Disclaimer: Seriously, any legal action would be futile. Why bother? And forgive my politically incorrect joke. (

Pacing up and down the deserted library, James muttered incoherently and flicked his fingers to and Fro like a madman. "Potter! Cease and desist! It's very hard to concentrate with you acting like a lunatic. Now if you must mutter your utterances, then do it elsewhere." Remus said, exasperated.

'S-sorry Remus. But how does this sound for an incantation? "Animagi, we become!"

Remus gesticulated, motioning for what was to come next.

"That was it, so far." James sheepishly grinned.

"Oh… Do you mind working on it at the far side of the library?"

"Oh sure!" Picking up his parchment and quill, James sat down in a cubicle. Tapping his head with the feather, James let out a frustrated groan and let his head drop onto his arms. Hearing a long, thin sustained note, James sat up and looked around. It seemed to be coming from the prefect's bathroom right outside the library. Dashing back up to where Remus was, James implored of him, "What's the password to the prefect bathroom?"

"How should I know? I've only been here for a couple of months! But I do recall it having something to do with cosmetics."

"All right, thanks." Sprinting to the lavatory, James stood in front of the Swan tapestry and said,

"Implements which guard the passage and bar my way, come undone! Reveal your secret!" Smacking the tapestry with his wand, he waited for something to happen.

"Oh come on! Please?" Disappointed, James turned around. 'It was worth a shot…' and then, it dawned upon him. Lily! A prefect? No. Dating one? Yes! Now, all James had to do was seduce the password out of her. A boyish gleam leaping into his eyes, James took off for the common room to fetch his broom.

At the Quidditch field, Lily Evans was in the stands, watching the Ravenclaw Quidditch team practice. Gazing up at Douglas Maximillian, she couldn't help but ponder, in all her years at Hogwarts, when was she ever truly happy?

'I sound like something out of a soap opera!' She thought in disgust. 'But it won't change the fact that I was only ever having fun with Sirius.' Laughing and cheering on Doug, Lily heard protests coming from the Ravenclaws.

"Get that Gryffindor out of here!"

"Max, she might squeal!"

"She won't have to, look! Here comes one of their chasers!"

Ducking in and out of the irked Ravenclaws, James performed impressive tricks on his broomstick, the fastest model ever made, the CleanSweep5. Coming to a halt in front of Lily, James tilted his head back and motioned for Lily to get on.

"Yes, James? What do you want?"

"Take a ride on my magic carpet…"James faltered, at a loss.

"Can you take me back to the common room?" Lily asked, expectant.

"Sure, hop on."

Alighting on his broom carefully, Lily grabbed hold of the handle and let James take her up.

"Did you ever hear the joke about the Indian chief?"

"No, do tell."

"Okay, there was a damsel in distress in the wild, Wild West. Having nowhere to go and needing to rest, she happened upon a half-naked Indian Chief who asked her if she needed a ride to the next town. Accepting graciously, she sat in front of him and permitted him to escort her to her destination." James spiraled up and then, suddenly dove back down to the lake, skimming his toes on the water before shooting back up again. Lily froze, unable to protest.

"So anyway, they passed rivers and watering holes on the way to the next town, see? And the horse was afraid of water. So, he would jump over the rivers and streams and avoid the watering holes. Now, don't ask how a horse could jump over a river, it just does." James said, matter-of-factly, placing his forefinger on her lips, and bring the broom higher up.

" So anyway, the damsel wasn't such a great rider, so she grabbed hold of the pommel (a/n: or is it called the horn?) whenever the horse jumped. And in turn, the chief would scream "Woo hoo!" whenever the horse jumped. Leaving her at a dusty old town, the chief rode on. Walking into a saloon, the damsel asked the bartender if he knew the old Indian chief who rode around helping people. The bartender said that he did and the damsel asked, "Why does he shout when his horse jumps over water?"

"I declare, I do not know. What was happening on that there horse?"

"Well, I'm not such and experienced rider myself, so I'd grab onto the pommel and hold tight. That's all, I reckon." The bartender gave a knowing smile and returned to cleaning the glasses. The damsel begged to know why the bartender grinned at her so, and the bartender leaned in, and whispered, "The chief rides bare-back, m'lady." Get it?" James asked, speaking into Lily's right ear.

"No. I don't."

"Aw Lil, you're no fun. I know you got it, you just don't want to admit it. Now, for entertaining you, I need some compensation."

"Potter, if you think that— "

"Hold on, hold on. Let me finish. I need the password to the prefects bathroom." James pleaded, spinning Lily around on the broom so that she faced him.

"How would I know? I'm not a prefect?"

"Ah no, but you're dating one!" James said, tapping her nose, making her laugh.

"Not for long." She admitted ruefully. Instantaneously, two thought ran through James' head. 1) Oh no! I won't be able to get the password! I want to find out what the stupid music is! And 2) Yes! She's going to be available in a very short while! Clearing his throat, James went for the safe route. Putting on his therapy voice and his puppy dog eyes, James asked her, "Why? What makes you say that?"

"The fact that Doug is a twat makes me say that!"

"Doug?"

