Disclaimer: Oh, like you DON'T know what I'm going to say!

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"Yeah? Well I heard that he saw someone on the street get stabbed or something and it made him go over the edge," Randi whispered to her fellow gossip sisters, the nurses. Chuny, Haleh, Randi, and Lily were talking amongst themselves about Carter's depression period.



Susan walked by and heard Chuny wonder out loud what the real reason behind him hiding out in the darkness of Curtain Three was actually all about. Susan paused and looked at the nurses and the desk clerk.

"How did you guys find out about that anyway?" the doctor asked the group.

The four other women turned to her, startled that she had heard their conversation.

"Uh, well, Abby kind of told us that she saw him walk in there and turn off the lights," Chuny stammered.

"Abby, huh? Well, I don't think that it's any of your business," Susan told them.

"So do you know why he went in there?" Lily asked.

Susan contemplated her question. "Listen, it doesn't matter if I know or not, we shouldn't be bothering him about this."

"Who said anything about bothering him?" Randi asked. "We're just trying to get the truth."

"There's no truth in gossiping," Susan lectured.

Randi raised an eyebrow. Susan sighed and bit her lip in frustration.

"You do know, don't you Dr. Lewis," Haleh prodded.

"It's none of your business," Susan repeated before walking away.

"What's her problem?" Randi asked as soon as Susan was out of earshot. The nurses shrugged.



"Okay, Lila, this is going to sting just a little…" Carter said to the little girl he was treating.

Lila gave a small whimper as Carter started on her stitches. Carter smiled at the reaction he was expecting.

"Don't worry, it'll be over before you know it," he assured her.

"Are you sure she'll be okay, doctor?" the young girl's pacing mother asked.

Carter looked up for a moment. "Yes, ma'am, she'll be fine. You just need to come back in about a week so we can take the sutures out."

The woman let out a sigh of relief and sat down on a bed in the exam room. The door opened and Carter looked up to see whom it was.

"Hey, Carter, when you're done in here, you want to get something to eat?" Susan asked.

"Uh, sure, I guess," Carter replied, continuing with the sutures.

"Okay…well, I'll be waiting," she told him.

"Uh-huh," Carter grunted in reply.

Susan closed the door and walked away.

"Who was that?" the mother asked.

"Oh, it was another doctor, Mrs. Curtis," Carter informed her.

"Are you two…you know…involved?" she asked.

Carter smiled and shook his head. "No, no we're not," he replied.

"Oh," she said quietly.

Carter cleared his throat and ruffled Lila's hair. "Well, Lila, we're all done here," he told her.

She looked up at him with her wide, blue eyes. "Really?"

"We sure are," Carter answered brightly. "You were very brave."

"Say thank you to Doctor Carter," Mrs. Curtis reminded her beaming daughter.

"Thank you, Dr. Carter!" she exclaimed happily.

Carter laughed. "It was my pleasure. Now, I'll see you in a week, okay?"

The little girl nodded and stood up. Carter did the same and waved goodbye to the Lila and her mother. He walked out the door and headed toward the admit desk where he spotted Susan. He realized that a few of the doctors and nurses were gathered around the TV and he joined them.



He nudged Susan's arm and whispered, "What's up?"

"The news is about to do a thing about hospital safety," Susan whispered back.

Carter rolled his eyes and looked up to the screen where a tall, lean, brunette news reporter was standing in a hospital with her microphone in hand.



"Hello. I'm Adriana Downing from the 10 o' clock Chicago news, reporting live from St. John's Hospital. Today, a heartbreaking attack was forced upon this very medical center. The massacre left many injured, and two dead. This incident may remind some of us of other accidents in different hospitals in the city of Chicago. One that may come to mind is the stabbing that occurred at Cook County General. The stabbing killed third year medical student, Lucy Knight, and brutally injured ER resident, Dr. John Carter…"



"Turn it off, Jerry," Susan said immediately.

"Yeah, turn it off," Abby agreed.

"Oh, god…" Luka said, rubbing his temples.



