Chapter Twelve
I awoke, slightly confused as to where I was. I turned over and realized that I was still in Haldir's arms, he was sleeping at my side. I was lucky that Haldir had his own rooms, it would add on to all stories if someone knew I was here. I lifted myself up for a bit and looked at Haldir. Maybe it wasn't just a childhood crush, maybe I actually did love him, but I had been to blind to see it. And maybe, I didn't love Legolas, maybe it was just lust. Maybe, just maybe.
I lay back down and rested my head on Haldir's chest, it was so comforting there. I eventually went back to sleep, it was a Sunday.
***
"What do you plan on doing?" Haldir asked, it was after lunch and I still hadn't left his room.
"I don't know," I admitted. "Probably go back to my room, find Katherine, apologize. Apologize to Arwen too. I'm going to need my friends if I'm to get through this."
"Legolas?" Haldir asked gently.
"There is nothing to do except avoid him. There is no turning back in a relationship like that. He had drugs AND alcohol, two things I can't face again. Not after- after that," I said, swallowing the lump of sadness in my throat. "My world collapsed and I need to build a new one, I can't start over again with Legolas. I can't undo the past or run from it, I learned that the hard way," I lowered my voice to a whisper, I thought I was going to start crying again.
"You're more grown up then most our age," Haldir said and hugged me. I felt the warm trickle of tears on my cheek, moving on is so hard. No wonder many dwell in the past, living off memories.
I never realized how much I missed the ability to cry. I had spent so much energy trying to avoid it, I had gotten the misconception that tears were a sign of weakness and locked my tears away.
I eventually stopped crying and left, Haldir told me that I could stop by anytime, just to talk. I walked down to my rooms, I needed to find Katherine.
I went into our rooms, quietly opening and shutting the door. "Hey" Katherine said softly, she was sitting on her bed, it seemed she just took off her headphones.
"Hey, Katherine, I'm sorry I snapped," I said quietly. "It wasn't fair of me to say those things."
"But, Amriell, it wasn't fair of me to tease you like that. I should have never said that, I should have known you would not do that," Katherine said and got up.
"So, all's forgiven and we can be friends again?" I asked.
Katherine nodded. "Arwen's been in hysterics since yesterday after noon," Katherine told me. "She's really worried about you. I think she's worried that you'll go and kill yourself. Where have you been anyway, we were worried."?"Haldir's room," I said. "Legolas and I got in a fight, it's over between us. I hope Niphredil is happy," I added bitterly.
"Damn," Katherine said. "One bad thing after another. Poor girl."
"Oh, and for your information, I did not have sex with him. We're just friends," I said. ~Wish we were more though~ I added silently. "I cried myself to sleep over there," I said. "Where's Arwen?"
"In the southeast courtyard," Katherine said.
"Thanks," I said and headed out.
***
I found Arwen, she was sitting there, doing nothing except stare at the ground and her hands. I sat down next to her quietly. "Amriell?" she said, looking up.
"Arwen, I-" I started.
"Wait. Amriell, I never should have told Niphredil, I'm sorry," Arwen said softly. "Niphredil and I just got in a fight about it too."
"Oh, I'm sorry," I said.
"Don't be," Arwen told me. "She never should have told anyone. I never should have tried to learn."
"Oh," I said, there wasn't much to say.
"Can we be friends?" she asked politely.
"I think so," I replied. "We never did get off on the right foot, did we."
"So, we're friends," Arwen said and smiled.
"Friends," I agreed.
***
I sat watching the door. "Amriell, you really shouldn't worry this much," Arwen told me. "Legolas isn't going to do a thing."
"What makes you so sure?" I replied. I saw him walk in, and got up. "Gotta go, see ya later."
"Amriell, wait, I'll go with you," Katherine said and stood. It was a week after the incident and we had developed a plan. I was generally escorted from class to class by one of my friends; it generally kept people from approaching me. In class, no one dared and I generally could lose them in the halls if worst came to worst.
"I don't need an escort," I said. "I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?" Denera asked.
"Positive," I lied.
