Title: Chances Lost (Harm)

Author: Penne

E-mail: pennenew@aol.com

Spoilers: Jagathon

Summary: Alternate outcomes to pre-Jagathon.

Disclaimer: I don't claim to own these characters, please don't sue. Ooops forgot to put this in last chapter.

Author's note: OK, had some interesting feedback on the last segment. Basically I may need to split the story in two to please all the Harm/Mac and Mac/Webb fans. So be aware this is the Harm version, taken from where we left off (Chances Lost). Haven't put it in as a chapter so there is no confusion between the two different storylines.

Harm sat in his car contemplating what he had just seen and heard. 'What the hell was going on? Surely not what it looked like - Mac and Webb? Life couldn't get any worse!' He was so caught up in his thoughts he hadn't noticed the Admiral drive up and enter the apartment block. 'Please don't let me lose her'.

A sudden tap on his window alerted him to the fact the Admiral was regarding him carefully through the windscreen.

"Commander. Care to explain why you are loitering out here?"

Harm got out of the car and warily met his CO's gaze. "I don't think that really needs any explanation Sir."

The Admiral pressed his lips together. "No. Are you going to be OK?"

The eyes that now looked at the Admiral were blank, devoid of all emotion. "Absolutely fine Sir."

AJ sighed resignedly. "Harm. Don't you think it is time you stopped hiding your emotions? It isn't that hard to let go."

"To lose control Sir? With all due respect, it is that hard."

"It's not a matter of losing control, Commander, it's called prioritising. Have you asked yourself what the single most important thing in your life is?"

"Sir, I don't think…"

AJ held up a silencing hand. "Exactly, don't think, just answer, one word is all that's required. Be selfish in your answer. What or who makes your life complete?"

Without a moments hesitation Harm whispered "Mac."

"Yes." The Admiral smiled. "Feel better?"

A rush of relief flooded through Harm, and despite the situation a smile bubbled to the surface. He looked up at Mac's window. "But…."

The Admiral followed his gaze and looked sympathetic. "Tonight may not be a good idea though."

The look in Harms eyes showed his pain. "You don't think they….."

"Harm, she is hurt and confused, and in desperate need of feeling special. She also needs to sort things through. You are afraid to love, and she is afraid of not being loved."

"But Webb?"

"Either way he will do right by her. He is more honourable than he likes anyone to think."

********************************

Webb turned from the Admiral and started up the stairs to Mac's apartment. 'Oh my God. What am I doing?' He sat down on the stairs to contemplate the past few hours when the pizza delivery boy interrupted him.

"At last." He muttered.

********************************

Mac stared out of the window. Harm was still there, talking to the Admiral. She watched the man she loved for so many years looking so wretched. The feeling of emptiness she had felt earlier started creeping back, the thought that she was responsible for his pain drained her of any remaining happiness.

She turned away from the window and paced the room. 'What am I doing? Webb? I mean maybe in another lifetime but…Man, I am losing it' She froze in anticipation as she heard the door softly click open. 'I feel sick'. She remained facing away from the door, unable to turn and face the man who had been there for her time and time again that day.

"Mac, I…"

She flinched at the silence being broken. 'What have I done? And how am I going to undo it without damage?' Slowly she became aware of a muffled noise. She spun around and was shocked to find Webb seated, head in hands, shoulders shaking slightly. Momentarily Mac was appalled to think she might have made him cry. However she recovered just as quickly. She smiled.

"Well Webb it is nice to see you having such a good time." He finally raised his eyes to hers and her eyebrows shot up sarcastically.

"I'm…sorry….Mac.." Webb stammered out between ill-concealed laughter.

She strode over and grabbed the pizza out of his hands. "So the idea of being with me is that repugnant to you?" She said in mock indignation.

Webb abandoned all hopes of concealing his laughter. Mac settled herself on the sofa with the largest slice of pizza she could find and watched with amusement as Webb desperately tried to control his mirth. Every time he appeared to have control she would only have to quirk an eyebrow, or feign an offended look and he would be out for the count.

"OK…..please….stop…" he begged, sucking in his cheeks in an effort to contain the smile that kept leading to fits of giggles.

Mac's eyes danced with humour. She contemplated taking it further, but decided against it. "Seriously Clay, are we OK?"

He looked at her to gauge whether she was bating him. He let out a sigh of relief as he finally mastered his laughter, and wiped the last of the tears from his eyes, a small smile the only give away of his outburst. "We are fine Mac."

"You sure?" She asked whilst handing him a slice of pizza.

He tilted his head questioningly. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"Well…" She looked embarrassed. "Before…"

"Listen Mac." He held up a hand while he finished his mouthful. "We both needed some form of companionship, and we fleetingly let it head in a direction that neither of us were prepared for. We should just be thankful of all the interruptions that gave us time to get our heads together."

