Part 3:Â Ancient ElementsÂ
In the late night shadows she managed to take her time to ensure she silently unlocked the front door. Once it finally came open she crept inside, and past the figure sleeping on the couch. She stopped to look at the person in the bed. After a moment of hesitation she reminded herself that it was either them or herself. She picked up and pillow and covered her face with it, one thing she hadn't anticipated was the they might not stay asleep. The realization that something was very wrong came quickly. Rachel struggled against the force that kept her from breathing, and cried out once she was able to push the pillow away enough. Christina began panicked and attacked her the two women fought fiercely, stumbling around in the dark. Ross heard the noise immediately and woke up.
"Rach?!" He called, and dashed to the bedroom. On the way he tripped a table that had been knocked over and ended up falling into the bedroom. Christina slammed the door shut and ran as fast as she could toward then area where she thought the front door was. Rachel pulled herself up and did what was one of the least intelligent things she ever did, she ran after her. This lead her to run into a low beam of wood, hit her head, and pass out for what seemed like the hundredth time recently.
*******
Rachel laid obediently still as the doctor at the emergency room treated her. She had of course re-injured her head, but there didn't seem to be any other damage. She felt very foolish, and helpless, and mentally burned out. It seemed like no matter what she did nothing would ever be even close to normal ever again.Â
Meanwhile Ross was engaged in a heated argument. "What do you mean there's nothing you can do?! She tried to kill us!"
"Look Mr. Geller-" Detective Randall started.
"Ross! Call me Ross!" He corrected.
"Ross, we have no proof it was Christina-" the detective began again.
"So what we're just suppose to wait around for her to come back?!" Ross asked.
"We're doing everything we can to see that you and your wife are safe." Detective Kensington said.
"Yeah well that obviously isn't enough!" Ross yelled, and stormed off before either could get in one more word. After seeing Rachel in the hospital again Ross resolved that if the police wouldn't protect her he would. He would take them away.....to some place safe.
**********
Rachel stared out the window of their rental car watching trees go by. When Ross suggested that they go away to be safe she had agreed. They both got a temporary leave of absence from work and were now going unto this place upstate that apparently Ross and Monica had gone on vacation a few times when they were kids. The whole idea of hiding out in some old family home seemed very....suspense movie like, but if it would keep them safe then it didn't really matter.
"You okay?" Ross asked as they pulled up the drive way.
"Yeah I'm fine," Rachel said deadpan. The house was less like a house and more like a small cabin, Rachel would have found it charming under different circumstances.
"Here we are. You can go in and lay down, I'll get the bags," Ross said, the words were really sweet but his voice seemed so cold and mechanical. Rachel just nodded and walked inside.Â
*******
As Ross unpacked the car he tried not to think about how much even looking at Rachel broke his heart. This must be hell for her....and he had no idea how to help.
*******
Rachel slept the rest of the day, and then got up the next morning showered, got dressed and went to the kitchen for some breakfast. She figured she might as well make the best of the situation. At least this way she could try to recover without having to worry about questions from the people at work. As she was making coffee Ross walked, or more like staggered, into the kitchen looking kinda like he had spent the night in a Laundromat dryer.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"Making coffee," Rachel said irritated. 'Where does he get off demanding to know what I'm doing?'
"Well you should have asked me.....here" He said and went over to her.
"Well excuse me but I can do things for myself!" She said.
"Rachel don't argue with me!" He said trying to pry the canister out of her hands, causing both of them to drop it on the floor in an explosion of coffee grounds.
"God Ross what the hell is your problem?!?!?!" Rachel yelled. He flinched away as she looked into his eyes, as if he couldn't stand to look at her. Rachel suddenly felt repulsed all over again. Tears welled up in her eyes.
"Fine do what ever you want." She said and bolted back to the bedroom, where she collapsed into a fit of sobs.
Ross sighed and began sweeping up the coffee grounds, trying to keep from crying himself. He kept hurting Rachel over and over again.
*******
As time passed Rachel slowly got better. Her side healed, the stitches were removed, and the constant lingering headaches finally went away. She also began to heal emotionally the sudden panic attacks stopped, and she had less nightmares than before.
