Disclaimer: I have a Bagpuss watch and a Sulley pen.
Author's Note: Someone pointed out that valedictorians don't exist in England, from what I understand they are just the person who got the best mark in that year, so that's all I meant I couldn't be bothered to write it at the time as I did the chapter quite quickly. As for the comment about the A-levels, the old ones could actually be done with a couple of good pieces of coursework and a good exam. Trust me, I did no work until it was absolutely necessary, and still managed two Bs and a C in a subject I basically didn't understand. So that's how I figure someone of reasonable intelligence who works non-stop can do well enough to get into Oxford in only a year, apart from anything else she would have done subjects that were learnable, I figure she did business, maths and a language, the language would probably have been taught from an early age, meaning it was just a case of getting the qualification, as for the other two, the amount of time I spent in the classroom during my A-levels was about 5hours a week per subject and about the same on homework and wider reading. She would probably only need 20 hours a week per subject, that would be 4hours teaching per subject per day, and she could easily manage that, especially if she didn't go out and didn't conform to the usual school year.
Chapter 20: Boys Will Be Boys.
Lex entered the familiar club, and headed straight for the VIP section. A quick glance around and he spotted Bruce in a corner.
"Hey."
"Lex."
"I'm sure you should look happier, this is your last night as a free man."
Bruce smiled. "Not exactly Lex, the wedding's still two months away."
"Ah, but this is your bachelor party, so it is true."
"I wish it could have been closer to the wedding, but I have to make these trips now or I can't go on honey moon."
"Yeah, well. Let the drinking commence."
Two metropolitans and a Beverly Hills iced tea (each) later, Lex and Bruce were happily chatting to a couple of girls Lex had got to know in his 'wilderness years'. Suddenly the third member of their party arrived, sweeping in with his usual poise and charisma. Noticing his son and his future son in law with the girls, he immediately decided to find out what was going on.
"Hello ladies, who are you?"
"Friends of Lex's." Replied one of the girls. "I'm Susan and this is Clare." She smiled brightly, winning Lionel over just enough for him to dismiss them politely.
"Now ladies, I'm sure you'd much rather be dancing."
The girls took the hint, Susan smiled again and said, "We just had to congratulate Bruce on his engagement. See you soon Lex." The girls departed.
Lionel looked sternly at the boys. "You'd better have only been talking."
"We were." Lex said sullenly, his father only cared because Bruce was Catherine's fiancée and he didn't want to see his 'little girl' hurt, and that wouldn't make for good publicity.
"Now, I was talking to Katie today, she says that Steven is doing better, but she doesn't know when she'll be home. I thought I might fly out for the weekend and check up on her."
"Careful Dad, she might think you care." Lex snarked.
"If you would prefer Alexander, you can go in my place. But I happen to have the weekend free." Lionel said almost venomously.
"Why do you call her Katie?" Bruce chimed in as a way to change the subject.
"Because it is a perfectly acceptable variant on the name Catherine, and doesn't turn her into a house pet."
"No just a five year old. But I guess that's the point." Lex muttered.
"What are you drivelling about Alexander?"
"You treat her like she's a precious china doll ready to break. You constantly refer to her as your 'little girl', and you try to control her."
"Catherine doesn't complain."
"Of course not, she was almost as starved for affection as I was. She had to change her identity when she was five."
"Look, I know it must be hard for you to adjust to having a sister, especially after all this time, but you shouldn't hold it against her. She never asked to be born." Bruce said.
"Whatever." Lex said, looking at the table and absently playing with a book of matches.
"So what would you like to drink Lionel?" Bruce asked, once again desperate to change the subject.
"An ambrosia please Bruce."
"Lex?"
"I can't remember what it's called but it's tequila and midori, in a rocks glass with ice."
Bruce walked over to the bar to place the order and then went to the bathroom.
"Alexander, I would suggest that you try to control your resentments, at least for tonight."
"Look Dad, I like Catherine, I don't want you to screw her up any further than she already is. I think she stands a good chance at happiness with Bruce if you stay back and don't start turning her into a 'proper' Luthor. She's all set to become a Wayne anyway."
"Very well Alexander, I shall refrain from influencing her."
"One more thing."
"Yes?"
"Don't call me Alexander."
"Very well, what would you prefer."
"Lex."
