Author's Notes: I realise that this could seem like an ending of sorts, but I'm not done yet ;-) Angst is on its way in the next chapter.

Summary: Carter finally talks to Abby about the baby


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Chapter 5 - Rest Easy

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January 2002

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"And how often has this happened?" Carter looked at the patient, whose eyes had inexplicably swollen up.

"Three times in the past month."

"Really? Anything similar about those three times?"

"No I can't think of anything."

"Now are you sure that you don't have any allergies?"

"Positive, I hardly ever got sick as a kid."

"Well Mr Howls, I think your eye swelling is a result of an allergic reaction. Unfortunately, unless you can remember something significant about each time it happened we won't know what caused it."

"So what am I going to do wait for these things to calm down?"

"No no, I'll give you some eye drops for that, they should go down in a couple of days."

"Days? But Doc, my brother's getting married tomorrow. I can't be the best man and look like this."

"Well I'm afraid that the eye drops are all I can give you, and they'll take a few days to reduce the swelling. I guess you'll have to wear sunglasses."

"Yeah I guess."

"Ok I'll be back in a little while with your prescription."

"Thanks Doc."

"No problem." Carter walked out of the curtain area pleased with himself. Last night he had actually had a half-decent nights sleep and his cheerful demeanour was obvious to everyone at County, who had been noticing his bad moods. Getting a good nights sleep had meant that not only did his mood improve, he was also breezing through patients with ease. Thanks to him the board was pretty clear. He collected Mr Howl's prescription and gave it to him, before moving on to another patient.

"Ok, what have we got here?"

Haleh walked closely behind him, filling him in on the patient's details. "Amy O'Brian, 21, she has a pretty nasty..."

"Cut on her arm. Hi Amy," he said as he approached the bed, "How did you manage that?"

"I was playing basketball with my little brother, I cut myself on broken glass. He smashed a window."

"That is deep." Carter said, inspecting the cut, "that's going to need a few stitches. Where's your brother now?"

"I left him with the neighbours. He hates hospitals."

Carter chuckled, "I did too when I was little. How old is he?"

"He's seven," Amy replied.

"Ok Amy I'm going to get this cut cleaned and stitched in no time. I'll be right back." Carter walked out only to be met with a flurry of activity in front of him. A trauma had just arrived. Weaver and Chen were shouting out orders and the paramedic listing all sorts of injuries. Carter made his way over to the trauma room. "What have we got?" he said as he burst through the doors.

"Paul Whitman, 45, GSW to the lower abdomen and left thigh. He was caught up in a shoot-out." Chen said while tending to the man.

"Paul?" Carter leant over the man's face, "Paul can you hear me?"

"Yeah..." Whitman whispered.

"Do you know where you are?"

"In the hospital. What happened?"

"You got shot Mr Whitman, twice."

"Twice?"

"Yeah twice. Pupils equal and reactive..." The three of them worked steadily to stabilise Whitman's condition. Carter meanwhile, felt fatigue catching up with him. After twenty minutes it was safe to move him.

"Ok it looks like no major damage was done. The second bullet is lodged in his thigh," Weaver said, "we need to get him up to the OR now."

"Ok is he stable?"

"We got it Carter thanks." The gurney was pushed out and most of the staff followed it. Carter and two nurses were left. Carter put his gloves and gown into the waste disposal and headed for the ambulance bay.

****

Susan walked out into the bay and saw Carter, cutting a lonely figure, sitting on a bench across the street smoking a cigarette. She walked over to him and sat down.

"Hey you," she said, "when did you start smoking?"

Carter smiled, "this is just to pass me over."

"How are you holding up?"

"Ok I guess, I'm starting to feel a little tired."

"I'm not surprised the way you've been working. How much sleep did you get?"

"About five, maybe six, hours."

"Is that good?"

Carter laughed again, "actually the best night's sleep I've had in a month."

"Really?"

"Really. Kinda freaky huh?"

"Not for you..." they both smiled, "So... have you spoken to Abby yet?"

Carter breathed out a long puff of smoke, "erm, no not exactly."

