Chapter 15: Empty Frames
Rain. Falling to the ground like the sky itself was weeping. It softly tapped on the balcony and against the walls and windows and roof. Washing everything clean, washing away the filth and grime that coated the city.
Eries listened to it snuggled deeply in the warm covers of her bed. Without opening her eyes she could see everything perfectly. The gray morning sky casting down its tears. The stray drops of rain that trickled down the glass pane, slowly growing as they picked up other tiny droplets and gaining speed until they fell from sight. It had been a long time since she'd watched the rain. Watched the tiny drops race each other down the windows.
Folken watched them now. She sensed his presence in the room, standing at the glass doors of her balcony his back to her. Tall and dark and solemn. The muscles on his back slowly rippling as his hand reached out to touch the rain, but meeting the glass instead. She knew how every strand of hair fell about his face, across sad eyes and the back of his neck. And she could see the shiny steel pins that dug into his flesh, holding tight the mechanical arm that clung to his side. That drank of his life's blood.
Outside the room leviships passed overhead casting down their shadows as they glided across the gloomy sky. With their passengers already collected there was nothing left to stand between them and that distant storm. They were going away and they might not be back. There might not be anything to come back to.
Reluctantly Eries opened her eyes though she would have rather slept. The room was exactly as she had pictured it. Even Folken with his hand upon the glass window tracing the path of the falling drops.
"How long have you been awake?" she asked.
He let his hand fall from the glass. "Quite a while, but then again, so have you."
"How did you know?"
"You purr when you sleep." She could see a slight smile grace his lips.
"I was listening to the rain," she said. "It's rather sad."
"I suppose so."
"What's that old saying? 'Rain washes everything away.' It makes it all clean and new," Eries ran her fingers through her hair and pulled a black feather from the tangled strands. "I don't think it's true though. It doesn't really wash things away; you don't get rid of them. They just get relocated, but they aren't ever gone."
"I guess not."
"Sometimes, after a storm, things wash up in the canals. Things from far away distant places. Junk mostly. And it makes me think that Asturia is the 'away' for all the other countries. A place where everyone piles up their filth and rubbish that the rain took from them. And they think it's gone, they don't have to worry about it anymore, but it isn't. It hasn't really gone away. All the filth still remains and it's dumped upon us."
"Isn't there anyway to get rid of it?" Folken asked. "Anyway to become clean again?"
"We try. Pull the garbage out of the canals and bury it elsewhere. Forget about it. Put it out of sight and mind. Let time and nature make us forget about it all. I guess most of it we do forget about. Not all of it though.
"One time, when I young, my older sister and I went walking, escorted of course, down by the canals. It was really early in the morning so the gondolas weren't out yet." She twirled the black feather in her fingers. "We saw this groups of men standing at the water's edge pulling a body out of the canal. A man had died and was floating there, just sort of bobbing face down in the river. Like a piece of garbage. He must have been there for days because he was all puffy and bloated; didn't really look like a person at all. The men were talking loudly about how he smelled and how much a bother it all was. Someone recognized him as some recluse, no family or friends or such. In a moment they were all laughing and joking about how he must have killed himself. Nobody seemed to care he was dead or about him at all. The escort took us away, kept on turning my head away from the scene, but we'd both already seen it. Marlene cried. I don't think I did. I think that was only time I've ever seen a dead person."
Folken had turned and was looking at her now as she rubbed the black feather between her fingers. "My father was the first for me. I remember he didn't really look dead, just asleep. Like I could just reach out and shake his shoulder and he'd wake up. And everything would be normal again. It didn't seem real." Folken paused. "It's been a long time since I thought about him. When I first joined Zaibach I used to think a lot about him, and my mother, and my little brother. It was years before I learned of my mother's death. But it was only in words, it seemed even less real than my father's passing."
"Words aren't the same, are they? I never saw my mother after she died. Or Marlene. The body was always buried by the time I got there. They'd just tell me they were dead and let it be at that. It never seemed real; sometimes I wonder if they really are dead. I mean, I know they are, but there was never a conclusion. No dramatic end to it all. No body. Just words."
She looked up at Folken. "Don't die."
"I don't want to die; I want to live," Folken said. "But I must follow the path fate has set out for me."
