Disclaimer: Look in 1st chap.

AN: Thanx soooooo much for the reviews!!! I never expected to see more than, like, 3!! Thank you, thank you, thank you! lol, newayz, back to the story! Pippin is based on my friend Ashley who is a big ditz and always giggles and Merry is based on a kid named Josh who always pokes people in the side and complains if they are not ticklish and he always takes my book… but that will come up in a later chapter. The wraith/chicken is based on a chicken because… well… I needed something to be the wraith and Ashley always squawks like a chicken, so it seemed like a good idea at the time! I didn't really plan for so many people to like this story on ff.net, and the story is littered with inside jokes. I will get rid of as many as I can, but some have to stay, lol.



Ch. 3

1 After the Party…

Gandalf still sat by the fire smoking his "pipe." Frodo came in, found the ring on the floor, and picked it up. "Gandalf?" he inquired.

"Oh! Bilbo's ring," Gandalf said, "I must go. There are questions that need answering. Keep the ring secret and safe."

Once Gandalf had shut the door and had left the path, Frodo danced for joy. "Yesss! Two psychos gone in one day! What luck!"

2 Many years later…

Frodo and Sam were on their way back from the pub and Sam was totally wasted.

"Master Frodo?" he asked.

"::sigh:: What now, Sam?" Frodo replied.

"Take me home with you and… ::passes out::"

Frodo let him fall in the middle of the road and went to his house. He came in and his window was open. "Spooky…" he thought. Suddenly, a hand grabbed his shoulder and spun him around.

"Boo! HeheHE!" cried Gandalf, obviously high. "Is it secret and safe?"

"Yes… it is. are you ever sober?!?!" replied Frodo.

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…"

"Forget I asked… Why are you worried about the ring?"

"Oh yeah! The ring! Gimme!"

Gandalf took the ring, threw it into the fire, and sat down.

"What the hell are you doing? ::Thinks:: Great, thanks to a pot head I've lost a perfectly good ring!" Frodo exclaimed.

Gandalf took the ring out of the fire and said, "Hold out your hand ::giggly:: it's quite cool… temperature and coolness!"

"Says the stoner…" Frodo said, holding out his hand anyways. Gandalf then dropped the ring on his hand. "Wow, it is cool!"

"See? Told ya so! I DO know everything! ::eye twitches::"

"Riiiiiight…"

"Anyways, do you see any writing on it? I can't see straight, so you have to tell me."

"No… wait… there is some form of elvish… I can't read it…"

"Neither can I, but a "friend" told me what it says! It says 'One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.' This is that ring. It isn't safe here, either. You must go to Bree and your travel name shall be… Mr. Underhill!"

In that instant a squeak was heard under the window, so Gandalf threw a teacup at the source of the noise, only to hear another squeak. So Gandalf threw another teacup at the source, and another squeak was heard. This went on until Gandalf had thrown the whole tea set out the window. Frodo just sat back and watched, amused. Finally Gandalf reached out the window and behold! It was Sam!

"Damn you Sam! What did you hear?!?!" Gandalf asked.

"N… Nothing Gandalf, sir. I just heard giggles (rather suspicious giggles, no mistake) and had to9 make sure Master Frodo wasn't cheating on me… oops… did I say that outloud? OW!" Sam explained, saying "OW" when Frodo hit him with 'The Book,' his choice weapon.

"Well, Sam, that's sweet! So you can be sure Frodo isn't cheating on you, you can go with him!" Gandalf said.

"But… We aren't going out!" Frodo complained.

"No buts! Butts… heheheh… Now, Go! I will meet you at Bree in the Inn of the Prancing Pony. See ya later!" Gandalf said as he pushed the two hobbits out the door.

Sam and Frodo looked at each other and Sam said, "Wow, Mr. Frodo, that gives us a lot of time alone. Maybe…"

"Sam?" Frodo said.

"Yes?"

"::Smacks Sam with 'The Book':: Shut the hell up!"

"::whimpers:: owwies… ok…"

They walked on in silence for a while, and they arrived at a field. Frodo picked up the pace, but Sam didn't notice and lost sight of Frodo. "Master Frodo? Master Frodo?!?!" he called.

"What, you loser? I'm right here! Maybe if you would come out of your little gay dream world, you would notice that I am walking faster! Besides, what's the worst that could happen?" Frodo chastised. (AN: Big words! I feel special Ashley! [Sorry about the little note!])

"Don't jinx us, Master Frodo!"

In that instant Sam and Frodo were knocked over by Pippin and Merry who appeared to come out of nowhere! "Frodo? Frodo Baggins? Look, Merry, it's Frodo Baggins! ::giggle::" Pippin said.

"You like that name, huh, Pip? ::pokes Sam in the side:: You're ticklish!" Merry said.

"Get off me! And I'm taken, so don't flirt with me or my lover, Master Frodo!" Sam shouted at Merry.

"Oi! No reason to shout!" Merry replied.

"::whacks Sam with 'The Book':: Don't lie, you loser… I'M single…" Frodo said.

"Get off my fields, you fucking mushroom stealing stoners!" shouted a voice.

"You've been into Farmer Faggot's crops again!" accused Sam.

"::giggle:: Yeah, and you're holding the crops!" Pippin said, and they all ran off, leaving Sam behind. He looked at the carrots, lettuce, and mushrooms in his hands, dropped them, thought better of it, ran back and took the 'best shaped' (hint hint) carrot, and ran away.

"Wait for me, Master Frodo!" he cried.

The rest of the hobbits had all stopped in front of a cliff, but Sam, being the loser he was, ran into them, knocking them off the edge. They all went tumbling down, and when they reached the bottom, they all looked accusingly at Sam. "Stupid shit" and "dumb ass" were randomly heard.

Frodo stood and looked down the road. "We should get off the road… hide!" he shouted.

They all ran and hid under a tree. They heard the clip clop of a horses hoofs and the thumps of feet hitting the ground. A faint sniffing was heard, then a quiet clucking. It came closer and closer and in a moment of bravery, Sam threw his carrot into a bush to get the… thing… to go away. A loud "Bakaw!" was heard and it ran away.

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Well, whatcha think? longer than normal, huh? My hands hurt lol. I would type more, but I'm sooo tired it's not even funny. It's 12:00am and I have had a long day. Hmm… if I get… 14 reviews, I will post a short chap, and if I get… 15 reviews it will be a long chap, and if I get more than 15… I will post 2 chaps! lol, I am bad about reviews, I need to know if the story is good! I think it's dumb, so it's good to hear that people like it. Well, enough rambling on for now… ^.^