Title: Wherever You Will Go series, fic #3: Pain (2/2)
Authors: Demelza and X_tremeroswellian
Email(s): demelza81@yahoo.co.nz and X_tremeroswellian@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to us. They belong to Edward Allen Bernero and John Wells and a bunch of other people that we've never met before. Please don't sue.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Up through and including "The Unforgiven."
Author's Note: This is the third story in a series of Third Watch fics we're writing titled "Wherever You Will Go." The first one is "Confessions," the second is "Here With Me." You may want to read those first before continuing.
Pain (Part Two)
Sully nervously fiddled with the salt shaker on the table and glanced at his watch with a frown. Tatiana had said she'd meet him here at 4:30, and it was now 4:43. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, hoping she hadn't changed her mind.
Outside the main door of the diner, Tatiana stood looking in direction of her husband. She was only glad to see that he hadn't left, she was late. Nervously late. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and her hands were sweating. She took in a breath, and reached for the handle of the door and opened it, stepping inside.
Sully heard the bell jingle on the door and immediately turned his head to see her standing there, hesitating in the doorway. Without thinking, he rose to his feet and stared at her, swallowing hard.
Tatiana could feel her heart race more, she took slow steps toward him, her hands nervously clutching at her purse. "John," she said quietly.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets, then removed them again. "Hi...I was...afraid you'd changed your mind," he admitted.
She smiled, warmly, stepping right up in front of him. "I did not think you would come, when I saw you...I became nervous."
He smiled, feeling relieved. "I've missed you," he said quietly, reaching out to give her a hug.
Tatiana smiled more, stepping into his hug, and putting her arms around him. "I have missed you, too."
Sully buried his face in her hair, hugging her tightly, half-afraid that this was a dream and that if he let go of her, he'd wake up.
She closed her eyes at her husband's embrace, her heart slowing, and her nervousness fading as she could feel tears coming on.
"Where have you been?" Sully whispered.
Tatiana stepped back, her arms still around him, but so that she could look directly at him. "I was up visiting family, I tried to ring, but phone call never got through."
He sighed slightly. "I'm afraid I've acquired a nasty habit while you've been gone," he said with a small smile on his face.
She was curious. "Oh?"
"I've become addicted to chatting online. It's probably why you weren't able to get through." Sully looked at her, then motioned to the table he'd been sitting at. "You wanna sit down? Have a cup of coffee and a bagel?"
Tatiana smiled back at him, placing her hand on his arm. "I would love to." She walked over, and sat down at the table.
He slid into the booth seat across from her and just gazed at her. "You look beautiful."
She blushed slightly, looking down at the table for a moment before meeting his gaze. "John..."
"How have you been?"
"I have been good. How about you?"
"I've been better," Sully said quietly, looking down at the table.
Tatiana nodded, reaching her hand out and placing it over his. "I'm glad we decided to talk...there is so much I wish to tell you."
Sully covered her hand with his other one. "Me too."
Faith winced as Dr. Wilkins removed one of the stitches that had only been halfway ripped out. She dug her fingernails into the exam table, squeezing her eyes shut tightly.
Bosco looked over at his partner, watching her grimace in pain. Every part of him wanted to walk over and hold her hand, and assure her it'd all be okay. Instead, he dug his hands deep into his pockets.
"I told you to stay off this for awhile," the doctor said in a condescending tone of voice.
Oh great, it's bad enough she's suffering, he has to be an ass about it? Bosco thought, balling his fists up.
She ignored his remark and looked across the room to where Bosco was leaning back against the wall. She met his gaze for a moment, then glanced away.
He caught her glancing at him, and took in a breath, swearing inwardly that he wouldn't let it out until the doctor left the room.
"I think we're going to have to start you on antibiotics to prevent your foot from getting an infection. I'll have the nurse come in to clean it before I restitch."
Faith nodded but didn't respond. She looked down at the floor, where drops of blood from her wound were dripping slowly onto the white tile.