"Let someone else do it!" Eries shouted. "I can't bear to think of you like the man in the canal. You know, I asked about him a few days later and no one remembered him. They'd brushed him to the side of their minds."
Folken came and sat down beside her on the bed. His arms went around her and held her tight. "If I can escape my fate, I will. But we all die sometime; it doesn't mean we all end up like that man. Forgotten."
"I won't forget you, but what about everyone else? Those men who laughed at the dead. Those people who forget everyone they can't see."
"It's just the way some people deal with death. They don't want to look at the body; they don't want to think about death. You should put it behind you once I'm gone. Don't let it torture you."
"I don't want to forget you!"
"I'm not asking you to. Just not to dwell on the death part. People are remembered by what they do in life. How they change the world. What they contribute to the lives of others. Everything, every person we touch and change, all those we affect take a piece of us with them. So we aren't ever forgotten when we leave something good behind." He stroked her hair. "We don't remember _people_ we remember their actions. The things they used to do and will never do again. That's what we miss about them. That's why we mourn."
"So it's not the death we mourn," Eries said slowly trying to understand everything Folken was saying. "It's the ending of the life. But that life, that memory continues as long as they have done something. Leave something behind for the rest of the world."
"Something like that."
Eries smiled. "So you'll never really be gone. Because you've touched my life."
"She smiles! Good, I thought you were expecting me to drop dead right here and now."
"No, I suppose we do still have some time together left," she grinned. "And here I am reminding you of things you probably don't want to dwell on. Making your last days miserable."
"You don't seem very sad about it."
"Well, I was thinking of what me might do instead of discussing morbid topics." She trailed her fingers down his chest. "Will you come again tonight?"
"I already have an obligation. But if it cancels I'll come."
"You should just skip it. Or is it something really important?"
"It is. An obligation to my little brother. There's something I have to do for him."
"Then you'd better not miss it. I know how little siblings can be. Tomorrow night, then?"
Folken smiled. "Every night while I can." He kissed her again rather roughly and she fell back into the soft pillows with Folken's arms still around her.
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Folken was gone when she'd woken again. And so were the leviships. They'd be upon the frontier of Zaibach by nightfall and the war would not wait for dawn. The early morning rain remained behind, now no more than a light drizzle upon a gray day.
There wasn't much left to do. The game was in the warrior's field now, not the politicians. So Eries remained in her room. She gathered up the bed sheets and set them soaking in the washbasin to remove the stains before she sent them down to be properly washed. And then collected the black feathers to toss over the balcony for the winds to take. Slowly she puttered around removing all traces of Folken's presence, continually finding the black feathers scattered in the strangest of places, and soon there was no evidence that she'd had a visitor. Her lover was a secret like everything else in her life.
The glass from the mirror she had smashed apart was collected and thrown away. And now the frame stood empty reflecting nothing. It would be quite a task trying to explain how it and the chair had gotten broken, but she was sure whatever she said would stand unquestioned.
To her despair she found that Meiden had indeed managed to plant the vial of poison in her drawers. It was not the rat poison she had used; she guessed it was a much more lethal concoction. Logic told her to get rid of it, to put the damning stuff as far away from herself as possible, but something else inside contradicted the logic and in the end overpowered it. So she stuffed it back in the drawer, wondering when Meiden had been in her room without her knowing it.
Her day passed much too slowly, burdened by the restlessness of knowing other people were busy with important things.
Soon after the sun had slipped into the sea a knock came at her door. Her hopes sprang to Folken being there, but Eries was not surprised to find Millerna calling for her instead. She was a little shocked at her sister's appearance. The weight of the past few days had taken their toll on her little sister. The stress and fatigue made her look older and more solemn than a girl of just fifteen, older than she had the right to look. Only fifteen. For some reason, it had never quite struck Eries just how young that really was.
"I've received word that Father wishes to see us," Millerna said. "I thought we might walk together. I did not want to go alone."
Eries smiled. "It's been a while since we've talked. I've hardly seen you since the wedding."
"True. You took off soon after. I should have thanked you for all your help bringing the allies together and bringing in supplies. But we've both been busy and beyond the Celena incident we've barely been together five minutes in the same room. That must have been quite a disturbing experience. I've only heard about it but I still wake up in the night with chills."
