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Drowning in Sorrow
Hikari lingered by the doorway awkwardly; what was she meant to do now? She had only seen Dilandau once before and knew nothing of him, only that he was a cold blooded ruthless tyrant.
'Do you want to sit down?' Dilandau motioned to the bed he was currently sitting on. He was wearing a black silk pyjama suit that belonged to Celena but thankfully was not undeniably feminine. Hikari walked silently over to the bed and sat down motionless.
Several minutes passed and Hikari fiddled with her silver locks whilst thinking of something, anything to say. 'Thank you, for saving me.' She said in a quite voice, still unsure of him, but wanting him to know she was grateful.
'How do you talk to you daughter, when you know relatively little about each other and you only have a limited time?' Dilandau mused out loud. Hikari still remained silent, she hadn't been expecting this and she didn't know what to do.
'Is it true? -The rumours about you being a psychotic, evil, villain from hell.' Hikari slapped her mouth suddenly realising the question was offensive.
'Most of it yes, some of it has probably been over exaggerated; but I doubt I'm a villain from hell, in fact that's what they call Van in Zaibach. In a war both sides have reasons to fight and each side shows the other side to be the enemy; they did some pretty horrific things to Zaibach as well, you only have to go there now and see the hatred still there. The people only followed Donkirk as he was the only ruler who presented vague hope at the time of reclaiming the lost desert lands that now belong to Austuria, but used to belong to Fanalia. You only have to walk the streets to see hostile resentment of the people towards the forced monarchy, placed there by King Aston. There are conspiracies everywhere you turn to overthrow them and to bring about war to Gaea once more. This peace is fake; if they continue to ignore the problems they will grow larger and war will breed once more.' Dilandau suddenly came out of his speech and realised that Hikari had nearly no idea what he was talking about. 'I suppose they try and keep you away from these conversations being a lady, right?'
'Yes, but I try to listen in, but I still don't know much about the war.' Hikari said hesitantly.
'It's too much to explain in one night, I'm not too sure of it myself. I just fought to avoid being killed – that, and the thrill of it.' He smiled fondly in remembrance. 'My main reason for being here was to give you something.' He walked over to Celena's dressing table, shadowed by Hikari. After a few minutes of searching through Celena's abnormally large Jewellery bow, he came across what he was looking for; it was wrapped up carefully in blue tissue paper in the bottom left hand corner of the box away from prying eyes. He took it out, shut the box and laid it out, still wrapped up in the dip of his palm. 'Although everyone else may want to forget me, and Celena was traumatised by my experiences…' he flinched slightly 'and tried to behave like they wanted her to; to try and makeup for my sins, even though she was nothing like me and disliked my life, she didn't want to forget me.' He slowly unwrapped the tissue paper, revealing a crumpled silver chain with a tiny rounded, thin metal square on it. 'She hid it; if they found it she would have been in a hell of a lot of trouble.' He smirked mischievously. He held it up and let it dangle by the chain, so Hikari could see it.
Hikari gently held still the swirling metal label of the dog tag with the palm of her hand. With inscriptions on it that read; Name: Dilandau Albatou, Nationality: Zaibachain, Regiment: Dragonslayers, Rank: Commanding Officer – Dragonslayers, Commanding Officer: General Adelphos. She turned the metal label over and ran her thumb along the smooth side, it appeared to be blank but in tiny writing engraved at the bottom it read, May you keep the burning spirit of our nation alive.
He laughed as he saw her squint to try to read it. 'That was custom made for my dog tag. It's slightly corny, but they felt it was fitting for me. I sure kept the 'burning spirit' alive, literally.' He beamed. 'Our regiment was the elite regiment.' He said pride in his voice, 'so everyone got a unique inscription. Mind you the other inscriptions were hardly relevant to them as people; Gatti's was May our nations rivers live on through your eyes – he had blue eyes you see. We all made fun of Guimel like that we said may the sheep of our nation live on through your hair.' Dilandau was laughing hysterically, while Hikari stood there slightly confused. 'Oh!' He replied to her bemused expression, whilst he was still recovering, 'It's only funny if you saw Chesta's hair; it was like a fluffy white bush!' He continued to laugh, it wasn't so much the joke that got Dilandau laughing, in fact he had hit Dalet on the head for joking while they were being presented, it was the memory, the memory of his dragonslayers, his comrades, his friends. He sighed, his tone becoming mush more serious and sombre, he whispered inaudibly under his breath 'I only wish I told them, that they were my friends.'
