Venus
Sometimes, alone in my room I swear I am going crazy. I sense Umino beside me and I hear him asking me how my day was. I know that he is not there but I cannot help but reply, it all seems so familiar but deep down in my heart I know that it can never be. It hurts, it hurts so badly and what's worse is there is no way to stop the pain, there is no cure for what I have. A broken heart. I never dreamed my life would turn out this way. When I was younger, before I moved to Japan to fulfil my destiny I used to dream of being famous, to be the great Sailor V forever, and finally to marry a wonderful man and have two children, one boy and one girl whom I could spoil.
When I came to Japan I realised early on that my dreams could never be. Do you know what it is like to be told your dreams could never come true all because of destiny? Ha, destiny, it was just a poor excuse for eternal unhappiness. I sure as hell didn't expect to fall in love with anyone, not when my destiny as the protector of the princess was to be my future. I had never dreamt of falling in love with Umino or any the young men out there, I had been too busy being a senshi during school to think about any boys seriously. Umino was the last boy I imagined I would be falling in love with. Umino, the young boy whom we used to tease affectionately as the lovable high school nerd. Yet I did, and I will never regret it, I will never regret loving Umino, I know in my heart and soul we were meant to be. It had all happened so strangely, when we fell in love, as though Cupid had been at work between us.
For some mystical reason we had applied at the same College and although we didn't know the other had also applied there I had a feeling that at College I would find the real me, away from destiny, duty, loyalty and responsibility. I was so amazed when I was accepted into College, my marks hadn't exactly been the greatest, with all the battles I barely had time to sleep let alone do my homework and study. I really don't know how Ami managed but I admire her a lot. I decided to study law and I wasn't the only student from Juuban to be studying law either, although I didn't know it before I arrived at College, Umino was going to law school as well. I will never forget when I first met him again for the second time. It sounds so funny to say it like that but I really did meet him again. I met someone new, not the old Umino but a whole new person. I had arrived at this new College away from the one the other girls would be going to I felt for the first time in my life that I was in control, not destiny. I had found an apartment a block away from the College which I knew would be handy, especially money wise as I didn't have much to spare. I also knew I would be rooming with another three people whom I had never met, I didn't even know their names but I was hopeful we would all get along.
As I had walked up to the door of my new apartment I couldn't help but feel a stab of longing for the friends I had left behind but I was looking forward to making new friends. I used my key to open the door and walked inside. There was a young man and young girl on the couch watching television and they had both turned to me as I entered. These two people were going to be some of the best friends I ever had apart from the senshi. The young man grinned at me and gestured for me to come in as he stood up.
"Hey, I'm Ryo and this is Karei, I guess we will be your room mates," he said pleasantly holding out his hand and I shook his hand as I studied him intently trying to make a good first impression. He reminded me immediately of Mamoru, except that his hair was longer and his eyes were green. He was the same height as Mamoru but he seemed freer with his emotions and extremely flirtatious. The girl smiled up at me from the couch and waved. I nearly gasped for Karei looked so much like Rei. Karei had ebony hair cut stylishly short at her shoulders and her eyes were wide and deep blue. Her personality was more like Usagi's, very bright and bubbly although she was very moody. I don't know whether I was missing my friends so much that my mind began to play tricks on me but everyone I met at this College reminded me of one of the girls I used to know. Mamoru and Ryo, Rei and Karei, and I had three other good friends whom were exact copies of my friends back home, only their personalities were different as were the situations between them.
I soon learned that Ryo and Karei were a couple, having been together two years the day after I arrived. I couldn't help but wonder how different our lives would have been had Mamoru stayed with Rei and not fallen for Usagi. Obviously our lives would have been incredibly different, Rei would not have found her darling Kaidou, Usagi wouldn't have created Crystal Tokyo we would have been normal. Just a bunch of normal teenagers. Ryo and Karei were so beautiful together and they enjoyed themselves whenever they argued, always affectionately, and sometimes I did think that Rei and Mamoru would have been better off together. I mean when Rei and Mamoru were dating they seemed to me like a gorgeous couple, not that Usagi and Mamoru weren't, I just felt at the time and even now that Rei was more mature and on the same wave length as Mamoru. But would Rei have been better off with Mamoru and not Kaidou? I know I would have been better off if Usagi hadn't created Crystal Tokyo. My sweet Umino and I…we would have lived happily as two normal people and I would have died with him, happily died with him. I learned through the years not to dwell on such issues, on the fact I can't die and that I could never be with Umino in peaceful death, I found other ways to deal with his death, even if they did seem slightly crazy, I knew it was my heart's way of keeping him alive.
