The Dating Game

Am: Welcome to The Dating Game. I'm your hostess, Amanda, and this is your host, Edge!

Edge: Hi.

Am: Today we're introducing our bachelorette... er... yeah... Uhm... Ok. *turns to the writer* BOB!

Bob(the monkey): Eee ee oo?

Am: What the hell is this?! He's not a bachelorette!

Bob: Eee ee aa OO!

Am: He is not! He isn't a bachelorette just because he likes guys!

Bob: EEE AAA OO!!

Am: Yeah, ok, fine! Here's our BACHELOR, Billy.

Billy: Hiya!

Am: Ok, here's todays.... Shit, what the hell?! BOB!

Bob: OO OOE EEE!

Am: I don't think today's BACHELORS are gonna be HAPPY about this!

Bob: Eee ooa!

Am: I don't want my ass kicked!

Edge: I'll protect you!

Audience: Awwwwww!

Am: *hugs Edge* You're sweet, but these guys can kill us both.

Edge: Oh....

Am: Ok, Billy, try your hardest to sound like a girl... We'll leave the horrible surprise for later.

Billy: *clears his throat*

Am: Here's today's bachelors.... Bachelor 1.... He's big and tough, and he likes his beer....

B1: What?

Am: .... I said-

B1: What?

Am: ...... Bache-

B1: What?

Am: Shut up!

B1: ........

Am: Ok, Bachelor 2 is tall dark and handsome... (Or so Bob says). And he... Ok, here's bachelor 2....

B2: If you-

Am: No!

B2: Ok.

Am: Bachelor 3 is a slimy hairball.

B3: HEY!

Am: I never said I'd introduce you properly! Ok, Bi... Billette, ask away.

Billy: *In a girly voice* Bachelor 1...

B1: What?

Billy: Bachelor 1, If I was-

B1: What?

Am: Don't start this again! I'll take out the tasers!

Billy: Ok Bachelor 2, What's love got to do with it?

B2: ??????

Billy: *Waiting for an answer*

B2: ......uh..... Something?

Billy: Bachelor 3, how much money would you spend on me at dinner?

B3: Well, I guess-

B2: It doesn't matter what you think!

B1: What?

Am: SHUT UP!

B1 and 2: .......

B3: As I was saying-

Am: It doesn't matter what you think!

Billy: I WANT TO KNOW!

B3: you sound like a man when you yell....

Billy: *In a higher-pitched voice* I mean... I want to know...

Bob: *laughing in a monkey-laugh*

Edge: *snickering*

Am: *barely keeping a straight face*

B3: Ok... I guess as much as I had to... Whatever you ordered, I guess. I dunno.

Billy: Ok, Bachelor 1...

B1: What?

Billy: If we went shopping for... clothes... what would you buy for me?

B1: What?

Billy: That's what I'm asking you! Silly.

B1: What?

Billy: Huh?

B1: I don't shop!

Billy: Bachelor 2... same question. *clears throat*

B2: *shrugs*

B1: What?

B2: I shrugged!

B1: What?

B3: He-

B2: It doesn't matter what you think!

Am: *exasperated sigh* That's the last time these three are on my show.

B3: What am I doing?

B1: What?

Billy: Well.. Can I pick now?

Am: Please do....

B1: What?

B2: Finally! The-

Am: A! Shut up!

B1: What?

Am: ARGH!

Billy: Well.. Bachelor 1 seems kind of... -

B1: What?

Billy: Mean..? Bachelor 2... you...

B2: It doesn't matter what you think!

Billy: You're too loud. Bachelor 3, I pick you.

Am: *gagging sounds*

B3: *reveals himself as...... X-PAC!!!!!* Wh... You're.....

Billy: Come give daddy a kiss!

X-pac: *shrieks and runs away*

Billy: *Chases X-Pac*

Am: *pushes the screen away*

Stone Cold: What?

The Rock: If you Smelllllllllllll what the ROCK is cooking!

Am: *rolls her eyes* Guys-

Stone Cold: What?

Am: I was say-

The Rock: It doesn't matter what you say!

Am: *eyes glow red* That's IT! *shocks them both with the tasers*

Edge: *looks scared*

Am: Bob! Drag their sorry asses out the back door! Edge, you too!

Bob: *does so*

Edge: *does too*

Nicki in audience: Awwww....

END