I did make it back; everyone was either at lunch or in their rooms. I put my stuff away and headed upstairs, I was going to visit Haldir. I visited daily; it was just something I did. I sometimes fell asleep over there, and none of my friends even asked, they all knew where I was, it wasn't that hard to guess.
"Hi," I said when Haldir opened the door.
"Hey Elly," he said, using my nickname. Actually, he was the only one allowed to use it. "How are you?"
"Pretty good, getting better," I replied, stepping in. I had my book bag; I needed to do homework for Gandalf. "You?"
"Good," he said. "What homework did Gandalf give you?"
"An essay on Elbereth," I said.
"That sucks. I had to do it last year," he said. "Want help?"
"Sure," I said, sitting down on the floor.
***
"I'll come by tomorrow," I said, gathering up my stuff. I walked out of his rooms and nearly ran into someone. "I-" I began and then stopped. I was looking into a pair of azure eyes that were all too familiar. "Legolas? What are you doing here?" I asked.
His eyes were filled with pain, loneliness and sadness "Amriell, can we talk?" he asked.
"I guess," I said, at this moment I was pretty unsure about it.
"Those weren't mine," Legolas said.
"Whose were they then?" I demanded.
"I don't know," he said. "I talked to Éomer, Estel, Boromir, and Faramir. They don't belong to either of them. They must have belonged the person who stayed there before me."
"You are a terrible liar Legolas," I said coldly. "No one was there before you, the rooms were cleaned out over the summer, and none of your room mates would, I've known them for a long time. That leaves that they belong to you." Legolas apparently had nothing to say to that. "It's over Legolas. I'm beginning to wonder what was there. Because I see nothing," I told him.
I might have realized how much I hurt him and maybe that he was telling the truth if I only looked past the pain and rage I felt. I am so easily blinded, it's amazing. I only see what I want to, nothing more, nothing less. Maybe there was something there.
A/N: Hmmmmm. Yep. It's happened again. I've nearly written myself into a dead end. This is sort of going the way I planned it to. Sort of. It's beginning to swerve away from the plot I had planned though! It's not working!
~*Sky Magic*~
I awoke, slightly confused as to where I was. I turned over and realized that I was still in Haldir's arms, he was sleeping at my side. I was lucky that Haldir had his own rooms, it would add on to all stories if someone knew I was here. I lifted myself up for a bit and looked at Haldir. Maybe it wasn't just a childhood crush, maybe I actually did love him, but I had been to blind to see it. And maybe, I didn't love Legolas, maybe it was just lust. Maybe, just maybe.
I lay back down and rested my head on Haldir's chest, it was so comforting there. I eventually went back to sleep, it was a Sunday.
***
"What do you plan on doing?" Haldir asked, it was after lunch and I still hadn't left his room.
"I don't know," I admitted. "Probably go back to my room, find Katherine, apologize. Apologize to Arwen too. I'm going to need my friends if I'm to get through this."
"Legolas?" Haldir asked gently.
"There is nothing to do except avoid him. There is no turning back in a relationship like that. He had drugs AND alcohol, two things I can't face again. Not after- after that," I said, swallowing the lump of sadness in my throat. "My world collapsed and I need to build a new one, I can't start over again with Legolas. I can't undo the past or run from it, I learned that the hard way," I lowered my voice to a whisper, I thought I was going to start crying again.
"You're more grown up then most our age," Haldir said and hugged me. I felt the warm trickle of tears on my cheek, moving on is so hard. No wonder many dwell in the past, living off memories.
I never realized how much I missed the ability to cry. I had spent so much energy trying to avoid it, I had gotten the misconception that tears were a sign of weakness and locked my tears away.
I eventually stopped crying and left, Haldir told me that I could stop by anytime, just to talk. I walked down to my rooms, I needed to find Katherine.
I went into our rooms, quietly opening and shutting the door. "Hey" Katherine said softly, she was sitting on her bed, it seemed she just took off her headphones.
"Hey, Katherine, I'm sorry I snapped," I said quietly. "It wasn't fair of me to say those things."
"But, Amriell, it wasn't fair of me to tease you like that. I should have never said that, I should have known you would not do that," Katherine said and got up.
