. Finish your breakfast." In the outer room, she logged on the computer and accessed the supply files. It took her a few centons to figure out what size Starbuck would wear now, and she discovered that there were no pilot's uniforms immediately available in his proportions. She ordered some simple civilian clothes on a rush and had them popped in the chute. By the time Starbuck had finished his meal, she had clean clothes for him.
Starbuck was quite familiar with the concept of clothing, but he'd worn the same breeches, and nothing else, for nearly three yarons. It took patience on Gem's part and a good deal of trust on his to get him dressed. Finally, he stood arrayed in a pair of snug-fitting dark pants, high-topped black leather boots, and a loose linen shirt. Gem admired the effect, and congratulated herself on her fashion choices, unable to resist staring at his slender, powerful, graceful body. She couldn't afford to let her thoughts wander too far in that direction.
"Sit down. I'll braid your hair for you."
He sat obediently on the bed and tucked one foot up under him, turning so she could comb out his glittering mane of hair. Gem took her time over the task, allowing herself to forget that the man sitting beside her was a stranger. She loved touching him, doing intimate, homey things for him. She loved the feel of his thick, smooth hair sliding between her fingers and the sound of his even breathing in the quiet room. He seemed to enjoy the contact himself, and was in no hurry for her to finish.
When his hair hung in a fat, shining braid down his back, the end brushing the bedclothes, Gem shook off the comfortable spell and stood up.
"Now you're ready to face anything. You don't look much like the Starbuck I remember, but you still look wonderful." She paused, studying him with a half smile on her face, then murmured, "You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?" Starbuck shook his head fractionally. "You don't remember anything at all. How could you understand what I mean?"
A surge of emotion washed over her, forcing words from her that caution told her were dangerous. Without thinking, she knelt on the deck in front of him and clasped his hands urgently.
"I need to talk to you, Starbuck, to try and explain some things to you. It's very important that you listen to me and try to understand. Will you do that?"
He frowned down at her in confusion, but nodded.
"Thank you. You don't remember me, or this place, or any of the people around you, but once this was your home. You lived on this ship for many, many yarons. The people here know you and love you. They all desperately want you to come back to them.
"Your life didn't begin in that prison camp, Starbuck! You must believe me! There is so much here that was once important to you!
"Tell me, do you trust me at all? Do you feel any sense of comfort in me being here with you?"
Starbuck nodded immediately, bringing a sigh of relief from Gem.
"There's a reason for that. Before you were taken by the cylons, in the time you don't remember, you and I were very, very close. You were the center of my life, the person I loved more than any other. Do you know what a wife is?" He shook his head. "Maybe you'll understand in time. I was your wife - I still am - and you're my husband. We lived together, right here, and we had two children. There were no children in the camp, so I assume you don't know what they are, but you'll find out soon.
"Starbuck, I know that we're all strangers to you, and that I can't have the life and the family that I knew back again. But I love you! I never stopped, never could stop, and I can't pretend otherwise! All I can do is try to make this easier for you and pray that someday, somehow, you'll remember. Is any of this making sense to you?"
He nodded slowly, his eyes sad and pleading. He opened his mouth but shut it without trying to speak, then lifted his hands in a helpless gesture. Gem caught his head between her hands, pulled him down and kissed him gently, then stood up and headed for the door.
"I'm going to fetch the girls. Will you wait for me here?" He nodded again. She stood in the doorway, staring at him for a long centon, so full of unspoken words that her chest ached with the pressure. Finally, she turned and rushed from the room.
*** *** ***
Starbuck sat on the edge of the bed, listening to the muted sounds of the battlestar filtering into the isolated room and wondering how long his solitude would last. Gem had sent the girls to their lesson periods, then said something about having work to do and vanished. As usual, he understood few of her words and had virtually no idea of what she was talking about, but he remembered mention of some place called a 'lab' and things called 'files'.
