Starbuck found himself walking back to his quarters, a bit unsteady on his feet but perfectly healthy, less than a centar after Gem had first found him. He didn't know what Salik had done to him, but it had made his legs good as new. Gem walked beside him, her arm loosely circling his waist, without speaking. He could sense that she had something on her mind, but he couldn't frame the words to ask her what it was, so he let her think in peace.
He had some things to chew over himself, after the day's events. While certain things had become brilliantly clear, others were even murkier than before. His encounter with the creature had called up conflicting, troubling emotions in him and left him tormented by questions he couldn't ask. The only thing he knew for sure was that Gem had the answers - to everything.
Once the door to their suite closed behind them, Gem shook off her pensive mood and turned to smile at Starbuck. Her gaze raked his torn, blood-spattered shirt, and she grimaced.
"That thing is going in the trash, my dear. It is beyond repair." She shoved him toward the bedroom, then trailed more slowly after him. The state of his clothing bothered her. She wished she could ask him what had happened down there in the devil's pit. "You don't look too great. Could you use some sleep?"
Starbuck sank down on the edge of the mattress and nodded tiredly. The traces of painkillers in his system made him lightheaded. He stripped off his shirt and bent to pull off his boots, but had to sit up abruptly when the room began to spin around him. Gem hurried over in alarm, but one glance told her what was wrong.
"Let me do that, love." She crouched on the floor and tugged his boots off, then collected the mangled shirt and headed for the locker. "Pile into bed and sleep off that drug." When she turned back around, Starbuck was still sitting up, gazing at the deck with a worried frown on his face. "Starbuck? Is something wrong?"
He looked up as she approached and held out his hand to her. When she took it, he clasped her hand in both of his, turned it over, studied it, traced the contours of it with light fingers. Very slowly, he lifted her hand and rested it against his face, then he turned to press his lips to her palm, and his eyes closed.
Gem could only stand there and hold her breath, too stunned to move. She was frantically trying to decide how to react when Starbuck suddenly stood up. He planted himself facing her, less than an arm's length away, and gazed steadily at her, his eyes unreadable. She met his shadowed gaze and waited.
For several slow microns he did not move. Then he lifted her hand again, but this time, he brushed her fingertips over the livid bruise at the base of his throat. She had not noticed before, in the confusion, that his neck was decorated with bruises and nail marks. Someone had tried to strangle him.
She looked up at him, a word of comfort and reassurance on her lips, but the expression on his face stopped her. He looked strange, intent and very serious, but with no trace of fear or pain. Gem looked back down at her own hand, his fingers clasping it very gently, and felt a prickle of electricity run up her arm.
In the madness since his return, Starbuck had been continually in her company, but never really with her. Now, for a precious, delicate moment, they were truly and completely together. He was standing there, so still, so close. His bare chest rose and fell slightly with his breathing, and her fingers could feel the pulse in his throat. If she simply leaned forward, just a bit...
Her lips touched the bruise in a feather-light caress, and her fingers slid along his collarbone till they found the set of bloody scratches on his shoulder. His breathing quickened, but he made no move or sound. Taking his silence as acceptance, Gem closed her eyes and abandoned herself to the sheer, ecstatic pleasure of touching him.
Her lips found each bruise and cut, while her hands slid luxuriously over his chest and shoulders. She caressed his ribcage, her fingers tracing the whip scars on his back, and turned her head to bury her face in his loose hair. Tears trickled slowly from her eyes to dampen the gold strands. With a tremulous sigh, she mustered the courage to speak to him and break the spell.
"Starbuck...Starbuck, do you remember me?"
He shook his head reluctantly, and Gem stepped back to stare up at him in confusion.
"Then what...I don't understand."
Starbuck pinned her with his deep blue eyes, willing her to understand him. Tapping his right temple, he shook his head. Then he caught her by the arms, his fingers firm but gentle, and nodded.
"What are you trying to tell me?"
He shrugged and clenched his fists in frustration, then tried again. First he pointed at her, then he pointed to himself, tapping his head and his chest.