"With so much else happening I've not had much time to think about it," Eries said. "Or perhaps I don't want to because it could have so easily been anyone in her place."
"I cannot imagine what they've gone through. Nor what Allen must feel right now; he is being sent to fight against his little sister," Millerna said sadly.
Eries did not know how to reply and the silence lingered between them. "So how are you liking married life?" she finally asked.
"I wouldn't know. Dryden's gone."
"Pardon?"
"Dryden left this morning and gave me back his wedding band. He released me of our vows." Eries cast a worried glance at her little sister. "He said he wanted to become the sort of man I deserved. Wanted to start over with the survivors of the war. And make me fall in love with him. It's really the most ridiculous thing. He just gave up an entire kingdom because ... because he believes he's in love with me. And he believes I will love him."
She stopped walking and stared at the ground. Eries stopped too. "Believes?"
"Marriage for a princess is a duty. What does love have to do with it?" Millerna asked reflecting a sentiment Eries had carried with her when she was younger. Before she met Folken. But she was not under the restraints Millerna was. The same thing that damned her had also saved her in that instance. And for the first time Eries was glad she was a beastgirl.
"Do you love Dryden?" Eries asked.
"I don't know."
Eries placed her hand on Millerna's should. "Allen..." she started.
"I don't know... I don't want to be in love with anyone right now. I don't want to depend on someone else to make me happy. I don't want to be a burden to everyone."
"You're not a burden. And Dryden wants to make you happy. What's wrong with that?"
"Stop it," Millerna protested. "I don't want anyone pushing me into this. Dryden's leaving was his own will. I didn't drive him away."
"Very well." Eries licked her lips as a new thought occurred to her. "Perhaps we should have Meiden Fassa sent away too. I'm sure he'll bother you non-stop about getting his son back in line for the throne. There's no way Dryden will listen to him. Not if he gave up the throne willingly."
"Yes, yes. That'd probably be best. We'll send him to some far away kingdom." Millerna stared glassy eyed at the floor. "I miss him, Eries. It's suddenly so quiet now that he's gone. So very quiet. I miss him. But it doesn't mean I love him."
Rain. Falling to the ground like the sky itself was weeping. It softly tapped on the balcony and against the walls and windows and roof. Washing everything clean, washing away the filth and grime that coated the city.
Eries listened to it snuggled deeply in the warm covers of her bed. Without opening her eyes she could see everything perfectly. The gray morning sky casting down its tears. The stray drops of rain that trickled down the glass pane, slowly growing as they picked up other tiny droplets and gaining speed until they fell from sight. It had been a long time since she'd watched the rain. Watched the tiny drops race each other down the windows.
Folken watched them now. She sensed his presence in the room, standing at the glass doors of her balcony his back to her. Tall and dark and solemn. The muscles on his back slowly rippling as his hand reached out to touch the rain, but meeting the glass instead. She knew how every strand of hair fell about his face, across sad eyes and the back of his neck. And she could see the shiny steel pins that dug into his flesh, holding tight the mechanical arm that clung to his side. That drank of his life's blood.
Outside the room leviships passed overhead casting down their shadows as they glided across the gloomy sky. With their passengers already collected there was nothing left to stand between them and that distant storm. They were going away and they might not be back. There might not be anything to come back to.
Reluctantly Eries opened her eyes though she would have rather slept. The room was exactly as she had pictured it. Even Folken with his hand upon the glass window tracing the path of the falling drops.
"How long have you been awake?" she asked.
He let his hand fall from the glass. "Quite a while, but then again, so have you."
"How did you know?"
"You purr when you sleep." She could see a slight smile grace his lips.
"I was listening to the rain," she said. "It's rather sad."
"I suppose so."
"What's that old saying? 'Rain washes everything away.' It makes it all clean and new," Eries ran her fingers through her hair and pulled a black feather from the tangled strands. "I don't think it's true though. It doesn't really wash things away; you don't get rid of them. They just get relocated, but they aren't ever gone."
"I guess not."
"Sometimes, after a storm, things wash up in the canals. Things from far away distant places. Junk mostly. And it makes me think that Asturia is the 'away' for all the other countries. A place where everyone piles up their filth and rubbish that the rain took from them. And they think it's gone, they don't have to worry about it anymore, but it isn't. It hasn't really gone away. All the filth still remains and it's dumped upon us."