From past experience, he didn't think he had much time before Gem returned. She seemed reluctant to leave him alone, no matter where he was. In Life Center, or the Game deck, or just around their quarters, she either stayed with him herself or made sure someone else did. Starbuck found himself strangely attracted to Gem, but he was becoming desperate to find a place where she, and everyone else, would leave him alone.
He considered his inexplicable feelings for Gem and wondered if they weren't part of the problem. Try as he might, he could not remember her, and yet, he was drawn to her. He trusted and depended on a person he had no recollection of, and it frightened him. The children had a similar, unsettling effect on him. Though he had no concrete idea of who they were or where they came from, they brought up very strong, protective emotions in him.
Surrounded by people he felt oddly close to, he should have been comfortable and secure, but he was not. On the prison planet, he had spent all of his time alone, never speaking to the men he lived and worked with, keeping an emotional distance from them even when he couldn't keep a physical one. Now, he was constantly beset with people who seemed to expect something from him. He found it frightening and smothering. He needed to get out.
The big question was, where could he go? Gem and the others had taken him various places on the ship often enough, but he had always encountered more people, no matter where they went. Was there no place on this vessel that wasn't crowded? The walls were rapidly closing in on him, and even if he couldn't find solitude, he could at least breathe new air.
His face hard with determination, he made his way to the outer room and over to the door. Once he crossed that threshold, he would be in unfamiliar territory, where one metal corridor looked exactly like another and his fresh, fragmentary memories could not help him. He paused to think through his decision, but the knot in his stomach told him he had no choice. It was now or never. Gem would be returning any time.
The corridor was deserted, and Starbuck moved cautiously down it toward the lift, without encountering any curious strangers. He knew how the lifts functioned; Gem had showed him. One arrived quickly, and he stepped inside.
The large panel was completely full of buttons, and he had no way of limiting his search, so he pushed every one of them. The trip was slow, and occasional groups of people got on and off the lift, but Starbuck just stayed well back in the corner, trying to look inconspicuous. At each level, he peered out, hoping for the emptiness and silence he craved, but finding only more hurrying figures and more noise. So, he kept going down.
In the lower levels, fewer and fewer other people used the lift, and the noises got stranger all the time. The sounds of humanity were largely replaced by the sounds of machinery, even more threatening to his unaccustomed ears. Then the lift sighed to a stop for the last time, and the doors opened.
Starbuck listened carefully. He could hear nothing - not voices or machines or the sigh of ventilators. The air wafting in the opening was cold and smelled strange, rather stale, but the absolute quiet beckoned to him. Starbuck eased cautiously through the doors and heard his boots clang on hollow metal. The floor vibrated gently underneath him, then complete silence reigned again.
He looked around at the small square of space visible in the light from the open lift. All he could see was a platform, enclosed with a railing of metal tubing, and a catwalk extending off into the darkness. No walls, no ceiling, no floor. Only that platform suspended on the edge of nothing.
The lift doors slid shut, cutting off the minimal light, and Starbuck was alone in the devil's pit. He just stood, listening and breathing, for what felt like centars, then he began to walk slowly forward.
The odd vibration of the floor unnerved him. His eyes had told him that he was on a catwalk, high above the deck, but in his limited experience, he had no understanding of what that meant. As he moved, the metal clanged under his feet, warning any hidden inhabitants of his approach. He found the railing on the left side of the platform and began to follow it, grateful for its solidity in the perpetual, trackless night.
As his ears adjusted to the new environment, he found that the pit was not as silent as he had imagined. First, he began to tune in the distant hum of engines, somewhere above him, through several layers of metal. Then he picked out stealthy rustlings and scrabblings, like rodents in the rocks of the escarpment back home. Occasionally, he heard the slap of bare feet on metal. He was definitely not alone.
The realization disappointed him slightly - he had devoutly hoped that he'd found his haven - but it didn't frighten him. Whatever was creeping through the emptiness out there obviously did not want to be found. As long as it left him alone, he wouldn't bother it.
Feeling fairly confident and rather pleased with himself, he picked up his pace and strode down the catwalk. He didn't care where the railing took him, at this point. He was simply enjoying the sensation of exploring on his own.
