Starcraft Outtakes
By: DarkPaladin
||Scene 1: Female Protoss||
(Archon upon world of Shakuras, reading its line)
Archon: "Upon the night, the darkness overwhelms us, the power overwhelming…"
Director- "Cut!! Perfect!! The scene is done!!!"
Tech Crew- "(in background) Cut off the fog effects."
(Fog barrier around Archon diminishes, and Archon screams and covers itself)
Tech Crew- "Woops…"
Raynor- "(In background) Eh, heh heh. Why didn't you guys tell me the Archon is female?"
Inf. Kerrigan- "……"
||Scene 2: Warcraft in Space?||
(Scene take place at Battle of Braxis, Artanis, Zeratul, Executor and Inf.
Kerrigan standing around before battle. Executor is poking Artanis to annoy
the young templar)
TAKE one
Artanis- "Hey, what do I look like, an Orc?"
(Executor is still tapping him)
Artanis- "This is not Starcraft in…Oops…"
Zeratul- "Sigh…"
TAKE two,
Artanis- "This is not Command and Conq--…did it again…"
Executor, Zeratul, and In. Kerrigan: "……"
TAKE three,
Artanis- "This is not Warcraft in DOOM….shit!!"
Zeratul and In. Kerrigan: "IT'S MUCH MORE SOPHISTICATED!!!"
(Suddenly, Orc Grunt from Warcraft II comes out, and looks at scene)
Orc: Uhhhh…….
||Scene 3: Nothing to do today…||
(Scene is in the level "Psi Disruption," Raynor, Fenix (in Dragoon), Duran,
and Inf. Kerrigan all standing around)
Director: "You all did a very good job today, however, we regret to inform
you, the script was lost and we cannot proceed with any more scenes."
Raynor: "Then what should we do?"
Tech Crew: "(O.S.) I know what to do…."
(Somebody pushes Inf. Kerrigan into Raynor hard enough to send there
faces too close. They get into lip-lock.)
Duran- "Whoa, deep kiss there!!"
Fenix- "Turn it on, Jim!!"
Raynor- "(Finally letting go) WHAT THE HELL…."
Tech Crew- "I love my job…"
||Scene 4: Bathroom Break||
(Scene takes place in "Psi Disruption" Raynor, Fenix (in Dragoon), Duran,
and Inf. Kerrigan all standing around)
Fenix- "I shall go down onto the Mel-Korian Combine and watch the…I have
to go now…"
Raynor- "What?""
Fenix- "(Banging on Dragoon hatch) I need to go to the bathroom, man…"
Duran- "Shit, you messed up the scene!!"
Inf. Kerrigan- "Now we have to do everything all over again!!"
Fenix- "But I need to go, and it is tighter in here than in a SCV!!"
Raynor- "Oh, well, coffee break everybody!!"
(Everybody leaves, but Fenix)
Fenix- "(bangs on hatch again) Uhhhh…Raynor? Kerrigan? Duran??
Somebody??? (whiny voice) I have to go…"
||Scene 5: Drunken Stupor||
(Everyone has just finished a coffee and is about to go back to work).
Inf. Kerrigan- "Ok, every one to their places for the next scene, and—Where
the Hell is Raynor?"
Fenix- "I thought I seen him walk down the hall to where the dressing rooms
are."
Inf. Kerrigan- "(To herself) Damn it, he'd better not be up to what I think he
is…I told him we'll do that AFTER work!"
(Just as Inf. Kerrigan starts down the hallway, Raynor comes down, stumbling
left and right).
Raynor- "(Slow and slured) Why, helooooo Sweet Cheeks."
Kerrigan- "What the Hell? Are you drunk or something?"
Raynor- "I just had a little drink, Snookums"
Kerrigan- "Of what?"
Raynor- "Jack Daniels. I still have some, if—"
Kerrigan- "You pig! Stop thinking of sex all the time!!"
(Off in the background is Fenix, watching and listening to the entire thing).
Fenix- "Heh, too bad for Raynor. He's got to fall in love with a telepath.
Then again, with Raynor's way of thinking, I should be saying 'Too bad for
Kerrigan'!"
||Scene 6: The British Invasion||
(Kerrigan is on stage standing next to the Zerg Hive. She's reciting her lines
when the background suddenly falls over, revealing a Terran attempting to get
into a Hydralisk costume, and a Zergling reciting lines).
Terran- "God damn it. They have to make these things small. First comes an
SCV, and now I'm stuffed into a Hydralisk costume! I have GOT to talk to
my agent!"
Zergling- "(In British, non-hissy accent) Oh, stop your complainin, will you?
I've got to practice on my growls, and I can bloody well do it with a sod like
you complaining as if there's no tomorrow! Now please, shut the bloody Hell
up!! (Shakes head, then puts hand over his chest, looks into a mirror, and
clears his throat) Ah-hem! Growwwwl!!! Grrrrowwwwwl!!!!"
||Scene 7: Be back in 5||
(Scene takes place during "Dark Protoss." Inf. Kerrigan lands down upon the
basin to meet Tassadar.)
Inf. Kerrigan: "(growling) All right Protoss, this ends……WHAT THE
HELL IS THIS!?!?!"
(Camera pans over to direction of what Inf. Kerrigan is looking at. There is a
giant plush toy of Tassadar, hanging by a branch nearby. On the chest is a
note that says, "Be back in five minutes.")
Inf. Kerrigan: "TASSADAR!! YOU ASSHOLE!!!"