"Carter," Susan nagged.

"I know, I know! I was going to do it yesterday. I saw her go into the lounge and I just couldn't follow her in. No matter how hard I tried."

"You've got to talk to her sooner or later."

"I know it's just, things are complicated."

"They're only complicated because you make them complicated. It's been three weeks since she told you Carter. If you don't say something soon she's going to think that you don't care... You do care don't you?"

Carter's head snapped up, "Oh god yeah of course I care. I care about what happens to my child... I care about what happens to the two of us."

"Well then you have to tell her."

"The thing is..." he looked down at his hands, "I don't know what to say to her."

Susan put her hand on his back, "Just think a little, you'll figure it out." As she got up to leave she said, "You'll do it won't you?"

"Maybe tomorrow..."

Susan smiled, "Talk to her Carter."

****

"Ok Amy," Carter said as he walked into the curtain area, "I'll get you stitched up now."

"Don't the nurses normally do that?"

"Well... yeah but you are my one and only patient at the moment so I'll do it myself."

"Ok."

Carter began to suture Amy's cut when Abby walked into the room. She looked a little tired but it seemed as though she was coping. Carter watched her walk through the doors and approach them. "Hi Abby," he said cheerfully, "what's up?"

Abby looked confused, "erm Dr. Lewis said you needed some help in here."

"Really because I..." Carter began to tell her she wasn't needed when he realised what Susan had done. It was sneaky of her, but he supposed that now was as good a time as any to talk to her. "Actually yeah I needed to talk to you, would you wait for me, I'll only be five minutes."

"Sure."

"Ok thanks." He watched Abby walk out of the room and start to make her way up to the front desk, looking through the blinds at him.

"Dr. Carter?"

"Oh sorry. Ok let's get you fixed up."

"Something going on there?" Amy said with a smile. Carter grinned and started suturing. When he finished he stood up and took his gloves off.

"Ok Amy, you're good to go. I'll have one of the nurses take care of the other stuff for you. You should be out of here in no time." He heard her call out a thankyou as he walked towards the front desk, where Abby was waiting for him.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Erm... is it ok if we go over to Doc's?"

"I guess so."

"Good," Carter walked toward the exit and looked over his shoulder briefly to see Abby looking at him quizzically. They walked into Doc's and headed for the same booth they always shared, the one where they sat together, the one where they splurged together, the one where she told him she was pregnant... Carter waited for Abby to sit down, then sat opposite her. "So... How are you doing?"

Abby tilted her head and smiled, "I could ask you the same question."

"Don't worry about me. How are you?"

Abby looked down and blushed slightly, "I'm fine. I've been having a little trouble sleeping but it's ok."

"And the baby?"

Abby, still looking down, replied, "everything's fine."

"Good, good. Glad to hear it..." Slowly silence crept back in between them. Carter was trying to think of what he could say. How he was going to get his message across. Abby's head lifted.

"John, if you've got something to say just say it. There's no point in dragging me out here then not saying anything. We both know why we're here."

Carter looked up at her face and he saw what he feared, the signs of a woman who was doing her best but just couldn't stay in control of what was happening to her. Her face was worn, and she was bracing herself. Carter slowly and carefully took hold of her hands. "Abby, when you told me that you were going to have a baby... the only thing that entered my head was pure joy. I might have looked sad, surprised, angry, I don't know..."

"You were definitely surprised Carter," Abby said, a smile playing on the corners of her mouth.

"Ok so I was a little shocked... What I'm trying to say is that when you told me I felt so excited about being a dad. The only thing that I've had doubts with..."

"What?"

"Was whether you would want me around or not."

"John..."

"I never meant to hurt you Abby. And I didn't mean what I said that day. I was angry and I was being petty. Please understand that I didn't mean any of what I said. Please understand that I want to be there with you."

Abby smiled, "What?"

"I want to be there for you and our baby. Every single step of the way I want to be there. I don't want to be the guy down the street, I want to be there with you."

