Vengeful Nightmares

Chapter 14

They're getting stronger…Sarah shuddered. Shiva must have been putting it mildly; if they were strong enough to make Hoggle try to kill himself they were very strong indeed. Then again, all things considered, they would not have had to make much of an effort.

Hoggle had his eyes closed, but he wasn't unconscious. He was shaking, his breath coming in gasps. In truth, he was afraid to open his eyes. What would Sarah do to him? What had she thought of him when she had seen the knife in his hand? Don't look at me…

Sarah was now looking closely at his knife hand; she had not pulled her swing when she had knocked the knife from it, and it was entirely possible that she had broken his fingers. "Hoggle? Did I hurt you? Open your eyes, Hoggle."

Hoggle reluctantly did so, and forced his eyes to meet hers. She smiled through tears that she wasn't even aware of, and repeated her question, "Did I hurt you? Are you all right?"

The dwarf sat up, shook his head, and looked away. He wasn't hurt, but he wasn't all right. He felt a stinging behind his eyes, and he knew he was going to cry. It was just a matter of time.

"Sir Hoggle, how couldst thou?" Didymus began to scold, having found his voice. Hoggle turned his head to face the fox, and shrank back. The knight stepped forward, and continued, "To attempt thine own death when we would help thee! Shame on thee. Shame on thee!"

"That's enough!" Sarah snapped, rather more nastily than she had intended; her eyes flashed briefly, looking uncommonly like those of her cougar form.

"But…my Lady…he be my friend, also. Why would…" the fox was cut off when Hoggle burst into tears. He stared in shock and dismay as Sarah wrapped her arms around her sobbing friend, trying to lessen his shame by blocking their view. "Sir Hoggle, I…"

Shiva stepped quickly forward, and leaned down to whisper into the fox's ear. Sir Didymus nodded, and Shiva slipped something into his gloved paw as he left the room.

"B—but I didn't try—to k-kill myself…it was…it moved my h—hands, and…"

"I know, I know." Sarah whispered, patting him gently on the back as she had done before. "I saw it, Hoggle. Sir Didymus didn't, or he wouldn't have said those things to you. He didn't know."

"It was my f-f-father!" Hoggle sobbed incoherently, no longer caring who saw or heard. "It-it was my f-father! He—he t-told me…he…"

"Shhh. Don't try to talk anymore. Just cry, if you need to. It'll be all right."

"It'll never b—be all right!"

"Shhh. Yes it will. It will." Sarah murmured.

The wind picked up outside, slamming into the inn and rattling the shutters. Hoggle gave a small yelp, and hid his face. He was hyperventilating again, crying so hard that he actually began to dry-heave. Sarah pulled away briefly, but there was nothing in his stomach to come up. He rested his head on her lap as a wave of dizziness swept over him, silently cursing himself for being so weak. "I…tried to love—him…I'm not sup—posed to h-hate my f-father, but…I can't help—it. He—he killed her! He…oh Sarah, why?"

"I don't know, Hoggle." Sarah sighed shakily; she was crying with him, and she couldn't hide it.

"N—no!" Hoggle cried, horrified by what he thought he had done. "I d-didn't mean…I…"

"Hush, you didn't do anything. That's the whole point. You did nothing to deserve this! I hate to see you hurt like this!" Sarah choked, holding him tightly.

"B-but I made you c-cry!" he sobbed brokenly.

"No. No, you didn't. I…I don't know how I'm going to keep my promise. I told you I'd fix this, but…I just don't know how. I want so much to help. All I've done is hold you, and you're a grown man for God's sake! How could I presume to help you?"

Hoggle looked up at her, shoulders still heaving, and shook his head. "N-no. You did help me…more than I deserve."

"What do you mean, 'more than you deserve'?" Sarah asked.

The dwarf shook his head, unable to speak as his sobs once more took over. Sarah glanced over at the door, and saw that Shiva was gone. The door was ajar, and Sarah could see the shadows of feet beneath it. Shiva was guarding the door. Sarah was glad not to find her standing behind them.

"What did you mean, Hoggle?" Sarah asked more gently, touching his shuddering back.