Gem just stared at him, baffled, then a thought occurred to her. "You don't remember me, but you remember something..." He shook his head. "You don't remember. You...know? Feel?" Starbuck nodded emphatically and rested his fingertip against her breastbone. "You don't remember me, but you still feel things for me. They couldn't erase your emotions."
She reached up to touch his face, tears streaming steadily down her cheeks, and asked, "Do you know what I mean when I say I love you?"
He nodded, his hands moving to clasp her throat and his thumbs lifting her chin. Gem brought her lips to his in a soft, undemanding kiss, waiting to see how he would react. Starbuck did not remember specifically what to do, but the intense emotions boiling in him did not need conscious instructions. His answering kiss may have lacked finesse, but the passion in his touch was unmistakable.
"Starbuck," she gasped, her lips still touching his, "do you love me?"
He didn't bother to answer, just deepened the kiss, taking her breath away with the raw sensuality of his touch. He deftly opened the fastenings of her coveralls, and Gem shrugged her arms free of the sleeves. Locking her arms around his neck, she leaned her bare torso against his and kissed him with single-minded ferocity. Starbuck followed her lead, responding with innate skill, losing himself in the forgotten, yet familiar, feel of her.
A gentle push from Gem tipped him over onto the bed, where he lay waiting for some sign from her. Gem paused to kick off her boots and step out of her coveralls, then crawled onto the mattress beside him. With a throaty purr of delight, she dropped her head to rest on his gently rising and falling midriff. Her hair spilled in a velvet mass across his chest while her hands and lips strayed over his stomach and ribs.
The sudden weight of his hand on her head startled her, and she glanced up at him. His fingers slid around behind her skull, buried deep in her thick hair, and his thumb stroked her cheek lightly. She heard him whisper her name in his odd, formless way, and she straightened up so that her head was level with his.
"This game has no rules and no instructions, Starbuck. Do what you feel, and everything will come out right."
He nodded and tightened his hold on her, forcing her to bend down where he could kiss her. As she sank willingly into his embrace, he shifted his weight onto one hip and rolled her effortlessly onto her back. Now it was his turn to experiment and explore.
Some distant corner of Starbuck's brain recognized the caresses they exchanged as akin to the vile gropings of the creature in the devil's pit, and he began to understand the creature's behavior. But as he had expected, Gem was the true source of such impulses, the only one whose hands had a right to touch him, whose body belonged close to his. She was quickly driving away all memory of the thing in the pit, just as she was explaining what had happened.
This warm, exciting, entrancing body was strangely familiar to him. He had a vague sense that it somehow belonged to him, that Gem herself somehow belonged to him, and the nameless power it had over him was right, just as the brutal advances of the creature were wrong. He desperately wanted to remember Gem, to really remember her not merely feel her hold over him. He needed to know where she fit in his life and he in hers. He needed to understand what was happening to him here, in her arms.
While these thoughts bubbled quietly in the back of his mind, the rest of him was happily burning in the fire he knew as Gem. She seared his skin with her touch, her naked body clung to his tormentingly, and she seemed to be creating the unbearable, irresistible pressure in him that was driving him mad with frustration.
She kissed him again, her mouth fierce and demanding on his, then broke away and gasped, "Make love to me, Starbuck."
He lifted his head, taken aback and briefly panicked at his lack of understanding. What did she want from him?
"Don't think about it, just do it. Let your body remember." Lifting her mouth to his, she kissed him savagely and whispered in her odd, husky voice, "I need you. Now!"
Starbuck gave a sob of frustration and dropped his head to bury his face in the tumbled mass of her hair. He couldn't disappoint her! Not Gem, of all people! Fear clutched ruthlessly at him.
Then he felt it; Gem's body was moving against his in a strangely familiar rhythm. The rhythm filled his head and his muscles, driving out all rational thought. Starbuck let it pulse through him for a moment, then he let go of the fear, let go of his mind altogether, and let his body remember.
