Chapter 7

All day long, Paula seemed distraught. She loomed around the house as the storm clouds loomed out. I was worried for her. Yet she did not tell me but her portrait project she did was of me. I was so pleased I didn't know what to say.

She was extremely talented. She'd changed a lot sense she'd arrived.

Although I have too. My once dark and deceptive emotions for the world have been tamed and what I thought I would never find again, I have I don't know what to do.

I love Paula, but I feel as if Satine is waiting for me up there somewhere and when I do reach her, if ever, then what will I do then? I can't very well love both of them. I needed to let myself relax.

As I sat on the balcony and let the wind blow, I took a drag on my cigarette and watched the clouds approach with a thunderous roar.

"Everybody's got something, they had to leave behind,

One regret from yesterday, that just seems to grow with time,

There's no use looking back, oh wondering,

How it could be now, oh might have been,

Oh this I know, but still I can't find ways to let you go,

I never had a dream come true

Till the day that I found you

Even though I pretend that I've moved on

You'll always be my baby,

I never found the words to say 

You're the one I think about each day

And I know no matter where life takes me to

A part of me will always be with you.

Somewhere in my memory I've lost all sense of time,

And tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind,

There's no use looking back, oh wondering

How it should be now, oh might have been

Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go,

I never had a dream come true

Till the day that I found you

Even though I pretend that I've moved on

You'll always be my baby,

I never found the words to say 

You're the one I think about each day

And I know no matter where life takes me to

A part of me will always be 

You'll always be the dream that fills my head

Yes you will, say you will, you know you will oh baby,

You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget,

There's no use looking back oh wondering,

Because love is a strange and funny thing,

No matter how I try, I try I just can't say goodbye, no no no no,

I never had a dream come true

Till the day that I found you

Even though I pretend that I've moved on

You'll always be my baby,

I never found the words to say, 

You're the one I think about each day,

And I know no matter where life takes me to

A part of me will always be with you.

A part of me will always be with you, oooohhh." I sang, I guess that was the way I felt. I'd always have Satine and yesterday, but I can't pretend to move on, I either stay or I go. I have ot make up my mind.

"Christian?" I heard suddenly and I knew. I needed to move on. Paula was now, and I'd never forget Satine and she'll always be my once in a life time but Paula was now.

"Out here!" I called throwing my cigarette and jumping from the wall.

"I'm going to go for a walk, do you want to come?"

"No, I'll stay." I smiled and she left. A few minutes later the winds grew harder and the rain came down in waves. When Paula did not return I grew very worried, I had to go after her.

*I was soaking wet and I couldn't see anything through these sheets of rain. I tried my best to stay on the sidewalk but I couldn't even tell if I was going in the right direction. Cars were zooming past me and winds were pushing me; I didn't know what to do.

"PAULA! PAUAL ARE YOU THERE?" I heard someone call.

"Christian is that you?" I called back.

"YES! SWEET FOLLOW MY VOICE! WHERE ARE YOU?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

*I couldn't find her through the mess. I searched as hard as I could and could not see her.

There she was. Just a few feet more than 10 yards. I ran to her as quickly as I could but I saw something she did not. As the rain slowed me down it did not the cars.

"PAULA MOVE! PAULA MOVE!" I screamed as I tried to reach her faster. But she could not hear me. The car was heading for her head on and it wasn't slowing down.

"PAULA!" I screamed as I grabbed her arms and pushed her out of the way.

With her in just as much shock as I was I couldn't believe what just happened. However I was not as lucky.

As I pushed her the car hit me. But what I could not understand is why I felt it. Why did I go flying across the street as I rolled off the hood?

Suddenly I was cold so cold. I tried to stand but couldn't. I could hear Paula crying and running toward me, but it was no use. I felt weaker and weaker.

With a huge smile she came to my side and held my hands touched my face as I tried to calm her.

"Christian, how did you save me? How? Are you hurt? Please get up!" She cried.

"Paula." I whispered. It was time I could feel it.

"Paula, that was it." I said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Love, I needed to find love again and make myself admit that life could have gone on if I had just let it. It's time for me to go now." I whispered.

"But what are you talking about. I can feel you you're alive. You can stay now! Please." She cried.

"After I say goodbye I'll be gone." I told her.

"Then don't say goodbye please?"

"Thank you for letting me love you. I hope you know that. I would have not made it through another decade if I hadn't met you. Paula carry on ok? I love you so much, we will see each other again. I promise."

"You also promised you'd never leave me!" she shouted in a sob.

"I'll always be in your heart." I placed my hand on her chest where I could feel her heart beating. Paula inhaled deeply.

"No, call me selfish or what ever you want but please I want you to stay. Christian please?"

"It's not up to me. Please don't you understand?" Leaning my forehead against hers I closed my eyes and pulled her mouth to mine. It was warm and welcoming and a taste I had never experienced. Softly pulling away I kissed the tip of her nose and slowly stood. I could feel myself getting lighter.

"Christian!" She whispered loudly taking her lips to mine once more.

"Goodbye." I mumbled as I walked toward the light behind me.

"CHRISTIAN!" She cried I turned back as she ran toward me and wrapped her arms around me.

"I love you." She whispered. Just hearing those words made me cry as well. Now I too regretted leaving.

One last time I took her chin and looked into her eyes. Remembering every detail of her I closed my lips around hers and passionately said, "Forever in your heart, my heart is there. I love you."

Turning finally I walked into the light as it engulfed my being completely.

OK I know not exactly a whoopdy-doo ending but I'm not good at all with them.

If you have a suggestion on how I can possibly make it better please let me know! Don't forget to read the Epilogue!