How did such a friendship go so wrong? I have asked myself the same question everyday for the past fifty years but I know the answer. It just hurts to remember it. I thought Crystal Tokyo would be a place of happiness and contentment but I was wrong. Our lives were not to be that way. Our lives were ruined by a destiny, my destiny, it all happened that day, that one terrible day when my friends first began to hate me.
"I can't believe it has only been a week since Crystal Tokyo has been created," I said to my husband, King Endymion, and he came over to me and kissed my nose. I was wearing a dress of the softest pearl silk, much like the dress I remember my mother on the moon used to wear only on the back of my dress there was a large bow that resembled wings.
"Neither, but I'm still stuck on the fact you're the Queen," he laughed and I hit his arm playfully pouting prettily while Endymion screwed his face up in pain holding his arm but I could see him smiling through his act.
"You don't love me anymore," I declared stamping my foot and giving a groan of mock pity he took me into his arms gently.
"But I do Meatball Head, you are my Queen for all eternity," he told me huskily stroking my hair, the style still that of the 'meatballs' I had worn my whole young life.
"And you are my King forever," I told him smiling happily and he bent his head until his lips were barely touching mine.
"Never doubt that," he whispered and I sighed deeply longing for him to kiss me.
"Oh muffin," I managed to squeak and just as he placed his lips on mine…
"Sorry to interrupt you pair but Ami wants us in her laboratory a.s.a.p so if you guys could drag yourselves away from each other just for a little while…" Rei burst into the room interrupting our moment and I turned to scowl at her but she poked her tongue out at me and was gone before I could get angry with her.
"She ruined our moment," I whined and Endymion took my hand and squeezed it comfortingly.
"Don't worry we have our whole lives and many other moments to look forward too," and realising he was right, I smiled prettily and we made our way to Ami's laboratory.
Ami had been shut in the laboratory for the whole week. She had suggested conducting a few experiments on our blood to see whether Crystal Tokyo had changed us in anyway genetically and she had only come out of the laboratory to eat. She had even slept in there! Luckily she had Taiki in there working with her. They were married the day after Crystal Tokyo had been created; they had been waiting for Crystal Tokyo to be created before they married so they would be able to remember their wedding in the place of the future. Ami and Taiki had met and connected when Taiki and the other two Starlight's had come looking for their Princess Kakyuu and both were heartbroken when Taiki had to return to his home planet. For a year Ami shuffled through life burying herself in her schoolwork knowing Taiki would never be a part of her life until one day he returned to Earth. He came with a message from his Princess that Ami take care of Taiki and cherish him always. Of course Ami did and the two were engaged six months later, they were the first of my friends to want to get married. They opened their own doctor's surgery together but Ami had also majored in science and was a registered scientist as well as surgeon while Taiki became a paediatrician and general practitioner. That was until a week ago and Crystal Tokyo was created and the two had to shut down their surgery and live in the palace. Ami as the Princess of Mercury and Taiki as the Ambassador for his home planet.
Endymion and I were the last to arrive in the laboratory and everyone looked at us as we entered, their eyes twinkling and I had a feeling Rei had been making fun of us.
"Well, well, well, their majesties have taken time out of their *busy* schedules to join us," Rei said jokingly while grinning at us innocently and the other girls laughed heartily as Endymion and I blushed and quickly took our seats. I looked at my friends and I was so proud how everyone had changed for the best.
Makoto had married her best friend Shinozaki, the man who as a boy had protected Makoto and cared for her whenever she needed comfort whether she was feeling ill or had broken up with a boyfriend. Now he was bound to her as husband and was always there to love her and comfort her. In his company the brash, loud Makoto would become reserved and peaceful; they were such a sweet couple and their story of childhood love was enough to make me blubber like a baby. Together Makoto and Shinozaki had opened their own restaurant that was quite famous all over the world that was before Crystal Tokyo was created. Now only Shinozaki looked after the restaurant as Makoto had to become Princess Jupiter and a member of my court.
Rei and her husband, Kaidou, also had a very strange story to tell of how they met each other and married. After many long years Rei had finally married Kaidou, a man Rei had loved since she was a young girl. Kaidou had worked for Rei's father and he shared the same views she did - that love and family were more important than work. He visited her at the temple all the time, she was sixteen and he was twenty-three and Rei thought it would always be this way for them. They were very good friends and talked about everything. But one day he came to her and told her he was getting married, Rei's own father had arranged a marriage between one of his political enemies daughter and Kaidou. That day Rei had cried and told him she thought that one day he would marry her, and that he was a liar because he once had told her he would never mix love with his work. They had their first kiss that day, Rei had kissed him what she thought to tragically be their first and last kiss then fled from him telling him to never come to the temple again. Disillusioned and very confused Kaidou had left the temple, broken off his engagement and left Japan to study abroad in Paris, France. Rei thought he had left her forever but two years later he returned right on her doorstep declaring that he loved her too. He had opened his own museum in Paris with his own works as the main pieces and had earned quite a fortune. Of course Rei had been angry for a while that he had been gone for two years without a word but she had forgiven him and they were engaged, Rei's father even came to the wedding but Rei refused to let him walk her down the aisle, she had saved that role for her grandfather who had been more of a father to her than her real father. Before Crystal Tokyo the two lovebirds had been flitting about the world, and both were more than a little sad to be tied down to one place without the freedom to pick up their bags and move on when they felt like it. Rei became Princess Mars and a member of my court while Kaidou began writing a novel, about our lives when we were Sailor Senshi.