As the passion burned hotter around and through him, and as they moved together toward the goal he could not yet identify, he finally understood one vital thing. He did not need to remember Gem; he was Gem. For these few, precious, ecstatic microns, they fused into a single entity with a single overwhelming purpose. When the storm broke, he could only hold her with all his strength and pray that their single heart could stand the strain.
Then, suddenly, it was over and the crashing waves were quiet. Starbuck became slowly aware that he was breathing with his own lungs again, his mind back in his own skull. They were separate people again, and the pain of that separation cut to his heart. He gave a small sob and buried his face in Gem's damp hair.
She lay beneath him, still breathing in deep, shuddering gasps, her face slick with tears. His strange mood took a moment to penetrate the smoldering haze that filled her brain, but when she heard his little sob of pain, she snapped suddenly alert.
Lifting her hands to cradle his head, she whispered, "What's wrong, angel?"
His only answer was to tighten his arms around her till she could hardly breathe. Gem managed to twist onto her side without breaking his grip on her, then she took a good look at him. For a moment, she couldn't remember when she had seen that expression on his face before, then it came to her. He'd looked just like that after the very first time they made love.
"Starbuck, if you squeeze me this hard, I'll suffocate. It's all right, angel, I'm not going anywhere." He reluctantly loosened his hold a bit, and she reached behind him to pull the bedcover free. When they were wrapped in a quilted cocoon, she settled his head on her shoulder, put her arms around him, and began talking in her lowest, most soothing voice.
"I understand how you feel; I feel it, too. It's incredible, isn't it? When we melt right into each other and become one person for a moment? You're the only man who's ever done that to me, and with you, it happens every time." He looked a question at her and she chuckled. "Oh, yes! It will happen again! You see, you don't have to be sad. I know it's painful to break apart again, but we can have a repeat performance whenever the urge takes you. I never could say 'no' to you."
She got a distant, rather serious look on her face and added, "I never told you this before, but I believe that we never really do go completely separate again, once we touch that deeply." Starbuck lifted his head and frowned questioningly at her. "I believe our souls touch, and they stay together, in both of us at once. Do you think I'm crazy?" He shook his head. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" He shook it again, and she smiled wryly at him.
"Maybe I am crazy, but I can't help believing that some part of you stays forever in me, even though we can't stay together as one soul forever. Of course," she added dryly, "sometimes I have tangible proof that part of you sticks around."
Starbuck gave her that confused look again, and she explained, "This is how we make children. Star and Chryse were both conceived when we made love, just like we did today."
Gem was getting fairly adept at translating his expressions, so when he looked quizzically at her, she knew what he was asking.
"You want to know if we made another baby just now, right?" He nodded. "I don't know, angel. We'll have to wait and see. If we did, my body will eventually tell me. Does that worry you?"
He thought about that one for a micron, obviously not sure how to answer. Finally, he shook his head.
"Would you like another child?"
That one he had no trouble with. He nodded emphatically, a hopeful light in his eyes. Gem laughed and kissed him.
"I'm glad, because I'm prone to having babies, and I'd hate to cut back on our fun, for fear of making more of them! You're such a temptation, such a delicious, beautiful, irresistible..." She broke off to concentrate on kissing him and felt him respond with instant heat.
His one lesson had served him well, and there was no hesitation in his advances. He knew exactly what he was doing, knew precisely where and how to touch her. With his hands and lips moving maddeningly over her body, Gem could close her eyes and forget that the last three yarons had ever happened. This was the Starbuck she remembered – the man who seduced her and satisfied her with consummate skill and artistry. He knew her body better than she did herself and demanded responses from it that she had never imagined till he touched her. And he was back from the dead for her. Her own, private miracle.
He took her quickly and fiercely, this time completely in control. Their souls touched again, then reluctantly parted, and they collapsed in each other's arms.
Between gasping breaths, Gem purred, "I love you, Starbuck, even when you grab me and empty me like a bottle of ambrosia. My beautiful barbarian."
