1 TITLE: One in Ten Million: Chapter 6

AUTHOR: Kansas J. Miller

PAIRING: CJ/Simon

RATING: PG-13

SUMMARY: CJ felt like she just couldn't win

SPOILERS: Vague reference to "Enemies Foreign and Domestic", but if you blink you'll miss it.



***

"Do you want to go the beach?" Simon asked as CJ came into the kitchen, dressed in a strapless top and jean shorts. "It's really hot today."

CJ let her eyes wander over Simon as he leaned against the kitchen counter. He was ten years older than she was, yet he looked ten younger. He was so handsome, she idly thought, and tall. Tall, she grinned widely, tall is good. And he was tough—something that made CJ feel safe. Damn, she cursed silently, why did marriage have to be so abhorrent? Resigned not to ruin his happiness, CJ vowed not to say a word today—she needed time to decide what to do, how to tell Simon that she couldn't be his wife.

"CJ?" Simon said, raising an amused eyebrow. She was staring at him, gorgeous herself.

Shaking away her musings, CJ grinned. "You distract me, Simon! What did you say?"

Simon smiled as he stood up, walking around the counter to where CJ stood. Linking his index fingers through the loops in her jeans, Simon pulled her slowly towards his body. Bringing his face just inches from hers, Simon smiled.

"I said…" he began, barely brushing his lips against CJ's, "that it's hot outside, and did you want to go to the beach?"

Giggling against his mouth, CJ felt her heart rate quicken. "It's hot in here, actually."

Raising the intensity of their kisses, Simon slid his hands under the back of CJ's top, reveling in the smooth skin. "I'd say lose the shirt, but we just had sex in the shower."

Feeling playful, CJ ducked under his arms and darted for the fridge. "No such thing as too much sex."

Spinning around, Simon cocked his head. "We could have sex on the beach…"

Pouring out a glass of orange juice, CJ chuckled. "We could have sex in the ocean, too, but then we'd really be putting on a show."

"Well," Simon smiled, coming up behind CJ as she sipped the juice. He slipped his arms around her waist, noticing reticently that he simply couldn't keep from touching her. "We'll have to go somewhere private for our honeymoon."

Leaning her head back against Simon's shoulder, CJ set her juice on the counter and pressed her lips together. An immediate ball felt lodged in her throat, and though it wasn't her style to keep quiet, CJ didn't think she could tell him the truth.

"I mean, you're still wearing the ring, so I assume…" Simon said with a tease in his voice, kissing CJ's ear quickly, trying to break her silence. Another moment passed, CJ still unsure of what to say, what to do. He was opening the door for her, CJ knew, but she felt paralyzed in place. "CJ, what?"

Turning around, she was acutely aware of Simon's hands on her waist. He was watching her intently, and CJ hoped that her eyes didn't show the fear that she felt. As the seconds passed, without words from her lips, Simon narrowed his brow with concern; slowly he saw the trouble behind her eyes, confused as to what he should say. Thankfully, CJ spoke first.

"It's only seven. If we leave now, we could get in a whole day at the beach…"

Simon nodded as she slipped past him, her instant quiet extremely disconcerting. Standing in the kitchen, he could hear as CJ rooted around in her room, no doubt throwing things together for the beach. What had just happened? Simon didn't understand—all he knew was that CJ had totally clamped up at mention of their honeymoon; she hadn't said anything in response to his tease about the ring.

Shaking his head, Simon knew he'd have to pry. But for now, he uprooted his feet and tried to think of the beach.

***

The sun was strong and Simon could see CJ tanning as she lay on the sand, bikini clad, eyes in sunglasses. Her body was stunning and he felt an inordinate sense of pride being next to her. They were in Delaware, Simon noted with a grin, the people weren't looking because they recognized CJ as the Press Secretary.

The drive up to Rehobeth Beach had been a lot of fun, and Simon could almost pretend that the awkward moment in the kitchen hadn't happened. But he knew CJ well. Plain and simple: there was something wrong. No hint of the problem had arisen in the car, and now on the beach CJ was behaving as usual—affectionate, happy, and in love with Simon. But it was put on, he began to believe; CJ was hiding something.