Lastly was Minako's story of romance and love. After High School Minako had gone to a different university to the one Makoto, Ami, and I were going to claiming she needed time on her own away from us since Galaxia had been defeated and there were no more enemies for us to battle. No one guessed she had followed a guy to the university. She shocked everyone when she returned three years later engaged to none other than the High School nerd Umino. Everyone had been so surprised at the new look Umino. He had changed his hairstyle and streaked his plain brown hair with golden blonde but these changes were outdone by the fact he had swapped his glasses for contacts that enhanced his chocolate brown eyes perfectly. He owned his own law firm and Minako worked for him as his personal secretary. They married a year after Rei and Kaidou and I had been so happy to attend a wedding every year since Makoto and Shinozaki had married. Now we were together and Minako had taken her place as the Princess of Venus and Umino ran his law firm without the help of his beautiful charming secretary. Even after these years of seeing those two together it still made me smile, things never turn out the way you expect them to.
I looked over at Makoto and Shinozaki who were standing together by the window. He had his arms around her waist and her fingers looked as though they had a mind of their own as they entwined his fingers. She looked so happy and content, as though nothing would ever bother her as long as Shinozaki was there to hold her. Their heads were touching but they weren't speaking and Makoto's emerald eyes stared soulfully into his sapphire blue eyes and even as I watched Shinozaki reached out to brush back Makoto's lush brown hair very much like his own. I then looked for Minako and Umino and they were both hunched over a desk looking at one of Umino's new cases, Minako's golden hair falling over her shoulder as she quickly read the case. The folder was open but it was clear that Minako and Umino were more interested in each other than the paper in front of them as their matching dark blue eyes locked and I saw Umino's hand reached over to claim Minako's and she smiled at him dreamily. She truly was a goddess of love. Lastly on the fold out couch sat Rei and Kaidou. She was snuggled into his broad chest her ebony hair cascading down her back and his arms encircled her shoulders while her hands reached up to run through Kaidou's golden blonde hair. Kaidou was caressing her face and Rei was staring up at him admiringly with her purple eyes and Kaidou's own brown eyes were looking down at her through his very smart business looking glasses as though she were his very reason for living. I always thought he looked very distinguished and I respected him, not only because he was at least ten years older than the rest of us but because he had the guts to take on our Lady of Fire.
A door opened on the left and I had no time to ponder about my friend's lives as Ami stepped into the room. Her blue eyes glanced quickly at Makoto, Minako then Rei before coming to rest on me and she smiled thinly at me and ran a hand through her already rumpled blue hair. Taiki followed her in still shaking his head obviously still continuing an argument with her and his long auburn hair fell about his face. He was frowning as he folded his arms across his chest and stared at Ami reproachfully with his strange hazel eyes. Ami avoided looking at him, and at us and preferred to look at the wall behind everyone as she took a deep breathe before she spoke.
"I have some bad news," she began and I felt Endymion take my hand worriedly and I squeezed his back. I saw the others share glances of confusion with each other. Obviously Ami had not told anyone other than Taiki her results from the experiment.
"During the purification of Tokyo, the Silver Crystal must have made us, the senshi, and Endymion stop aging; we will now look twenty for the rest of our lives, we cannot get sick and we can only die if we expel all our energy, we will probably live for thousands of years," Ami revealed a dark sense of foreboding in her voice. I frowned in confusion, I didn't see anything wrong with such news, in fact I thought it was wonderful, it was like all of us had eternal life. The others however were silent.
"That's not bad," I said happily wondering why the others weren't smiling with me, not even my beloved Endymion.
"Oh Usagi," Ami breathed sadly shaking her head, "We do not age, but the ones we love, everyone from Tokyo will age around us and eventually die."
The news hit me like a kick in the stomach and I think it was then that the full realisation of what Ami was trying to say sunk in with the others. No one said anything for the longest time and surprisingly it was Makoto who broke the silence.