Starbuck looked down at her with a possessive, smug glint in his eye, then he suddenly flashed his boyish grin at her and the image vanished. The rapacious barbarian was once again her sweet, somewhat befuddled angel, gazing innocently at her through a rumpled curtain of honey-gold hair.
Gem growled at him in mock anger, then reached up to brush the hair from his eyes. "You can go all savage and overbearingly male on me any time you want, just don't start dragging me around by the hair. I do have my limits."
Surprise and doubt clouded his gaze, and he fingered a lock of her auburn hair uncertainly.
"Forget it. That one will have to wait till you get your memory back. Speaking of which!" Gem bolted upright in bed, tumbling Starbuck backward onto the mattress. He blinked at her in surprise, more interested in her naked torso than in the words that tumbled excitedly from her lips. "I was talking to Salik in the lab, and he thinks he's found a way to remove your memory block! I told him about your dreams, and he thinks... Starbuck?"
Her husband glanced up questioningly at the sound of his name, but the innocent, distracted look in his eyes told her that he had understood little or none of what she said.
She grinned lopsidedly. "Forget it. I'll just make the arrangements and let Salik explain it to you." She squirmed as Starbuck's finger traced a ticklish path down from her shoulder to her breast, and he leaned close to plant a kiss on the inward curve of her waist. "You always did have a one-track mind," she chuckled. "Even the cylons couldn't change that."
Starbuck just gave her that smug smile again and went back to dropping kisses anywhere the urge took him.
*** *** ***
Salik buzzed open the door and ushered Starbuck out of the cubicle into a crowd of anxious friends. The lieutenant scanned their worried faces, and a flood of relief and excitement washed over him. He recognized them! All of them! And he could put a name to every face.
Each of them wanted to talk to him, to ask a thousand questions he couldn't answer, but he only wanted to find one familiar figure in the mob. Gem felt a brief moment of panic, as he hunted through the gathered faces for a glimpse of her, and she tried to hide behind Apollo. What if it hadn't worked? What if his memory of her was gone forever, taken by the cylons and destroyed for their amusement? Then he found her. His eyes locked on hers, and a smile of pure joy lit his face.
Summoning all her courage, she stepped to the front of the group. "Did it work? Do you remember?" she asked, in a breathless whisper.
He didn't bother to answer her, just swept her up in his arms and held her so tightly she felt her ribs creak. She pushed slightly away, so she could see his face, and gasped,
"Oh please, Starbuck, please! Tell me you remember!"
He nodded emphatically, then pulled her close again and kissed her. When he had finished, he tossed her up in the air, caught her, and set her laughing on her feet. Gem clung to him with all her strength, still laughing and weeping with relief.
"Thank God! Thank God!"
Salik smiled with fatherly indulgence at the two of them and remarked, "Starbuck and I did have a little to do with it."
"Of course you did." She collected herself enough to wipe the tears from her cheeks and hold out her hand to the grinning doctor. "Thank you."
"My pleasure. The session went very smoothly. Starbuck was on the verge of breaking the memory block himself; we just gave it an extra push."
"And you got it all back?"
"Ask Starbuck."
Apollo turned hopeful, worried eyes on his old friend and demanded, "What do you remember, Starbuck?"
Starbuck opened his mouth to speak, realized that he had no way to communicate his answer, and shut his mouth again with a snap. He shrugged helplessly at Apollo. The commander tried another approach.
"You remember Gem, but do you remember anything else? The kids?" That earned a definite nod. "What about earlier - the Academy, the Colonies, your life before the cylons destroyed our home?"
Starbuck nodded again, but Salik stepped in to forestall any more questions. "You can't effectively test his memory with endless yes or no questions, and I know you all want to talk to him. There must be a better way to do this."
It was Cassiopeia who offered a solution. She moved over to the nearest computer terminal and logged it on. "Starbuck, how are your typing skills?"
Gem followed him over to the terminal and pulled up a chair for him. "Better get ready for a marathon session. I can see questions just bursting out of them."
"I'll start with some basic memory checks," Salik insisted. "The rest of you, keep quiet and give Starbuck a chance to sort things out. Ready, Lieutenant?"
