The Dating Game

Nicki: Welcome to The Dating Game!!!!! I'm the hostess, Nicki!!!!! Today we get to see Jeff Hardy get chased around!

Jeff: No one told me that!

Nicki: B-ette1 says she's a really big fan and she loves you.

B-ette1: HI JEFF I WANT TO TOUCH YOUR HAIR AND LOOK INTO YOUR EYES!!!

Jeff: *slaps himself in the forehead* Oh no...

Am in audience: *speaking quietly to Edge* So you see, I had no clue she was a stalker until she got all funky just before the show...

Edge in audience: Oooohhh...

Jeff: Stalker?! What?!

Stone Cold (Off Stage): What?

Nicki: B-ette2 is into lying on the beach and showing off her legs.

B-ette2: *Going psycho* I HAVE LEGS!!!

Jeff: *crying* Why do I get all the psychoes?

Nicki: B-ette3 says... What the hell??

B3: RAVIOLI!!!!

Nicki: Kane why are you here?! You're not... gay?

Kane: *Walks out and grabs Nicki by the neck and lifts her off the ground* Ravi...oli...

Am in audience: Woah, Kane! I have some for you right here! *pats the seat next to her* Come and sit down like a good Big Red Machine, and eat the loverly ravioli.

Kane: *lets Nicki go and goes and sits down to eat* Ravioli.

Am in audience: You're welcome, Kane.

Nicki: *Shaking* B....b...*passes out*

Brock: *Walks out and picks Nicki up, then carries her backstage*

**Quick Intermission**

Announcer: We're having some techinal difficulties, so, without further ado, here's Edge and Christian.

Edge: Hey!

Christian: *stops playing his kazoo* Wha----Huh?

Edge: Dude, they put us on in our own little spot!

Christian: Yeah! Cool! *Takes out streamers*

Edge: Awesome! Streamers rule! Long live the stream!

Christian: Yeah! And long live the 'zoo!

Edge: I got an idea! Let's do my song! That's always entertaining!

Christian: *Plays Edge's theme song*

Edge: You think you know me! You think you know me! You think you know me! You think you know me! You think you know me! You think you know me! You think you know me! You think you-

*they get cut off and one of those screens that beep for a long time comes on instead*

*About ten minutes later*

Announcer: We decided that screen was less annoying then those two, so we put it up instead. Sorry about that, folks. Back to the show.

**Back to the Show**

Raven: Welcome back... I'm your temporary host, Raven...

Am in audience: Caw Caw! *giggles*

Edge in audience: Nevermore! *snickering*

Christian in audience: Yeah!

Jeff: *looks on the verdge of tears again* I hope I'm getting paid for this...

Raven: Now... bachelorette number three says... that.. Ok, sorry about this but we had to find a new bachelorette really fast... She says that she just loves all of the male wrestlers.

B-ette3: Hello.

Jeff: Can I ask now?

Raven: Er... I guess...

Jeff: Ok... B-ette 1... Are you border-line psychotic?

B-ette1: I WANNA FEEL YOUR ABS!!

Jeff: *looking scared* Er... B-ette 2... Same question.

B-ette2: WHY DOESN'T ANYONE WANT MY LEGS????

Jeff: Legs, right... *looking ready to run* Uhm... B-ette 3... Same question....

B-ette3: No. Not even close...but, I do think you're good looking.

Jeff: *looks relieved, but still uncomfortable* Uh... B-ette 1... If I were to have the Hardcore Title, and someone tried to take it from me, what would you do?

B-ette1: MAKE LOVE TO ME JEFF!

Jeff: *turns red* Err... Uh.. I... Uh.... Excuse me. *gets up and runs off the set*

Am in audience: Security, catch him, he's running away!

**Intermission**

Kane: Ravioli.

Ravioli: Kane.

Kane: Ravioli.

Ravioli: Kane.

Kane: Ravioli.

Ravioli: Kane.

Kane: Ravioli.

Ravioli: Kane.

Kane: Ravioli.

Ravioli: Kane.

Kane: Ravioli.

Ravioli: Kane.

Kane: Ravioli.

Ravioli: Kane.

Kane: Ravioli.

Ravioli: Kane.

Announcer: CUT IT OUT ALREADY! Man.... Talking ravioli. *shakes head* I'm losing it. Back to the show.

Kane: Ravioli.

**Back to Show**

Jeff: *all tied up in his chair* Please let me go! Please?

B-ette1: I LOVE YOU JEFF HARDY! I'M YOUR LONG-LOST WIFE!

Jeff: *sobbing* Let me go! I have to run away!

Am in audience: Awww... Poor Jeff. Finish the show!

Jeff: You have no compassion! Show some compassion! *sniffles*

B-ette2: I'll show my... lllleeegs....

Jeff: I CHOOSE BACHELORETTE 3!!!! 3!!!! PLEASE!!!! *looking as psychotic as the B-ette1 sounds*

**Intermission**

Am: Hello, I'm here to... Talk.

Kane: Ravioli.

Am: Yes, Kane. It's good. *gives him more ravioli* Eat it up like a good little Big Red Machine.

Kane: *eating ravioli*

Am: Well, to sum up the show so far, Jeff's lost his mind, along with B- ette 1 (who never had a mind to begin with), and B-ette 2, who's on the rebound still. Jeff thinks he can choose now, but he can't. He's only asked one question.

Edge: But they 'are' scary... I'd want to choose quickly too.

Am: Sh. Well, anyhow, security is busy holding Jeff down and administering a mild tranquilizer, because it seems he broke his ropes and started bashing the shit outta stuff. Like first Raven, and then he tried for the screen. Cooper stopped him.

Cooper: *eating a banana*

Am: Good Cooper.

Kane: .....

Am: Good Kane. Ok, I think we're ready to get back now.

**Back to Show**

Jeff: *sitting in his chair, with a VERY dazed expression*

Kurt Angle: Hi. I'm the new-

Am in audience: I saw your ass on TV! HAHAHAHA!

Nicki: *Walks out shakily* Am... that's... confidential information...

Am in audience: Yeah, I know! That's why the show is called 'Confidential'!

Kurt: Er...

Nicki: I can... Take care of this show now...

Jeff: *drools*

B-ette1: *Runs out from behind the screen and is a crazy fan* JEFF!! *licks his drool off his face*

Jeff: I'm a wrestler....

B-ette1: I'm so GLAD that you picked me!

Jeff: One... One? *drools* Ok.

Am in audience: That shouldn't count! He's drugged!

Jeff: *giggles*

Nicki: It counts... Cool.

Kane: Ravioli... *Gets on stage*

Nicki: *Screams and falls over, rolling around on the ground screaming*

Jeff: *falls out of chair*

Am in audience: ....this is messed up.

Edge in audience: My head hurts...

Jeff: *lying face-down on the floor* ow....

Crazy Fan(B-ette1): Come on. *Picks up Jeff and carries him away*

Nicki: *Curled up in a ball, trying to hide*

Kane: RAVIOLI! *Walks over to Nicki*

Am in audience: *gets up out of the audience and slaps Kane's shoulder* Bad Kane!

Kane: *whimpers*

Am: Nicki has no ravioli! I have it. Come on.

Kane: *follows Amanda away*

Edge: *picks up Cooper and leaves as well*

Christian: *follows Edge*

Audience: .....*leaves*

Nicki: *Stands up and drinks tea*

END