Rachel laid in bed one night, she had gone to bed early saying she was tired. She was getting so sick of living with nothing to do day after day, she didn't even have anyone to talked to. The situation between her and Ross wasn't getting better. It was a rare event when they spoke to each other, hell they barely even looked at each other recently. She was getting tired of the book she was reading, but didn't really feel like sleeping either. She didn't know how she felt......her mind seemed pent up, restless, and bored above all. 'I wonder if Ross is as bored as me?' she though to herself. There was only one bedroom in the house so she assumed he slept in the living room, but didn't care enough to ask. She tried again to concentrate on getting into the story, finally giving up she dropped the book and twirled he edge of the sheet in her fingers staring up at the ceiling mindlessly. With a sigh she half rolled onto her side and ran her hand over her breast and down her stomach, the feeling of her own touch through the soft fabric of her night gown created small flames which tingled through out her body. She sighed again, rolled her eyes at herself mentally, and turned over completely onto her stomach. 'So....how long after a rape is it suppose to be before you start thinking about sex? Ugh! They should really make a book answering these things!' she thought to herself, rolled her eyes again, then turned off the light and fell asleep.
********
The days and weeks continued to pass, along with their tedious hours and mundane tasks. Ross and Rachel did what ever they could to pass the time. Rachel couldn't help but let her mind wonder......she thought about many things, including the things that she sort of felt she shouldn't want to think about. However she couldn't help but also feel that it would be nice to have someone.....someone to kiss, someone to hold her late at night, basically someone to love, but she wasn't exactly sure if the wanted that those things with Ross. They had grown so far apart the thought seemed weird to her.....almost as if they'd never gone out at all.Â
'We did though, and we've been through so much,' Rachel thought to herself as she remembered Julie, the list, her new job, Mark, Chloe, 'Yet we still got married!' She realized. Suddenly things seemed very clear to her; Gaicomo had done a horrible thing to her, but she couldn't let it destroy everything the two of them had fought for time and time again. Rachel got out of bed where she had been laying a minute before, and slipped on her robe. She wondered all through the house before finding Ross sitting out on the front porch, she opened the door and came out behind him.
"Hey," She said softly
Ross looked at her surprised. "Hey," he said back.
"So this is what you do all night, huh?" Rachel asked as she sat down in another chair and looked at the baseball bat he had sitting next to his chair.
Ross blushed a little, "I thought you had gone to bed already."
"I couldn't sleep," Rachel explained, the paused for a couple moments, "Ross I know you mean well but you can't just sit out here every night. Okay? I need you to come to bed and hold me and make love with me, I can't take all of this us never talking to each other stuff."
Ross made no reply, just looked at the floor.
"I know you don't want to touch me.....I feel dirty too-" Rachel began but he cut her off.
"What?! Rachel I don't think you're dirty! Not at all!"
Rachel stared at him, "Then what the hell is going on with you?!"
"I......."he began, and then looked down, "Rachel do you know where I was the night it happened? Christina had invited me to dinner with her. So.....while you were being raped, I was off about to go on a date with another woman! I mean how awful is that?! I feel like total scum, I cheated on you once before and I was about to again!! I don't deserve to love you, but I feel can at least protect you."
Rachel sat in stunned silence while she listened to what Ross was saying, after he was done she stood up and paced around for a few minutes, taking time to think about what she had just heard. Finally she sighed and turned back to him, "Ross.........what happens, happens. You couldn't have prevented this anymore than I could have." she said, looking at him, " I can't say I'm thrilled to hear what you just told me, and I know you think I'm going to leave you-"
"It's okay.....I wouldn't blame you," Ross said, looking down.
"Yes......but I'm not going to." she said, Ross looked up at her in surprise after she said that, "I'm determined to live my life even after all of this, and part of life is making choices. I'm not here with you because of something you've said, or something you've done, or because you've tricked me in someway......I'm here because I choose to be. And I choose to continue to be. I'm scared just like you are! We were being stalked, I've almost been killed twice, and now Christina is out there somewhere and I don't know what she's going to do or when we can go back to our normal lives. Now we can let this take over our entire lives, like it has so far......or we can choose to get through it together! To not let it destroy us!"
Ross sat for a moment the slowly stood up and went over next to Rachel, he opened his mouth as if you speak but no words came out at first. Finally after a hoarse chuckle he put his hand on her cheek asked, "How can you be so strong?"