"Isn't there anyway to get rid of it?" Folken asked. "Anyway to become clean again?"
"We try. Pull the garbage out of the canals and bury it elsewhere. Forget about it. Put it out of sight and mind. Let time and nature make us forget about it all. I guess most of it we do forget about. Not all of it though.
"One time, when I young, my older sister and I went walking, escorted of course, down by the canals. It was really early in the morning so the gondolas weren't out yet." She twirled the black feather in her fingers. "We saw this groups of men standing at the water's edge pulling a body out of the canal. A man had died and was floating there, just sort of bobbing face down in the river. Like a piece of garbage. He must have been there for days because he was all puffy and bloated; didn't really look like a person at all. The men were talking loudly about how he smelled and how much a bother it all was. Someone recognized him as some recluse, no family or friends or such. In a moment they were all laughing and joking about how he must have killed himself. Nobody seemed to care he was dead or about him at all. The escort took us away, kept on turning my head away from the scene, but we'd both already seen it. Marlene cried. I don't think I did. I think that was only time I've ever seen a dead person."
Folken had turned and was looking at her now as she rubbed the black feather between her fingers. "My father was the first for me. I remember he didn't really look dead, just asleep. Like I could just reach out and shake his shoulder and he'd wake up. And everything would be normal again. It didn't seem real." Folken paused. "It's been a long time since I thought about him. When I first joined Zaibach I used to think a lot about him, and my mother, and my little brother. It was years before I learned of my mother's death. But it was only in words, it seemed even less real than my father's passing."
"Words aren't the same, are they? I never saw my mother after she died. Or Marlene. The body was always buried by the time I got there. They'd just tell me they were dead and let it be at that. It never seemed real; sometimes I wonder if they really are dead. I mean, I know they are, but there was never a conclusion. No dramatic end to it all. No body. Just words."
She looked up at Folken. "Don't die."
"I don't want to die; I want to live," Folken said. "But I must follow the path fate has set out for me."
"Let someone else do it!" Eries shouted. "I can't bear to think of you like the man in the canal. You know, I asked about him a few days later and no one remembered him. They'd brushed him to the side of their minds."
Folken came and sat down beside her on the bed. His arms went around her and held her tight. "If I can escape my fate, I will. But we all die sometime; it doesn't mean we all end up like that man. Forgotten."
"I won't forget you, but what about everyone else? Those men who laughed at the dead. Those people who forget everyone they can't see."
"It's just the way some people deal with death. They don't want to look at the body; they don't want to think about death. You should put it behind you once I'm gone. Don't let it torture you."
"I don't want to forget you!"
"I'm not asking you to. Just not to dwell on the death part. People are remembered by what they do in life. How they change the world. What they contribute to the lives of others. Everything, every person we touch and change, all those we affect take a piece of us with them. So we aren't ever forgotten when we leave something good behind." He stroked her hair. "We don't remember _people_ we remember their actions. The things they used to do and will never do again. That's what we miss about them. That's why we mourn."
"So it's not the death we mourn," Eries said slowly trying to understand everything Folken was saying. "It's the ending of the life. But that life, that memory continues as long as they have done something. Leave something behind for the rest of the world."
"Something like that."
Eries smiled. "So you'll never really be gone. Because you've touched my life."
"She smiles! Good, I thought you were expecting me to drop dead right here and now."
"No, I suppose we do still have some time together left," she grinned. "And here I am reminding you of things you probably don't want to dwell on. Making your last days miserable."
"You don't seem very sad about it."
"Well, I was thinking of what me might do instead of discussing morbid topics." She trailed her fingers down his chest. "Will you come again tonight?"
"I already have an obligation. But if it cancels I'll come."
"You should just skip it. Or is it something really important?"
"It is. An obligation to my little brother. There's something I have to do for him."
"Then you'd better not miss it. I know how little siblings can be. Tomorrow night, then?"
Folken smiled. "Every night while I can." He kissed her again rather roughly and she fell back into the soft pillows with Folken's arms still around her.