"I…I've never been worth your…worth your effort. I'm not even—human, and I'm…I'm just a sh—short, ugly little coward. Always was. An' I betrayed you, and…and later I still tried—to…to tell you I didn't wanta be friends with you when I did, and…and you still forgave me, and…I don' understand…"

"I forgave you because I liked you, Hoggle. I knew you had no choice. And I told you once before, I saw through you. I knew what you really meant. I don't see you as being a coward, and I don't care how you look. I mean jeez, how am I going to look when I'm your age?" she asked teasingly, hoping to make him smile.

"Like a corpse." He sniffled, "I'm one hundred and fifty-three."

"Are you…you're serious." Sarah gasped, frowning.

"We…we live a long time. In fact…I'll prob—ly outlive you!" he cried, sobbing hard into her lap. "You see? I—I lose everyone! The one p-person I've ever c-c-cared about is…is dead, and I'll lose you too! It…it's not fair!"

Sarah leaned forward so that her cheek was resting on Hoggle's head, and whispered, "You're right. It isn't fair. But that's a long way off, Hoggle. And if what Shiva says is right…" Sarah trailed off. Hoggle didn't press her to continue; he just sat up and put his head on her shoulder. For the first time in he didn't know how long, Hoggle truly let himself go and grieved freely and deeply. It was almost as if he was weeping his heart's blood, not tears. He wasn't crying out of fear or self-pity; all the 'grieving' that he had done before, though just as stormy, paled in comparison to this. He was crying for the mother that had been taken from him. He was crying for the father whom he had tried to love, no matter how poorly he had treated his son. He was also crying for the loss of his friend, though it had not yet happened. He had never known such terrible pain, and yet he noticed that crying actually helped to alleviate it somewhat. And he had his friend with him; she wasn't lost to him yet. What did it matter how different they were? Her friendship was precious to him. To think he had almost scotched it several times! And what was she doing now? She was holding him close and letting him cry on her shoulder, stroking his wet cheek with the back of her hand. He had forgotten that such kindness could exist.

There were voices in the hallway, and Sarah recognized them as belonging to Sir Didymus and Shiva. If Hoggle noticed them he didn't let on. The worst of the storms had passed; hitching breaths and sniffles were all that remained. Anything could set him off again, but he was finally getting calm. Sarah only held him, not wanting to say the wrong thing again. She hadn't meant to make him cry so hard.

If I had only gone around this place, he wouldn't be going through this. Of course I had other options! How could I be so stupid! Sarah sighed. Of course the dreams would still have come, but he wouldn't have found out about his father's suicide just yet. What had the note said? Sarah could only imagine. The letter was private, she knew that; what had passed between father and son was Hoggle's business. He would tell her if he wanted to.

Hoggle began to grow quiet, but he didn't pull away. Instead, he shifted to a more comfortable position and closed his eyes. His body felt numb, and the thought of walking the short distance to his bed nearly made him groan aloud. Passing a shaking hand over his eyes, he sighed and used an expression that he had once heard Sarah use. "This sucks."

"Yeah…" Sarah sighed. She couldn't agree more.

The door opened, and Shiva came in with a pot of tea and a plate of cookies on a tray. "I thought you two could use this." She explained, setting the tray down on the floor in front of them. Hoggle lifted his head to look at her, and Sarah could feel him tense up as if getting ready to run.

"There's nothing to be afraid of." Shiva told him, "I know you've had some bad experiences with another member of my race, but as far as you're concerned I'm harmless."

"Harmless…" Hoggle mouthed silently to himself, and sighed. "Right…okay." He nodded several times to reassure himself, and forced his body to relax a little.

"I thought you might remember me, at least a little." Shiva continued, "I don't remember you, of course; so many of you change too quickly for me to hold an accurate picture of you in my head. Also, Hoggle is a fairly prevalent name here."

"I don' t 'member you." Hoggle replied dully. "I mostly just left the house to work."

"Why?" Shiva asked, sensing an anomaly of some kind. Something didn't fit. The dwarves that Shiva had observed had always been social among their own people.

"I just did." he glanced up at her, a spark of anger kindling in his blue eyes. Shiva met Sarah's eyes, and Sarah gave her head a small shake.

"All right. I'm Shiva, by the way."

"Uh-huh."