Rachel's eyes began to tear up as she shook her head and whispered, "I don't know." Ross slowly stroked her cheek with his thumb then oh so slowly leaned over and gave her a soft tender kiss on the lips. They broke the kiss after a little while and leaned together at the forehead as Rachel let her tears fall.Â
Ross slowly kissed down her neck and whispered "I love you" softly into her ear. Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder.
***************
Rachel laid back as Ross kissed down her stomach opening her top as she went. She would have moved, but her muscles felt as if they had been turned into jelly. Ross continued to remove her clothes, kissing every inch of burning skin that he could as he went. All of the feeling of guilt and self loathing that had been a horrible burden for so long were now gone, replaced an almost overwhelming passion. He wanted touch her everywhere, and kiss her forever, and never let her away from him again.
Rachel sat up and kissed him on the mouth, while her hands slip his shirt off of him and then moved down to undo his pants. Their tongues explored each other's mouths as Ross's hands explored all over her back, and shoulders, and her aching breasts.
As they got farther into their love making, a little voice inside Rachel's head kept popping up, asking her how this was any different than what Gaicomo had done to her.
'Well? What is the difference?'
'Shut up!!' she said inside her head.
'Why? Because there isn't one?'
'Stop it!!!!!!!!!!' she yelled mentally at herself.
'Both acts are driven by the same thing! You know it's true! There's no difference! You're both no better than him!!!!!' the voice came through louder than ever.
'NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!' Rachel's mind screamed desperately.
Ross felt Rachel stiffen in his arms. 'She's getting scared.' he thought to himself, and then looked at her.
"Are you okay?" he asked, she made no response, "We can stop if it's too soon." He told her and lightly stroked a piece of hair away from her eyes. Rachel stared at him for a moment, before kissing him again. She knew by looking into his eyes that there was a difference.......here the souls were fused a long with their bodies, here there was love.
They moved as one, letting primal forces take over their actions and thoughts. Emotional sensations bombarded them; passion........desire.......... love.........ancient elements threatening to drive them over the edge. The storm swirled around them as they cried out in mutual gratification. Then they collapsed backward, their hearts overflowing with love and hope. Rachel relaxed and let sleep overtake her, knowing for the first time in forever that everything was alright.
In the late night shadows she managed to take her time to ensure she silently unlocked the front door. Once it finally came open she crept inside, and past the figure sleeping on the couch. She stopped to look at the person in the bed. After a moment of hesitation she reminded herself that it was either them or herself. She picked up and pillow and covered her face with it, one thing she hadn't anticipated was the they might not stay asleep. The realization that something was very wrong came quickly. Rachel struggled against the force that kept her from breathing, and cried out once she was able to push the pillow away enough. Christina began panicked and attacked her the two women fought fiercely, stumbling around in the dark. Ross heard the noise immediately and woke up.
"Rach?!" He called, and dashed to the bedroom. On the way he tripped a table that had been knocked over and ended up falling into the bedroom. Christina slammed the door shut and ran as fast as she could toward then area where she thought the front door was. Rachel pulled herself up and did what was one of the least intelligent things she ever did, she ran after her. This lead her to run into a low beam of wood, hit her head, and pass out for what seemed like the hundredth time recently.
*******
Rachel laid obediently still as the doctor at the emergency room treated her. She had of course re-injured her head, but there didn't seem to be any other damage. She felt very foolish, and helpless, and mentally burned out. It seemed like no matter what she did nothing would ever be even close to normal ever again.Â
Meanwhile Ross was engaged in a heated argument. "What do you mean there's nothing you can do?! She tried to kill us!"
"Look Mr. Geller-" Detective Randall started.
"Ross! Call me Ross!" He corrected.
"Ross, we have no proof it was Christina-" the detective began again.
"So what we're just suppose to wait around for her to come back?!" Ross asked.
"We're doing everything we can to see that you and your wife are safe." Detective Kensington said.
"Yeah well that obviously isn't enough!" Ross yelled, and stormed off before either could get in one more word. After seeing Rachel in the hospital again Ross resolved that if the police wouldn't protect her he would. He would take them away.....to some place safe.
**********
Rachel stared out the window of their rental car watching trees go by. When Ross suggested that they go away to be safe she had agreed. They both got a temporary leave of absence from work and were now going unto this place upstate that apparently Ross and Monica had gone on vacation a few times when they were kids. The whole idea of hiding out in some old family home seemed very....suspense movie like, but if it would keep them safe then it didn't really matter.