"No, I won't call you that, it's an awful name. How about Alex?"
"Deal." He held out his hand and Lionel shook it.
"Making a truce I see." Bruce said returning. "The drinks shouldn't be long."
As he said it, a waitress arrived and placed the drinks on the table.
"What have you got Bruce?" Lex asked.
"Double Vision." He replied.
"But you've only had a couple." Lex smirked.
Bruce pulled a face at him.
More rounds of drinks; Alabama slammers, fire birds, belmonts, Parisian blondes, platinum blondes, and dizzy blondes. By the time they'd finished their monkey glands, which Lex had ordered for the specific purpose of telling Chloe in an attempt to gross her out, they were well on their way to paralytic. Lionel had decided he would do whatever it took to make him look like he was a good father willing to get to know his future son in law. Unfortunately that meant he had to get drunk, something he hated to do as he lost control.
"You're not doing too badly old man." Lex said aiming to look as sober as possible.
"Yeah, old man. Doing well, … what was I saying?" Bruce added.
"I can drink you under the wassname any day a the thingy." Lionel informed them.
"Go on then." Lex said, far and away the most sober, which wasn't saying much.
"Miss? Miss?" Lionel called. The waitress turned around. "Yeah, come over here dear. Okay, we would like three of each of the following, Lex tell 'er wha' we wan.'"
"Okay, that's three of these, ready?" The waitress nodded, Lex rattled off a list of shooters. "Blow job, cum stain, dog piss, leg spreader, silk panties, bloody chicken, 666, and mongo voodoo death shot."
The waitress looked uneasy and said, "Are you sure?"
"Course we are woman, go get them!" Lionel snapped.
While the waitress was getting the drinks, Lex hit the 'serious drunk' phase.
"Dad?"
"Yes Alex."
"Are you proud of me?"
"Yes, you are very good at your job. But you're too soft, you need to toughen up, lose the distractions like that boy from the farm." Lionel said with drunken authority.
"That's not what's distracting Lex." Bruce said.
"What?"
"What?" Bruce replied.
"What. Is. Distracting. Lex?" He asked slowly.
"Blonde reporter girl. She's pretty. Not as pretty as Cat though, I love Cat, I'm gonna tell her." Bruce began to fumble for his phone.
"You can't tell her now." Lex said.
"What blonde reporter?" Lionel asked.
"The one he brought to lunch. Why not?"
"What lunch?"
"Because it's late here, and I can't work out the time
difference drunk, but I guess that it's too early or late there for phone
calls. And anyway, she's stressed the
last thing she needs is you drunk on the end of the phone."
"Okay. The lunch when I was with Cat."
"When?"
"Ages 'go."
"Who's he talking about Alex?"
"He's drunk ignore him, it's probably a figment of his imagination."
"Chloe wouldn't like you talking about her like that." Bruce chided.
"I don't know any Chloe." Lionel said, "well there was my old secretary, but she's about 40 by now."
"No, young girl. She was at the ball." Bruce said, getting up. "I need to use the thing." He staggered off.
"The only girl at the ball you were with was … you sly dog, you're doing your plant manager's daughter, can't say I blame you she's very pretty. I approve, bet he doesn't."
"He doesn't know actually." Lex said defensively.
Before Lionel could answer the shooters were set on the table.
"Good luck, you'll need it." Said the waitress before she walked off.
"So, you're going behind Daddy's back. I'll have to remember that." Lionel reached over for a drink.
"Shit!" Lex muttered.
"Oh, fuck! Here comes Bruce, I'll be as glad as Katie when she can finally divorce the boring son of a bitch." He downed the drink.
Why would she want to divorce Bruce, they aren't even married yet? Lex downed the same shot Lionel had just done and carefully stored away the information his father had unwittingly let slip.
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The cocktails are all real, I was looking at them on the net and I got a bit obsessive. Lex's tequila and midori is called a 'kryptonite'. The shooters are one's with distinctive names, easily remembered even when drunk, or one's which are good for embarrassing female bar staff.
Also I have just started another story, and I'm looking for one or two people willing to read what I have written. Usually I rely on my own criticism, but I know something's wrong and I can't figure out what. It's a Chlex futurefic, and will probably be quite controversial. If anyone interested could send me an e-mail, I'll send what I've done.
Sorry about the really long Author's Note.
More soon.
Flip.