Though he tried to push concern from his mind, the tiniest hint of trouble grew into a plague; didn't CJ want to get married—didn't she want all of the things Simon thought she wanted?

"Simon," CJ murmured, rolling onto her side, propping her head up with her hand. "What are you doing?"

Looking at CJ, he playfully moved her sunglasses down in order to see her eyes. "Thinking," he admitted, looking affectionately at CJ. "Watching to make sure you don't sunburn…drinking this soda," Simon smiled, holding up the can.

"Ah," CJ nodded, taking the glasses off. "What are you thinking about?"

Lying down on the towel, Simon stretched out his muscular arms, biding the moment. It couldn't hurt to bring it up again... "The future…You and me…you know, getting married."

"Ah," CJ said again, sitting up and curling her legs under body. She placed her left hand on Simon's chest, feeling his heart beat through the warm skin. "You know, we didn't really say much after last night."

"I know," Simon acknowledged, watching CJ's face for reaction. "Did you want to say something else?"

Sighing, CJ looked out at the ocean. If she truly loved him, CJ knew she should be able to tell him her fears. "I have a lot I need to say."

A moment passed, CJ's palm still on Simon's chest. "Are you going to say it now?" he asked, capturing her hand as he sat up.

CJ turned her head back to Simon, smiling in spite of her nerves. Kissing her cheek quickly, Simon watched as she sighed. "I can't really…" CJ began, instantly questioning the wisdom of what she was about to say. "We shouldn't really talk on the beach, you know, it's too public…"

Lame, CJ moaned inwardly, that had been lame. Simon only nodded, leaning in to kiss CJ, this time on the lips. When they parted, slowly and unwilling to break the sweet contact, Simon smiled softly. "You're not hiding too well from me, you know that, right?"

Struck, CJ let her eyes remain locked with Simon's. "I, uh…yeah, I guess I should know that…" she stuttered, nervousness running through her.

Simon kissed her again, shortly this time. "When you're comfortable. That's when you can tell me what's wrong."

CJ nodded, feeling instantly like the world's most ungrateful woman. Here he was, she thought as she settled back down on her towel, the perfect man. He wanted her to be happy; he cared about her feelings and wasn't about to hurt her. Simon would probably hear her concerns and fix each and every one of the things that scared her. Simon wouldn't think less of her if she showed vulnerability; Simon would want her more if she gave in to her insecurities.

It was all so easy to say in her mind, and as the sun began to scorch her skin, CJ remembered that it was also very easy to get burned.

***

They sped back to the District in less than two hours, the drive made quicker by the absence of cars. It was Saturday; the real traffic clogged the highways on Sunday evening. Simon had suggested a dinner break, but CJ claimed not to be hungry. Another sign that something was wrong, Simon realized then; CJ hadn't eaten all day.

In her apartment, CJ stood near her answering machine, listening to the six frantic messages left by select members of the senior staff; it amused Simon slightly to hear Toby's voice raise in pitch as he wondered aloud why CJ's cell phone was off.

Sighing, CJ hit the delete button six times in a row, her stomach flipping as she knew their talk would come now. Simon had just finished putting away the beach items; she could feel his presence behind her.

It was so strange, CJ reckoned, her mind flashing back over the past two months of her life with Simon. Their attraction had been immediate and mutual, he had made her so unbelievably happy. He made CJ feel beautiful, he made her feel like a real woman…She had never expected anyone to walk into her life the way Simon had, and she certainly had never expected him to want her as his wife.

She loved him desperately, but her fears were stronger still. She had to tell him, she had to let Simon know. If only he could make them go away, if only he could make it okay…

"Simon, I don't think we can get married," she blurted out, turning around, face to face with the man of her dreams. It was all irony and an evil paradox…and as she saw the way his handsome eyes narrowed in confusion, CJ felt like she just couldn't win. *