1 TITLE: One in Ten Million: Chapter 4
AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller
PAIRING: CJ/Simon
RATING: R
SUMMARY: I want you to be here because you choose to be, CJ whispered with drooping eyes, not because you have to be…
SPOILERS: None!
***
He had grown quiet, made unsure by the instance of panic that crossed CJ's face. It was only a flash but Simon had seen it, and he was sure that his own features were now tense.
"CJ?" he asked, narrowing his brow as she shut her eyes, "CJ, what?" Afraid to move away yet afraid to touch her further, Simon simply squeezed CJ's hand.
Slowly, CJ opened her eyes and attempted to swallow. "You're going to ask me to be your wife," she whispered with surety, cocking her head to allow the warm evening breeze through her hair. Thankfully the convertible top was down, not allowing any of the claustrophobia that CJ was prone to.
Simon let loose a short breath, unnerved by the apprehension CJ was so clearly feeling. "Is that okay?" he asked with a confused smile.
Raising her chin, CJ pressed her lips together and pleaded with herself not to cry. She knew there was no reason for this fear, she knew it was all right to let Simon take control, she knew she was allowed to give in. And yet it tore at CJ's chest; panic and a slightly bitter taste weaved through her body. "Simon, I don't know if…" CJ began, seeing her knuckles whiten against Simon's tan hands.
"CJ? I'm not trying to upset you…" Simon tried, growing quickly afraid of her shy yet standoffish reaction. "I thought things were going so well…"
The strangled cry that escaped CJ's lips thoroughly frightened the Secret Service Agent; CJ threw her body across the seat into Simon's arms, afraid herself at his assumption. "Things ARE going well, Simon," she murmured vehemently against his neck, "it's not you. It's not you. I promise its not you. Oh God…"
Tentatively, Simon raked his fingers through CJ's hair, absently thinking that if it wasn't him, what was it? He hadn't anticipated such a deep aversion to the idea of marriage.
"CJ, we don't have to talk about this at all. Not if it is going to upset you so much…" Simon said, instantly aware of the detachment in his voice. He sounded deeply mechanical and that wasn't what she needed. He tried again.
"I mean, really, sweetheart, I just thought it was a good thing. I love you, that's all…"
CJ picked her head up, moved by the softness of Simon's voice. He expected her eyes to be tearful, and when they were not, Simon reticently recalled that CJ didn't cry. She took a deep breath and quickly brushed her fingers over his cheek.
"Simon, please, you know that I love you. I don't want to be with anyone else—ever," CJ professed, her tone and expression almost desperate. Hearing the silent questions written on Simon's face, CJ sucked in another breath. "I just…I just get so scared of it, Simon…."
Simon nodded because he wasn't sure there was anything else to say. Hard as he tried to avoid it, the awful pungent smell of rejection washed over him, piercing his thoughts. She hadn't said no, Simon attempted to convince himself. But she hadn't said yes. It was like a kick in the stomach, reminiscent of a self-defense technique gone wrong. It hurt though he had tried to prevent himself from it.
"You're mad," CJ stated, her face forlorn as she pulled back to look at Simon's own countenance. He indeed had slight hurt mixed with concern written across his features, the forced smile clearly so.
Instantly Simon denied it, desperate to keep his hold on her. He couldn't lose CJ—not ever—even if it meant not having her as his wife. CJ in his life was more important than a ceremony. Pulling her into his embrace again, Simon tried to forget just how much he wanted that ceremony, how much he wanted that sacred commitment with her. Maybe eventually, he kissed her hair, the door would open and CJ would let him in.
***
CJ sensed Simon's disappointment, but she also sensed his hope. They spoke over dinner; she told him her fears and he his. Hers were deeper and laced with quite a bit of reservations—she had never been able to give herself to someone in the way Simon wanted. I want you to be here because you choose to be, CJ whispered with drooping eyes, not because you have to be. Simon could only kiss her fingers and promise her that marriage was the ultimate choice, one that he wanted to make with her.
And when they got back to CJ's apartment, Simon had almost roughly pulled her mouth to his and told her that the offer stood— but he wouldn't bring it up again until she did. They wouldn't do a thing until she was ready.
Pushing him against the wall with an almost animalistic growl, CJ let loose her passion for Simon, grateful that he'd left her choice open. Rushing her mouth over his lips and neck while unknotting his tie, attacking his belt buckle, CJ had one goal: to let Simon know that she was his. She could love him unconditionally without his ring, without his name.
CJ was everywhere at once, arousing Simon's body at an unparalleled level. It was the effect of so many mixed signals; she feared him yet clung to him, she wanted him, yet couldn't bring herself to take all of him. And she would never stop loving him, but wouldn't give him the greatest sign of that love. It boggled Simon's mind though his attraction to her was clear- cut.
