Ch. 3 Memories Return
Clarice left the office trying her hardest to suppress defeat. Crawford was her mentor, her only friend in her fight against the bad guys. But even he had dismissed her...
'Clarice, cut it out! Don't let him get to you, this is your chance to show them all how wrong they were, how very, very wrong...'
As Clarice slid into her car, the beaten up jalopy that is was, she knew she had that same smile on her face again. The smile that told her, 'I'm in charge now.'
Back at home.....
Clarice walked through her door trying to find the ticket Crawford had given her for tomorrow's flight. 'Here it is...10:00 PM! Jesus...' Well, at least she had the whole next day to make sure she was ready.
Clarice walked through her tiny apartment trying to find anything worth taking. Clothes, obviously, but anything of real value? She severely lacked in that department. No pictures with friends, except for Ardelia, who was in almost every picture she took since they met. No sweet mementos,no boyfriends to miss her, no children to miss her, no one but Ardie. And him... wherever he was.
'Starling, snap out of it, he's history...'
Oh, but he wasn't. The good doctor occupied every moment of her spare time. She tried to forget him, and was so close in succeeding. Damn him for knowing how much she cared. Damn her for never admiting it...
Clarice decided she had time to spare. She called Ardie for some company, but she was busy with her husband and daughter. 'God,' thought Starling. 'How Ardie must pity me...'
Since company was obviously not an option, a good movie was in order. The TV listings showed a line-up of must see TV. Starling always considered this must-see for those lacking of something better to do. Those with idle minds are either dangerous or ignorant...
*Ignorant, Clarice? Something I despise, as it is a main factor of stupidy and rudeness...*
Clarice snapped her head to the side. "Doctor Lecter? Hannibal?!"
'Oh my god, I'm going insane...'
*Hardly insane Clarice, but would it be so bad? Many people have claimed my actions as those of the truly insane, but, am I? Please, enlighten me...*
"Oh God, stop it, please!" Clarice knew what was happening. Every time she allowed him to occupy her thoughts, he spoke to her. His voice vibrated her soul, shook her to her very core. Yet, she felt as if this was necessary, that if it ever stopped, she would have nothing left.
Trying to make him stop, just for now, just for a moment of peace, she ran from her living room. She ran out the door, barely stopping to latch it. She ran, ran all the way down the street, to the next block, and soon, all the way to The Place. Oh, she hadn't meant to run here, but it happened. Instead of running from him, she ran into his open arm full of memories...
^Flashback, 2 years earlier^
Clarice walked leisurely through the neighborhood park. She needed to get away from her daily life, away from the constant barrage of paperwork the bureau shoved down her throat. It was wonderful here; full, lush trees, changing leaves, even a small pond. So secluded and intimate, just what was needed for a quick rest.
As she walked, she saw a man in front of her. Why he caught her eye, she didn't know. Perhaps it was the stylish black trench coat he wore, or the slightly tilted Fedora. Or perhaps, it was that the moment she noticed him, the birds stopped chirping. The grasshoppers quit playing their songs, and the wind barely touched the trees. All was still, as if in a movie, played out in slow motion.
Clarice stopped walking and watched the stranger. He walked but two more paces, and stood his ground. She didn't like this at all, she was alone in a secluded area with a strange man who appeared to be listening to her movements. As she turned to run back home, she heard the familiar words, "Hello, Clarice..."
Quickly she spun around again to see him, to see the only one who could chill her very bones, yet melt her frozen heart. "Doctor... Is it you?"
The good doctor turned to face Clarice with a look of wonder and satisfaction. "Who else, Clarice, would you expect to follow you to your secret park?"
"How did you know I would go here Doctor? How did you get here?"
"One at a time, if you don't mind. I confess Clarice, I have been watching you. Not long, agent Starling, don't look too surprised. I have watched you for the past five days, and I know your habits now better than you do. Don't worry, Clarice, I did not intrude on your private moments. A long hot bath, changing into your favorite night shirt. I am not a "peeping tom", so to speak. I am more like an avid bird watcher, wanting to see every bit of beauty from my hobby of interest. "
"I don't understand what you're saying Doctor. I don't know why you are here. This is dangerous, for both of us." A quick glance to the side set the doctor off.
"You do know Clarice, yes, you do." He began to walk toward Clarice, each step flowing and marvelous to see, like a painter creating a masterpiece stroke by stroke. "Look Clarice." He held out his hand, the one that met the fate of the butcher knife so long ago... "It's healed quite nicely, don't you think? I can hardly tell it had ever been cut off."
