Thursday Morning
"Haruka!" My mother calls when I walk through the door to my house. I look up from taking my shoes off. I can see my parents sitting around the table. Hotaru is sitting next to my mother, smiling cutely. Setsuna sat next to my father, coolly sipping a cup of tea. "Where have you been?" My mother asks.
"I needed to do some thinking." I say darkly and I go upstairs to change out of the sundress before another word can be said.
"Haruka-papa!" Hotaru shouts after me. I hear her start to get up, but Setsuna's calm voice stops her. I'm glad.
I enter the room Michiru and I share and inhale deeply. It smells like her. It smells like us. Tears wells up in my eyes and threaten to spill over if I don't do something quickly.
A note catches my eye. It's sitting on Michiru's pillow, probably from Setsuna. Nothing better to do, and a momentary distraction I sit on the bed and pick the note up. My eyes widen as I read the message. It's not from Setsuna. I feel my breath catch in my throat and heaviness overwhelms my body.
My father wrote the note. I stare at the kanji, hiragana, and katakana, but I can't comprehend it. I'm too much in the shock, in fear at this moment. Eventually, I try to read the note, but the words all blur together after the first sentence, "Your mother and I know you are a lesbian." I drop the note back onto the bed.
Are they waiting downstairs to disown me? I feel sick to my stomach, and like a blind woman, I stumble toward the bathroom connected to the room. It seems infinitely far away.
I collapse to my knees suddenly. I can feel tears streaming down my cheeks. Everything seems absolutely unreal. I keep denying the fact that Michiru is in the hospital and eventually I'm on the floor, curled into a ball like a baby. I'm sick on the floor and roll away from the sickness, my body impossibly heavy.
Vaguely, I hear someone enter the room. Insanely hopeful, I find myself looking up and smiling, expecting to see Michiru coming over to comfort me and tell me that everything will be fine.
"Michiru," I mumble even though I register the woman coming toward me as Setsuna. She kneels next to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I'm not very surprised when Setsuna lifts me from the floor and carries me like a doll over to the bed. I watch as she sets me down on my side of the bed and peels back the covers on the other side of the bed. Then she shifts me so that she can cover me and sighs.
"I'll go make you some hot chicken broth." Setsuna says and rushes out of the room, not waiting for an affirmative or negative answer. I lay still in the bed for a few moments and then I desperately want to move myself off of Michiru's side of the bed, but I'm too tired to do more than lie there, and eventually I drift to sleep.
I dream of Michiru's smile and the sound of her voice.
***
Point of view shift
Creature of the sea…swirling world, black and red. Cannot find the surface, cannot find the bottom, eternally floating in the center. Cannot breath, cannot scream. Motion an impossible dream, like a baby. Currents pulling downward, voices pushing upward. Rip. Tide. Rip. Tide.
Storm. Flashes and thuds. Wind crying shrilly from above, depths shuddering below. Warmth! Chill! Rip in half. Blood in the water attracts the sharks. Blood in the water clouds the view. Blood in the water, life ebbing away…visible then invisible. Life force dispersing, gone forever. Meaningless!
Calling…
Calling…
open your eyes…come on. open your eyes. o…pen…yo…
Silence.
There is nothing now, nothing.
Creature of the sea, drowning.
***
Point of view shift – Haruka
Setsuna wakes me up. I don't know how much time has passed between when I fell asleep and now, when I was forced to face reality again.
"Your parents are gone." Setsuna says, "They've decided to stay an extra day, to make sure you're all right." Her voice is devoid of emotion as she sets a tray over my lap with a bowl of chicken soup.
"Do they know about Michiru?" I ask as Setsuna offers me a spoon. I take the spoon and stir my food absently.
"Yes, she doesn't make a very convincing man." Setsuna responds evenly.
"Were you the one who told my parents?" I try not to sound upset.
"No, your parents have known for a long time. I merely told them about Michiru being in the hospital." She explains. "You should go visit Michiru today."