He wanted her to leave, she could see that. This dwarf had no love for the fae people, that much was obvious. She wondered what he would think if he knew that his friend Sarah was becoming one. Poor child…

Shiva caught the smile before it formed. She would have to stop thinking of the shorter-lived races as children!

"When were you planning on leaving this town, Sarah?" the fae inquired, and was favored with a weary smile.

"I haven't really had time to plan. It depends…" Sarah shrugged, not wanting to put Hoggle on the spot. "I really would like to try tomorrow if I can."

"A wise choice, if you wish to save Jareth" Shiva assented, then focused her gaze on Hoggle, who had begun to look horrified. To him she said, "It would also be a wise choice for you to remain here for a time."

"Why?" Hoggle demanded.

Shiva took a moment to reply, choosing her words carefully. "Because something, I know not what, has happened to you. You need time to heal, and that makes this journey dangerous to your welfare."

"Stayin' here would be even worse. I…this place had a part to play in it. And I won't leave Sarah."

"Is it that you're afraid to have her leave you? That you think she can protect you from the dreams?" Shiva asked gently, knowing that she might be provoking him to fight with her.

It surprised her a little when he looked down in shame and said, "Partly. But I don' want her to face this alone either. What got me thinkin' was…"

"What?" asked Shiva.

"Well…she's my friend, that's one. And I was thinkin' about how I'd fare alone in her world." He looked up. "The answer was not very well."

"Hmm…perhaps you're right about her being able to protect you from the dreams, at least to an extent. It is your choice, of course. Your courage is admirable, but in this case perhaps it is foolish." Said Shiva.

Hoggle glanced up incredulously. Did she say courage? But I'm a…Maybe I'm not a coward…

"If I may ask…don't get angry…what happened to you?"

Hoggle opened his mouth and took a small breath to speak, and stopped short. He knew he shouldn't trust her, but what was to stop her from prying the information from his brain? Why did she have to bring it up? She seemed to be genuinely concerned, but still…she was a fae! Fae were trouble, fae were…

But how many fae did he actually know?

Finally, he sighed. "Fine. We stopped at my father's house today, and I found out…I found his suicide note on the table." He pressed his lips together, his face a careful mask.

"Ah…And you had no prior knowledge of this?"

"No."

"But that's not all, is it?" she continued in a whisper.

Sarah wanted to make her be quiet, but she couldn't seem to move. She sensed that Shiva only wished to help, but she wasn't sure if the fae was actually causing harm instead.

Hoggle shook his head. "He…he killed my mother. And I forgot…How…how could I?" his eyes grew distant. Please go away!

Shiva was silent for a moment, and then she passed her hand in front of Hoggle's face, palm glowing dimly. Hoggle's body grew slack, and before Sarah could ask what Shiva had done he was asleep. "What…"

"He's all right. He just needs rest." Shiva told her.

"Why did you do that?" hissed Sarah. "Hasn't he been through enough? He didn't deserve that!"

"I'm sorry. I can't help him with this one. I wanted to see if I could, that's why I pushed him. I was wrong. If you wish, I can make him forget this conversation."

"No, Shiva. Really, I appreciate your trying to help, but no one's going to mess with his head. No."

Shiva actually lowered her head in contrition, and Sarah didn't quite know how to react to it. Instead, she changed the subject. "Where is Sir Didymus?"

"He went to the stables to check on his…er, steed. He also wished to speak with Ludo. I have a feeling that he will be apologizing to both of you sometime soon."

"I didn't mean to yell at him, though. What about the dreams? Should he be out there?"

"Oh, I think he'll be all right. I gave him a charm that will hopefully ward off any malignant dreams that may come."

"Oh. What did you give him?"

Shiva grinned mildly. "A simple button made of antler, but a very powerful ward. The deer is my other form, so any product that comes from the body of a deer is especially receptive to my power."

"How great is your power?" asked Sarah.

"Considerable, but nowhere near as great as the Goblin King's were."

Were…she's really serious about this. Will he really die if I wait too long? And damn it, why should I care!

"How much time does he have?" she found herself asking.

Shiva sighed, and said, "Perhaps a week, but no longer."

Sarah swallowed hard, her stomach growing cold. This was really going to happen, and she would be stuck with his powers.