"So, all's forgiven and we can be friends again?" I asked.
Katherine nodded. "Arwen's been in hysterics since yesterday after noon," Katherine told me. "She's really worried about you. I think she's worried that you'll go and kill yourself. Where have you been anyway, we were worried."?"Haldir's room," I said. "Legolas and I got in a fight, it's over between us. I hope Niphredil is happy," I added bitterly.
"Damn," Katherine said. "One bad thing after another. Poor girl."
"Oh, and for your information, I did not have sex with him. We're just friends," I said. ~Wish we were more though~ I added silently. "I cried myself to sleep over there," I said. "Where's Arwen?"
"In the southeast courtyard," Katherine said.
"Thanks," I said and headed out.
***
I found Arwen, she was sitting there, doing nothing except stare at the ground and her hands. I sat down next to her quietly. "Amriell?" she said, looking up.
"Arwen, I-" I started.
"Wait. Amriell, I never should have told Niphredil, I'm sorry," Arwen said softly. "Niphredil and I just got in a fight about it too."
"Oh, I'm sorry," I said.
"Don't be," Arwen told me. "She never should have told anyone. I never should have tried to learn."
"Oh," I said, there wasn't much to say.
"Can we be friends?" she asked politely.
"I think so," I replied. "We never did get off on the right foot, did we."
"So, we're friends," Arwen said and smiled.
"Friends," I agreed.
***
I sat watching the door. "Amriell, you really shouldn't worry this much," Arwen told me. "Legolas isn't going to do a thing."
"What makes you so sure?" I replied. I saw him walk in, and got up. "Gotta go, see ya later."
"Amriell, wait, I'll go with you," Katherine said and stood. It was a week after the incident and we had developed a plan. I was generally escorted from class to class by one of my friends; it generally kept people from approaching me. In class, no one dared and I generally could lose them in the halls if worst came to worst.
"I don't need an escort," I said. "I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?" Denera asked.
"Positive," I lied.
I did make it back; everyone was either at lunch or in their rooms. I put my stuff away and headed upstairs, I was going to visit Haldir. I visited daily; it was just something I did. I sometimes fell asleep over there, and none of my friends even asked, they all knew where I was, it wasn't that hard to guess.
"Hi," I said when Haldir opened the door.
"Hey Elly," he said, using my nickname. Actually, he was the only one allowed to use it. "How are you?"
"Pretty good, getting better," I replied, stepping in. I had my book bag; I needed to do homework for Gandalf. "You?"
"Good," he said. "What homework did Gandalf give you?"
"An essay on Elbereth," I said.
"That sucks. I had to do it last year," he said. "Want help?"
"Sure," I said, sitting down on the floor.
***
"I'll come by tomorrow," I said, gathering up my stuff. I walked out of his rooms and nearly ran into someone. "I-" I began and then stopped. I was looking into a pair of azure eyes that were all too familiar. "Legolas? What are you doing here?" I asked.
His eyes were filled with pain, loneliness and sadness "Amriell, can we talk?" he asked.
"I guess," I said, at this moment I was pretty unsure about it.
"Those weren't mine," Legolas said.
"Whose were they then?" I demanded.
"I don't know," he said. "I talked to Éomer, Estel, Boromir, and Faramir. They don't belong to either of them. They must have belonged the person who stayed there before me."
"You are a terrible liar Legolas," I said coldly. "No one was there before you, the rooms were cleaned out over the summer, and none of your room mates would, I've known them for a long time. That leaves that they belong to you." Legolas apparently had nothing to say to that. "It's over Legolas. I'm beginning to wonder what was there. Because I see nothing," I told him.
I might have realized how much I hurt him and maybe that he was telling the truth if I only looked past the pain and rage I felt. I am so easily blinded, it's amazing. I only see what I want to, nothing more, nothing less. Maybe there was something there.
A/N: Hmmmmm. Yep. It's happened again. I've nearly written myself into a dead end. This is sort of going the way I planned it to. Sort of. It's beginning to swerve away from the plot I had planned though! It's not working!
~*Sky Magic*~