'Will you put it on for me?' Hikari said shakily; she usually objected to this, but somehow this felt right. She moved her long silver tresses out of the way and Dilandau placed the chain over her head, moving around the back to clasp the ends of the chain together. Hikari moved over to the mirror, Dilandau still standing behind her, 'I love it' she smile fondling the necklace. She didn't lie, it may not have been diamonds and rubies, it was sentimental, it was her heritage; who she was. She stood silently in the mirror absorbing her reflection next to Dilandau's, he was exactly like her. She ran her index finger across the bridge of her nose and lent over to Dilandau's reflection and did the same. She kept her finger on the mirror and traced the outline of her eyes followed by the outline of his eyes; the colour was a perfect match, as was the shade of their hair; platinum silver. They were identical, only the shape of his jaw and face were more cut and so looked more masculine. 'What can I give you of mine that won't end up as Celena's?' She turned around and faced him, kissing him quickly on the cheek, answering her own question, 'thank you for giving me a father for the first time in my life.' Her voice was serious yet filled with emotion.
'Mummy I had a nightmare.' Sanosuke whined through the door. Both father and daughter glared at the door, not angry at Sanosuke but angry at their parting.
'Hold on a few minutes Sanosuke, I'm helping mum out of her dress; wait a couple of minutes before you come in after I leave.' Hikari lied flawlessly. The two silently stared at each other; acknowledging and comprehending things that can't be spoken with words. The two attempted to smile as their gaze broke, but only succeeded in causing the other more hurt seeing their reunited unable to even curve their lips, even if they didn't mean it.
She walked towards the door ready to leave; eyes glistening with tears.
'Wait' he called out grabbing her wrist as she turned to leave.
'Y..yes,' Hikari stuttered as she turned around.
'One more thing.' He grabbed the scissors from the dressing table and cut a lock of his silver hair and placed it in her palm. He pushed her gently out of the room, Hikari no longer able to control her outburst of tears turned and hugged him tightly around the neck and ran quickly out of the door so distraught she was unable to look back.
'Thank you, Hikari for giving me a daughter, giving me a heart, allowing me to die knowing I no longer have to protect you.' He smiled absently at the closed door.
He looked at the mirror absorbing his image one more time. Now Dilandau wasn't the same as he was twenty seven years ago; although his appearance hadn't aged much, he had no longer put up the barriers he had in his youth, that he needed in order to lead in order to fight, to succeed; the same barriers that pushed him away from human contact. Now they were gone no one would want him any more, now he had made sure the same thing didn't happen to his daughter, by knocking down her barriers for protection, he was no longer needed: he could die in peace, finally, rest. He took in one deep breath and let his life slip out as he exhaled it. Only Celena was left. Alone.
'Mummy?' Sanosuke asked through the door.
'Hold on coming.' Celena said collecting herself from the floor. She twisted the doorknob slowly, closing her eyes; she wasn't in the right frame of mind to deal with this.
'Mummy, why are you crying?' He asked innocently cocking his head to the side.
'It's nothing really, come on let's go to sleep.' She whispered under her breath, unable to talk properly as tears threatened to spill.
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'What?' Hikari crooked harshly at the closed door.
'Breakfast baka!' an angry voice responded through the door. Hikari knew that could only be one person, Tsuyoshi. She hid herself under her covers crawling in to a ball; she had spent the night crying and definitely didn't want to have *him* greeting her in the morning. The thought of him made her bury herself deeper in her covers.
She heard him slam the door violently as he entered the room. She was thankful however it wasn't Sadhura, who would swear and yell at her rather than opting for silent rage like he did.
Tsuyoshi quickly threw the covers off of Hikari, who was curled up in the foetal position, her hair covering her face and body. He grabbed a hand full of her silver hair pulling it up, causing her to look at him, then twisting it in his hand hoping to see her wince in pain; she didn't, she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.