"Don't leave…" Hoggle murmured in his sleep. She looked down at him and saw tears running down his face. A brief vision flashed before her eyes; a small, strangely familiar boy wailed silently as he reached out into a dreary gray nothingness. It took Sarah some time to realize that the child was Hoggle, as he once was. The image rapidly dissipated, and Sarah solemnly dried Hoggle's tears. She could only guess what he had been reaching out for, but she had a fairly good idea.

"Put him in his bed, Sarah." Shiva said gently, "He needs his rest."

Sarah nodded and carried Hoggle to his bed, glad for once to have someone tell her what to do. She brought the blanket up to his shoulders and, on impulse, kissed his forehead. Shiva merely looked on, saying nothing until Sarah sat down on the floor near the bed and helped herself to a cookie from the neglected tray.

"What did you see?" asked Shiva.

Sarah choked briefly, struggling to swallow the morsel of shortbread. "How…how did you know I saw something?"

"All fae get that look on their faces when having a vision."

"Oh…" Sarah coughed again, and drank some tea. "I think I saw…It wasn't a vision, it was something in Hoggle's mind. He…he was a little boy, reaching out for something."

Shiva nodded. "And what do you think he was reaching out for?"

Sarah looked down at Hoggle, and shrugged. "I don't know, but I think it might have been his mother. I didn't see."

"No…" Hoggle moaned, growing increasingly distressed.

"Easy…" Sarah whispered, her hands on his shoulders, "Easy."

Sarah felt her hands begin to tingle, and would have drawn back in shock if Hoggle hadn't suddenly grown quiet. "What…what did I do?"

Shiva beamed at the young novice's surprise at her own accomplishment. "You've just cast a tranquility spell. Your magic will react to your desires, whatever they may be. Learning control is very important, Sarah. Be patient; you're doing very well."

"But I don't…" Sarah began, biting her tongue. Instead, she muttered, "It's late."

"So it is. Well, I bid you good night." Shiva got regally to her feet, and left the room. Sarah shook her head and curled up on the floor. She wasn't even aware that she had changed form again and was once more a cougar.

* * *

It was beautiful, the place where she sat. As a child she had wanted to be able to sit on top of the clouds, thinking that they were as soft as they looked. She had told her mother Linda about her desire on the way to the dentist one morning, and had been crushed when told that it was impossible. "All clouds really are is fog, like the one we're driving through now." Her mother had said, annoyance dripping from every syllable. Jamming on her brakes, Linda had shouted, "Nice signal, asshole!" and that was the end of that discussion.

But Sarah was sitting on a cloud, and it took her only moments to realize that it was taking her somewhere. Somewhere she thought she might want to go, but she wasn't sure what that place was.

But the cloud was sure. It bore her silently over the Labyrinth, and through one of the windows of Jareth's castle. "Why am I here?" she wondered aloud.

"Mmm…"

Sarah jumped, and saw Jareth lying facedown on a rug by his bed. She took a brief step back, then leaned down to look. "Jareth?" she whispered. The fae looked up, and an odd smile graced his pale lips.

"You. You're learning to use your…powers…uh!" he grimaced.

Sarah's heart bounced up unexpectedly against her larynx, a sensation she had not bargained for, and did not like. "What happened?"

"I don't know." He admitted, pushing himself up on his hands and knees, and collapsing into a sitting position against his nightstand. "I've just been getting weaker. It's the damnedest thing." He smiled wearily. "It's almost enjoyable…like after a very hot bath…if it weren't for the effort it sometimes takes to keep breathing when I sleep."

Sarah caught herself as her brow began to knit with concern. This was her enemy! He had nearly killed her best friend! Why should she care if he died?

"So…" Jareth looked up at her, "why have you come?"

"I…I think I'm dreaming." She shook her head.

"Of course you are. I'm not. You're not really here, you know. Somehow you've linked minds with me, and this enables me to see and hear you. I used to be able to do that…but why are you here? Is something wrong?"

Sarah nearly laughed. "You might say that."

"Tell me."

"Do you really want to know?" she asked.

Jareth nodded, and somehow Sarah wasn't surprised to see that he was sincere. She sighed.