Meeting Ryo and Karei for the first time was my introduction into College life although I had a lot to learn as far as they were concerned. I had been standing there holding my bags and I put them down as I greeted them both then scanned the room for the third roommate, whom I hoped was a guy. Karei saw my gaze and laughed.
"Bookie is in his room, says he needs to get ahead before the semester starts," Karei laughed pleasantly and I laughed with her relaxing and feeling at ease with Ryo and Karei who were so outgoing and friendly it was impossible not to adore them.
"Reminds me of someone I used to know…" and my words faded away as a handsome young man with short dyed blonde hair walked out of a bedroom carrying a mountain of books. He looked up and stopped short when he saw me. You know how people say there are times when they feel the world stops for them? Well I never really believed in that but when I first met Umino for the second time I really did feel time stop as I stared at him, not recognising him at first. I couldn't help but stare at his blue eyes that seemed enhanced for some reason I couldn't quite pick. The man however seemed to recognise me immediately as his mouth dropped open and a book fell from his stack but he ignored the book, he had eyes only for me. I guess I must have looked different to him as well. I had cut my hair short, up to my neck and wore it really spiky with a flower on my ear, but I knew my face hadn't changed and neither had my personality.
"Minako?" he asked in disbelief and something in his voice reminded me of someone I knew from Tokyo. Then it hit me and I stared open mouthed for a few moments at him wondering if my mind was playing another trick on me.
"Umino?" I asked and the young man nodded sheepishly and I just continued to stare. Ryo had been standing watching and he slapped us both on the back cheerily while Karei shot him a sneaky glance.
"Well you two seem to know each other I'll leave you to it, welcome to your new home Minako," he said winking at me first then at Umino who blushed deep red then Ryo went back to the couch to snuggle up with Karei who gave Umino and myself a questioning glance that seemed to say, 'you are going to spill everything to me about you and Umino'. I noticed his book belatedly and we both bent down to pick up the book.
"What are you doing here?" we asked in unison and then we both laughed, the thin ice between us breaking as our shock faded away slowly. I got to the book first and we both straightened I held onto his book and we both noticed that Karei and Ryo were watching us and not the television. Umino gestured to his bedroom and we both went inside to have more privacy from the two pairs pf prying eyes. We stood in uncomfortable silence and I glanced around his room. It was neat and tidy and was covered in pictures of Star Wars, and bugs, a strange combination but not for Umino. I found a spare chair and sat down when Umino gestured and he sat opposite me on his bed and we just stared at each other more. Suddenly I laughed.
"I just don't know what to say," I told him shaking my blonde hair and Umino ran a hand through his dyed hair.
"Me neither," he agreed with me and I leant forward and took his hand and squeezed it.
"Well just tell me what you are doing here, I can't believe we are both here together," I exclaimed and Umino laughed. We were feeling quite at ease with each other, after all we were high school friends, not as close as Usagi and Umino but we knew each other and what the other was like.
"Seems quite unbelievable doesn't it? I'm going Law school on a scholarship," he finally replied with a grin that seemed uncharacteristic for Umino but deadly sexy on the new him. I whistled in appreciation for his achievement in getting into law school remembering how hard Umino had worked in High School.
"I'm doing law too," I announced proudly and I smiled smugly as Umino's mouth dropped open.
"You got into law school?" he asked me and I heard the pride in his voice for it was Umino who had been my tutor when I had missed classes due to senshi business.
"What like its hard?" I stated quoting a movie that I knew he would have seen and Umino laughed appreciatively indicating he got the joke. He looked at the floor shyly, unsure of what to say. There were a few seconds of silence then I blurted out,
"You look so different."
Umino shrugged as though he hadn't even noticed the change or that he had become a drop dead gorgeous young man.
"A new haircut, some contacts, its amazing what can be done now with today's modern technology," he said not thinking anything of it, reverting back briefly into his geeky Umino nerd role and I couldn't stop wondering why I hadn't seen Umino like this before. That's when I started to feel very shallow for thinking how I used to act as a young girl and I felt embarrassed of who I had been and strangely proud that I was no longer that girl, because I knew who and what Umino had been and still I was beginning to fall in love with him.