Dr. Wilkins shook his head with a sigh and left the room.
As Bosco watched the doctor he now despised walk out, he exhaled slowly, turning back to Faith.
"Here we are again," she murmured softly.
He pushed himself away from the wall with his foot and slowly took a few steps closer to Faith, stopping only a few feet away from her. "Want me to call Fred?" His voice was cold, distant at the mere question.
She jerked her head up, her eyes wide. "No!"
Bosco looked at her, the expression on his face showing his shock at her reaction. "Okay."
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She ran a hand through her hair and exhaled slowly. Get control of yourself, she thought, opening her eyes and seeing the shock on her partner's face. "He's at work...I don't want to get him in trouble."
Disbelieving her, he nodded. "Sure," he muttered.
Faith stared at him. "What the hell does that mean?"
Bosco looked directly at her, a frown creasing his brow. "Nothing!"
She shook her head. "Fine. Whatever."
"I can't believe you....you snapped my head off for nothing!"
"Yeah, like you don't do the same thing to me *every day!*" She wasn't sure where her anger was coming from, but the longer she sat there, the angrier she felt.
"I do not do that to you *every day!* And since when is this *my* fault? I didn't say a damn thing!"
"Why don't you just go? Go back to work, or to Crystal or whatever." Tears stung her eyes and she was angry with herself for it.
He looked at her, angered, not seeing the tears in her eyes. "Crystal? So this is what... what you're treating me about, is because of her!?"
She bit down on her tongue and didn't answer, afraid of what she might say if she opened her mouth again.
Bosco shook his head. "I can't believe this!"
She had to get out of there before she had a total breakdown in front of him. She slid off the exam table, letting out a silent gasp of pain as her feet hit the floor. Trying to ignore the pain, she moved slowly toward the door.
He went after her, turning her around by the arm. Inside, he was angry, upset, confused... hell he was pissed off. But not with her, he admitted, when they stood looking at each other. "I..." He couldn't get the words out.
She stared at him with unshed tears in her eyes. "What?" Her voice was quiet, all the anger gone, weariness replacing it.
"I'm sorry," he said, his voice quiet, his own anger having gone, his tone now filled with regret.
Faith nodded sadly. "Me too."
All he could do was swallow, looking back at her.
She closed her eyes for a second, then looked at him again. "It would never work, Bosco," she said softly.
"Yes, it would," Bosco answered, sounding hurt.
"No, it wouldn't...because I'm not the person you think I am."
He shook his head in mild frustration. "You say that, but I know that's not true!"
"No, you don't know it!" she said, her voice rising slightly, not in anger, but out of her own frustration.
"Then help me understand."
"How am I supposed to do that when I don't even understand it myself?" She moved away from him, wincing from the pain in her foot.
Bosco reached out to touch her arm as she moved away, seeing the grimace on her face. "Then we'll figure it out, together."
"How are we gonna do that?"
"I don't know, but we could figure out a way."
"Bosco, I have to try and work things out with Fred."
Feeling really hurt, Bosco stepped back, not taking his eyes off her. "Why?"
Faith turned to look at him, pained. "Because he's my husband," she said softly.
And after how he's treated you, that makes a difference? he thought. He merely swallowed again. "You're not happy." He tried to sound caring, but it came out sounding harsher than he'd intended.
"That's my problem," she said, calmly. "Besides that, you're with someone, remember?" There was a hint of bitterness to her tone.
Bosco lost his ability to breathe out at her statement. But after a quick moment, he blinked, and finally let it out. "Right," he said, his voice sad.
"Right," she echoed, the same sadness reflected in her voice. She looked at him, a knot in her stomach. "Are we gonna be able to work together?" she asked, fearful of his answer.
Slowly, he nodded. "Yeah. We're a team, remember?"
Tears stung her eyes again. "I remember," Faith whispered.
The nurse walked into the room at that moment, smiling brightly. "Well, are you ready for me to clean that foot?"