"Maximillian. I forgot that only girls call him Doug."

"So, why is he a great twat?"

"Because, because, I don't know! He just is. Now get me down!"

"Nu-uh. Nothing doing. I must be a great nutter but, would you consider me for your next boyfriend?" Zipping through the air, James ducked swiftly, making Lily turn white in fear. Gaining speed, James pulled out of the dive, getting level once more. Searching Lily's face, James was pleased to see a smile creep across her face.

"Well, if you put me down within the next five minutes, your chances will drastically change—in a good way."

"Then my odds will just have to suffer." He smiled. "I like flying with you."

"Wish I could say the same. I hate flying."

"You're awfully good at it."

"Please, I'm sitting here like a great lump while you do the navigating. That's hardly what I call flying anyway. By the way, great joke." She smiled, punching him lightheartedly on the shoulder.

"Are you going to make *this * Indian chief whoop with pleasure?"

"Very funny Potter. Look, we should do this again sometime. I really enjoyed it. But I'm sorry that I can't help you with the prefect password. But, I am seriously considering of letting you fill the hole that Doug can no longer fill."

"Ooh, can't wait. Now, I promised you a ride to the common room, right?"

"Well, I have to take a raincheck. Could you fly me back to the Quidditch field?"

"Sure."

Setting her down gently on the bleachers, James flashed her a smile and zoomed off. Running up to the dormitory, he rummaged through his belongings for his invisibility cloak. Finding it under his Quidditch robes, he remembered the promise he'd made to Matthew Rogers.

"Bloody Hell! I forgot! But I haven't the stomach to be captain!"

"Yes, you do. That's why I chose you. So, will you be my successor?" Rogers asked, stepping out of the shadows.

"Well, I don't think I can pick a lineup as well as you do. I need some time to think about this, Matt." James pleaded, stuffing his cloak and his robes back into his trunk.

"Time which we haven't got. Now, either you take it, or I submit our retirement notice to Minerva McGonagall. I mean it James. The history of the Gryffindor house Quidditch team is all in your hands, and whether you take it or not, I can't control that. But what I can control is the team so far."

"That wasn't fair Matt."

"Maybe not, but unless you become captain, my decision still stands."

"All right, all right. I wanted to in the first place, but now that it seems like my duty, I don't feel as excited as I should. But I accept." James was downhearted and disappointed, but he stoically took it.

Sitting down on his bed, James stared at Matt.

"I'll see you at practice." He said, getting up from the bed. James was left alone on his bed.

Rummaging around in Sirius' stuff he found the magic map from the pirate cave. Grabbing his wand, James thought to himself that only those who found it were allowed to use it. "Conceal!" he muttered and the parchment turned blank.

Running to the prefect's bathroom, he tapped it once more, whispering "show yourself!" and he searched the parchment for the prefect's bathroom. He saw himself saying the password "Cosmydor!" and he looked up as the Swan tapestry spoke.

"Beware the smelly populace. They shall not transcend!" Laughing at the swan, James ducked behind the tapestry and stood in the middle of the bathroom. Waiting, waiting, waiting for about ten minutes, he heard nothing. Just as soon as he turned to leave, he heard a long, sustained note. It came from a statue of a centaur huntress, not far from the door. At her feet lay a dying deer.

"Hey you!" James exclaimed, tapping the statue with his wand. Suddenly, the bathroom was filled with an emerald light, the very walls pulsating with life. Unforeseen, the statue spoke,

"Young stag, to what purpose do you seek my aid?"

"Uh, I want to become an animagus. To help my werewolf friend, ma'am."

"I sense great honor in you. You shall prevail. Allow me to be your muse and I shall lead you on to greatness."

"I thank you m'lady." James backed away and bowed.

"Come closer young stag. I have a secret for you."

Leaning in, James stare as the huntress cupped her hand to her mouth and thundered,

"Animagi we become!

Bound by the blood

And the brotherhood of the wand

Three different forms

We three must take

One, a stag, in honour of his muse

One, a rat to be put to good use

And lastly, a dog, to complete the ruse!"

The statue turned lifeless once more and James was left spellbound.

"This is some scary shit." He heard himself say. Everything was like an out-of-body experience! Running to the library, James skidded to a halt in front of Remus' heaving form. The poor boy had fallen asleep. 'Poor boy must be narcoleptic!' James thought with a smile. Shaking Remus awake very gently, James said that he had found the incantation.

"Humph, I'll bet… Now, what did you want?"

"That's it! I just found out how to become an animagus. Now, pack up, we have some wand work to do."

"Sure. But first we'll have to find Sirius."

"He's still in the infirmary. I'll fetch him, you go find Pettigrew. We're going to do this tonight."

"But, does Sirius have the potion?"

"He said he did! I'll take care of that, just run along and fetch Peter. We reconvene at the South star gazing tower, alright?"

"Okay, I'll see you in a bit then."

Dashing off in two directions, the boys thundered down the corridors, robes flying behind them.

Meanwhile, Sirius had dozed off. He awoke with a crawling suspicion that something worthwhile was going to happen tonight. Ducking once more under his bed, he whispered "lumos" and shuddered with revulsion as the slugs shied away from the wandlight.