The noise above took him completely by surprise and stopped the breath in his throat. The raucous, inhuman croak came from immediately above his head and sent him reeling away in total panic. His hip struck the railing, he twisted sharply to his left, and then the thing hit him across the side of the head. The blow knocked him half over the railing, but he managed to hang on to the slick metal. The next instant, a pair of very human, very strong arms caught his legs and pitched him off the catwalk.
Starbuck didn't scream as he fell. All he managed was a sharp gasp of surprise as his grip on the railing faltered and he dropped into the empty blackness. He had time to wonder how much it would hurt to die this way, then his feet hit the deck. He heard a distinct snap, pain sliced viciously through his body, and he collapsed in a dead faint.
*** *** ***
Gem shot a grim look around the Life Center and nodded shortly to Cassiopeia. "You were right. I hoped he'd come here, since it's familiar. Any other ideas?"
"Have you checked with Lumina?"
"He hasn't been to see the girls. Nor has he been to Blue Squadron billets, the flight deck, Apollo's quarters, Boomer's quarters, the Bridge, Rejuv...did I leave anything out?"
Cass now looked as worried and frustrated as Gem. "No, not that I can think of. Any chance he got on a shuttle and left the ship?"
"I'll check. Cass, am I being over protective? Should I let this slide and give the man some space?"
"Find him first, then make that call. I sure wouldn't want him wandering around the battlestar, with no one to navigate for him and no memory of where he is. Hey! Do you think he had a memory flash and went to find something familiar?"
"That's why I tried the flight deck. He hasn't remembered anything yet, but he's been having dreams, every night, that I think are connected to his memory."
"What kind of dreams?"
"Nightmares. My guess is, he's dreaming about the base star and being tortured by the cylons. The strongest images are usually the first to return, when your mind is trying to break through a block. It would make sense that he'd remember that first."
"You're sure he's remembering in his dreams?"
"It sure sounds like it to me. And he talks - or tries to. I can't understand what he says, but he's definitely talking to someone. The only thing I can make out is my own name."
"He talks to you when he's dreaming?"
Gem's eyes darkened with pain, and her voice took on a rough edge. "Calls me, really, as if he's frightened or in pain and needs my help. It's dreadful, Cass. I can't reach him while he's sleeping, and the moment he wakes up he forgets. I spend all night listening to him in agony, begging me to help, and I can't do a damned thing!"
Cassiopeia put a gentle hand on her shoulder and murmured, "I know, it must hurt. But think of what his dreams mean! He's trying to remember, his mind is trying to come back, and as horrible as the dreams are, they're helping to bring him back to you. One night he'll wake up and he will remember!"
"God, I hope so! Will you help me find him, Cass?"
"Of course. Where shall we start?"
*** *** ***
Starbuck awoke to the insistent grinding of pain in his body, washing up from his legs to torment his fogged brain. He groaned softly and attempted to push himself up, away from the floor. That's when he felt the hands.
Out of the darkness, a pair of alien, clawlike hands reached to clutch at him. They grabbed his shoulders and shoved him roughly back against the deck. Then, they began to grope horribly at him, and the voice began whispering.
It was as hideous as the hands, brittle and dry, a kind of guttural hissing in his ears. As the hands pawed at his shoulders and throat and slid through his hair, the voice cackled at him.
"Very pretty...very pretty...all mine now. Don't many come...no, not many...none so pretty... I found it...it's mine...have fun with it...yes, yes, lots of fun."
The hands moved inside his shirt, tearing the fabric with talon-sharp nails. Starbuck lifted his arms to push the thing away, but a heavy blow struck him across the side of the head, setting off new fireworks in his skull. While he was still trying to shake off the dizziness from the blow, the creature bent over him and brushed its hideous mouth against his face.