After the nurse had cleaned up Faith's wound, and the doctor had restitched her foot and wrapped her ankle with a fresh bandage, they went back out to the squad car. Bosco drove and all he could think about was how much of a dick he felt like for trying to make Faith jealous of Crystal. It was what he wanted, but then it wasn't what he wanted, either. Yes, he wanted Faith to be jealous and hurting, but only so that she'd consider being with him, someone who loved her deeply. But instead she'd decided that she wanted to 'sort things out' with Fred. He cursed under his breath as the name flashed in his mind.
Faith stared out the passenger side window of the RMP. She brushed away a stray tear that managed to fall from her eye. Why did what she wanted and needed have to clash with what was right? Why did everything always have to be so complicated? And why the hell, after just hours after he told her he loved her, did Bosco have to go hook up with some new chick?
She sighed slightly as he pulled the car up to the sidewalk by her apartment building.
Bosco put the car in park, and slowly turned to Faith. "Here we are."
"Yeah. Thanks for the ride," she said softly. She reached for the door handle.
He nodded. "Wait..." he said suddenly as she reached for the handle.
She paused and swallowed hard. She glanced over her shoulder at him. "What?"
He tried to find the exact words, the right ones. But the only words that were running through his mind were, 'I love you, Faith'. Clearing his throat, he gripped the steering wheel with the hand that still rested on it. "Faith, I..."
"Please don't make this any harder than it already is," she whispered, pleading.
"I can't hide how I feel, Faith... you can't ask me to."
Faith let go of the door handle and turned to face him directly. "Do you know what this is doing to me? It's killing me, Bosco. Do you think I want it to be like this? That I ever wanted it to--" her voice broke and she cursed herself silently.
"What? What were you going to say, Faith?"
"I wish I'd met you first, okay?" She reached up and angrily swiped away her tears. "I wish I'd met you first, instead of Fred. But I didn't. I can't go back and change that now, no matter how much I want to. I married him...we have kids together. You and I..." She shook her head, unable to finish.
Bosco let go of the steering wheel, and turned around on the seat so he was facing her. "Me and you, what, Faith?" he asked, keeping his voice calm and soft.
"It just wasn't meant to be," she said softly, her voice catching.
He shook his head, reaching out and putting his hand on her arm. "No, Faith, I don't believe that. Why else would we be here, where we are right now, if it wasn't meant to be?"
"Because we're partners. We're friends." She reached for the door handle again. "I could never make you happy anyway, Boz...just ask Fred," she added quietly, her voice barely audible.
Bosco reached for Faith, catching her arm and turning her back to him. "How do you know what would make me happy or not, Faith? Because you do, you make me more happy than I've ever been in my entire life."
Faith knew she wasn't going to be able to handle much more of this. She leaned over and kissed his forehead. "You'll find someone else...you deserve so much more than I could ever give you."
He shook his head, closing his eyes for a moment, before looking at her again. "You're the only one that makes me happy."
She squeezed her eyes shut and leaned back against the seat. "You're mistaking happiness for security, Bosco. There's a big difference."
Bosco shook his head again. "No, I think you are, in staying with Fred. You want that security of familiarity. That's what you see when you go upstairs every night after work, that you forget what's really important. Being happy. And if you say you're happy with him, then you're a liar!"
"Don't judge me, Bosco," she said, a touch of warning in her voice. "You don't know where I've been." Her voice dropped to a whisper again.
He kept his voice calm, looking straight at her. "So tell me, Faith. I want to know about your past, about this side of you, that I don't know."
She shook her head. "Why?"
"Because you mean that much to me."
Faith shuddered. "You really don't want to know, Bosco...trust me."
When he spoke again, his voice was firm and sure. "Yes, I do. Tell me, Faith... tell me what was so bad about your past?"
For a split second, looking into his eyes, she considered telling him everything. She swallowed hard and a wave of panic washed over her. She grabbed the door handle. "I can't. Not now. I'm sorry, Bosco." She opened the door quickly and bolted out of the car.