Abby smiled brightly and Carter saw small tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "I am so happy you said that John. To tell you the truth I wasn't sure whether I could raise this baby on my own. It means a lot to me that you want to be involved in this." They both sat and smiled for a moment, smiling at each other when Abby finally got up and said, "we'd better get back to work." She walked out of Doc's, leaving Carter sitting alone, slightly confused.

****

"I can't believe you did that," Carter sat in the ambulance bay with Susan, his shift close to its end. He was supposed to be angry, but they were both smiling.

"Well you were never going to talk to her."

"What so you forced me to do it?"

Susan chuckled, "I never forced you, I just gave you a push that's all. You should be thankful."

"Yeah well... No you're right I am thankful," he said with a laugh.

"So how did it go?"

"Pretty well actually. I am going to be involved in my child's life. I am going to support Abby through her pregnancy."

"What about you and Abby?"

Carter stopped, the one thing they hadn't discussed was whether they were going to get back together, perhaps it was better that they didn't. "You know we didn't talk about that."

"What do you want?"

"I'm not sure. I guess I'm going to have to think about that too."

"Well your shift is over," Susan said, glancing at her watch, "so you might as well start thinking now."

"Yeah I guess so. Thanks for doing that Susan."

"No problem."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

****

Carter climbed the stairs that led to his apartment building reluctantly, wondering why there wasn't a lift. His knees creaked with every step, and he closed his eyes while ascending the final set. Maybe tonight he was finally going to get some sleep. He made his way up the final three steps in one jump and stretched out, groaning loudly.

"Tough day?"

The voice made him jump and he almost lost his balance, not a good idea seeing as he had four flights of stairs behind him. His eyes shot open and he was met with the sight of Abby, sitting alone at the foot of his apartment door. He approached her and she stood up.

"I didn't know whether you were working or not, so I thought I'd just wait here. I hope you don't mind?"

Carter shook his head firmly, "no, no I don't mind at all. Come in please." He opened the door and stood aside to let her in. She walked through and sat down on the couch. Carter followed and stood in the centre of the room, feeling slightly awkward. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"No I'm fine thanks..." silence crept back in and John cursed himself for letting things get like this. He should never have let things get so distanced. He looked down at Abby, her cheeks a pale pink from blushing, pulling something out of her pocket. She stood up and looked at Carter, holding out something. "I erm... I had this done today. I thought you should have it."

Carter took the item from Abby's hands and examined it. It was a photograph, an ultrasound photograph, a picture of his baby, their baby. "Is this?..." Abby nodded before he could finish the question. "Wow, look at that," he smiled brightly and looked up at Abby, "thankyou so much for this." He took a step closer to her and leant down, affectionately kissing her on the cheek. They both stood in silence, an awkward moment passing between them. Carter looked back down at the photo, "this is incredible. This is our baby."

"Our baby," Abby repeated.

John looked up at her before looking back down at the photograph quickly. "Abby I just want to tell you that I really want to be as much a part of this as possible."

Abby smiled, "I know John, you already told me."

"I know, I know. I just want to make sure you..."

"I know..." Abby looked around the room quickly and started to make her way towards the door.

"You don't have to leave just yet," Carter called after her, Abby turned around. "I would like it if you stayed."

Abby looked down and shook her head, "I ah... I have to work tomorrow." She went to make for the door again, Carter walked ahead of her and opened it for her.

"You can stay if you want to..." Abby stopped in front of him and smiled, she took his hand in her own and gave it a soft squeeze, before walking out. Carter closed the door slowly and heard the bolt click. Standing with his hand on the door he thought for a moment before opening it again quickly, "Abby!" he ran out and looked over the stair rail, seeing her walking down slowly, "Abby," she looked up at him. He moved to the top of the stairs and looked down at his shoes, "do you think... do you think we have a future together?" She looked at him with a puzzled expression. Carter pursed his lips together and looked up at her, "do you think that we..." he stopped mid-sentence when he saw Abby smiling.

"Goodnight John," she smiled again before turning and walking down the stairs. Leaving Carter standing at the top, unsure what she meant. Maybe that sleep was going to have to wait.