"I like it," I said softly and Umino had blushed to the roots of his hair and Ryo had come bounding in announcing that lunch was being served.
That was our first re-introduction to each other and however awkward I will always cherish those moments when I first realised there are more to people than meets the eye. That night I told Karei everything about Umino and high school and how we knew each other and I felt like I was talking with Rei. I knew that next-door Ryo was having a similar talk with Umino and wondered what sort of plan Karei and Ryo were planning. I was soon to find out and I am sincerely grateful to them for everything they had done for Umino and I. If it weren't for them, by the second week of school Umino and I wouldn't have been dating, but we were and it was thanks to Ryo and Karei, those two match makers.
They had arranged a trip to the movies unfortunately they both forgot to invite anyone else other than Umino and I and then both Karei and Ryo accidentally forgot to come to the movies. Umino and I went to watch a movie anyway and we both enjoyed each other's company, I couldn't believe that this entertaining handsome young man was once Umino. The movie ended late and we were walking home through the streets looking up at the stars trying to see the different constellations.
"Look, there's the Big Dipper," I heard Umino tell me pointing into the vast sky and I strained to see but couldn't see any sign of the dipper.
"There's a Little Dipper," I lied pointing in a direction and Umino was quick to look but when he heard my laughter realised I was only kidding him and his mouth curved into a smile and he looked up into the sky again.
"Hey look there, that's weird," he told me and I looked up trying to see what he saw.
"What is?" I asked him curiously my eyes searching.
"You can see the planet Venus, usually you can't," Umino explained pointing and following his finger I saw a bright orange star in the sky that was bigger than all the others. I felt a strange pulling in my heart and I realised that indeed it was Venus, the planet of my birth and the origin, a planet I would never know except from a distance.
"Oh, how can you tell its Venus?" I asked him teasingly but Umino, as usual took my question seriously and his eyes lit up as he spoke.
"I love Venus, it is the most interesting planet, full of fire and warmth, and it is a bright and happy planet…kinda like you," Umino added shyly and he looked away from me. I didn't know what to say. I knew I liked him, I just didn't know how to say it. I wasn't like Usagi. Neither were the other girls. We hadn't been betrothed in the past, and we had never had any boyfriends, because we were not destined to have any.
"Are you calling me a planet?" I choked out finally when Umino didn't say anymore. I was trying to figure out how to tell him I liked him when he stiffened.
"Forget it, forget I said anything," he said taking my reply the wrong way and shoving his hands in his coat he walked on ahead of me. Aware I had hurt his feelings I struggled to reassure him I appreciated his compliment, which I really did.
"I love Venus too," I said placing my arm on his to stop him from walking so fast and Umino turned surprised eyes to me although they were sceptical.
"You do?" he asked in disbelief and I nodded watching the moonlight shine across his face. He looked like an angel, someone to guide me, to be my friend always and to be someone I loved.
"Uh huh, its special, like you," I whispered uncertain of what his reaction would be and Umino's eyes widened.
"Special as in good or special as in bad?" he asked me and I felt his hand take mine. This felt unreal but it also felt so right.
"Special as in good, silly," I said giggling and Umino turned to me and we were standing under a streetlamp I was pressed against his chest without even realising it.
"Mina-Chan," he whispered with a tortured sigh as I stared up at him and I felt myself waiting for him to bring his head down so our lips could meet. I closed my eyes and tilted my head waiting and I felt him press his lips gently to mine and as I reached my hand up around his neck he pulled away abruptly.
"What's wrong?" I asked wondering if I had done anything wrong but Umino shook his head violently.
"I'm sorry, I was getting a bit ahead of myself," he apologised but I grabbed his hand and made him stand and face me.
"No you weren't, I wanted you to kiss me Umino," I told him revealing my feelings and Umino looked at me and shook his head.
"I'm not your kind of guy, I'm the geek, the nerd, the loser, and you deserve someone who can treat you the way you've been accustomed to," he said sadly and now it was my turn to shake my head.
"Your exactly my kind of guy, dependable, sweet and caring, that's you Umino, your what I have been looking for, I have just been looking in the wrong places when my perfect guy was in front of me the whole time," I told him letting out what I was thinking, what I had been thinking ever since we had first met for the second time.
"You mean that?" he asked unsurely and I reached up to caress his face gently.