'Do you want to be late again? Get dressed now, or do I have to dress you?' Hikari could have sworn she saw his lips form in a brief smile.
She grabbed her white dress, with a light-grey corset and grey embroidery around the neckline and sleeve of ivy leaves that she had previously laid out the night before. She looked at him impatiently.
'What?' He snapped.
'Are you going to wait outside? I do have to change you know?'
'What are you accusing me of?' He said walking out knowing there was no time to argue.
She quickly changed in to the dress, still wearing the dog tag from last night. She ran towards the door quickly combing her hair on the way, throwing the brush on the bed as she approached the door.
'About time.' He groaned, grabbing her hand, leading her down the corridors and stairs, breathing heavily as he ran: an all too familiar scene for Hikari.
'You're lucky we made on time Baka.' The two sat down in the two free seats, Tsuyoshi sitting next to Yuhei, Hikari next to Sadhura, Celena and Sanosuke sitting opposite her. Hikari groaned as she noticed Yusuke was sitting on the other side of Sadhura.
Yusuke leaned back noticing her gaze on him. 'I came to your door but you were still sleeping-' he abruptly ended, standing up seeing his mother and father taking their seats, showing breakfast was going to start. Hikari quickly followed everyone's lead and quickly stood up, albeit a few seconds late as usual.
Everyone sat down and began to eat in silence.
'Hikari that's quite an unusual necklace you have on.' Van commented noticing Hikari's dog tag which he knew you could only get if you served in the army.
'Thank you, it was a gift. The soldier wanted to forget his experiences in the destiny wars, but I didn't want anyone to forget someone who had fought so courageously, so he gave me his dog tag and I treasure it above everything else.' She wasn't lying she was just darting around the truth.
'Did you acquire it here in Fanalia?' Van anted to determine which side she felt fought courageously or in other words which side she thought was right.
'Yes I did.' Again not lying, simply not stating the whole truth
Hikari discretely covered the necklace with her hand, pretending to idly twist the chain; in reality this did no good, the elder members of the table already new what it was, Celena's usually stoic face pained at the loss of it, her brothers had a strong suspicion and for Yusuke it was only a thought that crossed his mind.
'I wonder what soldier it is, perhaps I may know him?' Van stated, in between calm sips of diluted morning Vino.
'I beg your majesties pardon if this may seem rude, but since my encounter with your majesty his interest has been held more raptly by the original occupant of my necklace, more so than its wearer.' Hikari was immediately cursing the words as they had come out of her mouth, although no one would say anything, her words were far to forward, and definitely offensive, even though they had been sugar-coated.
'I told you Van. When you look at the girl you spend more time thinking about Dilandau than her: and if you really think that's his, which I doubt, she even told you that you do so herself.' Hitomi chided under her breath while unfolding the napkin and placing it on her lap.
Van opened his mouth to argue, but found she was right as usual, and simply sat the rest of the breakfast in silence; as did every one else.
Hikari shifted nervously in her seat. She couldn't bring herself to eat under her family's heated gaze. Even the king's usual pleasant demeanour was off, she looked towards Yusuke, who simply adverted his gaze away from her, not angry but rather bewildered and disappointed of the response, and Van after all was his father; the only friendly smile she could see came from Hitomi, which didn't comfort her much as she seemed to be able to find the good in everyone.
She fiddled with her fork moving the scraps of fried meat in her plate; she raised it to her mouth and looked once more in Yusuke's direction only to find he was avoiding her gaze. She dropped the fork and it fell on the marble floor echoing continuously in the hall.
'I'm sorry,' she whispered under her breath running out of the nearest of one of the many archways surrounding the hall.
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Hikari found her self once more by the edge of the pond once more. She stared morosely in to its crystal blue depths, drops of her tears joining the water, rippling outwards, fading and finally ceasing to exist.