"You okay?" Ross asked as they pulled up the drive way.
"Yeah I'm fine," Rachel said deadpan. The house was less like a house and more like a small cabin, Rachel would have found it charming under different circumstances.
"Here we are. You can go in and lay down, I'll get the bags," Ross said, the words were really sweet but his voice seemed so cold and mechanical. Rachel just nodded and walked inside.Â
*******
As Ross unpacked the car he tried not to think about how much even looking at Rachel broke his heart. This must be hell for her....and he had no idea how to help.
*******
Rachel slept the rest of the day, and then got up the next morning showered, got dressed and went to the kitchen for some breakfast. She figured she might as well make the best of the situation. At least this way she could try to recover without having to worry about questions from the people at work. As she was making coffee Ross walked, or more like staggered, into the kitchen looking kinda like he had spent the night in a Laundromat dryer.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"Making coffee," Rachel said irritated. 'Where does he get off demanding to know what I'm doing?'
"Well you should have asked me.....here" He said and went over to her.
"Well excuse me but I can do things for myself!" She said.
"Rachel don't argue with me!" He said trying to pry the canister out of her hands, causing both of them to drop it on the floor in an explosion of coffee grounds.
"God Ross what the hell is your problem?!?!?!" Rachel yelled. He flinched away as she looked into his eyes, as if he couldn't stand to look at her. Rachel suddenly felt repulsed all over again. Tears welled up in her eyes.
"Fine do what ever you want." She said and bolted back to the bedroom, where she collapsed into a fit of sobs.
Ross sighed and began sweeping up the coffee grounds, trying to keep from crying himself. He kept hurting Rachel over and over again.
*******
As time passed Rachel slowly got better. Her side healed, the stitches were removed, and the constant lingering headaches finally went away. She also began to heal emotionally the sudden panic attacks stopped, and she had less nightmares than before.
Rachel laid in bed one night, she had gone to bed early saying she was tired. She was getting so sick of living with nothing to do day after day, she didn't even have anyone to talked to. The situation between her and Ross wasn't getting better. It was a rare event when they spoke to each other, hell they barely even looked at each other recently. She was getting tired of the book she was reading, but didn't really feel like sleeping either. She didn't know how she felt......her mind seemed pent up, restless, and bored above all. 'I wonder if Ross is as bored as me?' she though to herself. There was only one bedroom in the house so she assumed he slept in the living room, but didn't care enough to ask. She tried again to concentrate on getting into the story, finally giving up she dropped the book and twirled he edge of the sheet in her fingers staring up at the ceiling mindlessly. With a sigh she half rolled onto her side and ran her hand over her breast and down her stomach, the feeling of her own touch through the soft fabric of her night gown created small flames which tingled through out her body. She sighed again, rolled her eyes at herself mentally, and turned over completely onto her stomach. 'So....how long after a rape is it suppose to be before you start thinking about sex? Ugh! They should really make a book answering these things!' she thought to herself, rolled her eyes again, then turned off the light and fell asleep.
********
The days and weeks continued to pass, along with their tedious hours and mundane tasks. Ross and Rachel did what ever they could to pass the time. Rachel couldn't help but let her mind wonder......she thought about many things, including the things that she sort of felt she shouldn't want to think about. However she couldn't help but also feel that it would be nice to have someone.....someone to kiss, someone to hold her late at night, basically someone to love, but she wasn't exactly sure if the wanted that those things with Ross. They had grown so far apart the thought seemed weird to her.....almost as if they'd never gone out at all.Â
'We did though, and we've been through so much,' Rachel thought to herself as she remembered Julie, the list, her new job, Mark, Chloe, 'Yet we still got married!' She realized. Suddenly things seemed very clear to her; Gaicomo had done a horrible thing to her, but she couldn't let it destroy everything the two of them had fought for time and time again. Rachel got out of bed where she had been laying a minute before, and slipped on her robe. She wondered all through the house before finding Ross sitting out on the front porch, she opened the door and came out behind him.
"Hey," She said softly
Ross looked at her surprised. "Hey," he said back.
"So this is what you do all night, huh?" Rachel asked as she sat down in another chair and looked at the baseball bat he had sitting next to his chair.