YES!
Everyone laughed, and Salik slapped him companionably on the shoulder. "It's been a while since you had a real conversation with anyone, hasn't it?"
A lifetime.
"Do you know how long you've been gone?"
No. No chrons on the prison planet.
"It's been three yarons."
Starbuck just stared blankly at the terminal, his face gone tired and sad. After a long, silent moment, he typed out, So long. I had no idea. Chryse was only a few sectons old.
"She's over three, now. And Star is four."
All grown up. I missed so much of their lives.
"But you have much more still to look forward to. Be grateful they got you back at all."
"And that you can remember them," Gem added softly.
Yes. Let's go see them.
"Soon. We need to know more about your memory block, and the cylons and..."
"Slow down, Gem. One question at a time. Starbuck, do you remember where you were born?"
He smiled and started to type quickly, his gloom evaporating as he sorted through the welcome memories he had so recently rediscovered. Caprica, on the outskirts of the Black forest. Parents killed by cylons when I was too young to really remember. Found a new family in the Academy...Apollo, Boomer, Jolly, Greenbean, all the pilots I trained with. Then the Galactica and Blue Squadron. This was home even before the Colonies were destroyed.
"You remember all about the Peace talks and the betrayal?"
Baltar. I should have killed him when I had the chance.
"And since then?"
The search for Earth...Commander Cain and Sheba...Iblis...what do you want to know?
"Are there any blank spots or any memories that feel incomplete?"
Nothing. It's all right back up here, where it belongs.
Apollo moved up beside Salik and cleared his throat nervously. "I need to know what happened with the cylons, Starbuck. What do you remember about your capture?"
Complete report?
"No, just tell us. I'll get an official report from you later."
Phalanx of raiders came out of the atmosphere of the planet and surrounded me. Jammed all transmissions, forced me to follow them to base star. They put me in the brig...sectons, don't know exactly how long. A very long time. Then the mining camp.
"What happened on the Base Star."
The usual.
"Tell us about it."
Rather not.
"Was it on the Base Star or the mining planet that they tortured you?"
Base Star.
"Do you remember?"
Yes.
"Do you remember how you got from the Base Star to the planet?"
No. Things get fuzzy after the injections...I lost it for awhile.
"What injections?"
Salik asked, "Starbuck, do you mean the corrosive they injected into your brain?"
Is that what it was?
"It ate away the coating on your nerve endings and damaged the speech center of your brain. From what I can tell, it was injected through your temple into the brain tissue."
Yes, I remember that part. After that, I start forgetting.
"Did they drug you?" Apollo continued.
I don't think so.
"Then what happened?"
Starbuck paused for a moment, trying to formulate an answer that would mean anything to his friend. It's hard to think when something's eating at your brain. It took a long, long time and hurt for a long time afterward. I think maybe I went crazy for awhile. Then I woke up on the prison planet, and my head was empty.
Apollo took a deep breath to calm his racing pulse and heaving stomach, then asked in as normal a tone as he could muster, "So they did the memory block right before they dumped you in the mining camp?"
I guess so. Just one day I was there, and I'd never been anywhere else. I didn't know anything, understand anything they said, remember who I was supposed to be. It's a very weird feeling.
Starbuck looked up at the group of suddenly sad and silent friends and smiled a bit wistfully at them. Thousands of things needed saying, but he couldn't type fast enough to say them all. The words just started tumbling out of his fingers, and he let them come, hoping they would make sense.
I can't tell you how good it feels to be talking to you again...I wish I really could talk to you...my head is crammed with things I want to say, but they don't sound right when I can't really say them...you look the same but not the same...You all must have changed so much! I must have changed.
The planet was lonely. Nothing's quite as lonely as having nothing in your head to keep you company. Part of me knew something was missing but didn't know what...just felt empty and sad all the time. My head isn't empty anymore. It's full of everything I was missing before, and it feels wonderful! I never want to forget another thing as long as I live! Your voices are the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.