"Is she awake? Did the hospital call?" I place a hand on Setsuna's shoulder, waiting hopefully for an answer.
"No." Setsuna says. I nod.
"Sh-should I take Hotaru with me? Has she been wondering where her Michiru-mama has been?" I continue to stir my soup, watching the steam rise up and disappear.
"She knows where her Michiru-mama is. She's been more worried about her Haruka-papa." Setsuna says gently. I nod again and set the soup bowl on the nightstand next to the bed. Silently, I climb out of bed and glance at Setsuna expectantly. Without a word she leaves the room and I have to face its emptiness once again.
I walk over to the closet and stare blankly at the clothes for a moment. It's so hard to concentrate on anything right now. Just staring at the wall or the ceiling is so much easier. It would be so much easier to forget everything that's happening and crawl back into my bed and wish for you to come home to me and wrap yourself around me.
I gather my clothes and change into them. My actions, my thoughts, everything seems pointless without the knowledge that you're alive and well, and that I will see you again. I walk out of the room and head toward the stairs.
"Haruka-papa?" Hotaru peeks out of her room at me, concerned. I try to offer her a smile but I doubt it looks very convincing.
"Do you want to come with me to the hospital?" I take a step toward her. She nods her head and runs over to me. She grabs my hand and for an instant I can be content in the knowledge that my little girl is well and loves me.
We head down the stairs, grab our shoes and say our good-byes to Setsuna before leaving.
I don't remember much of the drive to the hospital. I only truly remember walking through the door with Hotaru clinging to my hand and suddenly feeling my heart leap into my throat.
"Come on, Haruka-papa!" Hotaru says suddenly and she pulls me from my fear-induced reverie. "Michiru-mama is in the room over here." I let my little girl pull me through the white hallways until we reach a partially open door. Hotaru leads me into the room and I find myself dumbly staring at my parents.
"Mom? Dad?" I question.
"Haruka, how are you doing?" My dad gets up and places a hand on my shoulder.
"Why are you here?" I ask in a more defensive tone than I intend. My mother motions to Michiru's still form and takes a step toward me.
"We wanted to see Michiru-san as a woman before we left." My mother explains. She places a hand on the foot of Michiru's bed and looks at me sadly. "Of course, circumstances could have been more ideal." I reach into my pocket and pull out a five hundred yen coin.
"Hotaru-chan, go get yourself something from the hospital cafeteria." I say as I hold the money out toward her. She takes the money and leaves quickly. Silently, I follow her to the door and shut it gently after her. My parents and I stare at one another in the silence.
"Haruka…" My father begins.
"Are you going to tell me how much you hate me? How disgusting I am?" I demand with quiet anger.
"No, Haruka, you're our daughter. It doesn't matter to us who you love if her love makes you happy." My mother says. I feel my mouth drop in surprise.
"You're not angry?" I stare at both of them with wide eyes.
"I am a bit surprised." My mother admits. She looks at Michiru and smiles fondly. "I was excited by the idea that you had finally found a man, but…what I'm trying to say is that it will take some getting used to, but I could never stop loving you over something as small as the gender of who you love." My father smiles at my mother proudly
"Michiru was right." I whisper in amazement and I move so I can touch one of her hands. "She told me you would still love me no matter what."
"She sounds like a wise woman." My father says.
"She is, and wonderfu1." I add.
"We look forward to meeting her when she wakes." My mother says and then and my father turn toward the door. "Right now, we're going to do some catching up with the granddaughter you neglected to tell us we had." My mother says with a laugh and my parents leave the room.
Suddenly, I am alone in the room with Michiru and silence falls over us. I move through the room, intensely aware of the sounds of my own movements. I grab a chair from one of the sides of the walls and pull it up to the side of bed. I sit next to Michiru and grab one of your hands.
"When you wake up, everything will be fine." I say. Michiru squeezes my hand, and I know it's true.