Ross blushed a little, "I thought you had gone to bed already."
"I couldn't sleep," Rachel explained, the paused for a couple moments, "Ross I know you mean well but you can't just sit out here every night. Okay? I need you to come to bed and hold me and make love with me, I can't take all of this us never talking to each other stuff."
Ross made no reply, just looked at the floor.
"I know you don't want to touch me.....I feel dirty too-" Rachel began but he cut her off.
"What?! Rachel I don't think you're dirty! Not at all!"
Rachel stared at him, "Then what the hell is going on with you?!"
"I......."he began, and then looked down, "Rachel do you know where I was the night it happened? Christina had invited me to dinner with her. So.....while you were being raped, I was off about to go on a date with another woman! I mean how awful is that?! I feel like total scum, I cheated on you once before and I was about to again!! I don't deserve to love you, but I feel can at least protect you."
Rachel sat in stunned silence while she listened to what Ross was saying, after he was done she stood up and paced around for a few minutes, taking time to think about what she had just heard. Finally she sighed and turned back to him, "Ross.........what happens, happens. You couldn't have prevented this anymore than I could have." she said, looking at him, " I can't say I'm thrilled to hear what you just told me, and I know you think I'm going to leave you-"
"It's okay.....I wouldn't blame you," Ross said, looking down.
"Yes......but I'm not going to." she said, Ross looked up at her in surprise after she said that, "I'm determined to live my life even after all of this, and part of life is making choices. I'm not here with you because of something you've said, or something you've done, or because you've tricked me in someway......I'm here because I choose to be. And I choose to continue to be. I'm scared just like you are! We were being stalked, I've almost been killed twice, and now Christina is out there somewhere and I don't know what she's going to do or when we can go back to our normal lives. Now we can let this take over our entire lives, like it has so far......or we can choose to get through it together! To not let it destroy us!"
Ross sat for a moment the slowly stood up and went over next to Rachel, he opened his mouth as if you speak but no words came out at first. Finally after a hoarse chuckle he put his hand on her cheek asked, "How can you be so strong?"
Rachel's eyes began to tear up as she shook her head and whispered, "I don't know." Ross slowly stroked her cheek with his thumb then oh so slowly leaned over and gave her a soft tender kiss on the lips. They broke the kiss after a little while and leaned together at the forehead as Rachel let her tears fall.Â
Ross slowly kissed down her neck and whispered "I love you" softly into her ear. Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder.
***************
Rachel laid back as Ross kissed down her stomach opening her top as she went. She would have moved, but her muscles felt as if they had been turned into jelly. Ross continued to remove her clothes, kissing every inch of burning skin that he could as he went. All of the feeling of guilt and self loathing that had been a horrible burden for so long were now gone, replaced an almost overwhelming passion. He wanted touch her everywhere, and kiss her forever, and never let her away from him again.
Rachel sat up and kissed him on the mouth, while her hands slip his shirt off of him and then moved down to undo his pants. Their tongues explored each other's mouths as Ross's hands explored all over her back, and shoulders, and her aching breasts.
As they got farther into their love making, a little voice inside Rachel's head kept popping up, asking her how this was any different than what Gaicomo had done to her.
'Well? What is the difference?'
'Shut up!!' she said inside her head.
'Why? Because there isn't one?'
'Stop it!!!!!!!!!!' she yelled mentally at herself.
'Both acts are driven by the same thing! You know it's true! There's no difference! You're both no better than him!!!!!' the voice came through louder than ever.
'NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!' Rachel's mind screamed desperately.
Ross felt Rachel stiffen in his arms. 'She's getting scared.' he thought to himself, and then looked at her.
"Are you okay?" he asked, she made no response, "We can stop if it's too soon." He told her and lightly stroked a piece of hair away from her eyes. Rachel stared at him for a moment, before kissing him again. She knew by looking into his eyes that there was a difference.......here the souls were fused a long with their bodies, here there was love.
They moved as one, letting primal forces take over their actions and thoughts. Emotional sensations bombarded them; passion........desire.......... love.........ancient elements threatening to drive them over the edge. The storm swirled around them as they cried out in mutual gratification. Then they collapsed backward, their hearts overflowing with love and hope. Rachel relaxed and let sleep overtake her, knowing for the first time in forever that everything was alright.
