Author's Notes: Took a little longer than I hoped it would, I got stuck, but I've finally finished chapters 6 & 7. This fic is finally reaching its climax :)

Summary: Abby has a confession to make to Carter


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 6 - Revelations

****

May 2002

****

Carter climbed the stairs of his apartment building slowly, carrying his shopping under his arm. He had been working all day and as soon as he got home he had to go out again to the grocery store. He stopped by the video store on his way and rented a couple of movies, cementing his intentions to stay in for the rest of the night and not do anything.

As he got to his front door he could faintly hear the sound of his TV playing. Sighing loudly, he pushed his keys into the front door and walked inside. Abby was lying on the couch, her head hidden behind the arm, her protruding bump rising into his field of vision. After about a month of asking and then begging, Carter had finally persuaded Abby to move in with him. Abby was being her stubborn self and insisting that she could look after herself. Carter had no doubts that she could, but she didn't have to look after herself when she had him to do it for her. She moved in, albeit reluctantly, but only to, "keep Carter satisfied," which was the reason she gave to Susan.

Abby rolled slightly and her head popped into view, "did you get it?"

Carter couldn't help but smile, "chocolate fudge Abby. Just as you asked."

Abby smiled brightly, "thanks, give it here..."

Carter laughed, "you said it wasn't a craving. Let me just get some spoons."

"I can get a spoon myself thank you very much," she snapped, "and who said you were having any?"

They both laughed, "well seeing as I had to go out in the freezing wind to get it for you. I should think that I'm entitled to have some."

"Is it cold out?"

"Very."

"Liar," she smiled, "you just want some of my ice cream."

Carter laughed as he walked through to the kitchen. The two of them had been getting on well in recent months. The easygoing relationship that they had shared before had returned. To Carter it felt like it had been tense between them for far too long, this was the way things always should have been. They hadn't spoken about what was going to happen between them and Carter hadn't really thought about it since he brought it up all those months ago. They were both enjoying themselves living together, and even though his couch wasn't very comfortable to sleep on, he was content for things to stay as they were for now. He sat down next to Abby and handed her a spoon.

Abby ripped the lid off the bucket of ice cream, "Aren't you going to have any?"

"I'll just have what you don't eat." They both laughed knowing that Carter wouldn't get any. "Anyway, I wouldn't want to deprive you of any of your precious chocolate fudge.

Abby mock scowled, "I wasn't going to let you have any anyway."

Carter laughed, "You know, after the baby's born you're going to have to make up for all these times I've had to go out and get you ice cream."

"How did you figure that out?"

"Well me going out after being at work all day to buy you ice cream can be classified as a nice thing to do for someone, and I've been doing nice things for you ever since you moved in. You owe me." Carter looked up at Abby to see her smiling at him, "what? Do I have something on my face?"

Abby looked down at the bucket awkwardly, "erm nothing," she paused before adding hesitantly, "I was just thinking about how you'd make a great dad."

"Really?"

Abby smiled, "yeah."

Carter smiled back at her and they settled down to watch a movie.

****

"You know something?" Carter said, "we haven't even talked about names yet."

"Yeah I know, I was planning on doing one of those spur of the moment things after the baby is born."

"Oh right," Carter said trying to hide his disappointment.

Abby chuckled, "oh god. Don't tell me you want another John Truman Carter?"

Carter looked up quickly, "no... well ok maybe I had thought about it."

"What if it's a girl?"

"It's a boy Abby I can feel it."

"Yeah well don't blame me for not agreeing with you."

"So, what, you think it's a girl?"

"Maybe," Abby chuckled.

"How do you know?"

"I'm not sure. Mother's intuition I guess. Last time I thought..." she trailed off and preyed that Carter wasn't paying attention, but she knew he was. He would be staring at her wide-eyed, caught totally off guard. She looked across at him, and saw the exact same face she pictured.

"Erm... What?"

"John..."

"Last time?"

Abby bit her lip, "I was pregnant once before."

Carter leant forward, hoping that she wasn't going to say what he thought she would say. But he knew her too well.