Opening the chest very carefully, Sirius took a deep breath and peered in. There were bottles of ingredients that lay unopened and dusty. Imbedded in the velvet bed lay a note:

Severus Snape, Slytherin, Sixth Year

"I wonder if the little weasel left it here for me to find. But it does give me an advantage. It saves me the time and energy that I could put to better use. Now lets see, the inventory should be around here somewhere."

Patting, pinching and inserting his fingers into every nook and cranny of the potion box, Sirius came up with a yellowed bit of parchment that said,

Monksfoot ( four cups

Wolfsbane ( four cups

Ollar ( 1000 grams

Newt concentrate ( 4 ounces

Dragons blood ( one cup

Human blood ( one cup

As Sirius read the list he cringed in disgust and shut the lid of the chest, but not before taking a sniff of the Ollar, which smelled peculiarly like this marijuana thing that James was always talking about.

"We simply must find some of that stuff and slip it in the Slytherin drinks. It'd be quite a spectacle!"

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder, and Sirius spun around and flourished his wand.

"Easy, easy Sirius! It's only me! Now, I had to tell you as soon as possible. I have the incantation for the transformation. We need your potions knowledge, so grab the ingredients and I'll bring you along to the south star gazing tower."

"James! You startled me! Well, I have sort of a problem. We don't really have the potion yet. Do you think that we can just do the incantation and the wand formation? The potion is really if you want the transformation to be temporary."

"Are you absolutely sure about that, Sirius? I don't want to be stuck as a stag the rest of my life."

"Oh, you picked your animal already?"

"No, it was sort of assigned by my patron. That's how I got the incantation, you see. Now the two other choices are a rat and a big dog. Almost a wolf, you see. Quite splendid animal you see. Man's best friend and all that."

"I get it, I get it. You want me to be the wolf, right?" Sirius laughed.

"No, I need you to be the dog."

James pulled Sirius up of the floor and made for the doorway. Taking the southern corridor through the Great Hall, James glanced up at the ceiling and sighed in amazement. The night sky was beautiful, even though it was pitch black. There were patches of charcoal grey in areas and the stars twinkled like diamonds—cliché as it may sound.

Scurrying up the stairs, Sirius and James were intercepted by a mish mash man in a painting.

" 'Allo, 'allo, 'allo! I neva tho' I'd see the daiy when Sirius and Jaimes wu' fuget ta see me on thair waiy up. An' withou' gels, ai see." The man said in a harsh cockney accent. Adorned in fuschia feathers, electric blue patches on his robes, and a fearsome African mask, the mish-mash man stood with his hands on his hips.

"Mish-mash, you old coot! How have you been? We haven't had class here in ages, so we didn't have the chance to say hello." Sirius smiled, stopping at the painting.

"Neva stopped you befoa! Wheah ah yoah laidees?" Mish-mash asked, peering around the two boys.

"Ladies? We don't do that stuff anymore."

"You goin' foa fellas then?"

"Of course not! We're just rather busy, Mish-mash. Can we see you on our way down?" James offered, edging in front of Sirius.

"Shua, shua." Mish-mash said, waving them on.

"Sirius, are you sure we don't need the potion? I do so hate being a pushover about he whole thing, but we haven't got the time to search for it. I met my patroness tonight and we simply must get this going."

"No complaints here, I'm perfectly alright with it. Just that, I'm worried about Peter."

"Why? He'll show up. We're his personal pittbulls, he won't do anything without us behind him to shield him from punches, remember?"

"Yes, but, what if he tells?"

"Then he loses us."

"Alright, I stand corrected, but if anything goes wrong, we could be expelled, you do know that, right?"

"Yes I do. Now, here's the door leading to the roof. Remus and Peter are already there. And if they're not, then we can talk some more."

"Yeah, James, I was wondering about this Ollar substance that I've been hearing you blab on about for two years. What does the stuff do?"

"Well, it turns the senses to jelly, leaving you totally relaxed and at ease. Sometimes however, you say really stupid things because you're under the influence of its chemicals."

"Really? Like, how stupid?"

"Like, braindead kind of stupid. Like Peter Pettigrew in charms class."

"I heard that Potter!" growled Peter from the far end of the tower.

"So?"

"Let's get on with it then, we haven't much time until Filchy makes his rounds." Remus said, getting the roof ready. He was making a four- pointed star with detergent with blue flecks in it.

"Remus, is that the sorcerers sand that I asked you for?" Sirius asked, shrugging the sleep off.

"No, it's Lily's detergent. I couldn't find any, so I had to improvise."

"It'll have to do. If we don't botch this up too bad, then we'll be Animagi. If not, we'll be very sorry."

"Alright. Into your places, everyone. Remus, we only need a triangle, unless you want to turn into an animal as well."

"No thanks. I'll just rearrange this, if you please. Stand back Peter."

Swishing his wand and making the detergent form six triangles with a singular midpoint.

"See this? You're all connected. If something happens to one of you, it happens to all of you. Both good and bad effects, alright?"

"Alright. Now, to your places, men!" Sirius barked, marching to one end of the triangle.