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Folken was gone when she'd woken again. And so were the leviships. They'd be upon the frontier of Zaibach by nightfall and the war would not wait for dawn. The early morning rain remained behind, now no more than a light drizzle upon a gray day.
There wasn't much left to do. The game was in the warrior's field now, not the politicians. So Eries remained in her room. She gathered up the bed sheets and set them soaking in the washbasin to remove the stains before she sent them down to be properly washed. And then collected the black feathers to toss over the balcony for the winds to take. Slowly she puttered around removing all traces of Folken's presence, continually finding the black feathers scattered in the strangest of places, and soon there was no evidence that she'd had a visitor. Her lover was a secret like everything else in her life.
The glass from the mirror she had smashed apart was collected and thrown away. And now the frame stood empty reflecting nothing. It would be quite a task trying to explain how it and the chair had gotten broken, but she was sure whatever she said would stand unquestioned.
To her despair she found that Meiden had indeed managed to plant the vial of poison in her drawers. It was not the rat poison she had used; she guessed it was a much more lethal concoction. Logic told her to get rid of it, to put the damning stuff as far away from herself as possible, but something else inside contradicted the logic and in the end overpowered it. So she stuffed it back in the drawer, wondering when Meiden had been in her room without her knowing it.
Her day passed much too slowly, burdened by the restlessness of knowing other people were busy with important things.
Soon after the sun had slipped into the sea a knock came at her door. Her hopes sprang to Folken being there, but Eries was not surprised to find Millerna calling for her instead. She was a little shocked at her sister's appearance. The weight of the past few days had taken their toll on her little sister. The stress and fatigue made her look older and more solemn than a girl of just fifteen, older than she had the right to look. Only fifteen. For some reason, it had never quite struck Eries just how young that really was.
"I've received word that Father wishes to see us," Millerna said. "I thought we might walk together. I did not want to go alone."
Eries smiled. "It's been a while since we've talked. I've hardly seen you since the wedding."
"True. You took off soon after. I should have thanked you for all your help bringing the allies together and bringing in supplies. But we've both been busy and beyond the Celena incident we've barely been together five minutes in the same room. That must have been quite a disturbing experience. I've only heard about it but I still wake up in the night with chills."
"With so much else happening I've not had much time to think about it," Eries said. "Or perhaps I don't want to because it could have so easily been anyone in her place."
"I cannot imagine what they've gone through. Nor what Allen must feel right now; he is being sent to fight against his little sister," Millerna said sadly.
Eries did not know how to reply and the silence lingered between them. "So how are you liking married life?" she finally asked.
"I wouldn't know. Dryden's gone."
"Pardon?"
"Dryden left this morning and gave me back his wedding band. He released me of our vows." Eries cast a worried glance at her little sister. "He said he wanted to become the sort of man I deserved. Wanted to start over with the survivors of the war. And make me fall in love with him. It's really the most ridiculous thing. He just gave up an entire kingdom because ... because he believes he's in love with me. And he believes I will love him."
She stopped walking and stared at the ground. Eries stopped too. "Believes?"
"Marriage for a princess is a duty. What does love have to do with it?" Millerna asked reflecting a sentiment Eries had carried with her when she was younger. Before she met Folken. But she was not under the restraints Millerna was. The same thing that damned her had also saved her in that instance. And for the first time Eries was glad she was a beastgirl.
"Do you love Dryden?" Eries asked.
"I don't know."
Eries placed her hand on Millerna's should. "Allen..." she started.
"I don't know... I don't want to be in love with anyone right now. I don't want to depend on someone else to make me happy. I don't want to be a burden to everyone."
"You're not a burden. And Dryden wants to make you happy. What's wrong with that?"
"Stop it," Millerna protested. "I don't want anyone pushing me into this. Dryden's leaving was his own will. I didn't drive him away."
"Very well." Eries licked her lips as a new thought occurred to her. "Perhaps we should have Meiden Fassa sent away too. I'm sure he'll bother you non-stop about getting his son back in line for the throne. There's no way Dryden will listen to him. Not if he gave up the throne willingly."
"Yes, yes. That'd probably be best. We'll send him to some far away kingdom." Millerna stared glassy eyed at the floor. "I miss him, Eries. It's suddenly so quiet now that he's gone. So very quiet. I miss him. But it doesn't mean I love him."