With a cry of disgust, he twisted away from it and sat up. The next micron, the thing pounced on him, its talons sinking into his throat and its knees digging into his shoulders. It knelt on his chest and clutched at his throat, throttling him with amazingly powerful fingers. A micron before he lost consciousness, the creature seemed to remember its original intentions, and it let go of him. Starbuck gasped for air, grateful to be breathing, even if the foul creature hadn't finished with him.
The thing began touching him again, muttering to itself all the while. Starbuck flinched every time he felt its claws against his skin, utterly repulsed by its presence but too battered and exhausted to fight for the moment. He presumed the thing was female, though he had no proof of this and didn't intend to investigate, but he couldn't think of it as `her'. Gem was `her' or Star or Chryse. Athena with the laughing voice and midnight hair, Cass with the pretty smile, they were women as he understood the word. This thing was a harsh voice and leathery hands, a bundle of iron strength and stale odors. It had no place in his limited frame of reference.
Starbuck didn't understand what the creature was up to; he only knew he wanted it to stop. His unnerving habit of feeling things without understanding them had kicked in again, and though he had no idea what the thing wanted, he knew instinctively that the unfamiliar activity should be associated with pleasant feelings, with anticipation and affection and...Gem!
The name flashed like a beacon in his head, and he suddenly knew exactly what he needed. He needed Gem, right here, right now, to get this disgusting creature away from him and make the pain stop and take him back to his home! The universe seemed to solidify around him as he voiced his need in his head. No more abstract fears or desires - Gem was the key. Security, warmth, pleasure, understanding, they all had a name. Gem. She would help him, as she always did. She would get him out of this and make everything right.
Taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth and shouted her name at the top of his lungs.
Gem and Cassiopeia stood in the lift, watching the numbers of the decks flick by. Cass felt her heart get heavier and heavier as they slid deeper and deeper into the bowels of the ship.
"Why are we going down here, Gem? I don't see any reason for Starbuck to go into the devil's pit."
"He wouldn't have a reason, as we think of it. I'm guessing that he got in and started pushing buttons. For a man who lived the last several yarons in complete isolation, where do you think he'd most likely get out? Someplace busy and noisy, or someplace deserted?"
"But the pit?" Cass shivered. "It's horrid down there!"
"I agree, but I have a hunch we should look there. We've already tried all the reasonable places, and he never came near them. Maybe it's time to stop being reasonable."
"Okay."
The lift stopped, the doors opened, and the two women peered out.
Cass shuddered again. "It's worse than I thought."
Gem only nodded agreement and stepped out of the lift. She concentrated hard, trying to experience this place from a Starbuck's point of view, a confused and ignorant Starbuck, who only wanted a place to be alone. Clicking off her hand lamp, she let the darkness thicken around her for a moment and tried to put herself in Starbuck's skin. He wouldn't have a light – he didn't know what they were – so he'd be moving blind. Follow the rail. She waved Cass forward and pointed to the rail on the right.
"You follow that side, I'll follow this. He kept close to one of them. Shine your light around as you go and see if he left any traces."
"This is crazy, Gem!"
"So I'm crazy. Bear with me." They started off down the catwalk, playing their lights over the mesh under their feet, the cables over their heads, and the deck so far below. After a few centons, they reached a branch in the catwalk.
"Which way?" Cass asked.
"Stick with your railing. I'll go..."
An eerie, terrifying sound suddenly cut her off, echoing through the vast, metallic space. Gem gasped and turned appalled eyes on Cass.
"That's Starbuck!"
"What?!!"
"It's him, I tell you!" A wild glint lit her eyes, and she spun around, searching the darkness with her light. "He's calling me!"
"But..."
They heard it again, this time catching the panic in its tone. It was a formless, wordless cry, but identifiably human and full of fear.
"Which way?! Where did it come from?!"
"I can't tell...the echoes! The left, I think."
"Let's go!"
At Starbuck's cry, the thing cuffed him sharply and hissed a reprimand. It stuffed a grimy piece of fabric in his mouth and told him to keep quiet, but he spat out the rag and called again. Gem had to hear him! She had to!