Pushing off his suit coat as she unbuttoned Simon's oxford, the black ring box fell to the rug. CJ stopped abruptly, her mouth on Simon's neck, his hands holding her breasts. Slowly separating their bodies, CJ bent down to pick it up, real tears threatening in her eyes.
She looked up at Simon, silently seeking his permission. He kept his eyes steady, one nod all that was necessary. Slowly, with trembling fingers, CJ opened the velvet box. What lay inside took her breath away; a round, two-carat glittering diamond set in gold, the reflecting light dancing around the stone. It glowed in front of her eyes, symbolic of the way she glowed in Simon's own eyes.
CJ lost her breath, and as she sat on the rug stunned and speechless, Simon too sank to his knees. Taking the box gently from her hands, Simon took the ring from its place, holding it between in his fingers.
"Don't you know what you mean to me?" he asked. Slowly he picked up her hand, watching CJ's big blue eyes. CJ never once protested his actions, allowing Simon to slide the exquisite ring onto her finger. Staring down at her hand, at the beautiful sign of his intention, CJ rested her forehead against Simon's.
They stayed that way for some time, afraid to move for fear that it might not have happened. Wordless was her action, but as CJ let the ring remain on her hand, Simon allowed the truth of her decision to sink down. Finally, she kissed him softly, almost unaware of the deep arousal of moments before.
"Baby, please don't change," CJ murmured against his lips, knowing that if it stayed like this moment—absent of fear, absent of old darkness—anything was possible.
***
Simon slid into her body easily, smoothly, filling her with one quick stroke. CJ clutched his muscled and smooth back, holding him still against her chest. The dual rhythm of Simon's heart beat and the pulsing of him deep inside her elicited a moan from CJ's lips; his presence was overwhelming, just as was his ring that she now wore on her finger.
Sliding his hands around her waist, Simon pulled CJ closer to him as he began to thrust inside of her; pleasant pain began to envelop CJ, the rapid rocking of Simon's hips sweeping her towards the edge of release. He was whispering to her, and though CJ tried to focus on his sweet voice, all she could feel was the cool band of gold on her hand as she slid her fingers over Simon's back.
Squeezing her eyes shut as orgasm approached, tears threatened CJ's eyes and the lump in her throat grew; Simon's moan of pleasure set off CJ's undoing, and as she laid satisfied under his hard body, she pleaded with herself not to cry. But indeed, CJ realized with a mixture of happiness and uncertainty, she was going to marry Simon Donovan. *
AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller
PAIRING: CJ/Simon
RATING: R
SUMMARY: I want you to be here because you choose to be, CJ whispered with drooping eyes, not because you have to be…
SPOILERS: None!
***
He had grown quiet, made unsure by the instance of panic that crossed CJ's face. It was only a flash but Simon had seen it, and he was sure that his own features were now tense.
"CJ?" he asked, narrowing his brow as she shut her eyes, "CJ, what?" Afraid to move away yet afraid to touch her further, Simon simply squeezed CJ's hand.
Slowly, CJ opened her eyes and attempted to swallow. "You're going to ask me to be your wife," she whispered with surety, cocking her head to allow the warm evening breeze through her hair. Thankfully the convertible top was down, not allowing any of the claustrophobia that CJ was prone to.
Simon let loose a short breath, unnerved by the apprehension CJ was so clearly feeling. "Is that okay?" he asked with a confused smile.
Raising her chin, CJ pressed her lips together and pleaded with herself not to cry. She knew there was no reason for this fear, she knew it was all right to let Simon take control, she knew she was allowed to give in. And yet it tore at CJ's chest; panic and a slightly bitter taste weaved through her body. "Simon, I don't know if…" CJ began, seeing her knuckles whiten against Simon's tan hands.
"CJ? I'm not trying to upset you…" Simon tried, growing quickly afraid of her shy yet standoffish reaction. "I thought things were going so well…"
The strangled cry that escaped CJ's lips thoroughly frightened the Secret Service Agent; CJ threw her body across the seat into Simon's arms, afraid herself at his assumption. "Things ARE going well, Simon," she murmured vehemently against his neck, "it's not you. It's not you. I promise its not you. Oh God…"
Tentatively, Simon raked his fingers through CJ's hair, absently thinking that if it wasn't him, what was it? He hadn't anticipated such a deep aversion to the idea of marriage.
"CJ, we don't have to talk about this at all. Not if it is going to upset you so much…" Simon said, instantly aware of the detachment in his voice. He sounded deeply mechanical and that wasn't what she needed. He tried again.
"I mean, really, sweetheart, I just thought it was a good thing. I love you, that's all…"
CJ picked her head up, moved by the softness of Simon's voice. He expected her eyes to be tearful, and when they were not, Simon reticently recalled that CJ didn't cry. She took a deep breath and quickly brushed her fingers over his cheek.