"Of course I do, I never lie," I told him truthfully and that was when he gave a wry smile.
"I know Sailor Venus," he said gathering me up into a hug which I returned as I asked,
"You know?"
"Of course, you should know Usagi couldn't keep a huge secret like that, both Naru and I knew," Umino revealed and I laughed shaking my head.
"Your right I should have known, so what now?" I asked looking up into his eyes and Umino pursed his lips together.
"Hmm…I ask you to be my girlfriend I suppose," he decided as we began walking again, hands clasp tightly.
"Oh well by all means continue," I told him grinning up at him knowing that he was my guy, this handsome young man who was sweet and gentle and very down to Earth.
"Mina-Chan…" he said huskily began to ask but I couldn't stand it any longer.
"Yes!" I exclaimed throwing my arms around his neck and hugging him once more.
"I didn't even get to ask…" he complained to me but I pressed a finger to his lips.
"You didn't need to," I told him silencing his other complaints with my lips.
A year of schooling went by and Umino and I grew closer and closer. The classes were hard and I missed my friends but I had new friends here, Karei had introduced me to her group of friends and we all got along really well. Those particular three other girls looked like Usagi, Makoto and Ami. Their names were Usara, Myka and Ariel and although they looked liked my three friends they were very different. The biggest difference was the Usara and Ariel were a couple, just like Haruka and Michiru. I saw that they loved each other very much and they had been together longer than Karei and Ryo, three years the day I met them. Ariel was much like Haruka in strength and attitude but she adored dressing up, and loved nothing more than to go to dinner and fancy restaurants with Usara wearing a gorgeous dress and being the centre of attention. Usara was the demure one, much like Ami only more so, but when she got drunk, as she often did at most of the College parties, she was as loud and rambunctious as they come. I found it quite hilarious that the quiet, serious Usara looked so much like Usagi and that Ariel looked like Ami; it was actually more hilarious than shocking.
Funny, I should have told the others about their look a like's along time ago but I didn't want to change the senshi's lives by bringing in my new life, and I wanted to keep them my special secret, something that was mine and not Usagi's. I don't hate Usagi. I resent her but I don't hate her, I could never hate her.
I returned to Tokyo for Rei's wedding two years after I had left and it was the first time I had seen the other girls. I had kept in touch through emails and letters and I knew that Ami and Makoto had found two good young men as I had. The only real surprise for me was Rei's marriage to Kaidou. I brought Umino with me and while the girls were shocked at his change and our relationship they accepted him, as I knew they would, as did their boyfriends. I particularly appreciated the way Kaidou invited Umino to join them on his buck's night and invited him with the guys wherever they went. Of course all the boyfriends were not as tight we, the girls, were but they got along with each other and towards the ends of their lives during Crystal Tokyo they even created clubs, and although the clubs were dedicated to the past we knew in Tokyo I never went to them, for it only reminded me that soon Umino would leave me and I would be forever alone. After Rei's wedding Umino and I returned to finish law school and we both passed with honours. Umino and I decided to return to Tokyo and Umino opened a law firm while I worked as his secretary.
I was so happy back then before Crystal Tokyo, I never wanted for anything, I had the perfect life, married to a man I adored knowing I would die happily with him. And then that goddamn crystal had to ruin my happiness. I don't want to cry anymore, I just want to fall asleep and never wake up. Life for me has no meaning anymore, not with my Umino. I know the other girls feel the same way and I can only guess how Usagi feels. I remember Usagi once asking me if I regretted ever meeting her. At the time I had replied not yet but now that seventy years have passed since that day I think that I truly may regret ever becoming a senshi. But then I think of all the wonderful things we have done to protect the Earth and the Moon and I cannot help but be proud that I helped save the world. Perhaps everything was for the best. I can almost feel Umino's breath on my neck, and I can feel his hands on my skin, it tickles, I don't think that's normal but it feels so right. I have never actually told the girls about what I feel and sense about Umino, I fear they will think I am crazy but it isn't craziness. It is undying love. What can I do? What can I say to express how I feel? I feel as though a life has been stripped from me, I know I am but a shell of my former self. I see it through Serenity's eyes, in the way she looks at me, even now across the library she gazes at me, thoughtfully, longingly, she wants so much for us to forgive her. Maybe the time has come. Maybe just maybe the time has come to forgive, but not forget, I can never forget.