She nodded thoughtfully and smiled. "Well good, cause you know I would have missed the sarcastic smug, obnoxious…."

"Hey, hey…" He smiled warningly. "Always good to know you are appreciated." He looked down at the pizza in his hands and then looked back at her. "What are you going to do then?"

"Harm?"

"No - Bud. Yes Harm!"

She gave a shallow laugh. "Even thinking about it terrifies me."

"Why don't you just go and talk to him."

"It's late.."

"C'mon Mac, you know he is just outside. I doubt he will leave…..at least until I do." She shrugged. "On that note it is late, and you have a race to run in the morning." He smiled encouragingly and collected his coat.

"Oh God, I had completely forgotten."

"Yeah well, don't use me as excuse if you don't win." They walked to the door.

Before he had the chance to say anything she hugged him tightly. "Just had to get that in prior to you becoming 'CIA Webb' again." She smiled and stepped back. "Thank you again Clay, don't rush out into anything too dangerous."

"Where's the fun in that? Thanks Mac, it has been decades since I have laughed like that. Good night." The door closed between them. He reached out and touched the door sadly for a moment, and then turned abruptly and left.

**************************************

Mac stood on the other side of the door smiling sadly, yet for the first time in a long time, she felt optimistic. She switched off the lights and walked over to the window, shrouded by the darkness. He was still out there; she wasn't surprised, he was always watching from a distance.

**************************************

He watched the lights in her apartment go out. His heart quickened in fear - he hadn't seen Webb come out yet. The passenger door swung open and Webb got in.

"Commander, you should really lock your doors, you never know who is lurking around at this time of the night."

Harms eyes narrowed, "Usually lowlifes, Webb." He growled.

"Or Peeping Tom's." Webb countered, looking pointedly up at Mac's window where Harm had so intently been focusing on a few minutes ago.

He ignored the comment. "What has happened? Why have you left her alone?"

Webb raised his brows. "You would rather I had spent the night?"

"No."

"Rabb, I have had just about enough of this. Get your act together and tell her. Nothing has happened, by the way, nothing ever would - she loves you. God knows why. Every moment you put off telling her you feel the same way you are causing her suffering."

Harm watched as Webb went over to his car and drove off. 'Smug twit'. He got out of the car and looked up again at Mac's window, trying to work up the courage. 'How hard can it be? I-love-you. Easy'. But even at the thought he felt his face flame up, and his legs threatened to give way. 'I'm only this way with you.'

*****************************

Mac waited in the dark silent room. She watched her partner as he crossed the road to her apartment for the fourth time. Each time he got to the apartment block he shook his head and walked back to his car. She willed him to stay on her side of the road this time. He did, but didn't approach, he just stayed on the curb, head down. 'Come on Harm.' She watched him with interest. He started to turn away again. 'Ha! Don't trust a squid to do a marine's job.' She flew across the room, out the door and down the stairs. She wrenched the outside door open "HARM." She called at the same time as she collided with him on his way in. "Ow. Oh, hi."

"You called?"

"You were coming up?" She said in a small voice, frowning. "I thought you were leaving." (Again)

"Never Mac." His eyes glinted in the darkly lit foyer. "I…"

"Harm. Wait. Today has been too long already to start talking about anything tonight." At his disappointed look she reached out and curled her fingers around his. "But I do want to have this talk."

"You do?"

She grinned at him, it was rare to see him unsure of himself. "Yeah. How about tomorrow after I whip you in the race." Her grin grew, and she steadied herself against the door for the inevitable jelly legs when he smiled.

"A-ha. Really?" There it was - the patented Rabb smile.

"Absolutely." 'He better stop smiling soon, or I will fall over.'

"Mac, do you promise? I will not leave without a promise."

She considered whether she really wanted him to leave. He took a step closer. She watched as if from afar as he slowly inched closer to her. She was lost. 'God he is beautiful'. A car skidded around the corner loudly and broke her reverie. She shook her head, "I promise." She laughed at the look of frustration on his face.

He pulled away. "OK, I'll go, but under protest." He smiled again, leaned back and brushed his lips softly across hers. He looked into her eyes. "Last chance?"

"OK Flyboy, go now!" She ordered, but her mouth quirked into a lopsided smile.

"Ma-ac." He whined, staying close, eyes dancing. He was caught off guard as she lunged into his arms for a passionate, albeit brief kiss, and shoved him out the door.

*********************************

She raced into her apartment and closed the door, dancing and giggling like a lunatic. She tangoed dramatically past her bedroom mirror and caught sight of herself and abruptly stopped, flushing with embarrassment and looking around guiltily for onlookers. Paranoia overwhelmed her and she wondered idly whether Webb might have set up any hidden cameras. 'Don't be stupid Mac'.

She smiled as the phone rang. "Hello."

"Good luck in the race tomorrow - you are going to need it. Sweet dreams Sarah." He had hung up before he could reply.

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