"This isn't fair!" she yelled frustrated trying to hold back her tears pulling herself out of Shinozaki's arms and beginning to pace the room angrily smashing her fist into her hand as though her hand were somehow to blame for such terrible news, "it's not fair!"
Shinozaki threw Ami a worried glance as he walked to his wife and enveloped her in his strong embrace. Makoto struggled for a few moments before giving up and her heart wrenching sobs were the only sound in the room. I stood there watching Makoto's shoulders rise and fall violently unable to move or say anything. I didn't realise Rei had stood and was glaring at me hatefully. I turned as she started to speak.
"You and your stupid destiny," she said forcefully, not screaming but with venom in her voice. She had never spoken to me this way before and my knees went weak.
"Rei," I whispered but Rei shook her head and her eyes narrowed at me hatefully.
"I could have had a normal life, but no, you had to come along and turn me into a senshi, I wish you hadn't, I wish we had never met!" Rei screamed and everyone was silent as they stared at her, even Makoto's sobs stopped. Rei's eyes widened when she realised what she had said and how much she knew it would hurt me. She didn't apologise though she just stared at me and that's when I started to cry, hard, and Endymion wrapped me in his embrace kissing the top of my head reassuringly before turning on Rei for making me cry. This reminded me of one of our fights we used to have as young girls but this one was different, this fight was real.
"You can't blame her Rei, she didn't plan for things to turn out this way," I heard Endymion tell Rei angrily and I twisted my head to look at her and hear her reply but Rei looked unrepentant and I felt my heart clench in my chest.
"She didn't plan for anything and look, look what's happened," Rei declared throwing her arms out wide gesturing wildly around the room. I couldn't really blame Rei for reacting the way she was but it hurt, everything she was saying cut me, much deeper than any knife ever could. Then I understood everything, she wanted me to feel the pain she was feeling and I felt sorry for her. I wiped away my tears and waited to see what else Rei would say to me in the state she was in, telling myself she didn't mean it, hoping that she didn't mean it. There was more silence. I hated that silence. Rei was taking deep breathes trying to control her fiery temper or trying not to cry I couldn't tell, her face was a mask of fury. Kaidou, sensing his wife was near breaking point stood up and pulled her head to his shoulder.
"Mignonne, you are distraught, calm yourself," Kaidou whispered using his French words of affection for Rei. He was always calling Rei, mignonne, Cherie or ma petite, which I thought was the most beautiful display of affection between two people.
"I did not mean it, I didn't," I heard her mumbled to him as her fury and strength left her and Kaidou swept Rei up into his arms like she was a baby and she nuzzled her face into his broad chest. Giving a nod to Endymion and myself he left the room still whispering comforting words to Rei.
"She knows Cherie, Serenity loves you," was the last I heard him tell her as they left. Makoto pulled Shinozaki after Rei and Kaidou not even looking at me and throwing me an apologetic look Shinozaki followed his wife. And then there were six.
"How could she say such a thing?" I asked Endymion fearful that I was losing my friends through no fault of my own. I had done nothing and the girls I thought of as my sisters had turned on me.
"She is right to be angry at you, if it weren't for you we would have lead normal lives, I wish I knew what normal was, even if it were just for one day," Minako said softly but not unkindly, just as though she was stating a fact and I turned around seeing the wistful look in her eyes that were twinkling with tears. Her face was white, as though all the blood had run from her face and she was clutching so hard onto Umino's hand it was beginning to turn red and her knuckles were turning white.
"Do you wish we hadn't met too Minako?" I ask her in a defeated voice and Minako stared at me for the longest time without saying a word.
"Not yet," she said finally and then just turned and left the room. Umino unsure of what to do stood there holding his folder in his arms and Endymion gave him a nod and he too left the room.
I turned to Ami my heart heavy.
"Is there no way we can change this, the silver crystal…" like a drowning person I flailed about for a life raft but there was none.
"Will not have enough power to give our loved ones the same eternal life for another 1000 years, the Silver Crystal needs time to regain all the power it has lost," Ami finished for me slowly and I realised that even her dear Taiki would die with the others and when I hung my head in defeat I heard her small voice, "I am sorry Usagi."
"Aren't we all?" I asked her sarcastically and then I left the laboratory vowing never to step into that room ever again. In that room my darkest fears had been born, that my friends would resent me because of who I was destined to be.
And so their loves died around them and for once there was nothing any of them could do to stop it. I had to watch as my friends shunned the world that they used to love and embrace the darkness of loneliness. How could I help but feel responsible? I tried so hard to be the one to help them handle their pain but they all rejected me none wanting to accept my hand. There was nothing I could do but watch and wait and pray for the day when they would forgive me for something that wasn't my fault. They were not the only ones to suffer losses. My whole family had aged and withered before my eyes, my mom, my dad, and even little Sammy. He had married and produced children of his own of course but his sweet spirit was no longer here, though he lived on in my heart and in the hearts of his children and their grand children. My mom and dad died within days of each other my father not willing to live without my mother by his side. I was at my mother's side when she died that day, four years after Crystal Tokyo had been created.