"Simon, please, you know that I love you. I don't want to be with anyone else—ever," CJ professed, her tone and expression almost desperate. Hearing the silent questions written on Simon's face, CJ sucked in another breath. "I just…I just get so scared of it, Simon…."
Simon nodded because he wasn't sure there was anything else to say. Hard as he tried to avoid it, the awful pungent smell of rejection washed over him, piercing his thoughts. She hadn't said no, Simon attempted to convince himself. But she hadn't said yes. It was like a kick in the stomach, reminiscent of a self-defense technique gone wrong. It hurt though he had tried to prevent himself from it.
"You're mad," CJ stated, her face forlorn as she pulled back to look at Simon's own countenance. He indeed had slight hurt mixed with concern written across his features, the forced smile clearly so.
Instantly Simon denied it, desperate to keep his hold on her. He couldn't lose CJ—not ever—even if it meant not having her as his wife. CJ in his life was more important than a ceremony. Pulling her into his embrace again, Simon tried to forget just how much he wanted that ceremony, how much he wanted that sacred commitment with her. Maybe eventually, he kissed her hair, the door would open and CJ would let him in.
***
CJ sensed Simon's disappointment, but she also sensed his hope. They spoke over dinner; she told him her fears and he his. Hers were deeper and laced with quite a bit of reservations—she had never been able to give herself to someone in the way Simon wanted. I want you to be here because you choose to be, CJ whispered with drooping eyes, not because you have to be. Simon could only kiss her fingers and promise her that marriage was the ultimate choice, one that he wanted to make with her.
And when they got back to CJ's apartment, Simon had almost roughly pulled her mouth to his and told her that the offer stood— but he wouldn't bring it up again until she did. They wouldn't do a thing until she was ready.
Pushing him against the wall with an almost animalistic growl, CJ let loose her passion for Simon, grateful that he'd left her choice open. Rushing her mouth over his lips and neck while unknotting his tie, attacking his belt buckle, CJ had one goal: to let Simon know that she was his. She could love him unconditionally without his ring, without his name.
CJ was everywhere at once, arousing Simon's body at an unparalleled level. It was the effect of so many mixed signals; she feared him yet clung to him, she wanted him, yet couldn't bring herself to take all of him. And she would never stop loving him, but wouldn't give him the greatest sign of that love. It boggled Simon's mind though his attraction to her was clear- cut.
Pushing off his suit coat as she unbuttoned Simon's oxford, the black ring box fell to the rug. CJ stopped abruptly, her mouth on Simon's neck, his hands holding her breasts. Slowly separating their bodies, CJ bent down to pick it up, real tears threatening in her eyes.
She looked up at Simon, silently seeking his permission. He kept his eyes steady, one nod all that was necessary. Slowly, with trembling fingers, CJ opened the velvet box. What lay inside took her breath away; a round, two-carat glittering diamond set in gold, the reflecting light dancing around the stone. It glowed in front of her eyes, symbolic of the way she glowed in Simon's own eyes.
CJ lost her breath, and as she sat on the rug stunned and speechless, Simon too sank to his knees. Taking the box gently from her hands, Simon took the ring from its place, holding it between in his fingers.
"Don't you know what you mean to me?" he asked. Slowly he picked up her hand, watching CJ's big blue eyes. CJ never once protested his actions, allowing Simon to slide the exquisite ring onto her finger. Staring down at her hand, at the beautiful sign of his intention, CJ rested her forehead against Simon's.
They stayed that way for some time, afraid to move for fear that it might not have happened. Wordless was her action, but as CJ let the ring remain on her hand, Simon allowed the truth of her decision to sink down. Finally, she kissed him softly, almost unaware of the deep arousal of moments before.
"Baby, please don't change," CJ murmured against his lips, knowing that if it stayed like this moment—absent of fear, absent of old darkness—anything was possible.
***
Simon slid into her body easily, smoothly, filling her with one quick stroke. CJ clutched his muscled and smooth back, holding him still against her chest. The dual rhythm of Simon's heart beat and the pulsing of him deep inside her elicited a moan from CJ's lips; his presence was overwhelming, just as was his ring that she now wore on her finger.
Sliding his hands around her waist, Simon pulled CJ closer to him as he began to thrust inside of her; pleasant pain began to envelop CJ, the rapid rocking of Simon's hips sweeping her towards the edge of release. He was whispering to her, and though CJ tried to focus on his sweet voice, all she could feel was the cool band of gold on her hand as she slid her fingers over Simon's back.
Squeezing her eyes shut as orgasm approached, tears threatened CJ's eyes and the lump in her throat grew; Simon's moan of pleasure set off CJ's undoing, and as she laid satisfied under his hard body, she pleaded with herself not to cry. But indeed, CJ realized with a mixture of happiness and uncertainty, she was going to marry Simon Donovan. *