"Doctor, this isn't safe..." Clarice began to tremble slightly, no matter how hard she tried to stay calm.
The doctor was a mere foot from her face now. "Safe for who, Clarice? For you? For your precious job? Hardly, *Special *Agent Starling. You aren't an agent Clarice. You are more than that. You can hear the lambs. They don't. The constant bleating fills your soul, so much that it should explode instead of carrying so much pain. Do you think the bureau cares what happens to the lambs? To you? If I Evelda Drumgo had killed you years ago, a fate many officers on your side of the law have considered, their lives would have been much simpler. As for me Clarice, I cannot be imprisoned. Nothing can contain me. I always escape, sweet Starling, as you well know...."
Dr. Lecter leaned over Clarice now, so close their bodies almost touched. He inhaled her hair deeply.
"Ahh.... I remember this aroma. How wonderful to sample it again. What do you remember Clarice?"
"I... I remember you, Doc-"
"No Clarice, we are far beyond doctor and patient now. I have a first name, please, use it."
She swallowed softly, maintaining his stare. "I remember you.... Hannibal."
Hannibal looked at Clarice with a smile so soft that it brought tears to her eyes. "Yes, Clarice, you are correct. I, too, remember you. I remember the tears. Why did you cry our last night together? Why did you let the lone tear betray you?"
Starling was no longer teary eyed, but instead trying to control the steady stream of pain that flowed from her. She was so close to him, she could see every detail of his smoothly shaved face. She was overwhelmed with his presence.
"I don't... don't know. I was feeling too much."
Closer still he leaned to her. Almost touched her lips with his own. "What did you feel Clarice? Tell me..."
The doctor's sentence was cut short by Clarice's lips. She moved forward slightly, just enough to kiss him. She felt it again, the same emotions she felt at Chesapeake, but so much stronger. She kissed him harder, wanting to feel him with her. And he returned her advance.
Hannibal and Clarice stood in the park, him leaned over her, meeting only at the lips. Clarice cried on, feeling her pain replaced by an unfamilar emotion. She carefully put her hand on her chest, not wanting to startle him or end this precious moment. Her hand was met by his own, sweetly enfolding her tiny palm in his own large one. Hannibal's passion was slowly unfolding in their kiss, which intensified as his free arm went around Clarice's waist.
They kissed forever. They were together, and pure, and wonderful. This was not a serial killer cannibal and an FBI agent. This was man and woman at their finest: in love.
Hannibal was the one to end their sweet embrace. He pulled back so slightly, that it seemed he had melted away from her. Clarice opened her eyes, her wet and puffy eyes, to see the only person she wanted... the only person she couldn't have.
"My, my, Clarice. I don't remember that." Such a simple thing to say, it brought a smile to both their lips.
"I don't either, but it was... wonderful."
"I believe, my sweet Clarice, that we both know why I am here. I want only for spend the rest of time with you. I must ask you quickly, as our encounter has surely taken up much of our travel time: will you come with me?"
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. He meant it. He wanted her. He really did. And instead of sweet rejoicing, she cried in a fit of sorrow and rage.
"I can't Hannibal... I can't..." Her sobbing became louder.
The look on Hannibal's face was not easily readable, but unmistakeably disappointed. "Why? What holds you here?"
"You are.. you are a murderer. How can I be with you, knowing that you have killed innocent people!" Clarice was near a breaking point, where her desperation and sorrow would drive her mad.
Silence from the doctor. He watched her eyes, her struggle between good and evil. Between the *FBI and him. "Clarice, stop your tears." There was no malice in his voice, just a stern edge.
And her tears stopped. She stared at him, wondering what she had just done.
"I must leave now Clarice. Do not cry for me anymore, as this is not our last encounter. Cry only for your true love. Cry for the bureau, and what you will become if you stand by it." On that note, the doctor turned to walk away, as if she had merely asked him the time and he had fulfilled her inquiry.
As Clarice stood, numbly glued to the spot, Hannibal faced her one final time.
"No matter what the bureau tells you, what all the goodness in your world tells you, remember this. You know how I feel for you. Never doubt it. Adieu, sweet Clarice."
And he was gone.
^End Flashback^
The tears were gone now. Clarice had nothing left inside of her to cry for. She was spent, emotionally and physically. She slowly turned and jogged home to her little apartment, where she awaited the dawning of the new day.