This time, the creature jammed the rag half down his throat, making him choke and gag. He couldn't spit it out, could barely breathe around it, and the creature had moved its knees to rest on his arms, so he couldn't lift his hand to his mouth. He fought the thing mindlessly, ignoring the crashing pain in his legs, his mind crying Gem's name over and over again.
Booted feet clanged loudly on the catwalk overhead and a light stabbed blindingly down at them, bringing a curse from the creature. It twisted around to stare up at the intruders, then snarled and leapt away from Starbuck. As it disappeared into the emptiness, it reached out one hand and raked its talons across Starbuck's shoulder, digging viciously into the muscle and leaving bloody tracks on his skin. Its departing footsteps were drowned out by the most welcome sound Starbuck had ever heard.
"Starbuck! It's Gem!"
He gave a sob of relief and fell limply back against the deck. Pulling the rag out of his mouth, he spat out a few stray fibers and called to her. The name didn't come out right, but he didn't care. All that mattered was that Gem was here.
"I'll be down as fast as I can, angel! Hold on!" Turning to Cass, she ordered, "Stay here and keep your light on him. We don't want any more visitors."
"Where are you going?"
"To find a way down. As soon as I'm down, you can follow, but don't leave him alone!"
"Hurry, Gem! I don't like being alone here any more than Starbuck does!"
Gem nodded and sprinted down the catwalk. She found an access ladder only fifty paces further along, and she scrambled down as fast as her legs could move. Once on the deck, she trained her light on the catwalk overhead and followed it till she saw the puddle of light cast by Cassiopeia. Abandoning all caution, she ran towards the figure lying in the circle of light.
"Starbuck! It's me!" Sliding to a halt, she fell to her knees beside him. "Are you all right?"
At the sound of her feet on the deck, Starbuck pushed himself up on one elbow and turned to meet her as she came. As she knelt beside him, he reached out a hand in her direction and spoke her name again. The next instant, her arms were around him, pulling him close, and his fastened around her with equal fierceness. He held her with all his strength and felt the fear drain out of him. He knew she'd come.
Cass sprinted over to them and crouched near Starbuck's feet. She cast one glance at them, then focused her attention on a medical scan, not ready to disturb them. They simply held each other, neither one speaking, as if the world would end if they let go. Starbuck's eyes were closed and his face lined with pain, but there was none of the recent childishness in his manner. Something had changed.
A quick scan proved that Starbuck had broken both his legs in the fall from the catwalk, but he was otherwise unhurt. A few odd abrasions marked his shoulders and throat that Cass could only wonder about. She called for a medevac team, then began preparing a painkiller.
Gem saw what she was doing and asked, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing serious. He must have fallen from up there. Both his legs are snapped clean through, and I'm sure they hurt like the devil, but once we get him out of here, Dr. Salik will have him up and around in no time."
Gem breathed a sigh of relief and spoke quietly to Starbuck. "Cass will give you something to cut the pain, love. Then we'll get you out of here. Don't worry; it's nothing we can't fix."
Starbuck nodded tiredly, then let his head drop back to Gem's shoulder.
She stroked his hair comfortingly and murmured, "Will you do me a favor? Next time you go adventuring, tell someone where to find you." Starbuck didn't respond to that, so she continued, "I've been thinking about why you did this. You needed to get away, didn't you?" He nodded slightly. "I've been smothering you. I'm sorry. Sometimes, it's hard for me to remember that I'm a stranger to you. I'm so happy to have you back, that I forget that you don't share my enthusiasm. You came down here for peace and quiet...to escape from me."
Starbuck lifted his head and gazed up at her. She could read conflicting emotions in his face but couldn't sort them out. His one word vocabulary didn't allow him to explain, so he could only shake his head.
"I'll try to remember that you need time. I won't crowd you anymore, I promise."
At that, Starbuck frowned and shook his head. Tightening his arms around her, he gave her a quick hug, mumbled her name again and settled against her shoulder with a grateful sigh.
Gem smiled and blinked back the tears that stung her eyes. "I love you, Starbuck. I hope some day you can love me back."