As he stalled out and sat staring numbly at the keyboard, Athena stepped forward and spoke to him in a timid, subdued tone. "Starbuck, do you remember me, too?"
He looked up at her, startled, and promptly stood up to pull her close in a warm hug. Giving her a friendly kiss on the cheek, he sat down again and wrote,
Lovely Athena...always so patient and forgiving.
She laughed and remarked, "Maybe you don't remember me!"
More patient and forgiving than I ever deserved, anyway.
Cassiopeia spoke up from her post beside the terminal, "What about me?"
Cassiopeia... He just gazed at her for a silent centon, then added, I'm sorry.
That brought a misty smile to her face, and she shook her head. "No, don't ever apologize to me. I'm just glad you're back, Starbuck. Welcome home."
Starbuck went quickly around the group, identifying and acknowledging his old friends with a smile and a word or two.
Boomer...best wingman in the fleet. Sheba...Commander Cain with a pretty face. Tigh...the perfect officer. Apollo...is just Apollo.
"Not anymore," Athena murmured.
Starbuck looked questioningly at her, wearing a confused frown. She sat down on the edge of the computer console and said, "You were right that we've changed. Many things have changed."
Apollo? What's wrong?
"You, uh, you weren't the only person we lost over the last three yarons, Bucko." Apollo stared morosely at the toes of his highly polished boots, consumed by the helpless anger that always took him at the thought of his father. "Commander Adama died more than a yaron ago. I command the Galactica now."
Starbuck looked stunned, more shaken by the news of Adama's death than at the realization of how long he had been missing himself. He automatically reached for Gem's hand and held it tightly for reassurance.
Apollo made a concerted effort to shake off his own melancholy. "I sure did need you this last yaron, trying to fill my father's shoes. I missed hearing your skewed perspective on reality. But now you're back, and you can help me keep this wreck of a fleet flying in a straight line."
I'm sorry, Apollo. It never occurred to me...I thought he'd live forever.
"That's what we all thought. Some others have gone, too."
Who?
"Dietra. Bojay. Jolly was hurt and has been put on the inactive list." At Starbuck's stricken look, he punched him on the shoulder and said, "Cheer up, the news isn't all bad! Boomer and Sheba are married."
Starbuck brightened immediately. Congrats! About time, you two.
"You'll meet the newest member of our family," Boomer assured him. "He's Star's best friend, so he spends a lot of time in your quarters."
A son? Keep that kid away from my daughter!
"Relax," Gem laughed. "Static is a very sweet, very young boy. Star thinks he's a toy."
Any child of Boomer's is dangerous. Gem, can we go home and see the girls now?
Gem looked questioningly at Salik and Apollo. "Any more official business to take care of, gentlemen?"
"I don't think so." Salik took Starbuck's hand as he stood up and shook it warmly. "Welcome back, Lieutenant! I couldn't be more pleased with the way things worked out."
Starbuck shook his hand, then waved a farewell to the group in general. Slipping his hand into Gem's, he urged her toward the door. Gem obligingly walked with him to the lift and punched in the correct level, then turned and put her hands on his shoulders.
"I didn't get to say it back there, with all those people around, so I will now. Welcome home, my love!" Her lips touched his in a gentle kiss, but Starbuck pulled her quickly into his arms and heated it up. They were still locked together, completely absorbed in each other, when the lift eased to a halt.
Starbuck reluctantly broke the embrace and stepped back. Gem sighed in frustration and disappointment, but she understood how anxious he was to see the children again, now that he really remembered them. His eyes were gleaming with excitement as he nearly dragged her down the corridor to their now-familiar quarters.
Inside, the main room was empty, and the sound of childish laughter carried from the bedroom. Gem keyed the door shut and called,
"Star! Chryse! Come in here!"
The two girls scampered into the room, calling, "Mama! Mama's home!" They both hesitated in the doorway when they realized Starbuck was with her, not sure how to approach him. His moods were unpredictable, and they rarely spoke to him unless they had to.