Clarice left the office trying her hardest to suppress defeat. Crawford was her mentor, her only friend in her fight against the bad guys. But even he had dismissed her...
'Clarice, cut it out! Don't let him get to you, this is your chance to show them all how wrong they were, how very, very wrong...'
As Clarice slid into her car, the beaten up jalopy that is was, she knew she had that same smile on her face again. The smile that told her, 'I'm in charge now.'
Back at home.....
Clarice walked through her door trying to find the ticket Crawford had given her for tomorrow's flight. 'Here it is...10:00 PM! Jesus...' Well, at least she had the whole next day to make sure she was ready.
Clarice walked through her tiny apartment trying to find anything worth taking. Clothes, obviously, but anything of real value? She severely lacked in that department. No pictures with friends, except for Ardelia, who was in almost every picture she took since they met. No sweet mementos,no boyfriends to miss her, no children to miss her, no one but Ardie. And him... wherever he was.
'Starling, snap out of it, he's history...'
Oh, but he wasn't. The good doctor occupied every moment of her spare time. She tried to forget him, and was so close in succeeding. Damn him for knowing how much she cared. Damn her for never admiting it...
Clarice decided she had time to spare. She called Ardie for some company, but she was busy with her husband and daughter. 'God,' thought Starling. 'How Ardie must pity me...'
Since company was obviously not an option, a good movie was in order. The TV listings showed a line-up of must see TV. Starling always considered this must-see for those lacking of something better to do. Those with idle minds are either dangerous or ignorant...
*Ignorant, Clarice? Something I despise, as it is a main factor of stupidy and rudeness...*
Clarice snapped her head to the side. "Doctor Lecter? Hannibal?!"
'Oh my god, I'm going insane...'
*Hardly insane Clarice, but would it be so bad? Many people have claimed my actions as those of the truly insane, but, am I? Please, enlighten me...*
"Oh God, stop it, please!" Clarice knew what was happening. Every time she allowed him to occupy her thoughts, he spoke to her. His voice vibrated her soul, shook her to her very core. Yet, she felt as if this was necessary, that if it ever stopped, she would have nothing left.
Trying to make him stop, just for now, just for a moment of peace, she ran from her living room. She ran out the door, barely stopping to latch it. She ran, ran all the way down the street, to the next block, and soon, all the way to The Place. Oh, she hadn't meant to run here, but it happened. Instead of running from him, she ran into his open arm full of memories...
^Flashback, 2 years earlier^
Clarice walked leisurely through the neighborhood park. She needed to get away from her daily life, away from the constant barrage of paperwork the bureau shoved down her throat. It was wonderful here; full, lush trees, changing leaves, even a small pond. So secluded and intimate, just what was needed for a quick rest.
As she walked, she saw a man in front of her. Why he caught her eye, she didn't know. Perhaps it was the stylish black trench coat he wore, or the slightly tilted Fedora. Or perhaps, it was that the moment she noticed him, the birds stopped chirping. The grasshoppers quit playing their songs, and the wind barely touched the trees. All was still, as if in a movie, played out in slow motion.
Clarice stopped walking and watched the stranger. He walked but two more paces, and stood his ground. She didn't like this at all, she was alone in a secluded area with a strange man who appeared to be listening to her movements. As she turned to run back home, she heard the familiar words, "Hello, Clarice..."
Quickly she spun around again to see him, to see the only one who could chill her very bones, yet melt her frozen heart. "Doctor... Is it you?"
The good doctor turned to face Clarice with a look of wonder and satisfaction. "Who else, Clarice, would you expect to follow you to your secret park?"
"How did you know I would go here Doctor? How did you get here?"
"One at a time, if you don't mind. I confess Clarice, I have been watching you. Not long, agent Starling, don't look too surprised. I have watched you for the past five days, and I know your habits now better than you do. Don't worry, Clarice, I did not intrude on your private moments. A long hot bath, changing into your favorite night shirt. I am not a "peeping tom", so to speak. I am more like an avid bird watcher, wanting to see every bit of beauty from my hobby of interest. "
"I don't understand what you're saying Doctor. I don't know why you are here. This is dangerous, for both of us." A quick glance to the side set the doctor off.
"You do know Clarice, yes, you do." He began to walk toward Clarice, each step flowing and marvelous to see, like a painter creating a masterpiece stroke by stroke. "Look Clarice." He held out his hand, the one that met the fate of the butcher knife so long ago... "It's healed quite nicely, don't you think? I can hardly tell it had ever been cut off."