I had been crying over her when she fluttered her blue eyes open and when she focused on me she smiled weakly. Her light purple hair lay about her face and I thought she looked as lovely as an angel even though she had aged considerably over the years.
"Usako my precious baby," she said endearingly, her voice hushed and I grasped for her hand and held it tightly in my own.
"Momma," I choked out, I didn't know what else to say. She reached up slowly to wipe my cheek free from tears but it wasn't long before fresh tears fell to join the others.
"Do not cry for me Usagi, I am going to a happier place," my mother pleaded with me and sniffed back my tears and gave a forced smile.
"I know, I just don't know how I am going to live without you," I told her squeezing her hand to emphasize how much she meant to me but I saw in her eyes she already knew.
"You will go on, and you will live your life, and I will be so proud that you are my daughter," my mother predicted in a tone that left no space for argument and I was silent for a few moments.
"I will miss you," I said finally not wanting to degrade the moment by whining and my mother shook her head from side to side.
"Sweetheart you have Mamoru and you also have your friends, if you need them they will be there, they care for you Usagi," my mother told me and it was my turn to shake my head.
"Not anymore," I said sadly and that was when I felt my mother's hand tighten hard around mine.
"Yes they do, inside their hearts they always will, promise me you won't give up on them, they are too young to become somebody's lost cause," she made me promise her fingers gripping into my hand that she clutched tightly.
"I promise," I said and her grip relaxed and she smiled happily.
"And promise me you will kiss my granddaughter for me everyday," she said and that was one promise I was happy to make.
"I promise, everyday to do so," I told her and she nodded her head and closed her eyes.
"I die happy Usako, do not be sad," she said and some time during the night she breathed her last breath, leaving me and father so quietly.
How like my mother, to care for everyone else but herself at the time of her death. Two days later my father joined her and I laid them both to rest in the old cemetery of Tokyo thinking it a more appropriate burial ground for them both. I did not tell the others of my loss because compared to theirs mine seemed comparatively small but on the day of my parents funeral with only Endymion and my baby daughter in my arms to comfort me I cried nearly all the tears I had to cry. My sweet brother Sammy died only ten years ago, the scouts never knew either. I strove to keep my personal losses from them, unwilling to bother them with my burdens when theirs were so heavy even though Endymion kept telling me they would have loved to comfort me. I could not bring myself to tell them. I will remember my brother's last words to me before he died.
"I love you sis," he had said smiling cheekily reminding me of the boy I had once known, the smile being out of place on such an old wrinkled face. He had never said that to me before and I couldn't stop from bursting into tears even as he laughed at me and called me a crybaby. Sammy always did love to tease me.
He too was buried in the old Tokyo Cemetery and after his burial life went on for me. The other girls think I know nothing that I am still the silly child I used to be but I know what has been going on, I know everything. I know all about my Endymion and Setsuna and although it hurts me badly inside I know that I have driven him away, into the arms of another woman. Maybe because I feel guilty having him when my senshi have no one. I know Endymion loves me. I see it in his eyes and in Setsuna's the way she studies me when we are in the same room wondering why Endymion loves me so much when I am so cold to him. I know he still loves me when he creeps into our bedroom late at night after having been with Setsuna by the way he stares down at me while I pretend to sleep, with a gaze of longing and of pure love. I love him so much but the guilt is driving me insane. I know he will stand by me forever and he will always be my heroic prince. One day I will return to him, one day, but for now I cannot stand to hurt my senshi by being with him. At least I have my darling Small Lady. She is five years of age now and I think in two or so more years I will have to send her to the past, a happier time than now for sure. I will miss her.
I miss my friends. So many times I try to befriend them but I am always knocked back. But I will not give up, I will not forget the promise that I made my mother, I cannot forget it. All of a sudden I had become the big bad Queen to my friends. I had done nothing to my friends, they were my friends, and I would never do anything intentional to hurt them and yet I was the cause of their pain. My four guardians. Mercury. Mars. Jupiter. Venus. I love them all but I fear I love them too much. I think it was because I feared them leaving me on my own that the Silver Crystal gave them semi eternal life it gave Endymion and myself. During the purification I was thinking so hard of Endymion and my friends and how I wouldn't be able to live without all of them that the Silver Crystal must have decided that they were most important to me and needed the semi eternal life too. And so it is my fault, in a sense, because of my selfishness in loving my friends so much that I unintentionally destroyed their lives. Would they ever truly forgive me? Could I ever forgive myself?