"Okay…First you take me out of my world on some stupid quest to get your powers back, blackmailing me with threats against myself and my friends, and…" she swallowed. "Those cuts on Hoggle's arm—I know you knew about them—they got infected, and he nearly died. Those dreams you made seem to be favoring him over everyone else, and they made him remember that his father killed his mother; and just today he found out his father killed himself! And tonight one of those dreams nearly made him slit his wrists! You don't even need to be asleep anymore to have them. I'd say something is wrong!" she paused for breath, and was surprised to see Jareth's mouth hanging open in apparent horror.

"Well? Say something!" she shouted.

Jareth shook his head and looked away. "I didn't know about his father."

"That's it. That's all you can say. You started this, Jareth! Because you lost your 'game' you took it out on him, and on Didymus and Ludo. Not to mention the entire Underground."

"I'm…sorry, Sarah. I am."

"Do you have any idea of what you've done?" Sarah demanded, tears threatening, "Not only to them, but to yourself?"

"Myself?"

"Yes, yourself! Your magic is still going into me, and eventually you'll die. It'll kill you. Unless that magic is countered…but I…"

"Die…well, I suppose I should have known." Jareth said to himself.

"Doesn't that bother you?" she squinted, trying in vain to keep her tears from falling.

Jareth looked up and smiled gently at his love. "Not anymore, Sarah. I don't want to die, but I accept it."

"Why?" she cried.

"Because I love you. I know you'll be happier without me. And I want you to b…"

Sarah opened her eyes, and squinted as the sun shone in them.

* * *

Later that morning Sarah spoke to Shiva about the dream she had had, and the azure-haired fae listened attentively without speaking until she had finished. The silence stretched between them, broken only by Hoggle's steady breathing as he slept nearby. Due mostly to Sarah's tranquility spell he had slept heavily all night and most of the morning, and his sleep had been blessedly dreamless.

"So what does it mean?" asked Sarah.

Shiva shook her head, and replied, "You would know better than I. It was no ordinary dream, Sarah. Your mind linked with Jareth's. You would not have done so if part of you did not want to. What he told you is for you to interpret."

"But what should I do?"

"That is for you to decide. What do you want to do, Sarah?"

"I want to go home!" she said in exasperation. She ran a hand through her hair and sighed, "But I can't just let him die. It…it wouldn't be right. Not if I can stop it."

Shiva nodded, her mouth bowed into an enigmatic half-smile. Hoggle stirred briefly; he seemed to be on the verge of waking up.

"You will have to travel to the City of the Fae to learn how to stop the nightmares and save Jareth." Shiva whispered on her way out.

Shiva had left a tea tray behind with breakfast for the both of them, and Sarah was just debating whether or not she should wake up Hoggle when he opened his eyes.

"Hey." Sarah said quietly. He turned his head to look at her; his face registered confusion at first, then he sat up and groaned at the stiffness in his back and shoulders.

"Was you here all night?" he asked after he had stretched.

"I guess. You hungry?"

Hoggle realized that he hadn't eaten since the morning before, but he didn't want to eat. He sat down on the floor near Sarah and accepted a cup of tea, but it took every ounce of control he had to gag down a piece of toast. Before long he had pushed away his plate, and said that he couldn't eat anymore. Sarah just nodded and pushed away her own plate; she wasn't very hungry either. Somehow she would have to persuade Hoggle to consider staying behind, and she knew that he would object.

"Don't make him stay, Sarah. Let him choose his own path." Said Shiva's voice. She jumped, but Hoggle's quizzical look told her that it had only been a telepathic message.

"What?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing.

"My lady, Sir Hoggle?" Didymus inquired from the doorway. When Sarah smiled and indicated that he should come in he continued, "I…I apologize, Sir Hoggle. I misspoke myself last night, and I was wrong."

Hoggle shrugged. "Forget it. It wasn't you," he said gruffly, unaccustomed to having people apologize to him. Didymus entered the room self-consciously, and helped himself to some tea.

"When didst thou wish to start out?"

Sarah kept her eyes carefully trained on her teacup and replied, "Today." She waited for Hoggle to say something but he remained silent, his own eyes lowered. Seizing her courage, Sarah cleared her throat and asked her dwarven friend, "What do you want to do, Hoggle?"

Hoggle stayed quiet for a long time, and finally he reached into his vest's interior pocket and drew out a familiar envelope. Then, jaw set determinedly, he ripped it in half and said, "I'm goin' with you, like I said before."