At the arrival of the two children, Starbuck turned anxious eyes on them and smiled tentatively. He knew that he had frightened and confused them since his return, and he had no way to explain why, but he desperately wanted his daughters back and would find a way to heal the breach. His sanity depended on it.
His smile reassured Star, and she murmured self-consciously, "Hello, Daddy."
Starbuck knelt swiftly and held out his hand to her. She sidled cautiously across the room, one eye on her mother for support and the other on the man waiting for her. She stopped in front of him, paused to take stock of the situation, then laid her hand in his. Starbuck drew her a few steps closer and rested his hands lightly on her shoulders.
Gem had forgotten how much alike they were till she saw them facing each other, both still and reserved, waiting for some sign from the other. Star had her father's eyes, his high forehead, strong cheekbones, firm chin and beautiful mouth. When she smiled, she revealed matching dimples, and when she frowned, she got the same crease between her eyebrows. Her long hair was soft, pale yellow, but would inevitably darken to his warm, gold-streaked shade. She truly was his little clone.
The standoff lasted for nearly a centon, till Star suddenly twisted around and demanded of her mother, "What happened to Daddy? He's different."
Starbuck forestalled Gem's answer with a raised hand, drawing Star's attention back to him. Moving slowly and concentrating all his energy on willing her to understand, he pointed to her, then tapped his temple with one fingertip.
Star frowned doubtfully at him. "Are you trying to talk to me, Daddy?" He nodded. "But you never did before. How come now?"
She watched him repeat the simple gestures, still frowning, and shook her head. "I wish you could talk to me."
Starbuck shrugged and shook his head.
"Hey!" She turned startled eyes on Gem and announced, "Daddy answered me! He never answers me!" She grinned up at him triumphantly. "You woke up!"
Starbuck thought about that cryptic remark for a moment, then nodded agreement.
"D'you remember me?"
A relieved smile swept over his face, and he nodded emphatically.
"What's my name?"
Starbuck looked around helplessly, then sat down on the floor and patted the smooth surface to attract her attention. He very slowly traced her name on the deck with his fingertip, waiting for her to identify each letter before continuing. Star spelled out the name, then crowed with delight.
"You do remember!" Her gaze sobered almost at once, and she added, "but you still can't talk."
Starbuck shook his head.
"Dr. Salik didn't fix you?"
"There are some things even Dr. Salik can't fix," Gem told her.
Star gazed sadly up at him. "I thought you were gonna be all fixed." Starbuck shrugged helplessly, his eyes pleading with her to understand. She leaned her head on his shoulder and asked, "Will you ever learn to talk again?"
"We'll have to see, honey. And be patient." Gem gave her a firm, quelling look and added, "No nagging!"
Star considered her mother's words, wearing a frown that exactly matched Starbuck's. After a moment's thought, she wrapped both arms around Starbuck's neck and hugged him. "I'm glad you woke up, Daddy."
Chryse watched the big sister she idolized put her arms around the stranger she distrusted, and sidled close to her mother for reassurance. Star seemed delighted that the stranger knew her again, but Chryse wasn't at all sure that this was a good thing. So far, her experiences with this entity called Daddy had not been particularly satisfying, and she didn't like the changes in her family since his arrival.
Serious gray eyes studied them for a silent centon, then she turned to look up at her mother and remarked, "Sad."
"What's sad, honey?"
She pointed at Starbuck and repeated, "Daddy sad."
"No, Daddy's not sad; he's very happy."
"Crying."
"Sometimes, people are so happy it makes them cry."
Chryse gave a dissatisfied grunt and asked, "Mama cry?"
"Sometimes. Will you go say hello to your daddy?"
Starbuck glanced up and smiled wistfully at Chryse. She backed up against her mother's legs and announced,
"No. Not my daddy, Star's daddy."
Gem crouched beside the child and clasped her shoulders with firm hands. "Starbuck is your father, too, Chryse. You don't remember him, because he went away right after you were born, but he is your father."
Chryse's eyes were deeply suspicious, and she shot a darkling look at the unwelcome stranger. His shocked, horrified expression seemed to have no effect on her. Her face was closed and distant.