"Faith! Faith!" he shouted after her, out the window. But when she wouldn't turn back, he slammed his fist into the steering wheel. "Fuck!" Bosco said angrily, not even aware of the stabbing pain in his knuckles.
Faith burst into tears but forced herself to keep moving despite the fact he called out after her. I'm sorry, she thought, sobs building in her chest.
Faith sat on the sofa, trying to pull herself together and not succeeding. When she heard the lock turn in the door, she jumped, startled, and quickly wiped her eyes and cheeks free from the tears. She stood up just as the door opened.
Fred walked in, a newspaper tucked under his arm. Key in his hands, he pushed the door closed behind him and walked into the room. "Faith, you been crying?" he asked, concern in his voice as he walked over to her.
She shook her head in denial. "No."
He didn't believe her, and tossed the paper and keys over onto the sofa. He stepped right up to her, looking her in the eyes. "No, you have. Why were you crying?"
Faith shook her head again. "Nothing, baby. I'm fine."
Fred nodded, but still didn't believe her. "Uh-huh. Then why are you home early? I thought you were working." The last statement came out sounding dangerously close to an accusation.
She cringed. "I shouldn't have gone to work today."
"I told you that this morning," he snapped, but let out a breath and lowered his tone. "But you didn't listen."
She looked away. "I know. I'm sorry. I should have listened to you."
"Damn right you should have," he bit back. "Sorry, I'm just worried. You know you shouldn't have gone to work. I told you, we could have both stayed home," he said, putting his arms around her waist and pulling her closer to him.
"I pulled out some stitches. Had to go back to the hospital," she told him, avoiding his gaze.
"How'd you get home, then? Why didn't you call me? I could have come picked you up."
Faith shrugged slightly. "Bosco dropped me off on the way back to the station." There was a slight hitch to her voice when she said Bosco's name, and she cringed, hoping Fred hadn't caught it.
Fred's anger built inside him hearing his wife say Bosco's name. And the way she said it made him even more angry. But he brushed that aside for the moment, like he tried to do every other time she mentioned the man's name. "Well, you should have called me, Faith. I would have come down there."
"It wasn't a big deal. I didn't want to bother you."
"I'm your husband, Faith. I would have dropped whatever I was doing and been there. And it wasn't a big deal? If it wasn't a big deal you'd still be at work, not here at home," he said, sounding both hurt and angry.
She sighed. "I'm sorry, okay? What do you want me to say?" Her voice was tired, defeated.
"What I want you to say is to explain to me why you were so damn pig-headed in the first place, and decided to go to work!"
She was taken aback by the anger in his voice. She pulled away from him. "Fred..."
"No, Faith. First you won't let me touch you this morning, then you adamantly decide to go to work, never minding the fact that you damn well knew better than to go! And now, I come home, and you're lying to me!"
Faith turned away and headed back to the hallway, toward the bathroom. "I can't do this right now."
Fred walked after her angrily, swinging her around by the arm. "No, don't you damn well walk away from me!"
She yanked her arm away from him. "Don't touch me!" she snapped, her eyes flashing.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded.
She stood in shock, unable to believe she had just said that. "Fred, I'm sorry," she said immediately, her voice shaking.
"Sorry doesn't cut it anymore, Faith," he snapped, his voice still carrying the same level of anger.
She flinched and took a small step away from him. "I'm sorry," she said again, her voice faint.
Fred lowered his voice. "Just tell me the truth, Faith."
"The truth about what?"
He looked at her angrily. "I just told you before, for the lying."
Faith stared at him, bewildered. "What are you talking about?"
"If you can't even think for what, I don't want to talk to you."
She shook her head in frustration. "Fine." She turned and headed for the bathroom.
Fred didn't even bother to comment on her remark, he just stormed back into the living room and picked up the cushion. Angry, he threw it back down onto the sofa, and kicked the edge of the couch as hard as he could.
Faith slammed the bathroom door shut and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. She put her head in her hands. Now what? she wondered, exhausted.
The End...for now...