"Why is it destiny that I always end up here? Maybe it's a sign that I should jump in and rid myself of the pain this world has caused me. I grow up hated and abused and I still don't break, heavens knows that every other girl probably would have, living in a house of enemies." She sighed wistfully, "And if that's not enough, fate plays a cruel joke –it gives me false hope. I get saved, and I think every thing will be alright; but now I'm public enemy number one –So? I can deal with that, I have Dilandau to rely on; but then he goes thinking I'll be alright on my own, and so I try to lean on Yusuke- and now I disgust him: Hell I disgust myself. I thought everything would be fine, I was given new possibilities; I started to dream again –and it got taken away from me." She stared teary eyed at her reflection for several minutes, "Father you were wrong," several more drops of water joined their predecessors, "I can't do it on my own."
Again there was silence as she stared at her reflection.
'Nice show.'
Hikari turned around at the clapping, quickly wiping away her tears and turning her nose in defiance.
'Sadhura.'
'Sorry if I wasn't prince Yusuke; but then again I'm not easily fooled by crocodile tears.' He edged uncomfortably close to her causing Hikari to step back, her footing at the edge of the pond. He smiled sarcastically his eyes narrow, 'Oh poor Hikari! Hasn't fate gravely wronged her? My heart bleeds! Haven't you ever thought that maybe the problem wasn't with us, but with you? Bastard girl.' He spat out the last two words grabbing Hikari's chain forcing her head in his direction, the chain cutting painfully in to her neck causing her to whimper. 'That's right Dilandau's bitch, I've seen your necklace, you murderous witch! You're just like your father aren't you?' He shook her shoulders vigorously, 'Are you going to bloody answer me?' He slapped her across the face, still shaking her, his hand encasing the metal label of her necklace.
'I'd rather be like my father than like yours.' She spat in his face. He quickly punched her in the side of her jaw, blood trickling out of her mouth. He visibly shook with fury. He stood there still with rage and slapped her once more relieving his aggravation. His smile returned once more. He ran his fingers through Hikari's hair in an almost motherly gesture, gently stroking her silver locks his face in a calm smile.
'That's right Hikari, I forgot!' His voice calm and almost soothing, 'You like to hurt people don't you? You like to see their pain, them suffering.' He moved impossibly close to her until his voice became just a whisper, 'You like to watch them cry, hear them scream. You like to take away what they love the most. You like to hurt!' His lips were almost breathing words in to hers. Hikari's heart was racing; she didn't know how to defend herself how was he going to hurt her? What was he going to do?
He licked the blood from her face out to her mouth deliberately slowly, stinging her wound. Hikari immediately pushed herself off of him falling backwards in to the lake.
The weight of the many lairs of her dress, and even her hair, immediately pulled her body down beneath the surface. She kicked a few times to try and collect her self in the water, but the movement of her legs made no difference to her position, as they were smothered by the heavy damp fabric that pushed her down. Her strokes and kicks became frenzied as she realised she was retreating away from the sunlight and the world became hazy splotches of colour. With an outburst of energy she tried to overcome the weight and broke to the surface, unable to breathe or even cry for help as water immediately gushed out of her mouth, frantically chocking on water as her body fell back down, still deprived of air. As she sank back down she used the weight of her arms in downwards thrust to propel her head out of the encasing water once more, where she gasped for air her voice hoarse.
'Sad…hel...p.' her head was continuously being dragged down under the wait of the water. She watched him desperately as he smiled and walked off. She was once re-immersed in the choking liquid, swallowing vast quantities of it, opening her mouth only to find more enter in its place. She finally managed to reach up to the mud edging, trying to hoist her self back on to the ponds surroundings only to find something tugging her back. Her hand slipped on the edge as she was unable to pull herself up. Hikari tried vainly to swim in a direction away from the weeds hoping they would grow taught and break under the pressure only to find that she had swam away from the edging of the pond. Her lungs began to ache, starved of the oxygen and unable to fuel her movements she tried one last time and reached down to her ankles to try and free herself from the weeds. The water became heavier on her as she sunk to the bottom, finding she didn't have the strength to untangle her self, she gave up. Her body no longer released bubbles of oxygen, her sight grew hazy and she encompassed the welcoming black. The struggle was over, she lost and now the water was gently lulling her to sleep. This is what she wanted most; to escape her pains.
~Owari
(No it's not the end!!!!!!!!!!) Please review ^.^