Starbuck felt helpless and desperate, as if someone had just slid a knife between his ribs and he couldn't reach it to pull it out. His daughter, whom he only remembered as a newborn infant, neither knew him nor trusted him. He had no way to reach her or reassure her. Defeated, he sat down on the floor and covered his face with his hands.
"My daddy?"
Starbuck looked up at the sound of her voice and nodded.
"Come back?"
He nodded again.
"Say something." Starbuck just stared at her helplessly, and her voice took on a panicked edge. "Say something!"
"Stop it, Chryse! Behave yourself," Gem insisted.
"Say something! Not my daddy! You don't 'member me, only Star! Go away! Go away!"
Gem swept Chryse up in her arms and carried her, squirming and howling, into the bedroom. Starbuck just sat, with his elbows propped on his knees and his face buried in his hands, silently weeping. Star watched the room explode around her, her eyes wild with confusion and fear, and stood in the middle of it wringing her hands. As her mother disappeared into the back room with Chryse, she turned to stare disconsolately at her father.
"Daddy?" He didn't answer, so she moved closer and slipped one arm around his neck. "Daddy, please don't listen to Chryse. Please don't!"
Starbuck lifted his head and turned his defeated gaze on her.
"I don't want you to go away!" She sniffled and a fat tear rolled down her cheek. "I love you. I want you to stay."
Starbuck reached out to touch her face, caressing her cheek with gentle fingers. He didn't quite smile, but the pain in his face softened.
"Will you go away again?" He shook his head. "Will you remember me always?" He nodded. "And stay with me always?"
Starbuck gave a little gasp of relief and pulled her close. Holding her fragile little body as tightly as he could helped ease some of the aching in his chest, but then he'd hear Chryse's angry, frightened voice in his ears, and the hurt would redouble. Knowing that his own daughter hated him was more than he could bear.
The chron above the bed had just chimed the sixth centar of the watch, the dead of night, when a sudden cry disturbed the silence. Both Gem and Starbuck were jolted awake, and sat up to stare uncomprehendingly at the darkness. A second cry, followed by a terrified sobbing told them what had awakened them, and Gem shoved back the covers to investigate.
Starbuck's hand on her arm halted her.
"That's Chryse. She must be having a nightmare."
Starbuck nodded and slid his feet to the floor. His gesture told her to wait there, and he shrugged on a wrap as he moved to the door of the girls' bedroom. Gem watched him slip into the room, then lay back down and pulled the quilt up to her chin. By the time he returned, she was fast asleep again.
The next morning, Starbuck sat on the edge of the bed, pulling on his boots, when the soft pad of bare feet on the deck distracted him. He looked up to find Chryse standing in the doorway. Serious blue eyes, set beneath a rumpled mop of copper curls, studied him for a moment, then a timid voice said, "'Morning, Daddy."
He smiled sweetly at her and bent to finish pulling on his boot. She darted across the room and hesitated at the edge of the bed. After a moment of consideration, she risked climbing up on the mattress beside him and sat down with a judicious distance between them.
"Busy today?" He shook his head. "Will you play with me?" He nodded and ruffled her curls with a gentle hand. Chryse gave a muted chuckle and went so far as to lean her head against him, rubbing her face against his linen shirt.
Gem walked in and stopped dead, surprised by the sight of Chryse tucked under Starbuck's arm, her face placid and content. As she watched, the child yawned and let her eyes droop shut, then she reached her arms as far around Starbuck's waist as she could and leaned trustingly against him. Starbuck tightened his hold on Chryse and reached over with his free hand to cradle her head.
"Good morning, you two," Gem said. "It's time to eat." She held out her hand for Chryse, but the child ignored her. As Starbuck rose to his feet, she stood on the mattress and reached up her arms for a ride, clutching at his sleeve. He obligingly scooped her up and headed for the door.
As they disappeared into the other room, and Chryse's chuckle drifted back to her, Gem could only shake her head and think, 'Damned if that man couldn't charm the devil out of Hell.'