He could feel the eyes of his co-workers…Luka, Abby, Susan, Randi, Chuny, Haleh…all of their eyes were stuck on him. He took a quick glance and Michael and Pratt. They knew the now. They knew…

He had to get away. Away from all of them. He wanted everyone to disappear so he could be alone. He jumped when he felt an arm on his shoulder. It was Susan.

"Come on, Carter," she whispered soothingly. She took a hold of his hand and led him to the Lounge. She sat him down on the couch and plopped down next to him.



Susan looked at him. He looked so…so… She didn't know how to describe his expression. It was somewhat of a mix among sadness, anger, fear…

She couldn't stand it any longer. She threw her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a deep hug. He reciprocated and hugged her tightly. When she heard his light sobs, she deepened the hug. She stroked his hair and kissed his forehead. She brought her hand down and wiped away his tears.

"I am so sorry, Carter," she said quietly, holding off tears of her own.

He shook his head. "Hey," he said hoarsely, "it's not like I was having that good of a day anyway."

Susan smiled and they pulled away from each other. Carter took a deep breath and gave a short, wheezing laugh.

"I'm sorry," he told her, wiping his eyes.

"There's no need to be," Susan assured.

"You are such a good friend," he said gratefully.

"Yeah, well…I care about you," she replied.

"You're amazing," he said with a sniff.

"Well, duh," she joked.

He laughed and took another breath.

"I tried so hard, Susan," he started.

She looked at him. "To do what?" she asked.

"Forget," he replied.

"The accident?" she prodded.

"Well, Dr. DeRaad says it wasn't an accident," he answered, shrugging.

"What do you think?"

He paused. "I think…I think that he didn't really know what he was doing," he admitted.

Susan nodded slowly.

"I wanted to…to make it all go away," he continued, "I wanted everyone to stop asking how I was and be left alone."

"They were worried about you…"

"I didn't want them to be. I just wanted to forget it ever happened, but they wouldn't let me."

"Carter, you will never forget what happened to you. It was a traumatic experience for you and you can't just erase something like that from your mind…"

"I know," he interrupted quietly. "I guess it was just wishful thinking."

He gave her a half smile before going on. "You know, I never thought anything like that could every happen to me. Especially not in a hospital…not where I work."

Susan didn't know how to reply to him. She had nothing reassuring left to say.

"Listen, Carter, I…"

"It's okay, Susan, you don't have to say anything. I just wanted to get it out," Carter said, cutting her off.

"I'm sorry, Carter," Susan finished.

Carter looked at her in surprise.

"Sorry? For what?"

"For not being there for you. I wish I could have been there when you were…when you needed help."

"It's not your fault, Susan. There wouldn't have been anything you could've done."

"I know, but I still wish I could have been there for you."

He gave her a single nod and looked down at his watch.

"Well, I think we should get back to work," he said.

"Are you sure?" Susan asked, raising an eyebrow. "I mean, are you sure you don't want to take a few more minutes? I'll cover for you if you want to go take a nap or something…"

"Susan, I'll be fine. Really. I've lived with this thing for the past couple of years, I can handle yet another day."

"You're insane."

"Oh, really? And why do you say that?"

"If I were you, I would take sleep over work any day," she joked, standing up.

He stood up with her. "Oh, that's funny."

"Of course it is," she replied.

"Shut up," he said sarcastically, nudging her shoulder.



As they walked out the door, Carter grabbed Susan's hand and pulled her toward him.

"Thank you, Susan," he said sincerely. He leaned down and kissed her cheek.

She started to blush. "It's okay, Carter. I'll always be here for you."

"I know," he replied.

"Okay, well…I'll see you later," she said, starting to walk away.

"Susan?" Carter called.

She turned. "Yeah?"

"How about we go to Doc Magoo's tomorrow since we didn't get to go today?"

She laughed. "Sure thing, Carter."

She began to walk away again.

"Susan," he called again.

"Yeah?"

"I just want you to know…you being here now? It makes up for you not being there before."

She grinned and he winked at her. She watched him as he made his way down the hall and sighed to herself. He was happy. He was content. And that was all that mattered to her.