~End
"Haruka!" My mother calls when I walk through the door to my house. I look up from taking my shoes off. I can see my parents sitting around the table. Hotaru is sitting next to my mother, smiling cutely. Setsuna sat next to my father, coolly sipping a cup of tea. "Where have you been?" My mother asks.
"I needed to do some thinking." I say darkly and I go upstairs to change out of the sundress before another word can be said.
"Haruka-papa!" Hotaru shouts after me. I hear her start to get up, but Setsuna's calm voice stops her. I'm glad.
I enter the room Michiru and I share and inhale deeply. It smells like her. It smells like us. Tears wells up in my eyes and threaten to spill over if I don't do something quickly.
A note catches my eye. It's sitting on Michiru's pillow, probably from Setsuna. Nothing better to do, and a momentary distraction I sit on the bed and pick the note up. My eyes widen as I read the message. It's not from Setsuna. I feel my breath catch in my throat and heaviness overwhelms my body.
My father wrote the note. I stare at the kanji, hiragana, and katakana, but I can't comprehend it. I'm too much in the shock, in fear at this moment. Eventually, I try to read the note, but the words all blur together after the first sentence, "Your mother and I know you are a lesbian." I drop the note back onto the bed.
Are they waiting downstairs to disown me? I feel sick to my stomach, and like a blind woman, I stumble toward the bathroom connected to the room. It seems infinitely far away.
I collapse to my knees suddenly. I can feel tears streaming down my cheeks. Everything seems absolutely unreal. I keep denying the fact that Michiru is in the hospital and eventually I'm on the floor, curled into a ball like a baby. I'm sick on the floor and roll away from the sickness, my body impossibly heavy.
Vaguely, I hear someone enter the room. Insanely hopeful, I find myself looking up and smiling, expecting to see Michiru coming over to comfort me and tell me that everything will be fine.
"Michiru," I mumble even though I register the woman coming toward me as Setsuna. She kneels next to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I'm not very surprised when Setsuna lifts me from the floor and carries me like a doll over to the bed. I watch as she sets me down on my side of the bed and peels back the covers on the other side of the bed. Then she shifts me so that she can cover me and sighs.
"I'll go make you some hot chicken broth." Setsuna says and rushes out of the room, not waiting for an affirmative or negative answer. I lay still in the bed for a few moments and then I desperately want to move myself off of Michiru's side of the bed, but I'm too tired to do more than lie there, and eventually I drift to sleep.
I dream of Michiru's smile and the sound of her voice.
***
Point of view shift
Creature of the sea…swirling world, black and red. Cannot find the surface, cannot find the bottom, eternally floating in the center. Cannot breath, cannot scream. Motion an impossible dream, like a baby. Currents pulling downward, voices pushing upward. Rip. Tide. Rip. Tide.
Storm. Flashes and thuds. Wind crying shrilly from above, depths shuddering below. Warmth! Chill! Rip in half. Blood in the water attracts the sharks. Blood in the water clouds the view. Blood in the water, life ebbing away…visible then invisible. Life force dispersing, gone forever. Meaningless!
Calling…
Calling…
open your eyes…come on. open your eyes. o…pen…yo…
Silence.
There is nothing now, nothing.
Creature of the sea, drowning.
***
Point of view shift – Haruka
Setsuna wakes me up. I don't know how much time has passed between when I fell asleep and now, when I was forced to face reality again.
"Your parents are gone." Setsuna says, "They've decided to stay an extra day, to make sure you're all right." Her voice is devoid of emotion as she sets a tray over my lap with a bowl of chicken soup.
"Do they know about Michiru?" I ask as Setsuna offers me a spoon. I take the spoon and stir my food absently.
"Yes, she doesn't make a very convincing man." Setsuna responds evenly.
"Were you the one who told my parents?" I try not to sound upset.
"No, your parents have known for a long time. I merely told them about Michiru being in the hospital." She explains. "You should go visit Michiru today."