Abby looked down at the floor, "I had an abortion..."

In the split second it took for her words to register, Carter was swept back five months, right back to when she first told him she was pregnant. Utter disbelief, he could only sit staring at her in shock. She couldn't bring herself to look at him, knowing that his stunned face would bring tears to her eyes. Carter shook his head pathetically, as if he didn't believe what he was hearing, and looked back at her again. He felt the blood rushing to his face as he gathered his thoughts. He was angry. He should have been understanding, he should have been considerate, but he couldn't. He couldn't lie to himself or to her. He was angry. He swallowed and grimaced as he felt the lump in his throat move down slightly before popping back up to where it was before. Clearing his throat, he looked over to the same spot Abby was staring at. "When?"

"When I was married to Richard."

"Was that the beginning of the end?"

Abby nodded and looked up at him for the first time. She was surprised at how expressionless his face was. She knew exactly why though, he was bottling something up. She also knew that he wouldn't be able to hold it in. She knew him too well. "After that we just stopped talking to each other, we grew so far apart that he started chasing other women."

Carter nodded, "why did you do it?"

Abby's face shot up, partly expecting to meet John's gaze. Instead he was facing away from her, staring at the lamp that rested on the cabinet across the room. She bit on her lip and tried to get him to look at her, "erm... I... my mother..."

"This is about your mom again then?" Carter stood up quickly, turning round to look at her. She could tell he was getting angry, and that somehow he was keeping it in check.

Abby looked down at the floor again, his gaze was burning into her eyes and she couldn't look at him. "You saw her yourself John. You saw how much she screwed up my life."

Carter softened momentarily and shook his head, "Abby I know you well, there's no way you are bi-polar."

"It wasn't about me... It was about the baby."

Carter's face washed over with anger again and Abby had to look down, "What?! The baby being bi-polar..."

"I was scared John. You've seen what my mother can be like sometimes. I was scared..."

"So you decided to kill it?" Carter's words were stinging. She looked up at him to be met with a face of disgust. A lonely tear made its way down her face.

"I couldn't put a child through that," she said, "I couldn't..."

"Couldn't put yourself through it you mean?" Carter took a step closer to her, his anger showed no signs of subsiding. "I can't believe you could be so selfish. You couldn't handle having another person like your mother to take care of so you killed it before it even had a chance."

"No! No it was never like that at all," Abby said, now crying more visibly.

"You know what Abby? You know what I think?" Carter asked, although he didn't expect her to answer, "I think that you get what you are given and just have to carry on regardless. I will love this baby no matter what happens to it. You don't bail out just because you are scared. If that was the case then I wouldn't be here right now."

"I know! I know it was just..."

"Come to think of it, what stopped you getting rid of this one too?"

Abby looked up in shock, surprised that he could say something so hurtful to her. Her voice softened and Carter sat down next to her, "after I got my abortion the only thing I thought about afterwards was that I had killed my little baby," her voice broke on the last words. "I tried to act like nothing happened, I thought that I could handle myself and I kept trying to think of it as doing the child a favour, because she..." Abby paused and Carter leaned closer. "She would be just like my mom and it wouldn't be fair to her." Abby covered her face with her hands and cried, "I killed my little girl," all Carter could do was sit and watch her, wondering how she must have felt.

A few minutes passed and Abby wiped her nose before looking up to see Carter putting his coat on and wrapping his scarf tightly around his neck. She stood quickly, "where are you going?"

"I need to clear my head," Carter replied without looking at her.

"No John don't go, we need to talk about this."

"There's not much else to say Abby."

"Yes... yes there is."

"No..." Carter said gently, "I just need to be by myself for awhile, get this straightened out in my head," he made his way toward the door.

"John please," Abby called, her voice cracking again, "don't go." Carter carried on walking and opened the door, only for Abby to run up beside him and grab the handle. Carter simply shook his head at her, biting back tears, and walked out. "John!" Abby called out before she started to cry again, sinking down to the floor as the door closed. "I love you..." he was too far away to hear.