"Doctor, this isn't safe..." Clarice began to tremble slightly, no matter how hard she tried to stay calm.
The doctor was a mere foot from her face now. "Safe for who, Clarice? For you? For your precious job? Hardly, *Special *Agent Starling. You aren't an agent Clarice. You are more than that. You can hear the lambs. They don't. The constant bleating fills your soul, so much that it should explode instead of carrying so much pain. Do you think the bureau cares what happens to the lambs? To you? If I Evelda Drumgo had killed you years ago, a fate many officers on your side of the law have considered, their lives would have been much simpler. As for me Clarice, I cannot be imprisoned. Nothing can contain me. I always escape, sweet Starling, as you well know...."
Dr. Lecter leaned over Clarice now, so close their bodies almost touched. He inhaled her hair deeply.
"Ahh.... I remember this aroma. How wonderful to sample it again. What do you remember Clarice?"
"I... I remember you, Doc-"
"No Clarice, we are far beyond doctor and patient now. I have a first name, please, use it."
She swallowed softly, maintaining his stare. "I remember you.... Hannibal."
Hannibal looked at Clarice with a smile so soft that it brought tears to her eyes. "Yes, Clarice, you are correct. I, too, remember you. I remember the tears. Why did you cry our last night together? Why did you let the lone tear betray you?"
Starling was no longer teary eyed, but instead trying to control the steady stream of pain that flowed from her. She was so close to him, she could see every detail of his smoothly shaved face. She was overwhelmed with his presence.
"I don't... don't know. I was feeling too much."
Closer still he leaned to her. Almost touched her lips with his own. "What did you feel Clarice? Tell me..."
The doctor's sentence was cut short by Clarice's lips. She moved forward slightly, just enough to kiss him. She felt it again, the same emotions she felt at Chesapeake, but so much stronger. She kissed him harder, wanting to feel him with her. And he returned her advance.
Hannibal and Clarice stood in the park, him leaned over her, meeting only at the lips. Clarice cried on, feeling her pain replaced by an unfamilar emotion. She carefully put her hand on her chest, not wanting to startle him or end this precious moment. Her hand was met by his own, sweetly enfolding her tiny palm in his own large one. Hannibal's passion was slowly unfolding in their kiss, which intensified as his free arm went around Clarice's waist.
They kissed forever. They were together, and pure, and wonderful. This was not a serial killer cannibal and an FBI agent. This was man and woman at their finest: in love.
Hannibal was the one to end their sweet embrace. He pulled back so slightly, that it seemed he had melted away from her. Clarice opened her eyes, her wet and puffy eyes, to see the only person she wanted... the only person she couldn't have.
"My, my, Clarice. I don't remember that." Such a simple thing to say, it brought a smile to both their lips.
"I don't either, but it was... wonderful."
"I believe, my sweet Clarice, that we both know why I am here. I want only for spend the rest of time with you. I must ask you quickly, as our encounter has surely taken up much of our travel time: will you come with me?"
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. He meant it. He wanted her. He really did. And instead of sweet rejoicing, she cried in a fit of sorrow and rage.
"I can't Hannibal... I can't..." Her sobbing became louder.
The look on Hannibal's face was not easily readable, but unmistakeably disappointed. "Why? What holds you here?"
"You are.. you are a murderer. How can I be with you, knowing that you have killed innocent people!" Clarice was near a breaking point, where her desperation and sorrow would drive her mad.
Silence from the doctor. He watched her eyes, her struggle between good and evil. Between the *FBI and him. "Clarice, stop your tears." There was no malice in his voice, just a stern edge.
And her tears stopped. She stared at him, wondering what she had just done.
"I must leave now Clarice. Do not cry for me anymore, as this is not our last encounter. Cry only for your true love. Cry for the bureau, and what you will become if you stand by it." On that note, the doctor turned to walk away, as if she had merely asked him the time and he had fulfilled her inquiry.
As Clarice stood, numbly glued to the spot, Hannibal faced her one final time.
"No matter what the bureau tells you, what all the goodness in your world tells you, remember this. You know how I feel for you. Never doubt it. Adieu, sweet Clarice."
And he was gone.
^End Flashback^
The tears were gone now. Clarice had nothing left inside of her to cry for. She was spent, emotionally and physically. She slowly turned and jogged home to her little apartment, where she awaited the dawning of the new day.