"Is she awake? Did the hospital call?" I place a hand on Setsuna's shoulder, waiting hopefully for an answer.
"No." Setsuna says. I nod.
"Sh-should I take Hotaru with me? Has she been wondering where her Michiru-mama has been?" I continue to stir my soup, watching the steam rise up and disappear.
"She knows where her Michiru-mama is. She's been more worried about her Haruka-papa." Setsuna says gently. I nod again and set the soup bowl on the nightstand next to the bed. Silently, I climb out of bed and glance at Setsuna expectantly. Without a word she leaves the room and I have to face its emptiness once again.
I walk over to the closet and stare blankly at the clothes for a moment. It's so hard to concentrate on anything right now. Just staring at the wall or the ceiling is so much easier. It would be so much easier to forget everything that's happening and crawl back into my bed and wish for you to come home to me and wrap yourself around me.
I gather my clothes and change into them. My actions, my thoughts, everything seems pointless without the knowledge that you're alive and well, and that I will see you again. I walk out of the room and head toward the stairs.
"Haruka-papa?" Hotaru peeks out of her room at me, concerned. I try to offer her a smile but I doubt it looks very convincing.
"Do you want to come with me to the hospital?" I take a step toward her. She nods her head and runs over to me. She grabs my hand and for an instant I can be content in the knowledge that my little girl is well and loves me.
We head down the stairs, grab our shoes and say our good-byes to Setsuna before leaving.
I don't remember much of the drive to the hospital. I only truly remember walking through the door with Hotaru clinging to my hand and suddenly feeling my heart leap into my throat.
"Come on, Haruka-papa!" Hotaru says suddenly and she pulls me from my fear-induced reverie. "Michiru-mama is in the room over here." I let my little girl pull me through the white hallways until we reach a partially open door. Hotaru leads me into the room and I find myself dumbly staring at my parents.
"Mom? Dad?" I question.
"Haruka, how are you doing?" My dad gets up and places a hand on my shoulder.
"Why are you here?" I ask in a more defensive tone than I intend. My mother motions to Michiru's still form and takes a step toward me.
"We wanted to see Michiru-san as a woman before we left." My mother explains. She places a hand on the foot of Michiru's bed and looks at me sadly. "Of course, circumstances could have been more ideal." I reach into my pocket and pull out a five hundred yen coin.
"Hotaru-chan, go get yourself something from the hospital cafeteria." I say as I hold the money out toward her. She takes the money and leaves quickly. Silently, I follow her to the door and shut it gently after her. My parents and I stare at one another in the silence.
"Haruka…" My father begins.
"Are you going to tell me how much you hate me? How disgusting I am?" I demand with quiet anger.
"No, Haruka, you're our daughter. It doesn't matter to us who you love if her love makes you happy." My mother says. I feel my mouth drop in surprise.
"You're not angry?" I stare at both of them with wide eyes.
"I am a bit surprised." My mother admits. She looks at Michiru and smiles fondly. "I was excited by the idea that you had finally found a man, but…what I'm trying to say is that it will take some getting used to, but I could never stop loving you over something as small as the gender of who you love." My father smiles at my mother proudly
"Michiru was right." I whisper in amazement and I move so I can touch one of her hands. "She told me you would still love me no matter what."
"She sounds like a wise woman." My father says.
"She is, and wonderfu1." I add.
"We look forward to meeting her when she wakes." My mother says and then and my father turn toward the door. "Right now, we're going to do some catching up with the granddaughter you neglected to tell us we had." My mother says with a laugh and my parents leave the room.
Suddenly, I am alone in the room with Michiru and silence falls over us. I move through the room, intensely aware of the sounds of my own movements. I grab a chair from one of the sides of the walls and pull it up to the side of bed. I sit next to Michiru and grab one of your hands.
"When you wake up, everything will be fine." I say. Michiru squeezes my hand, and I know it's true.
~End
